I am having a really bad day.

I am doing ALL THE THINGS to feel good and none of them are working.

There is a thing I want to do, and when I check in with myself - YES I still want to do it. AND this bad mood floats over everything, covering it in doom.

I have breathed. I have meditated. I took ashwaghanda. I put on calming perfume. I didn’t journal because that felt too frustrating. I got dressed and took a bike ride to my favourite coffee shop, and got my usual (mini veggie quiche (I get here a few minutes after they come out of the oven and they are amazing) and a coffee). I am listening to uber-calming music in my noise-canceling headphones.

My dreams need me to work through this or rise above it so I can do the thing I want to do today. I need me to work through this or rise above it to enjoy my day.

Ok I just sat here, sipping coffee and watching people walk by for a few minutes and that actually does feel al little better.

Trying to keep my breathing a little deeper than usual.

I wanted to be my MOST enthusiastic and trusting self to do this thing I want to do today.

My questions are:

1. Do I need to find this version of me, can I just do it as my crabby self?
2. What would help find my most enthusiastic and trusting self?

1 - I would like to try, because I don’t completely trust my crabby self. I may overlook details or just bring a lacklustre vibe to the whole thing.

2 - I can try to  do an Un-Sticking Station style meeting but invite in my most enthusiastic and trusting self.

Not sure how this will work, but let’s see?

Hello, my most trusting and enthusiastic self (MMTAES)

Oh honey - she gives me a big hug. Sweetie. Darling. You’re not feeling it today! Are you sick?

I don’t think so. I think it’s stress  from my loved one having surgery this week - they are at home recovering but now that it’s done it’s like my stress is more noticeable - and also some uncomfortable things I am processing about my divorce.

Well sweetheart that sounds like a lot.

Yes. Thank you. Yes, it is a lot AND I really want to do this thing, you know? I am not trying to avoid how hard this all is, and I have been tending to all the things that need tending and this is one of those things. Taking this step.

I see that. And I think it’s obvious - I hope it’s obvious to you, it is to me - that you WILl be your most enthusiastic and trusting self again. There are good times ahead of you it’s just, yeah, right now, this is a lot. And this weather! Like WTF! It IS depressing.

Yeah. Yesterday the sun came out for thirty minutes and I felt changed, lol.

MMTAES hugs me again. Darling, you are doing amazing.

Thank you. AND… can you help me? Do you see that I am not trying to avoid my feelings by doing this thing, that this thing means a lot and I will feel better with it done?

Yes, darling, I see that.

ALSO, this is the kind of step that DOES stress me out. I mean right now it feels like my life is so stressful that this kind of thing is nothing. BUT in the past, when the whole world felt easier, I remember feeling this way prior to doing things like this.

So part of this is your way of taking this kind of step. Part of this is that EVERYTHING is so much more complicated right now because of things in your life and the way the world has changed.

So let’s start with the basics: How do you want to feel?

Enthusiastic about this thing I am doing. Trusting that it will go well.

What do you mean by “go well”?

That it will feel good to me to do it and it will be well received.

Hmmmm yes there is a tangle there around “well received” because I am not quite sure what that means.

The thing I am doing is ANNOUNCING the new Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership. I’ve already shared it with Dream Book members and it was well received there! I’ve talked about it out in public and have gotten good feedback there too.

A part of “well received” is that I want more people to join. But I understand that won’t happen IMMEDIATELY, I mean it likely won’t. And I have so much I want to change about how I talk about it and invite people into the work because… BECAUSE OF HOW FUCKING STRESSFUL AND DIFFICULT THE WORLD IS RIGHT NOW…. we need more support. Giving up on our creative dreams takes us down a dark path and we need more light.

Oh. That touched on it. Something shifted inside me. Some enthusiasm woke up.

Like, I am the example today of why we all need more support to do the things we feel called to do.

And I have this offering I have developed that DOES HELP. The work is still hard, but I offer that people don’t have to be alone with it and I can help hold that enthusiasm for them because I do believe in everyone’s dreams….

Another shift inside me. Not just enthusiasm but confidence.

OK I feel ready to work on this.

…a little while later…

This “thing I want to do” includes a lot of steps. I started taking the smallest ones. WHOA.

My energy shifted.

Enthusiasm and trust poured in.

Excitement even showed up.

I am doing this thing!

(This was my un-sticking around announcing/launching the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership which I did earlier this week!)

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

All of the meditations I share are Alchemy Meditations - meditations where we are changing something into something else.

Like: 

our love and enthusiasm for our dream -> inspiration and motivation for our next steps

our fear about our next steps -> confidence and a feeling of being ready

That kind of thing. Alchemy meditations are about exploring, healing, growing and  creating.

(I added a section in the map that lists ALL of the guided meditations, right here)

There is also meditation where you just…. sit with yourself.

I am finding, especially as SO MUCH IS CHANGING FOR ME I need more time to be in that kind of meditation. It’s a way of grounding and acclimating to where I am.

Also, we can trust that meditation without any kind of focus or intention WILL bring us what we need. That we, as in our current-every-day-consciousness-self, don't have to choose our focus, we can let a larger part of us choose, which is what happens in this kind of meditation.

Sometimes, with alchemy meditation or any kind of manifesting or healing techniques, we can be coming from a very head-focused or ego place. Like, we decide what we need then try to give that to ourselves.

Meditation without focus can bring us what we ACTUALLY need, which is sometimes VERY DIFFERENT from what we think we need.

This is similar to journaling! In Dream Book, I talk about how the Dream Book journaling is all very focused on moving towards your dream, and I encourage you to ALSO “just journal” as much as possible. “Just journaling” meaning - sitting with yourself, on the page.

OF COURSE we love doing things with focus and intention, we love to choose where we are going and how we are going to get there. We are creative beings, this is natural!

In the practice of sitting with ourselves, we release that sense of “being in control” and choosing where we are going. We open ourselves up.

Having a balance of both, or shifting back and forth between them, is so good!

Since my husband left me, and then we had a huge medical situation with one of the kids, I’ve been reacting. 

I’ve been trying to heal and process. I’ve been VERY VERY FOCUSED on healing, feeling better and moving my life forward. I’ve been processing everything from the end of my marriage very deeply. I’ve learned and grown and my perspective has shifted so much I don’t always recognize my past self.

So, right now, I need A LOT of “sitting with”. In both meditation and journaling - sitting with myself, letting go of control, opening up to the moment and seeing what comes without intentionally choosing my focus.

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I’ve been sitting in the absolute MESS OF SHIT that comes up for me when I think about how I want to do the things I want to do next.

All of the fears. The unknown. The doubts. The “why bothers”. The way I really want to do this thing but I’ve never done it before so I just don’t know how BUT I do know I don’t want to just follow someone else’s path, I want to create my own way BUT, again, I don’t know how.

Feeling all the feelings that are sparked in this.

Thinking all the thoughts that come to mind.

Journaling. Getting it all out so I can try to see it from different angles.

And then… and this only happens EVERY TIME SOMEONE STAYS WITH IT… it’s like the bottom just drops out, and I land somewhere new where I can see something new.

That’s where I am this morning.

Actually I landed last night while trying to fall asleep, this new idea just floated in and was so excited it was hard to get to sleep.

And suddenly I have this new direction to go in and a SHIT TON of inspiration and motivation to GET MOVING in this new direction.

So many coaches and helper-people out there try to FORCE these moments. Like - give you their insights about your journey to spark this magic.

But it doesn’t work that way.

Because it’s YOUR journey. So YOUR perspective is the most important one. And your PROCESS of getting to the insight actually matters. Having it handed to you DOES dull the magic.

Being in the mess of your emotional and mental reactions to your process is an alchemical process. It brings you what you need.

So, as a coach, I don’t hand out insights on a silver platter.

I make space for you to join me in the mess, I have up string lights so you can find your way around to alchemize your stucks and obstacles into gifts, medicine and fuel.

Because this is better.

And you are worth this BIG magic.

So if you're in the mess - stay with it.

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: Life is happening FOR me, not TO me

This is one of these mantras that comes with a GIANT CAVEAT. If it doesn’t feel hopeful, don’t use it.

It’s very easy for this to turn into a way of blaming YOU for the ways the world has failed you. It can erase the impacts of systems of oppression. It can make you feel like the most horrific things that happened to you were your fault.

AND, only when it feels right, it can help re-frame difficult things and put you into a more empowered place.

I have been thinking along these lines about my divorce, which I did not choose, or see coming, but now, with 8 months hindsight, I am starting to say - yes, this happened FOR me.

There are parts of me who are still “FUCK THAT, no this didn’t happen FOR me” and that’s valid.

The part I am exploring is the part of me that feels curious about this, and curious to explore the ways this divorce benefits me.

When it feels right, it’s SO helpful.

It’s alse SO helpful to look at our dreams-that-just-stay-stuck-no-matter-how-hard-we-work through this lense.

Not to deny the hard parts or invalidate your feelings about the hard parts. Just to make some space for the part of you who can find the gifts in it.

Life is so multi-faceted. And dreams are WILDLY multi-faceted.

There ARE ways that it absolutely sucks that you don’t already have the thing you want and maybe there are also ways that it’s good that it’s happening exactly how it’s happening?

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Once in a while I think… I should check in with this “year long resistance project” I am doing, and then I feel a LOT of resistance to that idea, so I don’t.

The start of this project was amazing, the commitment and determination I felt was so energizing. That energy helped me explore more deeply and come up with really good little changes to make (little as in DO-ABLE) that made a huge difference.

I am nowhere near as resistant now, as I in January.

And, I am still going through a divorce. Now I understand why it’s called “going through” a divorce. It’s a lot to go through, and a lot of it has nothing to do with the relationship, it’s just a big life change. So some days I am going through as in struggling to get through and some days I am going through as in moving along the path.

And it’s all connected.

My sensitivities. The ways I get overwhelmed. The ways I respond when I am overwhelmed.

I’m starting to feel like I’ve been in a nervous system freeze response since the start of the pandemic, and I am coming out of if now.

So, some of my resistance is nervous system overwhelm. Which needs rest and restoration.

And some of it is my own fears and self doubt trying to stop me. Which needs presence, focus, intention, healing, and ACTION.

Life is so complicated. Our creative dreams ask us to be more alive, more engaged with all parts of our lives and this just makes a complicated thing more complicated.

AND more meaningful and fulfilling and joyful.

AND… am I writing all of this to avoid actually looking at my resistance? lol

Thinking about resistance is kind of like thinking AROUND resistance and the only way out is THROUGH.

So, resistance, let’s talk.

Resistance shows up as a snake.

Slippery, hard to hold onto (and ewww I don’t actually want to hold onto it) and changes it’s skin continually.

I spread a blanket out on the ground, and put out a picnic.

Let’s talk.

The snake is enjoying a cup of tea and a cookie. But it’s skin keeps changing, I can’t tell what it is.

I’m not one thing.

Sometimes I protect you. Sometimes I hold you back. Don’t try to understand me, focus on knowing your relationship with me.

So…

Be more still.

Really listen to myself.

HOW DOES IT FEEL?

Does it feel like I need to rest?

Does it feel like I need to do the thing I am resisting?

Does it feel like I need to do something else?

There are so many layers to our feelings.

So many ways our conditioned patterns pop up and interfere with us knowing our truth. And then whole new layers of conditioned patterns pop up and interfere with us acting on our truth, once we finally know it.

This is a work in progress.

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I do a New Moon Intention Setting Call every month, which is open to all Dream Book members. There is also the New Moon Intention Setting Ritual Kit for people who are not in the membership.

When it comes to my new moon intention setting, some months I know exactly what I want to do next, and some months I have no clue.

But I DO IT every month. And in the process of reflection and meditation - it feels like the right intention finds me.

Our last new moon intention setting call was on April 5 (I try to do these a few days before the new moon so that people have a chance to use the replay before or on the new moon)

I just looked through my journal and… ever since that day I’ve been drowning in the opposite of my intention.

This is how it works sometimes.

I’m not failing.

Sometimes life just lifes.

Sometimes, more often actually, setting an intention clears the way for us to see what needs to change in order to have the thing we want.

And that can get really ugly.

Which is where I am right now.

And I’ve been here so many times I am not un-nerved by it. I was relieved to open my journal this morning, revisit my new moon intention journaling, and notice how I had the exact opposite of it.

Oh, ok, so THIS IS THE WORK.

I mean I tell this to people every day, and it’s still humbling each time I see it for myself. This is the work.

Most “next steps” in outer work, most changes we want to see in our lives, require “next steps” in inner work, to go deeper.

This is NOT because we are fucked up and need to change to be good enough to have our dreams!!! Because we are deeply and significantly impacted by the culture we grow up in, and our culture is a flaming trash bin. White supremacy, the patriarchy, colonialist capitalism - these systems are bad for all living things and they’ve impacted us all.

So, in these times, you need to get MORE curious about where you hold back from the things you want, you need to be MORE compassionate with the parts of you who don’t believe in you or your dreams.

You are not wrong for the places where you hold back.

You are not wrong for HAVING inner work to do, to get to where you want to be.

This is where I am today. Noticing how the inner work just got more clear.

The prompt I am working with:

How can I support ALL PARTS OF ME in being ready to do this thing I want to do?

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I’ve been showing up for my Creative Dream Practice, doing the alchemy processes, working with my dream… but not in the actual book that I had made for Dream Book.

Sometimes this happens.

Sometimes it’s resistance - because having it all ORGANIZED in the way we do in Dream Book gives you a sense of clarity and direction that can be scary at times.

Sometimes it’s not resistance, you’re just in a place on the path that’s less linear and structured.

Anyway, I opened up my Dream Book and it made sense - I could see why I hadn’t opened it in a while.

In the fall I had made pages for my new dreams, for the liminal space I figured I would be in for a while. Space for healing and self care and adjusting to the shock of my husband leaving. Dreams of giving myself the fall and winter to be in a cocoon of healing, and emerging in the spring ready to create my new life.

Not that I wanted to dictate the timing of my healing process, I wasn’t going to force myself out of the cocoon on any particular date - it’s just that’s how it felt to me at the time.

And now here I am, emerging from the cocoon. I mean, kind of.  I'm feeling inspired and motivated. I know so much more about what I want my new life to look like.

So here am - opening my Dream Book to get myself organized.

That doesn’t mean these past months I have been “off track” or anything.

I was just in a non-linear part of the path.

It’s ALL a part of it.

Even the times when you're just 100% IN RESISTANCE and not showing up - that's a part of it too. There is so much to wrestle with, and so many ways to work with our dreams.

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: I am capable of more than I know.

This is one of those mantras that has usually been true.

AND

Some of the times when I have MOST felt it are the times when I was actually the LEAST capable.

Like, there is a delusion that can set in and it can help us overcome a lot of shit.

Like "Oh I'll just put my art on Instagram and it will sell immediately!" and we use that courage to take a bunch of super brave steps.... and in the process we begin the journey of learning JUST HOW MUCH we have to do to actually sell the art.

It can feel like you've been defeated but actually, that courage and confidence helped get you to a place where you see how much you have to learn, which IS what will get you to a place of being able to do the thing.

So, I take some hope then, in the fact that I'm not sure how capable I feel right now.

And this mantra feels like a balm, reminding me of my truth.

We are always capable of our creative dreams. Our creative dreams CHOOSE us for a reason.

We won't always FEEL capable.

Learning to show up consistently. Having ways of working with your dream that work for where you're at (ie Dream Book!!). Making Creative Dreaming a HABIT. This all really helps us move through the feeling-less-capable times.

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

 

This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: I am ready for my breakthrough.

It’s a little spooky how these mantras have been so RIGHT ON for me lately. Either bringing me the lessons/awareness I need, or just being the exact vibe I am already in.

I am ready for my breakthrough.

I feel like I HAD the breakthrough, but I am in this space of adjusting to it, and the adjustment feels HUGE.

I am ready for my breakthrough. This feels like a bit of a balm for the parts of me who are like “Am I though?”

The breakthrough is around how I want to describe Dream Book… and actually going back to my decision to re-name the membership to Dream Book and making a different decision.

It’s like how a few years ago I moved my bedroom downstairs and put my workspace upstairs. The upstairs loft is my favourite part of my condo and it felt so good to give that space to my creativity.

Until it started to feel URGENT that I give that space back to my bedroom. And it was this huge annoying job to actually move everything, but I did it. But now that it’s done it’s like WHOA. I needed this so much.

This doesn’t negate how right it felt to move my workspace upstairs when I did it.

We’re alive and changing and we get to keep making new choices.

So, I am making the choice to re-name the membership. Which doesn’t change anything about what’s happening inside - other than I also want to add Friday afternoon coaching calls.

It changes the sales page. It changes how I talk about it.

Which has always been the hardest part of my work for me. And over the years I have hired people to do this work FOR me, I’ve hired coaches and mentors to do it WITH me, and now I feel SO sure that I know the right way to do this. It feels so right.

AND

It’s just a big step.

So… I am READY for my breakthrough. I am ready to DO THE WORK of acting on it. I have been doing the work, and it’s FUCKING HARD so repeating the mantra I am ready for my breakthrough is really helping.

Because it feels true. This is hard AND I am ready to do it.

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: I am excited about what comes next.

Oh wow this one LANDS.

Divorce is an upheaval that has me re-thinking… everything. While also sending me deeper into the roots of my emotional reactions.

And it’s birthed TWO WHOLE NEW DREAMS so far!

One I already shared - getting an RV or camper or something and creating a tiny home-on-wheels and going on adventures with my cat Bear. This one needs planing, preparation, and money and I am working towards it slowly, savouring the process of dreaming about it.

The other one is brand new - I want to start making lino cut block prints. I did this in university and LOVED IT and always wanted to come back to it, but… life lifed. And it’s a lot to get into a whole new thing.

But recently the pieces all came together… I am making some new clothes for spring and bought solid coloured fabrics with the idea to get simple stamps to make patterns on them. Once I saw what is out there for block printing (I did this almost 30 years ago so the landscape has changed!) I got SO inspired. And then I remembered how it felt to hold those tools in my hands and carve out my drawings and it felt like coming home to a part of me that has been lost.

And then the idea just expanded and expanded.

I dug around in my “journals I bought and haven’t started yet drawer” and found a sketchbook and I am starting to sketch my ideas and getting ready to go ABSOLUTELY BONKERS with lino block printing. I am imagining eventually re-arranging the loft - again - to make space for a huge block printing table.

It’s making me feel SO ALIVE. SO EXCITED ABOUT MY FUTURE.

But AS ALWAYS, it’s our actual reactions to the mantras that matter. And we can react differently to the same mantra each time we use it! Each of those reactions can teach us something.

But I have had SO MANY FUCKING LESSONS coming at me lately, and it’s really nice to just sit here and FEEL EXCITED. This is healing, too.

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I don’t know WHY today is so hard.

If I knew, would that make it easier?

Or is “I don’t know WHY this is so hard!” just stopping me from working through whatever is happening here?

Remembering: IT’S SIMPLE. JUST SHOW UP. WORK WITH WHAT IS THERE.

I have time to work on my dream and I feel stuck, broken-hearted and angry.

This is not how I want to feel while working on my dream, so I want to just put this all away and…

And what?

I don’t know.

So I am going to use the Journal Sheet for Taking Consistent Steps

Working through the sheet, a few things I notice:

My big dream feels so far away. For some reason I feel I can’t do this until I am divorced, not while “going through a divorce”.

My plan for today is a little vague, having a more sharply defined plan might have helped me turn this morning around really fast. I HAVE noticed this about myself before and i DO have a protocol where at the end of each day I check in with everything and LEAVE MYSELF A NOTE FOR THE NEXT DAY so I can pick up the threads and keep going, not feel like I am starting from scratch. Obviously, I didn’t do this yesterday.

I do feel completely unprepared for my list today though. And that feels like the main issue, so I am going over to the un-sticking station with that:

Hey, Completely Unprepared For My List Today, can we chat?

I see me, at my current age, kind of blurry but feeling like a deer in headlights.

Oh sweetie, here. Let’s cozy you up with a blanket and a cup of tea and a little snack.

She appreciates this, gives a big sigh and says “This isn’t where I thought I would be”

... but while this is happening, it feels like my NEW LIFE is trying to BURST IN. Like - break up the whole scene.

I check in with my deer-in-headlights self “Hey sweetheart, what do you think of my new life just bursting in like this?”

It feels so strong and bright and exciting. I feel drab in comparison to it.

I paused here, and made another cup of coffee. Soaking this in a bit. My old life, the version of me who is stunned by where I am now, is DRAB in comparison to what is in front of me.

This is important.

I also have been feeling desperate to cling to my old life. Which feels futile and when I really sit with those feelings, dig in deeper to find out where they are coming from - it’s just old programming. There’s nothing at the core of them that feels like truth.

This BRIGHTNESS feels like truth.

I’ve been exploring, more deeply than I ever have, the difference between my feelings and my soul - or what feels like my TRUTH. Which part of me has a broken heart? Which part of me is mapping out my new life? Which part do I want to follow?

I am trusting, more deeply than I ever have, my dreams. Every little desire. The way they light me up from the inside and feel like coming home.

I’ve had a new dream come to me over the last few days.

It’s something I used to do, and dreamed of doing more, and then… life happened. For the last few YEARS I’ve been thinking of doing it, in a more casual way, but it felt like A LOT to start something new… now suddenly it feels IMPORTANT and LIFE CHANGING.

There is this BOUNCY energy around it.

Do I trust the bounce?

I mean, obviously, I trusted my dreams and all the good energy about marrying my husband and…

So, do I keep trusting it?

There is this James Baldwin quote I just wrote out HUGE and put up in my living room:

Love brought you here.

If you trusted love this far,

Don’t panic now

When I remember that, I think of all of the growth and healing I experienced in my marriage, and how my husband did not take that from me when he left.

I wish we had a relationship right now that honored that. But right now we’re not speaking (which I thought was best) and maybe a part of what is bothering me today is how unresolved so many things are.

Hmmmm. Not what I was expecting to find in my explorations today.

(Sitting with this for a bit)

OK, back to Completely Unprepared For My List Today….

She’s not so drab anymore! Sitting in a rainbow sweatshirt. sipping coffee. The sun is shining into the room. She’s holding a journal that says “WE GOT THIS”

(which feels like a miracle given where I started this week and how I was feeling about "I got this" as my mantra)

And we don’t feel unprepared for the list anymore, we are ready to dive in.

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I wrote recently about being in that moment when you’re feeling like “I’ve tried this so many times already, why do I think I’ll succeed this time?” and how discouraging it is to try over and over and over.

I’m so lucky because I have the perspective of a creative dream coach, so I know that WE ALL go through this. So when I feel it, as hard as it is to feel, I know that it’s not just me, and it doesn’t mean anything about whether or not I will succeed.

So - I’ve been back at that place the last few days.

Which I know isn’t a sign that I have failed “too many times”.

It’s actually a sign that I am NOT in resistance, that I am not avoiding the hard stuff. I am staying with it, and learning what I can from it.

And also sometimes we really only need to feel our feelings to process them and move through them.

But in the case where you’ve been trying to do something and it’s not working - usually there is more to explore. Deeper inner work and shadow work can tell you more about why you’re not getting the results you want.

Like, maybe you need to just keep trying and learning as you do (this is how dreams work!)

OR maybe you need to make a change, and you can’t quite see it.

It’s hard to be able to listen clearly to our deepest inner truth, the part of us who DOES know how to do the things we feel called to do. This is why I teach that this must be an ongoing PRACTICE, because that makes that voice more accessible.

It’s just generally hard to hear that voice, but then when anything stressful is happening it gets even harder.

So, we’ve got to be patient. Keep finding ways to soothe all the discomfort that comes up, and keep showing up.

I have to say - I think I am in my own way right now.

I can’t see HOW. But this feeling of feeling stuck with this one thing is so FAMILIAR. And I’m like “Oh no I don’t want to be back here” so I want to run away from it.

I don’t share this stuff for empathy or to express my feelings.

I share it so that YOU feel less alone. Because I know, if you are genuinely going after the things you want, then you have these experiences too.

And I share it to say - you can feel this way and still get to where you want to be. And more importantly - you can USE these hard parts as FUEL and CLARITY.

That’s what they are here for.

Tools from the Dream Book membership that help:

The Un-Sticking Station! (I always suggest starting with that one)

Or - Video to Watch When You're Avoiding The Un-Sticking Station

Alchemy Process for Working with Self-Doubt

Self Doubt Relief

The Inner Critic Fix

Procrastination Cure

Alchemy Process for Working with Overwhelm

For When You're In Resistance

Alchemy Process for Working with Disappointment

Alchemy Process for Hearing your Intuition

Alchemy Process for Bolstering Your Sense of Courage

Alchemy Process for Coming Back To Yourself

Alchemy Process for Making Your Trust In Your Dream Bigger Than Your Fear

Yikes! I am Having A Lot Of Feelings!

Alchemy Process for removing the things that make it hard to know what you want

Feeling worthy of your dreams

Sitting With Uncomfortable Feelings

Exploring Resistance and Creative Flow

Taking The Inner Work Deeper (Shadow Work)

There are SO MANY WAYS to work with the hard parts. The only way to keep yourself stuck is to ignore your feelings.

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I’ve been doing deeper-than-usual dives into my inner work and into exploring… what are feelings, anyway?

Reading the latest scientific research about how and why the brain creates emotion in the body.

Looking at my own feelings through this lens.

And I keep coming back to what I have always known.

Our feelings matter. They are one of the senses we use to navigate our lives.

Like, imagine if our culture was afraid of sight. Like our eyes are dangerous and not to be trusted, so everyone goes around in blindfolds. People who are born blind are considered to be closer to God than everyone else.

And what if your blindfold slipped and you could see danger coming and tried to warn people and everyone just called you hysterical for believing your eyes?

That’s what happens to people who feel their feelings. And people who are better at suppressing their feelings are considered better, they will navigate our political and economic systems and be successful, in the most capitalist definition of success.

Our feelings are not EVERYTHING and they are not NOTHING.

They are one of the ways our brain processes our life.

Almost 7 months after my husband told me he was having a nervous breakdown and left me - I’ve had a lot of feelings I didn’t want to have.

But I gave them space. I haven’t made any of them THE TRUTH of anything. But I have let them exist, and not tried to squash them down or pretend they are not there.

And you know - they’ve shown me a lot. About my own beliefs, about my own actions, about what I want.

“Feelings” is so charged in our culture just because our culture is unnecessarily suspicious of them.

You don’t have to be.

I’m not saying believe and obey your feelings. Just give them some space.

Like, say you’re so angry with your ex-husband you want to firebomb his house. Don’t actually do it, but give your body space to actually express all of that rage.

There were moments in the last few months that I learned what the phrase “blind with rage” meant. I felt so much rage, I couldn’t see right.

I screamed into a pillow. I punched a pillow. I cried. (I hate it, but crying is how I express rage sometimes). I scribbled in my journals.

I discharged the energy and then I felt good.

Just like how animals in the wild will shake, after a close encounter with a predator. They are discharging the energy.

If you don’t do this, if you tell yourself you’re not that angry, or that it’s not ok to be angry, you’re only creating problems for yourself.

FEELINGS are not something I ever wanted to know about and certainly not a subject I ever imagined myself writing about, as a part of my creative work.

But if we don’t allow ourselves to feel our feelings in healthy ways - our dreams will be totally stuck.

It’s the only way.

Refusing to feel your feelings stunts your possibilities. And I don’t want that for you, or for anyone.

Use the Creative Dream Alchemy Library of Inner Work Practices for support. And the call on Working With Conflicting Feelings.

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.