This is my weekly update from Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance.? Every Friday I? post my answers to these same questions (with a different ?bonus? question, based on what we?ve been exploring that week) and invite the Circle members to share their responses too.?
Answering these same questions helps us to track our journey ? healing and transformation are difficult things to track because when done right, you feel so at home in your new way of being that you forget how things used to be.? But when this practice is done consistently over time, it shows not only how far you?ve come ? but how far you?re able to go next.
Before I start I want to say that this week I had the flu from hell so my update this week is kind of different – my head is still fuzzy and I haven’t been out of my pajamas in 5 days.
(Last week I was going through my medicine drawer and thinking about tossing my cold medicine and organic vapo-rub since I haven’t been sick in four years.? I’m so glad I didn’t toss them!)
My intention for Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance is:
Last week I wrote how it’s changing and it needs me to give it some attention to find out what it’s changing into.? Did not have the mental power to do this this week.
My intention shows up as:
A pool of healing.? It’s made of light blue light and when I soak in it I feel like I am made of light blue light.
I am Growing My Depth.? This week my practice was:
Kind of non-existent. On the weekend I was doing some interesting exploring, noticing a pattern of how I want to avoid my own answers.
But then I got sick and didn’t explore it much further – I just didn’t have the energy for journaling.? And when I think about things but don’t write them down they just stay all fuzzy and un-clear.
On the other hand, I was very connected to my inner world.? Just not in a way that I processed anything or understand what was happening.
I am Nurturing My Brilliance.? This week things in my outer world were:
I wasn’t feeling well on the weekend so I took it easy, though Sunday I am so grateful that I had an energy burst where I cleaned the whole Dream Loft, including washing my bedding (which was really nice! If you’re going to have the flu, best to have the flu with fresh bedding).
I also set up an alter to Internal Radiance in my bedroom:
And then Monday morning I woke up ridiculously sick.? I took the last of my cold medicine and asked my mom to bring me some supplies – I didn’t even feel like I could go to the store one block away from me.
And on Monday I did everything I could to avoid feeling how I felt.
Extra-strength extra-sleepy cough syrup and watching stupid shows on Netflix and just really trying to be numb to how frustrated I felt because I LOVE Monday mornings, I LOVE my work and I didn’t want to be sick.
When I woke up just as sick on Tuesday I realised that I was going to have to approach this differently.? If this is where I am, how can I make friends with it?
Wednesday I had an flu-piphany.
I was in the bathtub, taking a hot hot bath with lavender essential oil.? Being in the hot water and steamy room felt so good.? It felt as good as any time when I go to the mineral spa, that same feeling of feeling more present with my inner light.
I got out of the tub and went to take a nap.
I really do love naps in my bedroom – the south wall is floor to ceiling wall to wall windows.? And Winnipeg is a cold city in the winter, but it’s sunny.? I love the way the sunlight streams in.
I lay there, smiling, and noticed again that this is exactly how I feel after a trip to the spa.
So what if I could re-imagine the flu as a spa vacation?? What if, instead of wishing every day that I’ll be better tomorrow, it’s awesome that I may get to have a whole week of this?
Extreme self-care.? Deep connection to my inner light.? Letting the hard shells crack.? Softening.
The nights were the worse – lying down meant my sinuses couldn’t drain so I would cough uncontrollably.? I was going to bed with all my pillows stacked up so I was sitting but at some point I would always end up lying down anyway.
But that night, it was different.
I did wake up in a coughing fit but I was also still in my dream or something.? Because there was a circle of people around me and I knew I was in a healing circle and that the coughing had purpose.
I was breaking up the shells and releasing things that didn’t serve me anymore.
Sure, it was painful.? But worth it.? And I had the support of the circle.
So I feel like I’m shifting some patterns around accepting what is and finding the gifts in it, which is a theme I’ve mentioned in lots of my updates already.
I can’t answer the other weekly questions, my brain is just too fuzzy this week.? When I am feeling better I do want to go back to last week’s update and pick up the threads I was exploring then.