This week I don’t really want to do an update, which probably means that it’s more important than usual that I do one.

So I’m going back to the creative journal prompts for staying on track with your dreams for some help getting going.

My dream is:

I want it because:

When I have it I will feel:

My dream is: In this moment I can’t say what my dream is.? I feel all sorts of annoyance and frustration about this.

I decide to zoom back and look at the bigger picture.? In the grand scheme of things, my dream is to create a life that feels true to me, that allows me to be me and to keep growing into who I want to be next, a life that supports the unfolding of my creative and spiritual potential.

When I see it that way, it’s ok to not know what specific dream I want to work on right now.? I’m on a big journey and some parts will be foggy.

I want it because: Anything else feels like I’m betraying myself.

When I have it I will feel: Oh, this is what’s stuck.

I want to say that when I have it I will feel happy and free and blissfully in the moment in every moment.? Of course this is not how life works.? And it’s in living with what we don’t want that we get clear on what we do want.? Discomfort can create new creative opportunities.? This is what life on earth is all about.

Remembering that, when I have it I will feel sure.? And I don’t feel sure this week.

Well that is interesting.

If my dream is to feel sure, that feels true and that feels like it changes things.

Past me created a schedule for 2014 of classes that I would create for the Creative Dream Circle.? This schedule was really important to past me.? And it has felt like the perfect container for growth.

But present me is a little tired of the schedule.? Present me wants more space for inspiration to swoop in and send her in new directions.? Present me is starting to feel a bit like this is a hamster wheel of productivity.

Present me also hates admitting that because present me is also ridiculously grateful that this is her job, and also inspired and happy about the classes themselves, and she wants to make them.

It’s just that she doesn’t feel that she has a SAY in whether or not she makes them, which she doesn’t because past me made that decision for her.

So present me would be perfectly happy doing this work if she felt it was her choice to do the work.

Remembering now HOW I created this schedule – past me absolutely did check in with future me (now present me).? Future me knew that she’d be kind of tired by now and would need a bit of a break but that this was also the right way to go this year.? Future me (now present me) was excited about creating these classes.

Also, this “I’m tired” thing is actually bullshit.? I’m not tired.? I don’t need a break. ? Every time I feel like I need a break I actually need a new attitude.? (Because the truth is I take breaks every time I need them.? But when I go around feeling like I need a break no matter how many breaks I have – it’s not about needing a break)

Oh boy, I can see why I didn’t want to write an update this week.? It feels like I’ve opened up a can of worms.? But the can needed opening, I was suffocating in there.

I’m not tired because of my actual workload.? I’m tired because of the expectations I place on myself.

I’m tired thinking about what’s next.? Meanwhile I have all the time and space I need right now to do what’s right now.

I feel like this can go on for quite some time, but I’m going to move onto the next questions:

What happened in the last week?

How do I feel about this?

What do I need now?

What does my dream need now?

Taking all of this into account, my next mission is:

What happened? I started this week on the highest possible high.? Last week 30 new people joined the Circle! I’m excited about the Mandala class I’m creating!? I’m crazy happy with these sundresses I’ve been making!? I’m riding my bike!? Life is amazing!

And then – well I wrote yesterday about resentment.? I’ve been feeling pretty tangled up.

Partly because it’s just that time of the month when everything kind of sucks.

Partly because I started working on the new Mandala class and starting new things brings up a lot of stuff.? Though I worked through SO MUCH of that stuff and am making steady progress now.

Creating anything new is about growing into the you-who-did-the-thing.? And inner growth is not always comfortable.? That kind of explains this week.

How do I feel about this?? I feel annoyed that this isn’t easier for me by now.

What do I need now? Ease.

What does my dream need now? For me to be more present with it.

Taking all of this into account, my next mission is: to set up stronger containers next week.

Strong, study, nurturing containers for getting-things-done-in-a-state-of-joy-ness.

I’ll experiment with this on Monday, but I’m seeing more time spent with creativespiritual practices, a stricter schedule and more quiet time in the evenings.

Thank you, update!

I feel like I was dragged kicking and screaming to do this this week, but I am so glad I did.? I feel like I’m back on solid ground and am very grateful for the study container for growing dreams that the weekly updates create.

 

This week I have very little to report.? After seven months of taking a million small steps and transforming fear and dealing with inner ciritcs and making steady progress – everything feels good.

Most of my energy went into preparing for and then recovering from The Magic Journal tele-class on Tuesday. There were some big big energy shifts happening in that class, and it takes a lot of energy to create that kind of experience for people, so it really does take me all week to do a 90 minute class and it really is worth it!

I don’t think people talk enough about that, about the kind of energy it takes to put a truly transformational event together and how much space you need afterwards, as the facilitator, for both recovery and integration.

When I first started doing this kind of work I didn’t realise how much recovery and integration time I needed after.? These days I’m happy that I schedule it in.

I’m exploring ideas for what I want to do next with the Circle. Now that we are nearing 200 members it feels like we’ve got a more solid platform, and that somehow there is more we can do now.

All of the new classes that I added this year (Three Creative Journal Classes: Love Your Life, The Magic Journal and The Superhero Journal, the Mandala Class, the Inspiration Cards Class and the Peaceful Happy Holiday Season Class) were things I really wanted to Circle to have as it grew.

Once I’m finished adding these things, it feels like a whole new world of possibilities opens up for what to do next.

So, right now I’m very excited about that.

This week was amazing.

I started (last Friday afternoon) with a epic 35 km (22 mile) bike ride along the river, then through a park, a forest, a meadow and a marsh.? I even saw a herd of bison.

Back when I decided to sell my car and not get a new one because it didn’t feel right, I didn’t know what I would do come summer.? I looked forward to walking instead of driving in fall and winter and spring, but the thought of walking for several hours a day in the summer heat did NOT sound fun.

Getting this bike didn’t just solve the problem of how to get around enjoyably in the summer, it opened up a whole new world for me.? Which is what ALL creative dreams do.

So, the epic bike ride set the stage for an amazing week, which included hosting a free creative journal class: Get Your [creative] MAGIC On.

And lots of tiny creative adventures.

 

Over the past week I have done a lot of things that needed doing, that I had been procrastinating for a long time, mostly because they were annoying and I didn’t want to do them.

Having a whole bunch of annoying tasks piled up and waiting for you doesn’t feel very good.

And while doing annoying things is annoying, there is also a tinge of feeling really good about finally doing the thing and then the amazing feeling of having the annoying thing DONE and behind you.

In fact, I’ve only got one more such task (renewing my passport, which becomes more important by the day as I do want to get away this winter) and then I will have NO annoying tasks waiting for me.

So that feels really, really good.

One of the annoying tasks was selling my old stuff.? My old iPhone and MacBook had been sitting un-used for a long time.? A few months back I started by clearing all of my stuff off of both and restoring them to their factory settings.? But I kept delaying putting them up for sale.? I finally did that this week.

Now that they’re sold I’m noticing how much more SPACE there is.? I mean a laptop and a phone don’t take up a lot of room but each time I saw them a part of me remembered that I was procrastinating on selling them which was starting to take up more and more emotional space.

(Just like now, every time I remember that I can’t just pick up and leave the country because my passport is expired – it creates an energetic stuck.)

It’s nice to have a small wad of cash sitting in the Dream Loft, instead of that laptop and phone.? (My sister and I have a Sister Shopping Day planned for today, so I’m taking my wad of cash to IKEA and the fabric store)

That feels like where I’m at with this dream, too -? a lot of the tasks are done and behind me.

Building a business is a big job!? I’ve been at this, in one way or another, for 18 years.

Of course, that includes a lot of years of being a starving artist and experimenting with different ways of how to make a living as a creative person.? While I don’t believe there is an easy way, I also don’t believe you have to take 18 years.? My path had a lot of detours and curlyques.

I’m at a point now where the pieces are in place and my business works – it feels stable and steady.

I’m enjoying my work, I feel fulfilled and inspired and happy and I have space to do the non-work things I want to do and I’m happy with my income.?? I also want to recognize that this is huge and amazing and I am very grateful to be here.

I also want to be looking at what’s next.

And, if you’ve been reading my updates you know, I’m kind of done with looking at hitting a specific number of members in the Circle being my what’s next.? I’m not feeling inspired by that.? And I love the way the Circle is growing and it doesn’t feel like that needs so much attention.

So, when it comes to my business and my dreams: what does need my attention?? Or what wants my attention?? Or what do I want to be giving my attention to?

What’s what I’m exploring now.

Which is funny that I mentioned my expired passport in the first part of writing this because one of the things I want to explore is how to travel more as a self-employed person.? I’ve been able to go away once a year so far, which I think is awesome, and I’d like to increase that.? I’ve also shyed away from even thinking about longer trips because of how I am impacted by jet-lag.

I’m remembering that it took me 2 weeks to feel human again after coming back from Istanbul.? I remember that every time I think of going back (which is something I really want to do, I love Turkey) and I just don’t know how that is going to work with being a self-employed person.

When I had a job it was ok to be a bit of a zombie once in a while, but I need to be 100% on for my coaching sessions.? But what do I do about income if I take a whole month off from coaching?? That’s the kind of stuff to be sorted out, I know there’s a way I just don’t know what it is.

“I just don’t know how that’s going to work” can hold up a dream forever, if you let it.

It’s always kind of amazing when I have a client come to me with that exact issue, and if I help them hold a light to the situation (and gently keep the light there even when their inner critics are screaming at them to turn it off) that we can start to find all sorts of ways that it can work.

There are always ways, but you have to stay present with the questions long enough to get at the answers.

So that’s what I am going to do next.? Shine that light and keep it shining and take a look at how I want my life to change as my business continues to grow.

I’ve also been shifting how I do my work and how my business functions behind the scenes, to increase capacity in all areas. Kind of the digital equivalent to selling old things that were collecting dust in the Dream Loft and making space for new better-suited-to-me-now things.

This is going astonishingly well!? I spent a lot of time earlier this year feeling stressed out about capacity and resistant to stretching it, because it felt like stretching ME.? But, I am finding the opposite is true.? With the right tools, capacity can grow without me being or feeling stretched.

In fact, I actually feel more spaciousness and more cared-for-ness.

How amazing is that?? That is a pattern that has been slowing me down for many years.? It feels like that’s a big part of why growing the Creative Dream Circle doesn’t feel like a big huge deal anymore – the systems are in place and all I have to do it let it keep growing.

So this is opening up new worlds of possibility which I want to explore next, things like writing a novel and learning about how I can support art therapy initiatives in war zones.

I’m feeling super creatively engaged with my life and excited about what comes next.

 

This update series started because I had a big goal for what I wanted to do with my business in 2014, so I made a decision to write an update every Friday for all of 2014 to share all of the ups and downs of the process of bringing a big dream to life.

As I shared last week, I want to change how I do these updates.? I’m at that phase of having this vague sense of wanting to do these differently, but not seeing how, exactly, I want to do them.? I thought I knew, but now I’m not sure.

When I’m struggling with something, or actively working on building something then of course I end up with more stories to share.? I’m not feeling like I have a lot of stuff to work through right now, I’m mostly enjoying in the magic of being where I am (which is pretty freaking cool).

The Creative Dream Circle is growing steadily.? I’ve got new clients coming in steadily.? This week I really hit that balance of getting great work done and playing with new art projects and sewing and enjoying nature and taking good care of myself.

When we set out to reach a big dream, we always have fears (that we’re not good enough, that we’ll fail, that we’ll succeed then everything will change, that people will discover we’re a fraud, etc) and limiting beliefs about ourselves and about life that make the dream feel impossible.

As we clear up that inner stuff, our outer perspective changes.? Most dreams change dramatically during this process.

Right now, when I connect with the heart and soul of my dream I am met with fireworks in my heart that explode this amazing feeling throughout my body.? This is a big shift and a big deal!

It’s happening INSIDE me, there isn’t this big unknowable chasm between me and it.? There isn’t even any space.? We’re together.

So now I’m at a stage where I’ve cleared a lot of fear and doubt.? Everything feels open and what I want is flowing to me at the exact right pace.

Not to say I won’t come across more layers of stuff to clear, but right now I can’t say how much I love being where I am.? Besides the occasional and totally natural fear, this week has been pure delight.

(And I am even in LOVE with sharing the stories of transforming fear into amazingly helpful things, like I did yesterday, which makes me actually happy when the fear pops up)

 

I hope you’ll join me next week for the LIVE FREE class on Tapping Into Your Magic.? You. Me. A worldwide community of dreamers. Journals. Creativity. Magic.? The ultimate recipe for a good time.

Last week’s Treasure Mapping class has left it’s mark on me.

The way I teach dreaming, every move you make with your dream is an act of healing.? Working with your dream brings you deeper into who you really are.

False identities and limiting beliefs dissolve as you allow more of who you really are to shine through.? This is the path to the dream – becoming the you who lives the dream, from the inside out.

I’m in the middle of a big step with that, and a lot of things are changing for me.? Writing these weekly updates is one of the things that’s changing.

As you start to grow into the you who lives your dream, your perspective on things changes – these updates were grounding and helpful for me before and now they feel superfluous.

Thing 1: this doesn’t feel like “the BIG dream” anymore because I see it in reach.? Regardless of how long it takes to get there, I feel like I’m in the boat and the current is bringing me in.? And I can paddle, or turn on the motor, or just go with the flow – whatever I want.? Right now I’m lying in the boat, staring up at the clouds because I love clouds.

I’m enjoying the journey and excited about the destination.

Thing 2: in the last six months I’ve grown a lot.? I’ve done a lot of work to shift my perspective around growing my business, I’ve explored all sorts of new things.? I’ve met new fears and tangoed with old ones.? I’m not the same person who made the decision to start writing these updates.

Thing 3: a new dream is emerging which is all about how I’m relating to my dreams right now.

So I want to share in a different way.

At first, I was writing these updates to help me sort out my steps, and to share the process publicly because I think too few people do that – share the honest actual story as it’s happening.? When you look back and share – that changes the story.

Now it’s become less of a broadcast (me telling my story) and more of a circle (using my updates to open up the weekly sharing circle inside the Creative Dream Circle) and the big magic comes from everyone sharing their stories together.

And next I want the way that I’m approaching the updates to change.? But my idea of how I want to do this differently is so new I’m not ready to share it.

The magic of JEALOUSY

Instead, I’ll share that I have been incredibly jealous of someone lately.

Also inspired by them and happy for them but also very much jealous.? And I forgot that jealousy is an important tool in your creative dreamer toolkit.

(If jealousy is something you struggle with click that link!)

When I finally listened to my jealousy of course it was saying – hey dude, why don’t YOU do the thing that you are jealous that they are going to do?

When I talked to the friend I was jealous of, it turns out that he wasn’t sure he wanted to do the thing anyway.? It was me, wanting him to do the thing.? And he thought it was an ok idea but he was inspired by other things.

It was mine all along.

This makes me happy, and also afraid, because the thing I want to do is new, and would stretch me in new ways, and that’s always scary (at least in the beginning).

I spent the day at the beach by myself yesterday.

That is my favourite place to work on acclimating to my dream.? I went there because I felt like I had a lot of acclimating to do, and then it turned out that I didn’t.

I just needed to recognize how much I’ve grown into this dream already.? And notice how I ready I am to keep going.? And how capable I am of figuring out ways to do this that nurture and support both me and my dreams.

This feels really good.