This week was amazing.

I started (last Friday afternoon) with a epic 35 km (22 mile) bike ride along the river, then through a park, a forest, a meadow and a marsh.? I even saw a herd of bison.

Back when I decided to sell my car and not get a new one because it didn’t feel right, I didn’t know what I would do come summer.? I looked forward to walking instead of driving in fall and winter and spring, but the thought of walking for several hours a day in the summer heat did NOT sound fun.

Getting this bike didn’t just solve the problem of how to get around enjoyably in the summer, it opened up a whole new world for me.? Which is what ALL creative dreams do.

So, the epic bike ride set the stage for an amazing week, which included hosting a free creative journal class: Get Your [creative] MAGIC On.

And lots of tiny creative adventures.

 

Over the past week I have done a lot of things that needed doing, that I had been procrastinating for a long time, mostly because they were annoying and I didn’t want to do them.

Having a whole bunch of annoying tasks piled up and waiting for you doesn’t feel very good.

And while doing annoying things is annoying, there is also a tinge of feeling really good about finally doing the thing and then the amazing feeling of having the annoying thing DONE and behind you.

In fact, I’ve only got one more such task (renewing my passport, which becomes more important by the day as I do want to get away this winter) and then I will have NO annoying tasks waiting for me.

So that feels really, really good.

One of the annoying tasks was selling my old stuff.? My old iPhone and MacBook had been sitting un-used for a long time.? A few months back I started by clearing all of my stuff off of both and restoring them to their factory settings.? But I kept delaying putting them up for sale.? I finally did that this week.

Now that they’re sold I’m noticing how much more SPACE there is.? I mean a laptop and a phone don’t take up a lot of room but each time I saw them a part of me remembered that I was procrastinating on selling them which was starting to take up more and more emotional space.

(Just like now, every time I remember that I can’t just pick up and leave the country because my passport is expired – it creates an energetic stuck.)

It’s nice to have a small wad of cash sitting in the Dream Loft, instead of that laptop and phone.? (My sister and I have a Sister Shopping Day planned for today, so I’m taking my wad of cash to IKEA and the fabric store)

That feels like where I’m at with this dream, too -? a lot of the tasks are done and behind me.

Building a business is a big job!? I’ve been at this, in one way or another, for 18 years.

Of course, that includes a lot of years of being a starving artist and experimenting with different ways of how to make a living as a creative person.? While I don’t believe there is an easy way, I also don’t believe you have to take 18 years.? My path had a lot of detours and curlyques.

I’m at a point now where the pieces are in place and my business works – it feels stable and steady.

I’m enjoying my work, I feel fulfilled and inspired and happy and I have space to do the non-work things I want to do and I’m happy with my income.?? I also want to recognize that this is huge and amazing and I am very grateful to be here.

I also want to be looking at what’s next.

And, if you’ve been reading my updates you know, I’m kind of done with looking at hitting a specific number of members in the Circle being my what’s next.? I’m not feeling inspired by that.? And I love the way the Circle is growing and it doesn’t feel like that needs so much attention.

So, when it comes to my business and my dreams: what does need my attention?? Or what wants my attention?? Or what do I want to be giving my attention to?

What’s what I’m exploring now.

Which is funny that I mentioned my expired passport in the first part of writing this because one of the things I want to explore is how to travel more as a self-employed person.? I’ve been able to go away once a year so far, which I think is awesome, and I’d like to increase that.? I’ve also shyed away from even thinking about longer trips because of how I am impacted by jet-lag.

I’m remembering that it took me 2 weeks to feel human again after coming back from Istanbul.? I remember that every time I think of going back (which is something I really want to do, I love Turkey) and I just don’t know how that is going to work with being a self-employed person.

When I had a job it was ok to be a bit of a zombie once in a while, but I need to be 100% on for my coaching sessions.? But what do I do about income if I take a whole month off from coaching?? That’s the kind of stuff to be sorted out, I know there’s a way I just don’t know what it is.

“I just don’t know how that’s going to work” can hold up a dream forever, if you let it.

It’s always kind of amazing when I have a client come to me with that exact issue, and if I help them hold a light to the situation (and gently keep the light there even when their inner critics are screaming at them to turn it off) that we can start to find all sorts of ways that it can work.

There are always ways, but you have to stay present with the questions long enough to get at the answers.

So that’s what I am going to do next.? Shine that light and keep it shining and take a look at how I want my life to change as my business continues to grow.

I’ve also been shifting how I do my work and how my business functions behind the scenes, to increase capacity in all areas. Kind of the digital equivalent to selling old things that were collecting dust in the Dream Loft and making space for new better-suited-to-me-now things.

This is going astonishingly well!? I spent a lot of time earlier this year feeling stressed out about capacity and resistant to stretching it, because it felt like stretching ME.? But, I am finding the opposite is true.? With the right tools, capacity can grow without me being or feeling stretched.

In fact, I actually feel more spaciousness and more cared-for-ness.

How amazing is that?? That is a pattern that has been slowing me down for many years.? It feels like that’s a big part of why growing the Creative Dream Circle doesn’t feel like a big huge deal anymore – the systems are in place and all I have to do it let it keep growing.

So this is opening up new worlds of possibility which I want to explore next, things like writing a novel and learning about how I can support art therapy initiatives in war zones.

I’m feeling super creatively engaged with my life and excited about what comes next.

 

This update series started because I had a big goal for what I wanted to do with my business in 2014, so I made a decision to write an update every Friday for all of 2014 to share all of the ups and downs of the process of bringing a big dream to life.

As I shared last week, I want to change how I do these updates.? I’m at that phase of having this vague sense of wanting to do these differently, but not seeing how, exactly, I want to do them.? I thought I knew, but now I’m not sure.

When I’m struggling with something, or actively working on building something then of course I end up with more stories to share.? I’m not feeling like I have a lot of stuff to work through right now, I’m mostly enjoying in the magic of being where I am (which is pretty freaking cool).

The Creative Dream Circle is growing steadily.? I’ve got new clients coming in steadily.? This week I really hit that balance of getting great work done and playing with new art projects and sewing and enjoying nature and taking good care of myself.

When we set out to reach a big dream, we always have fears (that we’re not good enough, that we’ll fail, that we’ll succeed then everything will change, that people will discover we’re a fraud, etc) and limiting beliefs about ourselves and about life that make the dream feel impossible.

As we clear up that inner stuff, our outer perspective changes.? Most dreams change dramatically during this process.

Right now, when I connect with the heart and soul of my dream I am met with fireworks in my heart that explode this amazing feeling throughout my body.? This is a big shift and a big deal!

It’s happening INSIDE me, there isn’t this big unknowable chasm between me and it.? There isn’t even any space.? We’re together.

So now I’m at a stage where I’ve cleared a lot of fear and doubt.? Everything feels open and what I want is flowing to me at the exact right pace.

Not to say I won’t come across more layers of stuff to clear, but right now I can’t say how much I love being where I am.? Besides the occasional and totally natural fear, this week has been pure delight.

(And I am even in LOVE with sharing the stories of transforming fear into amazingly helpful things, like I did yesterday, which makes me actually happy when the fear pops up)

 

I hope you’ll join me next week for the LIVE FREE class on Tapping Into Your Magic.? You. Me. A worldwide community of dreamers. Journals. Creativity. Magic.? The ultimate recipe for a good time.

Last week’s Treasure Mapping class has left it’s mark on me.

The way I teach dreaming, every move you make with your dream is an act of healing.? Working with your dream brings you deeper into who you really are.

False identities and limiting beliefs dissolve as you allow more of who you really are to shine through.? This is the path to the dream – becoming the you who lives the dream, from the inside out.

I’m in the middle of a big step with that, and a lot of things are changing for me.? Writing these weekly updates is one of the things that’s changing.

As you start to grow into the you who lives your dream, your perspective on things changes – these updates were grounding and helpful for me before and now they feel superfluous.

Thing 1: this doesn’t feel like “the BIG dream” anymore because I see it in reach.? Regardless of how long it takes to get there, I feel like I’m in the boat and the current is bringing me in.? And I can paddle, or turn on the motor, or just go with the flow – whatever I want.? Right now I’m lying in the boat, staring up at the clouds because I love clouds.

I’m enjoying the journey and excited about the destination.

Thing 2: in the last six months I’ve grown a lot.? I’ve done a lot of work to shift my perspective around growing my business, I’ve explored all sorts of new things.? I’ve met new fears and tangoed with old ones.? I’m not the same person who made the decision to start writing these updates.

Thing 3: a new dream is emerging which is all about how I’m relating to my dreams right now.

So I want to share in a different way.

At first, I was writing these updates to help me sort out my steps, and to share the process publicly because I think too few people do that – share the honest actual story as it’s happening.? When you look back and share – that changes the story.

Now it’s become less of a broadcast (me telling my story) and more of a circle (using my updates to open up the weekly sharing circle inside the Creative Dream Circle) and the big magic comes from everyone sharing their stories together.

And next I want the way that I’m approaching the updates to change.? But my idea of how I want to do this differently is so new I’m not ready to share it.

The magic of JEALOUSY

Instead, I’ll share that I have been incredibly jealous of someone lately.

Also inspired by them and happy for them but also very much jealous.? And I forgot that jealousy is an important tool in your creative dreamer toolkit.

(If jealousy is something you struggle with click that link!)

When I finally listened to my jealousy of course it was saying – hey dude, why don’t YOU do the thing that you are jealous that they are going to do?

When I talked to the friend I was jealous of, it turns out that he wasn’t sure he wanted to do the thing anyway.? It was me, wanting him to do the thing.? And he thought it was an ok idea but he was inspired by other things.

It was mine all along.

This makes me happy, and also afraid, because the thing I want to do is new, and would stretch me in new ways, and that’s always scary (at least in the beginning).

I spent the day at the beach by myself yesterday.

That is my favourite place to work on acclimating to my dream.? I went there because I felt like I had a lot of acclimating to do, and then it turned out that I didn’t.

I just needed to recognize how much I’ve grown into this dream already.? And notice how I ready I am to keep going.? And how capable I am of figuring out ways to do this that nurture and support both me and my dreams.

This feels really good.

I set a big goal for my business for 2014: to welcome 800 dreamers into my Creative Dream Circle. And to do this not by getting super pushy about selling – but to do this with heart and soul and creativity and joy and LOVE.(you can read my original post about this here)

At this point though, I’m not interested in the numbers.? What I am excited about is having that feeling of DOING MY BEST, to grow my capacity serve dreamers in bringing their dreams to life inside the Circle, to DO MY BEST to work on the places where I hide and hold back, to DO MY BEST so share my gifts. And I want to explore more about how I want this all to work for me, and how I want to feel inside it.

In support of this goal, I am writing weekly updates on Fridays, for all of 2014. This is where I’ll share the story of all the ups and downs of bringing a big dream to life.

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Part 1, same as last week.? I do want to change this but I’m not quite sure how I want to change it right now:

My dream is:? To do my best.? To know and feel deep down in my bones that I am doing my best in creating the Circle and holding the Circle and growing the Circle.? To do my best to work on the places where I hold back and hide and play small – not to hit a certain number, but so that I can do my best to share my gifts.? And to keep growing what “my best” is.? With this as my focus for the rest of the year, I can see it opening up new possibilities for other projects for next year.

I want it because: This feels like how I grow into more of who I am.? It lights me up.

When I have it I will feel: At peace, connected, aligned, deeply joyful, in the flow.? Free-er.

_____________________

What happened in the last week?

Something really big changed for me this week and I’m still processing what it means.

I did this.

For anyone who has ever tried to write a practical description of their magical work you know how hard it is to explain clearly, not just what you do but the philosophy behind and it and how it works.

I’ve developed a totally unique way of transforming fears, doubts and obstacles AND activate your superpowers and it’s been challenging, to say the least, to explain.? That’s why I created my free introductory class, so I don’t have to explain, people can just experience a bit of it instead.

Having this page be such so clear, and having it explain how my work is different from anyone else’s, totally transforms how I feel about my self and my work.? So yes I need more time to process this.

In one of my recent updates I wrote about how a lack of clarity creates spaces that we can hide in.? Making such a radical move towards clarity has left me with fewer spaces to hide in, and with less desire to hide in the first place.? So I’m kind of standing in the light, blinking.

This is a theme that comes up repeatedly in my classes and in client sessions – dreaming is terrifying.? Change is terrifying.? Not changing is terrifying.? We all have parts of us that just want to hide.? Helping them feel safe enough to come out of hiding is the real work of bringing a dream to life.? I feel like I am deeply deeply engaged in that work right now.

Also – the Treasure-Mapping class happened and it was deeply, deeply healing experience for me.? I always set these classes up to be healing for the participants and then am surprised when I get a healing as well.

My inner perfectionist showed up loud and proud and I feel like she got a really big dose of love which calmed her down and now there is more space for me to be me.? That is a pretty amazing way to feel.

Also: Evidence that my Big Fears about this were wrong.

At first, I was SURE that if I wanted to grow the Circle BIG, I would dilute it’s magic.? So for a long time the Circle was hidden and I only invited people who were already working with me.

In hindsight, that was such a ridiculous thing to believe.? But it was a HUGE worry and all feelings are valid and I needed a lot of time and space to work through that one.

And that’s why I’ve had this feeling of having one foot on the gas, one foot on the brakes, for a long time, in terms of growing the Circle.? The past few months I’ve been easing off the brakes and feeling more sure about the gas and this is a really beautiful feeling.? Not because faster = better but because being less conflicted about wanting what I want feels amazing.

After our call yesterday, when “new people” and “old people” alike shared their stories on our call it was clear how everyone is amazing and the Circle really does a beautiful job of drawing like-minded people to it and the more members it has the more magic there is.? Of course it can’t be diluted!

What else happened this week, Instagram style:

 

How do I feel about this?

I feel like I am exactly where I want to be. Deeply grateful for everything I have created in my life and inspired to keep going.

What do I need now?

I wanted to add something at the end of that last sentence, but it fits better right here: I am inspired to keep going, but slowly.? I want to stop feeling like I should be there already.? Especially when here (where I am now) is so awesome!

What does my dream need now?

When I do the little exercise from my Give Your Dream Wings class my dream shows up as fog.? This voice says “Dude your dream needs more structure before it can come to life”.

Fair enough, having that deep down feeling like I am doing my best felt like an important thing I wanted last week, this week I feel like Iam doing my best and geeez what more do you want from me? (Oh, makes sense why my inner perfectionist has been so active now…)

My dream needs me to hang out with it and bring it out of the fog by giving it more structure.

It’s cool that I don’t want 800 members in the Circle to be my big goal for the year right now, but I did make a commitment to stretch my business-wings this year and I really do want to honour that commitment that I made to myself.

At this point, 800 feels a bit like “Oh I’m not sure how this will work, though I am sure I could figure it out” while 500 feels awesome.

Normally you do need to stretch into a big dream, which is what big dreams are all about.? And before you start stretching it’s hard to know how much you can/want to stretch.? So once you start working on one thing it may lead you to discover that a different thing is what you REALLY want.? So maybe I really want to cap this group at 500 members, I am really not sure.

Right now, we’re at 150 members.? I LOVE the gentle speed at which it’s growing and how it just more and more wonderful to have new people to play with.? At this pace we’d be around 300 by the end of the year which feels DELICIOUS.

This cranky, sarcastic voice wants to interject to point out how 300 members may feel delicious but it’s not enough to get me the income I want.? This part of me believes that it’s really important that ALL of my income come from the Circle, even though the reality is that lots of it comes from coaching.

This is a theme I’ve noticed with my clients lately too, this voice that says “YOU NEED TO HAVE/DO/BE _____.” when their inner wisdom says it’s not true.? And the more you just go with your inner wisdom the louder the voice gets, so you have to actually work with the voice and heal it before you can move forward.

I’m writing this on Thursday after the Treasure Mapping class and I’m too tired to work with this voice right now, but I will make it a part of my mission for next week.

Taking all of this into account, my next mission is:

Clarity.? I’m making a face while I type this because I think this is ALWAYS my mission.? We just spent so much time talking about this during the Treasure-Making class, how clarity is scary, how turning on a light means being able to SEE all that stuff you need to clean up and how fun that isn’t.? And how worth it it is, to get the cleaning done.

And talk with this voice that is so adamant that all of my income should come from the Circle and find out more about what it needs.

And spend some time with Me Who Lives The Dream (for Circle members – this is in Module 6 of the Creative Dream Incubator) to find out what she can tell me about what’s next.

And I want to write out the descriptions for the 2 classes I’m working on right now: The MAGIC Journal and the MANDALA Journal.? Kind of in love with both of these.

I set a big goal for my business for 2014: to welcome 800 dreamers into my Creative Dream Circle. And to do this not by getting super pushy about selling – but to do this with heart and soul and creativity and joy and LOVE.(you can read my original post about this here)

At this point though, I’m not interested in the numbers.What I am excited about is having that feeling of DOING MY BEST, to grow my capacity serve dreamers in bringing their dreams to life inside the Circle, to DO MY BEST to work on the places where I hide and hold back, to DO MY BEST so share my gifts. ? And I want to explore more about how I want this all to work for me, and how I want to feel inside it.

In support of this goal, I am writing weekly updates on Fridays, for all of 2014. This is where I’ll share the story of all the ups and downs of bringing a big dream to life.

***************************************************

Last week’s update was uncomfortable for me to share (later that day I added another post about how being in the process of change is hard) ?Last week I wasn’t sure what my dream was anymore, which, as a professional dreamer, is embarrassing to admit.? But it is a part of the process.

A faraway dream is pristine.? It’s perfect and beautiful and you just know that once you get it your whole life will change and you will be deliciously happy every day always for the end of time.

Dreams you’re working on are messy.? It’s like that dreamboat you see from across a crowded room looks much better in that moment than they do when they’re leaving their dirty socks on the floor as though the clothes hamper isn’t right there.

That pristine dream is a fantasy.? To bring that dream from fantasy into reality you have to… bring it into reality, which is messy and awkward and hard sometimes and doesn’t look like how you thought it would but OMG it feels amazing it have it for real.

Messy, awkward and hard are just a part of the process and do NOT mean there is anything wrong.? That’s why I make sure to share the awkward hard parts, without them you don’t get to the dream come TRUE.

Giving up just because it’s hard is lame.? And holding onto that fantasy instead of having the reality is lame.

So, last week was hard.? I was doing a lot of work shifting my perceptions and moving my comfort zones around, which is really, really awkward to do.? (For Creative Dream Circle members, Module 4 of the Creative Dream Incubator helps with this)

Working through all of that hard made this week FUCKING AMAZING.? I got more clarity on what I really really want and feel more sure about myself, which is what happens when you work through the hard parts.

Creative Dream Update Questions Part 1:

(I don’t do Part 1 every week, but since things are shifting so much now I am re-doing this part)

My dream is:? To do my best.? To know and feel deep down in my bones that I am doing my best in creating the Circle and holding the Circle and growing the Circle.? To do my best to work on the places where I hold back and hide and play small – not to hit a certain number, but so that I can do my best to share my gifts.? And to keep growing what “my best” is.? With this as my focus for the rest of the year, I can see it opening up new possibilities for other projects for next year.

I want it because: This feels like how I grow into more of who I am.? It lights me up.

When I have it I will feel: At peace, connected, aligned, deeply joyful, in the flow.? Free-er.

Then my regular Creative Dream Update Questions:

What happened in the last week?

Last weekend I had the big breakthrough, which looked like this:

That’s where, after feeling so fuzzy and unclear – everything about my dream became clear.? That’s where I re-wrote what my dream is.

And I kept playing in my mandala journal to get more insights.

(I am doing a Mandala Journal class this fall in the Creative Dream Circle.? This week I posted about it in the Circle to get people’s thoughts, questions and ideas for what they want me to cover in this class.)

I started a whole new Treasure-Mapping Journal.

And I did make a video about it where I talk more about how I went from fog to clear skies.

I did a lot of coaching this week, including a day-long in-person coaching session, which is my first time doing that and it totally rocked.? Here I am getting ready to go that morning:

I had such a great time with that I would like to explore if I want to offer day-long virtual coaching retreats.? Kind of blows me away to think of what we can accomplish in just one (super-focused, super-magic) day.

I’m also in love with my small group coaching for world-changing coaches/healers/teachers and am thinking about doing more of that kind of work.? The small group is MAGIC.

How do I feel about this?

I feel so, so so so good.? I love my new direction/clarity.

When I set my dream of welcoming 800 people into the Creative Dream Circle this year, I didn’t pick that number out of a hat.? I was using all the things I teach, to? listen to my intuition and to my dream itself about what my next steps are.

I know that reaching towards 800 is what is helping me get clear on what I really want.? It was an important part of the process.

Last week I went on hiatus from making videos for the rest of the summer. Last week I needed to feel the feeling of having the whole rest of the summer off from doing videos.? I needed that space.

That feeling mattered, the actual break may not matter at all.

Then this week I did a new video.? This week I felt differently and really wanted to share this story in a video.? All we can ever know for sure is what we need right now.? I feel happy and free about giving myself the space to sort out what I need and how I want to keep moving forward.

I’m also feeling really super grateful about where I am right now.? To be able to pay for my happy life without needing a job and while doing the things that light me up is really special.? While life is always evolving and I am always evolving and there are always more adventures to go on and more ways to grow, even if I stayed right here for the rest of my life that would be pretty awesome.

What do I need now?

Lots of Treasure-Mapping!? I love how that process shifted how I was feeling and I want to dive deeper into it before teaching it next week. (Click here for Treasure-Mapping class details)

What does my dream need now?

My dream is so happy that I’m feeling the love and am deeply and happily committed to it.? What it needs is for me to be more deliberately connected to it in the moment, to remember that it’s already here as I keep stepping into it.

Taking all of this into account, my next mission is:

DO MY BEST for next week’s Treasure-Mapping class.

Keep making my own maps and drawing mandalas and having lots of good quality quiet creative time.