This is a page from the Dream Lab: Explore The Miracle Of Your Dream Playbook (which you can get as a part of Dream Book)
Exploring what feels uncomfortable about your dream is tricky work so I thought I would share my process today in exploring that voice that says that I AM NOT DOING ENOUGH.
This voice has been getting louder lately. And I have been assuming it's because I am in this big creative expansion and I don't really know where this process is leading me to.
I just have so many ideas I want to do them all at once.
This part of the creative process is always confusing for me. I have been assuming this voice comes from my creative process. But I just remembered - hey! Fears are TRICKY! They like to dress up as reasonable responses and ideas.
They know when they show up as fears they are treated differently than when they show up as reasonable voices. Oh shit I fell for it.
This voice isn't a part of this creative expansion I am in. This voice is a fear that is coming up in response to the creative expansion I am in.
So, ummm, hello voice? Can we talk?
Voice shows up as a GIANT rainbow caterpillar, about 6 feet long, floating about 3 feet in the air, cool as a cucumber and says "Oh sure we can talk" I stand there for a few minutes, just getting used to being here with the caterpillar.
And I notice that the caterpillar isn't real. It's a costume.
There is a person standing there wearing a caterpillar tied around their waist.
"So could you take off the costume?"
The caterpillar is furious. They rip off the costume. Now it's a very angry person.
I shift my weight around a bit, feeling very uncomfortable all of a sudden.
"You want to know why I'm angry?"
- You work so hard for so little.
- You're sharing your heart out there, day after day and people ignore it.
- You take the work so seriously and no one else takes you seriously.
- You are not properly seen or understood.
I am feeling bowled over by the intensity of the anger, which I had not noticed was there!
"This is why I have been pushing you to share more do more be more. To get the recognition that you deserve."
Oh wow. I struggle to find a balance between acknowledging the voice of anger and also wanting to rush in and remind it of all the good.... that I am not wealthy but have a good life and there are people who listen and take me and my work seriously and that I love my students and my work.
But I know I need to give this anger space.
It doesn't need to be right it needs to be heard.
So I sit down and let my anger know I'll sit and listen for as long as it wants to talk. Anger mumbles "Yeah I know actually we have it really good. We have amazing people in the Circle. We have a fantastic life with enough money to enjoy it."
Then anger asks "But still, can't I just be pissed about how hard this is sometimes?"
"Oh of course. How can I help?"
"Well I was thinking if you would just work harder at doing the right things then everything would be easier and I wouldn't be upset anymore, but now I can see that that's not right."
So I say "Right. You're upset and you need to be heard and respected. Once you have enough space then we'll know what to do about this."
OK something is really shifting in my heart. I'm not sure what it is, but this feels like a good spot to stop our meeting and give this a chance to marinate. T
his is the mess of exploring the uncomfortable parts!
You just don't know where it's going to lead. But right now I am feeling immense relief to have seen the anger for what it is and have given it some space.