The Internal Conflict Resolved (Dream Status Report)

Every Friday I do a Dream Status Report. These help me reflect on the past week so I can LEARN from my process, and apply what I learn to the next week. Setting intentions for the week is fun, but reflecting on how you held that intention at the end of the week is a much more powerful practice.


PART ONE: (sometimes these can stay the same for months at time, sometimes they change often)

My dream is: BEING the artist + writer I want to be. This is the "big picture" dream - this includes lots of different inner + outer things, which I am working on clarifying in my new Dream Book.

I want it because: Staying where I am feels like staying stuck + this feels so enticing and important.

When I have it I will feel: More in the flow, more creative and like... feeling fully expressed. Right now it's like I have sooo much TO express, I would like to feel more fully EXPRESSED.

My new moon intention for this month: VERY SPECIFIC business goal for the end of the year


PART TWO: Invite your dream in (using the Dream Lab practice) to help you with the rest of the prompts.

My dream shows up as... it's an embroidery pattern I was working on yesterday. An eyeball with a triangle behind it, and the triangle is a rainbow. (I knew I wanted to embroidery eye symbols on a dress and yesterday I started drawing and embroidering some practice eyes, and then I added the rainbow triangle and I am really liking it)

So, my dream showed up as the embroidery like it's alive. And it's soooo sweet. Like it feels like my creativity brought to life and I want to cry with happiness seeing it.

Since I am also working on holding onto my new moon intention more firmly this month, and since last week it butted in on this meeting with my dream (that's there the "business bitch" came from) this week I thought I would invite it in.

My new moon intention shows up as embroidery scarabs. I just looked it up - I am using the book Mystical Stitches for my embroidery (soooo good!) and I knew I had seen scarabs in there and sure enough, she says they are "a great symbol for birthing new projects you have been working diligently on"

The scarabs, which immediately felt, to me, like a symbol of abundance, are crawling around on the floor pretty fast. They seem energized by the eye/rainbow triangle.

This is a WHOLE different relationship between the part of me who wants to be creative/happy/free/expressed and the part of me who does have specific business goals.

I am thinking back to last week's meeting between the Dream Fairy and the Business Bitch and I don't feel any of that here. There is no pushing against or arguing, this feels like a peaceful relationship where everyone can co-exist and even support each other.

NOT that it feels like this inner conflict has been FOREVER RESOLVED for me, but today it feels good.

Something worked it's way out by me giving this space last week, even if I don't understand in a logical way what happened.

I sit with this meditation a little longer and it's like - the rainbow beaming from the eyeball is like the sun shining down on the scarabs. Energizing them.

I mean that's so obvious, right?

Me being the artist + writer I want to be, me feeling expressed and in the flow - of course this is the "light" that lights up the marketing work. And I just cringed a little writing "marketing work" because that's not how it feels at all.

I am SO GRATEFUL for the Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice Calls.

(These calls are happening every month in Dream Book - the next one is Dec 7)

Even just having the intention to keep doing a monthly call keeps me focused on this.

What it feels like is happening for me is that the three parts: marketing, creativity, spirituality, are each their own thing (I visualize them as circles) and then the overlap and ideally I'd like to be working from the centre of all three overlapping. AND understanding that each day I'm likely leaning more towards one of them.

In that, I am noticing how I have been making the creativity and spirituality parts more important, and leaning into them more deeply... and I DO want (and need!) to lean into them deeply but in a way that doesn't discount the marketing aspect.

It really is something to hold the "this is a PRACTICE and I am focused on honouring + following my thoughts, feelings, ideas, experimenting, etc and practicing without pressure" and also "this is a practice around marketing and I do have goals and my goals are important too!".

Reflecting on this, what feels important for me right now is to integrate these in a way I haven't done before.

In one sense - of course this is all integrated because it's all a part of your work. And in another sense, for me, it's like I have been treating these as separate things. Of course my practices INFORMS and NOURISHES what happens in my marketing but there is a totally different relationship and type of connection that I would like to have between the two.

So, what I got from this meditation with the scarabs is that I need to let my goals matter more. This feels really nourishing.



Last week’s focus was: Sit with the question: how do we hold this goal FIRMLY but not with PRESSURE? And bring in the HAPPY FAIRY VIBES.

What happened in the last week? LOTS of sitting with the question. And I did find one answer - you don't HOLD it! You BE it! Which just has a different feeling and approach. And so I was looking at how to BE the artist and writer I want to be..

And that's why I started the embroidery project this week.

That photos is from May, that's my first embroidery experiment, which taught me A LOT! And I meant to keep going, but I didn't. And having all these embroidered me-made clothes feels like an important part of BEING my dream, but also the work of MAKING the clothes feels like part of it, engaging my creativity in that way.

I also went for a 1 hour walk each day, had fun cooking, I'm feeling really good and taking really good care of me. I am SO HAPPY IT'S DECEMBER. I am SO READY for winter, for quiet-inward focus.

What am I learning/How do I feel about this? I feel REALLY EXCITED about all of this, making space to become the artist + writer I want to be.

What do I need now? More quiet. I love how in winter it feels like the world kind of moves further away and I have more space for ME.

What does my dream need now? I see the embroidery there - and a needle appears. I need to keep CREATING.

Taking all of this into account, my focus for the next week is: Nurture my creative flow.


PS: Remember: Yikes! The I Am Having A Lot Of Feelings practice is free to access until Dec 5.

The Internal Conflict Resolved (Dream Status Report)