So I continue to work on this project.
My heart is full:
DELIGHT? in the magic of this project
CARE for all the little details
GRATITUDE for being offered something that is on a scale far, far beyond the level I’ve been working on
LOVE for the project itself and how it’s going to help people
And still. Progress is beautiful and slow. MADDENINGLY SLOW.
Hmmmm.? Seeing that there in black and white I feel I should add: it’s probably not slow at all.? It’s more like I WANT IT TO BE RACING CAR FAST.
Something amazing is coming to life here and it needs whatever time it needs to do that.? And I know that is true about every single thing that comes to life but that doesn’t change how annoyed I am with this for being so slow.
And *pouf* my Creativity Fairy Godmother appears right beside my laptop.
Oh honey, you know, right?? You know that your annoyance is actually slowing things down?
Yeah, I know.? But it’s how I feel!
Oh of course!? We would never tell you to feel differently than how you feel!? But, well, you know better than to try to push and work on a thing that you are annoyed with while you are annoyed, right?? I mean you’re not exactly a beginner …
Right.? If I am annoyed my attention naturally wants to be going to taking care of the annoyance.? Instead I am trying to force my attention to remain on the project, which is the source of the annoyance and YIKES yes I am compounding the annoyance and turning it into a bounder which blocks creative flow.
Yes sweetie Creative Flow is Flowing. That’s what it does.
And here I am – throwing boulders in its way while demanding it to show up faster.
Right so, would now be a good time to stop doing that?? You’ve got that lovely soup waiting for you at home. What if you go home, enjoy some soup, and take care of your annoyance before coming back to this project?
And *pouf* a little devil appears on the other side of my laptop.
Hello – are you my annoyance?
What do you want to tell me?
There is a reason why I’m here.? I’m annoyed that you are trying to rush – you’re playing into that old people-pleasing pattern of yours and it SUCKS.? I HATE IT.
Ohmygosh!? I totally didn’t see that.? But you are so right, I did slip into that old pattern and I can see why.
Yeah I can see why to – it doesn’t take a genius.? And seeing WHY doesn’t change anything.? I want you to change something!
(Little devil actually pushes me out of the people-pleasing pattern and I can feel everything shift)
Wow, thanks for the push.? Now I can see so much clearer.? I actually do want to finish this quickly, that is my truth not just my people-pleasing pattern.? That’s funny, my people-pleasing pattern and my truth both want the same thing, I’m not sur that is ever happened before.
We both want the same thing, we just need to take a different approach.
My truth is that I want this to come together quickly and I know better than to think I am in control of the timeline.
And the little devil and my Creativity Fairy Godmother are gone.? It’s just me and my project and everything seems kind of sunny.? My project looks apologetic, like it didn’t mean to annoy me or to throw me into that old people-pleasing pattern.? My project loves me like I love it.
I think I will go home and have some soup for lunch and take a little break and come back to this later.