I Am Stuck.

Recently I was offered a really incredible opportunity.? (No, I can’t give any details.)

In order to move forward with this opportunity, I have to create something.? I create things all the time – so no biggie, right?

Ha.

The first draft was no biggie actually.? The enormity of the project hadn’t quite sunk in yet, I was super excited and so I wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote.? And what I wrote is pretty good.? It’s nowhere near what I want it to be and what I know it can be, but it’s a great start.

And here I am, with a weekend free to work on this and I. Am. Stuck.

So, hello there stuck.? Can we talk?

Yeah, I guess, I mean sure but it’s kind of hard for me to talk.

Why is that?

Well, I’m stuck!? I’m crammed into this space that is too small for me.

Oh, can I help?

Maybe.? I don’t know.? It’s probably easier to just stay stuck.? I can curl up in here and never leave.

Really, is that what you want?

(pause)

No, I don’t know. Yes. I want that right now, getting out just seems so hard!? But I don’t like the idea of ALWAYS being here.? I want to have the option to leave.

That makes sense.? How can we give you the option to leave?

Well, just understanding HOW to get out.? Oh!? I could stop trying to go straight ahead and inside go sideways.? Maybe that is how?

Yeah, it seems like you could kind of roll sideways and get out of there.

(Stuck rolls sideways and gets out of there.? The feeling of stuckness inside of me lessons noticeably but doesn’t totally disappear. Stuck just looks at me, then curls up in a ball right beside the small container he had been stuck in)

Ah, so now I can see that we’re in a meadow at the edge of a forest and you, dear stuck, are a bunny!? And you were stuck in a barrel.

I went in there looking for a safe space because it was dark and rainy and scary out.

That makes sense.

So now what?? Now I feel free, I’m out of the barrel, but I want to stay right beside it because I may need to jump back in which means I may get stuck in there again.? I don’t want to go hopping around in the forest, it’s scary out there!

I know.

Like that project you are working on – that is terrifying!? I want to go nowhere near there.? And if you go near it, I will jump back in the barrel.

Well I understand your fear but I don’t want to let you hold me hostage.? Not only do I really want to do this because I think it will be fun (omg! do you remember last week when writing was fun?) I want to do this because it’s going to help so many people.

Oh, yeah,? It’s hard to remember the good parts when the scary parts are so big.

So why are the scary parts big right now?

Because you’re out of the flow.? You’re looking at where you’ve gone off-track in order to bring the project on-track.? Looking at the off-track parts wakes up fear and doubt and makes the good parts shrink.? It’s not that it’s wrong that there are some off-track parts – that’s a natural part of the creative process.? It’s more like you’ve got to just focus on on-track.? I don’t know – start over fresh instead of editing?

Start over fresh instead of editing. Oh that feels like a pit in my stomach, like I’ll never finish if I do that.

Sometimes you have found a lot of freedom in that approach.? Everything you wrote is still there, you can grab parts of it but put it together fresh. Actually I think you’ve done that with every major thing you’ve ever done.

Yeah, maybe.? And this feels different.? The timeline for one.? Not seeing the whole scope of the project for two.

No, those things are not so different. Sweetie, remember the good parts!? Remember the fun and how amazing and helpful this will be!? KISS!? KISS! (Keep It Simple Sweetie)

Simple.? I could stand to simplify this whole thing.? OK yes. I feel a little less stuck now.

And I want to go hop around in the forest!

(Bunny hops off.? I kind of lean against the barrel and a snake slithers out.)

Oh!

(Snake does not respond.? It just stares at me.? This is the part of me that Does Not Believe And Never Will.? I see a pile of hay lying on the ground and take a tiny bottle of love, comfort and peace and pour it on the hay, creating a nest of love, comfort and peace for the snake.? Snake curls up in the center of the nest.)

Yeah, I can do this.

I am taking the fact that this is a HUGE DEAL and putting that in the barrel.

I am taking the timeline and putting that in the barrel.

I am sealing up the barrel.

I am taking the fact that I am really excited about this project and putting in a heart-shaped locket and putting that around my neck.

I am taking how helpful and useful this is going to be and spinning it into yarn and knitting myself a soft, soft hat out of it and putting it on my head.

Yeah, I can do this.

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