I want to go into this saying: ALL FEELINGS ARE VALID. And feelings are often fleeting. And any particular feeling cannot tell the whole story of anything.

And we have a Creative Dream Alchemy Library of Inner Work Practices to help us work through uncomfortable and difficult feelings.

I’ve been exploring my distractions and self doubt.

The anxiety that’s come with perimenopause and the anxiety that’s come with the state of the world.

There is a part of me who is BURSTING WITH JOY at the opportunity of being alive. And being an artist. And being so sensitive and able to experience so much.

And that part has felt so buried for so long. Like, it comes out in little bits but the stucks take over so easily.

Midlife is a hard time of life. Divorce is hard. Watching democracy fall apart next door while our neighbour declares an economic war against us, and threatens to take us over completely, while my city is in the absolute worst economy of my lifetime, is hard.

The other day I walked downtown after work, to meet a friend for her birthday dinner. It was an almost 1 hour walk, and I left with enough time to sit down and rest for a bit before I met her.

But there were no seats in the mall downtown. The mall I’ve been going to my while life which always had benches everywhere…. The benches have been removed, there is seating in the food court along with plenty of security who will usher anyone out who isn’t buying anything. This is how my city is handling the problem of having so many unhoused people - to make indoor public spaces hostile to them when it’s in the -30s outside.

The world is breaking my heart.

And has been in so many ways for the last five years.

This is the rise of fascism. 

AND I see so many people taking care of other people.

I see so much hope and beauty and love. And I know this is how we will get through this - by taking care of each other.

We cannot give in to despair.

But we also can’t pretend we never feel it.

The amount of inner work it takes to feel hopeful in this world is astounding.

(I LOOOOOVE what we're doing in the Year of Hope!)

And.. coming back to where I started… I feel SAD about how much time I have spent stuck.

I think this is a sign that I am ready for my next level.

It’s time for the balance of “being IN the stuck/distraction/resistance” and “being IN my creative magic” to shift towards magic. 

Right now, that means being more DISCIPLINED about doing the things that help even when I don’t feel like it.

 

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