For When Your Dream Falls Apart

In the fall, when everything in my life felt so hard, I was looking forward to winter.

I love winter anyway, but this year I was really craving the quiet and stillness of it.

The magic of sleeping in a bit and still being able to walk to the coffee shop during the sunrise.

The spaciousness of early sunsets and quiet evenings at home.

And how magic and spaciousness are so healing for me.

Last night I was lying in bed, and my furnace kicked on.

My heart actually exploded in gratitude. I wanted to cry. I was so amazed and grateful that I have my own furnace. It’s only job is to keep me warm.

I felt so loved and safe.

Just from having a furnace. The same furnace I’ve been glad to have, but mostly taken for granted for years.

And I thought about how much I love everything about my home, not just the furnace, how I am not taking it for granted. Something about going through a divorce has me more present with all of the things I love about my life.

There is magic in a breakup because there is healing in a breakup.

And as long as I stay present with my feelings, not denying the hard parts but also not wallowing in them - I get to have all of this magic, too.

My life feels bigger. I feel bigger. Possibility feels bigger.

And it’s so wild to me since I didn’t choose this divorce. But I feel healed and freed by it, too.

And I want to add - in therapy we’ve been looking at all the ways I did contribute to the divorce, not a blaming way, I don’t want to blame or or blame him, just in a way that comes back to this truth: what is best for one is best for both.

AND this is all a part of creative dreaming.

I'm been committed to having my inner truth guide my actions, and so - if I am doing my best with that, then I need to accept the outcomes as they happen.

The path doesn’t look the way we think it will. This is true for most dreams.

I am thinking about how often our creative dreams do fall apart, just like marriages, and how this is all a part of it.

If nothing ever falls apart, there is no space for anything new!

I wrote this a few weeks ago, but now I see how it fits with my work right now of creating a container for my dreams to grow, and how I MAKE SPACE for them.

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For When Your Dream Falls Apart
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