Oh my goodness.
Last week we started looking at our inner saboteur in the Creative Journal Magic e-Course.
Meeting our gremlins.? Being compassionate and kind and strong.? Letting them be there, but not letting them be in our way.
And one of the Creative Geniuses in the class, the always lovely Faerian, took the assignment and turned it into a really beautiful thing.
She turned it into the International Gremlin Treaty of 2011.
Seriously! Go read her blog post about it right now: International Gremlin Treaty of 2011.
It’s amazing and inspiring.
And that’s why I keep working on my stuff.
So that I can bring more magic to the world.
So magic things like the gremlin treaty can happen.
I’m really glad I shared what I was going through last week, with wanting this course to be bigger.
The support, ideas and encouragement in the comments was awesome.
And putting it all out there was so liberating.
On Friday afternoon I decided I could allow 30 more people into the class.
As of this morning there are 17 spots left.
New people have been coming in.? More creative interesting smart magical amazing people!? Yay.
But even YAY-er – It doesn’t matter to me if the spots get all filled up or not.
I’m at peace with this.
I feel like I went through some kind of right of passage.
Like something was re-arranged on the inside.
I feel like I took another significant step away from my old life, the one where I had a job.? I feel a lot more grounded in who I am now, a free creative being.
A free creative being who gets to explore what is happening inside of her and make decisions for her life, and her business, based on that.
I feel a lot more sure about what I am doing.
When I left my job I had a really good business plan.
I thought I needed that.? I own a house and a car and have certain habits (like Sephora, Lush and spa days) that I don’t want to give up.
(The last time I was self employed as a creative person I rented a small apartment, took the bus and was a champion at not spending any “unnecessary” money)
So, I thought, I am going to do this right.? With a good solid plan.
The plan made me feel safe.
Which was a really big important job, considering I was stepping out into the unknown.
But the plan is all about the outside stuff.
And the magic is all about the inside stuff.
So the plan is kind of my security blanket.? It’s ok to have it here.? It’s ok to wrap myself up in it when I need to.
But it’s not, like, driving the bus.
It’s not actually directing what happens in my business.
I don’t check it every morning and say “Oh, this is what I am supposed to do today”.
No.? I do yoga and meditate every morning and check in with my body and my feelings and my creative genius and my gremlins and say “Oh this is what I am supposed to do today”.
It’s the inside stuff that is directing what is happening my business.
This requires monumental amounts of trust.
But what it comes down to is – where do I want to place my trust?
I have asked myself this question over and over again as a self employed person.
Do I trust an organization or company to provide for me (via a job) or do I trust myself to provide for me or do I trust life to provide for me?? What do I trust more?? Why?
And what that comes down to is:
If I don’t trust what I teach I have no business teaching it.
Of course there will be times when I feel unsure.? I am human.? And everything I teach leaves plenty of space for that.
But on the whole though:
I really don’t have any business teaching Creative Magic if I’m not living it.
I have no patience for people who don’t walk their talk.
And I really have no patience for me not walking my talk.
No.? This is important to me.? This is real to me.? This matters to me.
This is what I am here to do.
Sometimes it will be easy, sometimes it will be hard.
No matter how hard it gets, I am not going to give up.
I’ll be present with the awkward stuff.? And I’ll share it here with you.
This is how we stretch and grow.
PS – If you didn’t yet – go read the International Gremlin Treaty of 2011.