We are doing the 30 day journaling + meditation invitation for the month of August. An explanation of this project is here. I'll be posting an update here every day (M-F) for the month of August and I'm also doing short videos on Instagram to share things I am learning along the way.\

And check out the new Creative Dream Incubator RedBubble shop! THE MOST encouraging notebooks, zipper pouches, mugs, magnets, stickers + art prints.

So this is not a great day.

But also, I just I DO NOT LIKE where I'm at in this 30 days of meditation and journaling.

I know I teach that:

1. the path won't look like you think it should
2. ALL of the feelings that come up in the process are a part of the process
3. it takes the time it takes

I really really strongly feel that I should be in a different place with this at this point.

All of these opposing things are true.

So, where do I want to start today?

I want to run away. Like literally.

BUT I just took a very calming hot bath and then doused myself with enough lavender to CALM THE FUCK DOWN for quite a while.

So I will sit here. With my thoughts and feelings. I will write it out.

At this point in this process, I thought I would have more energy, enthusiasm and love for my creative projects/dreams. I thought I'd be speeding up again, I guess?

But I actually feel like I want to stay slow. Actually I NEED to stay slow. I feel overwhelmed and a little panicky out in the world right now, which is a sign that I just need more quiet alone time.

So, I am dreaming of dreaming of my creative dreams.

This SUCKS.

I want to be actively dreaming the dreams and doing the things.

Writing THIS SUCKS in all caps feels satisfying. Actually I feel a bit of the tightness in my chest loosen as I do that.

THIS SUCKS!!!!!!!

Nice.

Yes, this does suck. So what do I want to do?

Really be in the suckiness of it? Eat ice cream and watch a terrible movie?

Or do I want to DREAM of dreaming of my creative dreams. Like make "feeling enthusiastic and excited to work with my dreams" the dream and do the work with that dream.

That's intriguing. That heavy depressing feeling in my head lightened a little at that idea.

The idea of really being in the suckiness of it just feels heavy. I have been doing that. I want something else now.

So. What do I want to do?

I could start a new Dream Book for this new dream - probably not a whole new journal but create a few key pages to give myself some space to explore what I can do with this.

I absolutely do not want to FORCE myself to do stuff I am not feeling. I am REALLY adamant about that.

I am in a weird place in my life. This pandemic overwhelm has shifted into something completely different this summer. Ditto for my peri-menopause. (Though I am taking care of it all -I started new herbs and am seeing my doctor and therapist this week)

So of course I am in a weird place creatively. And emotionally.

Oh! And I am 1 week away from starting the little renovations and big re-arrangements we are doing in the Dream Loft. At the start of summer I started this project and then gave myself space to get used to "stage one" of the changes. The plan was to also go through my things, purging, moving - but I haven't really done much of that. So I have a lot of stuff to do there.

So much is about to change.

So now I think - maybe feeling tired and overwhelmed is exactly right?

I mean, another one of the Principles of Creative Dream Alchemy that I teach is to honour ALL of the feelings that come up on the path.

But really, who wants to do that? lol

And really, the feelings we judge and resist the most and INSIST are NOT a part of the path to this dream - are always a part of the path to this dream.

I didn't make this up, I just noticed what was true from working with so many people.

So, can I work on accepting that I am where I am with this? Trust the process?

We are doing the 30 day journaling + meditation invitation for the month of August. An explanation of this project is here. I'll be posting an update here every day (M-F) for the month of August and I'm also doing short videos on Instagram to share things I am learning along the way.\

And check out the new Creative Dream Incubator RedBubble shop! THE MOST encouraging notebooks, zipper pouches, mugs, magnets, stickers + art prints.

All month I have been meditating + journaling on the theme:

Slow the fuck down! BE as creative, powerful and magnetic as you ARE.

These two messages came to me from meetings with my dream (a practice I teach in Dream Book and use almost every day) and I wanted to explore them more deeply.

I don't want to share this, but my whole thing is about sharing my actual process so...

Right now I feel SO DONE with this.

I don't care about BEING as creative, powerful and magnetic as I AM.

I mean, yes I still do care. I still do want that. I just don't want to do anything about it today.

Yes - there are tools in Dream Book I could use for working with this "I don't want to do this" feeling: Un-Sticking Station or The Video For When You're Avoiding The Un-Sticking Station or the Resistance process.

And I did do a bit of un-sticking in my journal but:

EVERYTHING FEELS LIKE A MESS.

I laid on the floor for 20 minutes just giving myself some space to think and feel.

And reminded myself: of course uncomfortable and unexpected thoughts, feelings and ideas are coming up. That's what happens in a transformational process! This is how it works.

But still, it all feels like a mess.

And that's enough for today.

We are doing the 30 day journaling + meditation invitation for the month of August. An explanation of this project is here. I'll be posting an update here every day (M-F) for the month of August and I'm also doing short videos on Instagram to share things I am learning along the way.\

And check out the new Creative Dream Incubator RedBubble shop! THE MOST encouraging notebooks, zipper pouches, mugs, magnets, stickers + art prints.

This week my goal was to get to know this version of me who is BEING as creative, powerful and magnetic as I AM.

Here is the big thing that stands out in all I learned: she takes better care of herself. She doesn't judge her sensitivities, or try to wish them away, she just takes care of them.

Which of course helps her BE more creative, powerful and magnetic.

Last fall I had a lot of anxiety. Like I tipped the scale and it was really hard to bring it back, so all the things I would usually do that would help didn't help as well. I need a lot of time and space for my nervous system to recover.

Looking back, I can see that all of the activities I was doing in the summer - ALL OF WHICH I ENJOYED - contributed to this. It's just too much "being out in the world" for my nervous system.

I was even trying to "cram in as much good as I could" knowing I'd be staying home a lot more over the winter because of the pandemic.

This week I started to feel the same thing happening.

I noticed - the world is starting to feel louder, more annoying. The heat is really getting to me.

At first I was seeing that it's THE WORLD that is too loud and hot but then I realised- no it's me. It's my sensitivities. It's me coming up against my edges.

Noticing this is a choice: to honour my actual needs and pull back, or do what I think I "should" be able to and keep doing all the things.

When I am BEING as creative, powerful and magnetic as I AM - this isn't even a question. I take care of me.

So - I've got a stack of library books, a few sewing projects, and a weekend of NOT leaving the house.

We are doing the 30 day journaling + meditation invitation for the month of August. An explanation of this project is here. I'll be posting an update here every day (M-F) for the month of August and I'm also doing short videos on Instagram to share things I am learning along the way.\

And check out the new Creative Dream Incubator RedBubble shop! THE MOST encouraging notebooks, zipper pouches, mugs, magnets, stickers + art prints.

On Day One I talked about making space to follow ALL of the rabbit holes.

By showing up every day, contemplating the theme, following the rabbit holes that pop up for you and taking notes, you will find the things you need to see.

Because what comes to mind for you the first time you sit and think about this theme is very different from what comes to mind for you after you’ve been sitting with it for three weeks.

At some point you will narrow in on THE THING that you really need to look at right now. That doesn’t mean I’ll definitely get there within 30 days, but if you keep this up it will happen. This is how daily practice works.

I am narrowing in on THE THING for me to look at: the way I work.

I’m noticing HOW I am working.

Slow or fast.

Pressured or playful.

Meeting deadlines or following my own flow.

And the big one:

Creating to prove my worth or creating to express my creativity.

Am I trying to create a thing that makes people think I’m great? Am I trying to delight myself?

Am I really into how it feels to express myself and make this idea into a real thing? Or am I really into how it feels to be proud of my work, to feel accomplished and talented?

And where do I want these boundaries to be?

The work is for someone else, after all. This isn’t my personal sketchbook or into a of our practice I’m talking about here. This is how approach my creative work projects..

Which are a big part of how I make my living...

Which makes very easy for people pleasing, fear, and self doubt to infect my creative flow.

I have gotten very good is staying curious about these things when they show up, and offering love and safety to the parts of me who need it while taking creative risks of not letting this all of us get in my way like it used to.

And...

What if there are lighter and more playful and more delightful ways to approach the work that leave less space for people-pleasing, self doubt and fear to even enter the room?

What if "slowing down" means slowing down the way  my fears and self doubt try to slow down my projects?

We are doing the 30 day journaling + meditation invitation for the month of August. An explanation of this project is here. I'll be posting an update here every day (M-F) for the month of August and I'm also doing short videos on Instagram to share things I am learning along the way.\

And check out the new Creative Dream Incubator RedBubble shop! THE MOST encouraging notebooks, zipper pouches, mugs, magnets, stickers + art prints.

Again today I started with the Dream Self meditation, to meet with the version of me who IS as creative, powerful and magnetic as I AM.

Her clothes are swishier than mine and brighter. She kind of floats, like she’s uplifted by joy.

And, rather ungraciously, I think “‘yeah I bet she doesn’t have (situation) to contend with”

Hmmm. That’s an interesting thought. Why wouldn’t this version of me have this situation to contend with?

It feels like a touch of “‘once I have healed or grow in this way, my life will be perfect and nothing will bother me, ever again”

But I think there’s also something else there, so I’m going down rabbit hole.

OK let’s place this version of me into this situation and see how she reacts - in my imagination.

I see two possibilities for how it plays out:

1. She actually doesn’t have to contend with it, because she did this other thing that stopped this thing from even happening. Interesting, this shows me a new option for how I could handle the situation.

2. She does contend with it, only she doesn’t feel like she’s “‘contending”. She giggles and offers empathy the person as they do the behaviour but it doesn’t impact her like it impacts me. Which shows me ANOTHER option for how I could handle the situation.

And it presents a question: what if I let this version of me make ALL of my decisions?

Which is a Dream Book process actually, where you do alchemy meditation to connect with the version of you who has your dream, and then let that part of you make the decisions about how you’re moving forward for 1 week to see how that brings different insights, ideas and results.

I could do that.

Because I do have a situation, a question I wanted to bring into this practice:

How do I finish the Year of Dreams 2023 project while staying slowed down?

What comes to me is to substitute deep work for hard work, or fast work. (I’ve noticed that working hard and working fast feel same to me)

Deep work has it’s own logistical issues. And a lot of things feel challenging to me this week, and so getting to that place where deep work is possible feels extra challenging.

Or is that just my self doubt talking?

Yeah, probably.

The thing is, I DID finish the Year of Dreams planners and planning kits but then I was inspired to add another kit - the goodbye old year hello new year journaling kit.

I always knew I’d do that kit later on, but now I want to put them all out together. So I am holding back on the Year of Dreams in order to finish the new year kit, which changes every time I work on it.

I am having so much fun with it.

So why pressure myself into finishing it this month?

This feels like “work hard” vibes which is NOT “slow the fuck down” vibes.

Oh! It’s that little “because I live in capitalism” thing. I think they’ll sell better together.

But writing this all out it’s like - wow Andrea this is not a thing to worry about.

The magic of journaling is saying: just keep working on it.

Keep ENJOYING the creative process with it. You have 2 weeks still, to hit your “by the end of August” deadline and actually - who cares if this happens in early September instead? Especially if you are making it BETTER by re-imagining the new year journaling kit?

All good points.

This is the kind of journaling that is SO BORING but also so helpful.

Just space to work through it and get all parts of my brain on board and ready to get to work.

This is the kind of stuff that I get resistance from with people. They want to keep doing something NEW and for it to always feel creative and interesting. But that’s not how it works.

A resistance to showing up for the boring parts of sustaining a practice is a resistance to depth. And the depth is where the magic is.

We are doing the 30 day journaling + meditation invitation for the month of August. An explanation of this project is here. I'll be posting an update here every day (M-F) for the month of August and I'm also doing short videos on Instagram to share things I am learning along the way.\

And check out the new Creative Dream Incubator RedBubble shop! THE MOST encouraging notebooks, zipper pouches, mugs, magnets, stickers + art prints.

Today everything feels hard. I don't want to do this practice. I don't want to do anything.

I have a commitment to do this work every day - using meditation and/or journaling to meet with my self and my dreams and figure out my next steps on the path.

As a teacher, it is important to me that I show up with this work EVERY DAY. Which means - finding ways to do the work even when I am not feeling it. (Which is a BIG theme in any creative life)

If I only share the parts where everything goes "well" - or share a bunch of "rags to riches" type stories about how I used to struggle and now I don't - tow things happen:

• I leave behind everyone who isn't always 100% happy + motivated
• I leave out the most important part of the process, the part where I use my own internal stucks as fuel and/or guidance for moving forward

Logically, I understand why it's important that I share my stuck + crabby parts too, but I'm still not 100% COMFORTABLE with it.

I am WAY more comfortable with it than I used to be, but still I have the internal voices that say "Really?! Stuck AGAIN?! WTF?! I thought you were this great coach."

Today things are hard AND today I am BRIMMING with opportunities for transformation.

A lot of my discomfort today is directly about peri-menopause - I got my period after 90 days and it's like my body saved up all of the crabbiness, aches, sensitivities + cramps of the last 90 days to throw them at me all at once.

But also I am in the mid-life re-visiting of my relationships and boundaries and it's like... my whole sense of where my boundaries should be has changed.

I keep surprising myself.

Someone said something kind of shitty to me the other day and while before I would stand up for myself to explain why they were wrong, now I'm not even wasting my energy with that because OF COURSE they are wrong. It's not worth my time to say anything. All I want to say is "Wow what's up with you that you're making such a shitty comment?" BUT I didn't even say that because - it's THEIR stuff, not mind, and I didn't want any part of it.

I just left it with them, energetically, in a way that I had not been able to before. I am GLEEFUL about what this could mean for me. How much bullshit can I just leave with other people and not even engage with, even as they're trying to throw it at me?

But onto my 30 days of Slow the fuck down! BE as creative, powerful + magnetic as you ARE journaling for today...

Everything feels hard this morning.

My body is achy and sensitive this morning.

Actually emotionally I feel achy and sensitive too. Mentally - just a cloud.

I had been lying in bed, thinking about BEING as creative, powerful and magnetic as I AM.

It's hard to feel into that version of me, when I feel like the version of me who is the furthest from that.

Which is interesting - my first day of this 30 days of meditation + journaling where I feel like the version of me who is the furthest from this. So how do I want to approach this?

Ha! The answer came very quickly - BEING WITH myself is always the most creative, powerful and magnetic thing I can do.

But, with all of this aching, I am actually trying to NOT be present at all. I just want to avoid this part, and be present again when everything is easier.

So. Hello aches. Hello sensitivity. Hello cloudy mental state. I am here with you.

My sad self really wants me to notice all of the ways I try to check out when things are hard.

Not be present. Not feel the discomfort.

I mean - of course I do. Who WANTS to feel shitty?

Trying to feel better IS self care. AND trying to leapfrog over my feelings is NOT helpful.

So where do I want to be with this, right now?

I want to name the things.

Stomach cramps.
The irritation that I have stomach cramps.
The sadness that my body feels so fragile.
The frustration that I am not having the morning I wanted to have.
The fear that... hmmm, can't quite name it, just fear swirling around in there.
The exhaustion.
The mental fog.
The anger about the mental fog because didn't I go through the whole pandemic in a fog and isn't it time to be out of it?
The little worry that I won't ever finish the Year of Dreams 2023.
The fear that I won't ever be as focused and productive as I was pre-pandemic.
The knowing that it's not just a fear - I WON'T be focused and productive in the ways I was.
The little thread of trust that I will find a new way to do things which will be different but good, if not different but better.
The little flash of hope that it will be different but WAY better.
The heaviness in my body.
The sensitivity to heat - I've just had enough summer I can't even.

And now I really want to lay on the floor so I will go do that.

I'm going to use the Dream Self meditation to connect with the part of me who IS as creative, powerful and magnetic as I AM and come back to this when I am done...

(This is one of the meditations we work with in Dream Book)  

OK that was so good!

Lying on the floor always helps me get into my body.

From being IN my body, it doesn't feel like "checking out" to say - "I need to take an Advil for these cramps". It feels like "self care".

Lying down made it easier to get into the meditation, and I saw right away that BEING my most creative, powerful and magnetic self means being with myself wherever and however I am.

There will be crabby achy days. And they are easier to deal with when I am WITH myself, present in my body.

So then I:

• took advil
• put in a new sumemr caftan I just made in a silky cotton in BRIGHT orange and pink
• went out for iced coffee + a bagel + journaling in the coffee shop patio (went to the closest place as I jsut felt too tired + achy for a long bike ride)
• went to the grocery store since it's near that coffee shop, and got stuff to make amazing taco salads for this week
• roasted a ton of veggies, made black beans, got all meal-prepped

The simplest things I can do towards taking care of my needs IS the most powerful move, when I feel like not showing up.

And, now that I am meal prepped and I have been out on my bike and done journaling etc - I feel ready to dive into my creative work.

I *MADE SPACE* for the day I want to have - enjoying my creative project.

We are doing the 30 day journaling + meditation invitation for the month of August. An explanation of this project is here. I'll be posting an update here every day (M-F) for the month of August and I'm also doing short videos on Instagram to share things I am learning along the way.\

And check out the new Creative Dream Incubator RedBubble shop! THE MOST encouraging notebooks, zipper pouches, mugs, magnets, stickers + art prints.

Look around your life. Is anything changing?

Are you starting to feel differently about anything? Are you starting to ACT different in any part of your life?

I started my commitment to "slow the fuck down" in July. For most of July I found this extremely challenging, for a lot of different reasons.

This month it's a lot easier and I am noticing something really interesting.

I am working on a project (the Year of Dreams 2023).

Usually I would:

• break everything own into small steps - to help me not feel overwhelmed or worried I will lose things
• each week try to do AS MANY steps as possible - basically race to the finish

It never FELT like a race, it FELT like being excited to get the project done.

BUT... after 6 weeks of deliberately slowing down, looking back to that, it FEELS like a race.

What I do now is just pick a few things to do each week, in terms of the more administrative details. Plus make time to play with the creative part of it every week. Let my actual energy levels and creative flow guide the timeline.

It's definitely taking more time than I had wanted it to, but I am actually really happy about how I FEEL while working on it, and I am happy with how the project is evolving differently, with more time.

The other thing I am noticing: creative capacity issues.

Pre-pandemic, I was always looking for ways to increase and nurture my creative capacity and this work FELT nurturing.

During the pandemic, 2020 and 2021, I was dismayed by how small my capacity became. I felt like I wasn't resilient enough.

2022 I am ACCEPTING my capacity is what it is.

For the summer, with this commitment to slow down, I've stayed away from the edges of my capacity.

Which, as I've said so many times, is soooo uncomfortable for me.

But 6 weeks in I am getting the hang of it.

And I am noticing this beautiful thing: my capacity is changing.

By not pushing it to the limits every day, it's... I don't know, healing? It has space to breathe? It's happier?

My creativity feels deeper and more playful.

As I've been working on the Year of Dreams - new ideas are coming in. It's like there is more space for my ideas to grow and evolve.

I am just loving this.

We are doing the 30 day journaling + meditation invitation for the month of August. An explanation of this project is here. I'll be posting an update here every day (M-F) for the month of August and I'm also doing short videos on Instagram to share things I am learning along the way.\

And check out the new Creative Dream Incubator RedBubble shop! THE MOST encouraging notebooks, zipper pouches, mugs, magnets, stickers + art prints.

What does it mean to be your most magnetic self?

You draw good things to you.

Magnetic implies: you draw in what you ARE. Which, in a world ruled by white supremacy and the patriarchy, goes off the rails pretty fast if it’s the only lens through which you look at the world.

The law of attraction is a spiritual law which operates uniformly, like the law of gravity - is what proponents of the law of attraction teach.

Let’s remember where our teaching about the law of attraction came from.

White settlers in North America, and colonialists in Europe, mostly men. Living in a world where the superiority of white men was taken as fact.

And, feeling superior to everyone, some of these men read the spiritual teachings from around the world and, from their wildly limited perspectives, took out the “gems” of each teaching and collaged them into their own philosophy: New Thought.

This was happening in a culture that didn’t see the difference between “cultural appreciation” and genocide. (And for the most part our culture STILL doesn’t see this)

It was the colonization of Indigenous spirituality. The cherry-picking of ideas, stripped of all context.

And it works for a lot of people. I found it helpful I became a teacher and counsellor in new thought movement.

But I was always looking to figure out: why doesn’t it work equally well for everyone?

This was 15 years ago. It was a time when I didn’t even see the lack of diversity in this community, which, had I see it then, would have given me some clues about why it didn’t work equality for everyone.

One thing that became apparent in my explorations at that time was - the people who avoid their feelings have difficulty manifesting what they really want. And then similarly - the people who get stuck in their feelings have difficulty too.

And so my work has always included emotional processing + intelligence as a big part of it. Over the years I have learned even more how important this is.

And today, with a much greater understanding trauma and external systems of oppression it’s super obvious why the law of attraction can’t work equally for everyone in this world.

And so, in my work with the Creative Dream Incubator, naming these things and the ways they dull our dreams has become an important part of my work. Because this is a part of the work of dismantling external systems of oppression and becoming trauma informed - with the goal that each generation has less trauma than the last, and so dreams become easier and easier for everyone.

Because I always believe that our dreams can save the world. They help show us who we are.

So how do we become more magnetic?

How do you BE a magnet for your dreams?

By engaging with them. By going deeper. By showing up consistently to show your dreams they can trust you. By making space for them to manifest in your life.

These are the things we do in Dream Book, with practices that make it easier to show up for all 3 aspect of this work: Dream Work, Inner Work, Outer Work.

Most of us are out of balance with at least one of these three paths, and so focusing on the one that you are weakest with can make a big difference. Also having practices that make it easier to engage with each of these paths makes a huge difference. You don’t have to re-invent the wheel each time.

How do you FEEL more magnetic?

Argh. Well. Bring this question into your body. What’s your honest reaction to it?

Whatever it is, explore it. That will help find your answer.

Unprocessed feelings are usually in the way of FEELING magnetic. And as long as we are alive, life just keeps giving us more feelings to process!

This is why I teach HAVING A PRACTICE for this work.

Having a consistent safe space for doing this work is a must.

Having INVITING tools is a must.

Having space to be where you are and feel how you feel and not make that wrong, is a must.

Giving yourself time and space and support to grow into your most creative and expansive self is a must.

(This is what we do in Dream Book, you are always welcome to join)

We are doing the 30 day journaling + meditation invitation for the month of August. An explanation of this project is here. I'll be posting an update here every day (M-F) for the month of August and I'm also doing short videos on Instagram to share things I am learning along the way.\

And check out the new Creative Dream Incubator RedBubble shop! THE MOST encouraging notebooks, mugs, magnets, stickers + art prints.

I created this page in my journal with "Slow the fuck down!" on one side and "BE as creative, powerful and magnetic as you ARE" on the other.

Then I freestyle journaled about each one, just giving myself some space to consider everything I think/feel/know about each.

This gave me space to see my whole process from a bird's eye perspective.

I did this a few weeks ago, when I was still mostly exploring all of my layers of reactions to the "slow the fuck down!" part.

What would the world look like if we are all

BEING

as creative, powerful and magnetic as we

ARE?

It wouldn't look like the world does today.

But sometime (always?) when we think about being MORE creative, powerful, magnetic, or other qualities...

We're still thinking about this from within the same paradigm that has us trapped, in some ways.

There are ways that colonialism, capitalism, white supremacy and the patriarchy have infected our ways of seeing ourselves, the world, our possibilities, and what is possible for the world to become.

So, when I think of being MORE creative my brain will begin my looking towards things that would more accurately be described as more PRODUCTIVE.

But it FEELS like more creativity to me.

And it SEEMS like more creativity if I am looking at it using a scale from less art produced to more art produced.

But is that the right scale?

What would a better scale be?

How I FEEL about the art while I'm making it? (getting warmer!)

How I FEEL about the art when I look at it after? (getting colder)

How other people feel about it? (much colder)

How much money I can make from it? (cold)

We all know that there are lots of stupid ways to measure creativity. What's the BEST way?

My immediate answer is: how it feels in my heart. There is a feeling I get when I am making art, and it feels like "THIS is what I am here to DO"

I have never, not once, gotten that feeling from marketing my work. Though I have felt REALLY GOOD about creating sales pages, etc, because it feels good to share the art that I know I am here to make...

Still, it's not the same vibe.

And so of one way of defining MORE creative could mean MORE of that feeling...

Doing more of what generates that feeling...

But that must mean doing less of what doesn't generate that feeling, right?

And how do I do that? Where do I want to create a balance between taking care of the practicalities of my life and giving my time to the things that generate that feeling?

Sitting with all of the questions that this sparks.