We are doing the 30 day journaling + meditation invitation for the month of August. An explanation of this project is here. I'll be posting an update here every day (M-F) for the month of August and I'm also doing short videos on Instagram to share things I am learning along the way.\
And check out the new Creative Dream Incubator RedBubble shop! THE MOST encouraging notebooks, zipper pouches, mugs, magnets, stickers + art prints.
So this is not a great day.
But also, I just I DO NOT LIKE where I'm at in this 30 days of meditation and journaling.
I know I teach that:
1. the path won't look like you think it should
2. ALL of the feelings that come up in the process are a part of the process
3. it takes the time it takes
I really really strongly feel that I should be in a different place with this at this point.
All of these opposing things are true.
So, where do I want to start today?
I want to run away. Like literally.
BUT I just took a very calming hot bath and then doused myself with enough lavender to CALM THE FUCK DOWN for quite a while.
So I will sit here. With my thoughts and feelings. I will write it out.
At this point in this process, I thought I would have more energy, enthusiasm and love for my creative projects/dreams. I thought I'd be speeding up again, I guess?
But I actually feel like I want to stay slow. Actually I NEED to stay slow. I feel overwhelmed and a little panicky out in the world right now, which is a sign that I just need more quiet alone time.
So, I am dreaming of dreaming of my creative dreams.
I want to be actively dreaming the dreams and doing the things.
Writing THIS SUCKS in all caps feels satisfying. Actually I feel a bit of the tightness in my chest loosen as I do that.
Yes, this does suck. So what do I want to do?
Really be in the suckiness of it? Eat ice cream and watch a terrible movie?
Or do I want to DREAM of dreaming of my creative dreams. Like make "feeling enthusiastic and excited to work with my dreams" the dream and do the work with that dream.
That's intriguing. That heavy depressing feeling in my head lightened a little at that idea.
The idea of really being in the suckiness of it just feels heavy. I have been doing that. I want something else now.
So. What do I want to do?
I could start a new Dream Book for this new dream - probably not a whole new journal but create a few key pages to give myself some space to explore what I can do with this.
I absolutely do not want to FORCE myself to do stuff I am not feeling. I am REALLY adamant about that.
I am in a weird place in my life. This pandemic overwhelm has shifted into something completely different this summer. Ditto for my peri-menopause. (Though I am taking care of it all -I started new herbs and am seeing my doctor and therapist this week)
So of course I am in a weird place creatively. And emotionally.
Oh! And I am 1 week away from starting the little renovations and big re-arrangements we are doing in the Dream Loft. At the start of summer I started this project and then gave myself space to get used to "stage one" of the changes. The plan was to also go through my things, purging, moving - but I haven't really done much of that. So I have a lot of stuff to do there.
So much is about to change.
So now I think - maybe feeling tired and overwhelmed is exactly right?
I mean, another one of the Principles of Creative Dream Alchemy that I teach is to honour ALL of the feelings that come up on the path.
But really, who wants to do that? lol
And really, the feelings we judge and resist the most and INSIST are NOT a part of the path to this dream - are always a part of the path to this dream.
I didn't make this up, I just noticed what was true from working with so many people.
So, can I work on accepting that I am where I am with this? Trust the process?