Every Monday morning I take my business out for coffee with this Creative Genius Planning Session tool that I made.
This tool has served me well.? Very well.
It means for the rest of the week I can just dive into what feels most inspiring in the moment.
Everything keeps flowing towards more of what I want and love because I have this Genius Plan.
But this Monday Morning was different.
This morning I was really short on energy.? I had one post-yoga bubble of sunshiny energy and then it just kind of faded away.? And by the time I got to the coffee shop for my Monday Morning Creative Genius Planning Session I needed a Very Large Latte just to get started.
And here’s the thing.
This morning I’m in a low energy kind of space.? And it feels like I need some quiet time.
And the intuitive messages I am getting from my business are that it needs some space.? To just be.
But I have this thing I’m working on.
This thing I am totally excited about and inspired about.
This Thing I Want To Share With You, Like, Right Now.
I’m not good at holding things in.? Or waiting.? When I’m inspired – I leap.
So here I am at my Monday Morning Creative Genius Planning Session:
Inspired and wanting to leap
Also tired and wanting to rest.
This is a pretty common thing for me.
There is a part of me that is pretty much always excited about something and wanting to move forward with it.
There is a part of me that pays attention to and honours the natural cycle of life and wants to rest when it’s time to rest, play when it’s time to play and work when it’s time to work.
So here is what happened when these two parts collided this morning:
(MWR = me who rests.? MWLA = me who leaps ahead)
MWLA: I’m going to put this sparkly new exciting thing out there next week, so this week we have to do all of these things to get it ready.? Plus, of course, we want to re-write all of week four for the Creative Journal Magic e-Course.
MWR: Agreed on week four for the Creative Journal Magic e-Course.? Not a re-write but edit and make a lot of changes.? That’s really the only focus for this week.? That other thing – that has to wait.? Working on that now is not in keeping with the energy of where we’re all at this week.
MWLA: But I want to do it!
MWR: We all want to do it!? How about we do it one week later though?
MWLA: A WHOLE WEEK?? YOU WANT ME TO WAIT A WHOLE WEEK?? ARRRRRGGGGHHH? NOOOOO!
MWR: What is really so bad about waiting?
MWLA: I hate waiting.? I hate resting.? I want to DO.? I made this amazing thing!? I want to share it!? OMG LET ME SHARE IT!!!!!
MWR: Yes but what about sharing it one week later?? What would actually happen if you waited one week?
MWLA: I’d have to rest this week.
MWLA: Oh.? I guess I want to leap ahead because it’s more comfortable than slowing down and being present with what is.? Mmmmmmmmm.? Something here scares me.? And if I slow down it’s bound to catch up with me.
MWR: What do you think that could be?
MWLA: The usual stuff.? What if everything falls apart.? What if people don’t like me.? Blah blah blah.? I’m kind of tired of all that bullshit and I’d like to just carry on.
MWR: See, I think carrying on kind of magnifies everything.? Ignoring fears does not transform them.? It leaves them there, beneath the surface, where they can grow and wreak havoc.
MWLA: I know you’re right but I wish you weren’t.
MWR: Remember what happened earlier this month?
MWLA: Deliberately stopping and being with all of that annoying bullshit actually propelled us forward, closer into what we want.? I thought that was a one time thing, I didn’t agree to doing that all the time.
MWR: Not all the time. Only when it’s needed.
MWLA:? Arrrgh!? Do you know how annoying you are?? Only when it’s needed?? Who decides?
MWR: I think you can feel it too, that it is needed.? If it wasn’t you’d have the energy you need to go ahead and do what you want to do.? Also what about trusting in divine timing?? When has anything good ever come out of pushing ahead and doing things on your own terms instead of being in the flow?
MWLA: It could happen one of these times!? If I stop pushing.? OMG.? If I stop pushing and leaping ahead WE WILL STAGNATE.
MWR: So resting = stagnation?
MWLA: I guess not always.? But too much resting is definite stagnation.
MWR: Do you really think we are anywhere near stagnation?
MWLA: It’s just that I have all of these dreams and things I want and how will I ever get them all by resting?
MWR: How will you ever enjoy them all by not resting?
MWLA: You are so annoying!
MWR: I understand how important your creative dreams are to you.? They’re important for me too.
MWLA: We’re on the same page?? We want the same thing??? I always forget that part.? I always think you are like the grown up trying to keep me doing “The Right Thing” and keep me from having fun.
MWR: No. I don’t want to keep you from having fun.? And I don’t want to make you do stuff you don’t want to do.? But I do want to slow down and challenge your assumptions about constantly leaping ahead.? I want to be more rooted in purpose in a broader sense than you sometimes see.? We simply cannot always leap ahead just like we cannot always rest.? I have no interest in staying in the same place.? I have on interest in not making all of our dreams real.
MWLA: It’s like I’m the motor and you’re the steering wheel.
MWR: Yes!? I appreciate how your energy and enthusiasm propels us forward when that’s the right thing to do.
MWLA: And I appreciate how you’re looking out for the bigger picture and guiding us along.? We are doing amazing.? I’m sorry I make it so hard for you.? I’m just SO EXCITED, you know?
MWR: I do know.? And I’m excited too.
So it looks like I’m going to move slower than I want to this week.
It’s 11am.? Usually Monday mornings are full of action here in the Creative Magic Art Room.? But this Monday morning – all I can think about is taking a nap.
Oh my goodness.
Last week we started looking at our inner saboteur in the Creative Journal Magic e-Course.
Meeting our gremlins.? Being compassionate and kind and strong.? Letting them be there, but not letting them be in our way.
And one of the Creative Geniuses in the class, the always lovely Faerian, took the assignment and turned it into a really beautiful thing.
She turned it into the International Gremlin Treaty of 2011.
Seriously! Go read her blog post about it right now: International Gremlin Treaty of 2011.
It’s amazing and inspiring.
And that’s why I keep working on my stuff.
So that I can bring more magic to the world.
So magic things like the gremlin treaty can happen.
I’m really glad I shared what I was going through last week, with wanting this course to be bigger.
The support, ideas and encouragement in the comments was awesome.
And putting it all out there was so liberating.
On Friday afternoon I decided I could allow 30 more people into the class.
As of this morning there are 17 spots left.
New people have been coming in.? More creative interesting smart magical amazing people!? Yay.
But even YAY-er – It doesn’t matter to me if the spots get all filled up or not.
I’m at peace with this.
I feel like I went through some kind of right of passage.
Like something was re-arranged on the inside.
I feel like I took another significant step away from my old life, the one where I had a job.? I feel a lot more grounded in who I am now, a free creative being.
A free creative being who gets to explore what is happening inside of her and make decisions for her life, and her business, based on that.
I feel a lot more sure about what I am doing.
When I left my job I had a really good business plan.
I thought I needed that.? I own a house and a car and have certain habits (like Sephora, Lush and spa days) that I don’t want to give up.
(The last time I was self employed as a creative person I rented a small apartment, took the bus and was a champion at not spending any “unnecessary” money)
So, I thought, I am going to do this right.? With a good solid plan.
The plan made me feel safe.
Which was a really big important job, considering I was stepping out into the unknown.
But the plan is all about the outside stuff.
And the magic is all about the inside stuff.
So the plan is kind of my security blanket.? It’s ok to have it here.? It’s ok to wrap myself up in it when I need to.
But it’s not, like, driving the bus.
It’s not actually directing what happens in my business.
I don’t check it every morning and say “Oh, this is what I am supposed to do today”.
No.? I do yoga and meditate every morning and check in with my body and my feelings and my creative genius and my gremlins and say “Oh this is what I am supposed to do today”.
It’s the inside stuff that is directing what is happening my business.
This requires monumental amounts of trust.
But what it comes down to is – where do I want to place my trust?
I have asked myself this question over and over again as a self employed person.
Do I trust an organization or company to provide for me (via a job) or do I trust myself to provide for me or do I trust life to provide for me?? What do I trust more?? Why?
And what that comes down to is:
If I don’t trust what I teach I have no business teaching it.
Of course there will be times when I feel unsure.? I am human.? And everything I teach leaves plenty of space for that.
But on the whole though:
I really don’t have any business teaching Creative Magic if I’m not living it.
I have no patience for people who don’t walk their talk.
And I really have no patience for me not walking my talk.
No.? This is important to me.? This is real to me.? This matters to me.
This is what I am here to do.
Sometimes it will be easy, sometimes it will be hard.
No matter how hard it gets, I am not going to give up.
I’ll be present with the awkward stuff.? And I’ll share it here with you.
This is how we stretch and grow.
PS – If you didn’t yet – go read the International Gremlin Treaty of 2011.
She is a visionary.? She dreams big and aims high.? She doesn’t settle.? Only the best will do.
She brings me possibility, all wrapped up in a gorgeous box with a big sparkling pink ribbon.? She shows me the best short cuts to my dreams and helps me get there faster.? She is the best Creative Dream Fairy a girl could ask for. She is why I am so good at bringing my own dreams to life, and why I am so good at helping other people bring their dreams to life.
But, of course, there’s a catch.
She doesn’t settle.? Only the best will do.? She dreams big and aims high.? And she keeps aiming higher and higher. She’s a bit of a tyrant.
And I can’t keep up.
From the time when we cook up a delicious idea together, to the time when I am finished actually making the thing real – she has carried on dreaming bigger and brighter.
And so – she’s never quite satisfied with what I do.
It’s like I’m always behind.? She always sees where it can be better.? More.? Shinier.
And then there’s her – over in the corner there. She wants to be comfortable and play small.? She wants people to like her and for things to be easy.? She weaves safety nets and if I’m not careful I can get caught up in them.
She’s annoying, but she also is so careful and thoughtful.? She really considers everything from every angle.? She really wants me to be safe.? She wants me to be ok.? She only has my best interests at heart.
And just like the Creative Dream Fairy, she is a part of me. The slow, scared part.
And she gets really agitated when she hears the Creative Dream Fairy demanding that I make things bigger, better and shiner.? And the two of them quite often end up in a big giant tug-of-war with me as the rope.
We’ve been having a big blow-up lately
It’s about the Creative Dream Incubator e-course.? My Creative Dream Fairy will not shut up about her ideas to keep growing this.? Slow Scared Me is totally freaking out.? I want the e-course to be all it can be but it is so hard to be moving faster than the slowest parts of me feel comfortable moving.
So I called a time out on the tug-of-war, and we sat down to see if we could find a way to work together.? I asked each of them what it is they need in this situation.
Creative Dream Fairy really needs to know that the show will go on.
She is afraid that Slow Scared Me is going to cancel it.? And she wants total creative control over the course content.
Slow Scared Me does want the course to go ahead but… you know… in a slower way.
In a smaller way.? She insisted that I lower the price and then not even advertise it. ? (Then later she agreed that once I’ve done it a few times we can talk about raising the price to what the Creative Dream Fairy and I think is fair, and we can advertise and spread the word)
And I saw how they could each have exactly what they wanted.
No one had to compromise.? After all this arguing and tug-of-warring it was almost funny to see that it’s actually pretty easy and straightforward for everyone’s needs to be met.
They both agree that this course is a light.? It can help people. And they want to help people.? They are willing to work together to make it happen.
And I stopped feeling like I? was caught in a tug-of-war.? And the show did go on.? We are now in the last week of the first session of the Creative Dream Incubator e-course and I am totally in love with the whole experience.
Slow Scared Me was even ok with creating a whole new website for the Creative Dream Incubator.? Creative Dream Fairy is a little frustrated about moving too slow but she’s so happy that this course is happening now.
So there you are. Cruising along the path to your creative dream.
It’s not all unicorns and rainbows, there are tough times and challenges but overall it’s pretty great.
But then it happens.
Someone zips right past you!
They zip right past you and they get to the prize.The book deal or the solo show at the really hard-to-get-into gallery or they have a shiny new e-course or they were featured on Etsy or whatever.
They got IT and you didn’t. And now you’re jealous.
And it feels like crap.
And it becomes so easy to start thinking…
it’s so easy for her
everything is just handed to her
it’s not fair
It becomes easy to start comparing. To start freaking out.
To start wondering if you really are good enough to make this happen.
And if you are good enough, why is it happening for other people but not for you?Ouch.
Jealousy can let loose a massive tidal wave of energy and “Stuff”.
And when you’re in it, it’s anything but pleasant.
But it’s also pretty unavoidable.
Hello! There are billions of us on this planet. Others are bound to have what you want.
Just like you are bound to have, and to continue to get, things that other people want.
Jealousy is actually a super useful tool for Creative Dreaming, if you’re willing to be with it.
That’s the rub, there.
Being willing to be with it.
Jealousy, like any other feeling, has a lot to teach us, if we are willing to learn.
Jealousy can show you what you want.
Sometimes jealousy can be a great big surprise.
Sometimes you didn’t even know you wanted something until you saw someone else get it.
Sometimes you kinda knew, but were keeping it a buried just beneath the surface. Until so-and-so got it.And now it’s not so beneath the surface anymore
It’s right up in your face that you want this thing that someone else just got.
This is good because the odds of you getting what you want raise dramatically when you are willing to admit you want it.
But looking deeper than that… jealousy can steer you towards where your own stuff is getting in the way of your success.
This is the part where it gets Really Uncomfortable: Journaling Prompts for Overcoming Jealousy
When you start really exploring it, your jealousy shines a light on your limiting beliefs. The places where you hold yourself back.
To start really exploring it, ask yourself:
Who are you jealous of? Why?
How does it feel?
What does it say about you?And by ask yourself I mean really ask yourself. Spend some time with them and the answers and the feelings they spark.
Who are you jealous of? Why? Of course this shows you more about what you really want.
How does it feel? What does that say about you? Now this is where it starts to get interesting.
I’m jealous of so-and-so because she just got such-and-such and it makes me feel like I am never going to get it for myself.
I’m jealous of so-and-so because she just got such-and-such and now there is less for me.
I’m jealous of so-and-so because she just got such-and-such and now if I get it people will think I am copying her.
I’m jealous of so-and-so because she just got such-and-such and it makes me feel like I must be stupid and hopeless because I haven’t figured out how to get it yet.
I’m jealous of so-and-so because she just got such-and-such so she must be better at it than I am.
The way the jealousy makes you feel shows you something about where you are stuck.
If you think someone else getting what you want makes it less likely that you will ever get it – this is showing you that you hold a belief in lack. There isn’t enough to go around. Working on shifting this belief will help you be less stuck with your dreams.
If you think someone else getting what you want is a sign that you are stupid or hopeless or anything – this is showing you that you don’t really believe that you are good enough. Working on shifting this belief will help you be less stuck with your dreams.
You may or may not be aware of these beliefs, they may be sub-conscious or not – doesn’t really matter. Jealousy is bringing them to light.You see them now. One you see them, they are ready to be healed and shifted into beliefs that are going to nurture and support you.
Whatever it is, it is holding you back.
Invisibly and beneath the surface, jealousy trips you up and keeps you from shining your brightest light.
And it only pops up above the surface when it gets stirred up by something like jealousy.
So having it be up here on the surface where you can see it is actually a huge gift.
Because you can learn about it and change it and heal it and when you do, you open up more space inside you for your creative genius.
I’d love to SHOW YOU how this works.
I did a free healing circle and inner work workshop where I lead you through the process of working with your fear.
Try it today: