Healing

I Am Stuck.

By Andrea Schroeder / January 26, 2013 / healing

Recently I was offered a really incredible opportunity.? (No, I can’t give any details.)

In order to move forward with this opportunity, I have to create something.? I create things all the time – so no biggie, right?

Ha.

The first draft was no biggie actually.? The enormity of the project hadn’t quite sunk in yet, I was super excited and so I wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote.? And what I wrote is pretty good.? It’s nowhere near what I want it to be and what I know it can be, but it’s a great start.

And here I am, with a weekend free to work on this and I. Am. Stuck.

So, hello there stuck.? Can we talk?

Yeah, I guess, I mean sure but it’s kind of hard for me to talk.

Why is that?

Well, I’m stuck!? I’m crammed into this space that is too small for me.

Oh, can I help?

Maybe.? I don’t know.? It’s probably easier to just stay stuck.? I can curl up in here and never leave.

Really, is that what you want?

(pause)

No, I don’t know. Yes. I want that right now, getting out just seems so hard!? But I don’t like the idea of ALWAYS being here.? I want to have the option to leave.

That makes sense.? How can we give you the option to leave?

Well, just understanding HOW to get out.? Oh!? I could stop trying to go straight ahead and inside go sideways.? Maybe that is how?

Yeah, it seems like you could kind of roll sideways and get out of there.

(Stuck rolls sideways and gets out of there.? The feeling of stuckness inside of me lessons noticeably but doesn’t totally disappear. Stuck just looks at me, then curls up in a ball right beside the small container he had been stuck in)

Ah, so now I can see that we’re in a meadow at the edge of a forest and you, dear stuck, are a bunny!? And you were stuck in a barrel.

I went in there looking for a safe space because it was dark and rainy and scary out.

That makes sense.

So now what?? Now I feel free, I’m out of the barrel, but I want to stay right beside it because I may need to jump back in which means I may get stuck in there again.? I don’t want to go hopping around in the forest, it’s scary out there!

I know.

Like that project you are working on – that is terrifying!? I want to go nowhere near there.? And if you go near it, I will jump back in the barrel.

Well I understand your fear but I don’t want to let you hold me hostage.? Not only do I really want to do this because I think it will be fun (omg! do you remember last week when writing was fun?) I want to do this because it’s going to help so many people.

Oh, yeah,? It’s hard to remember the good parts when the scary parts are so big.

So why are the scary parts big right now?

Because you’re out of the flow.? You’re looking at where you’ve gone off-track in order to bring the project on-track.? Looking at the off-track parts wakes up fear and doubt and makes the good parts shrink.? It’s not that it’s wrong that there are some off-track parts – that’s a natural part of the creative process.? It’s more like you’ve got to just focus on on-track.? I don’t know – start over fresh instead of editing?

Start over fresh instead of editing. Oh that feels like a pit in my stomach, like I’ll never finish if I do that.

Sometimes you have found a lot of freedom in that approach.? Everything you wrote is still there, you can grab parts of it but put it together fresh. Actually I think you’ve done that with every major thing you’ve ever done.

Yeah, maybe.? And this feels different.? The timeline for one.? Not seeing the whole scope of the project for two.

No, those things are not so different. Sweetie, remember the good parts!? Remember the fun and how amazing and helpful this will be!? KISS!? KISS! (Keep It Simple Sweetie)

Simple.? I could stand to simplify this whole thing.? OK yes. I feel a little less stuck now.

And I want to go hop around in the forest!

(Bunny hops off.? I kind of lean against the barrel and a snake slithers out.)

Oh!

(Snake does not respond.? It just stares at me.? This is the part of me that Does Not Believe And Never Will.? I see a pile of hay lying on the ground and take a tiny bottle of love, comfort and peace and pour it on the hay, creating a nest of love, comfort and peace for the snake.? Snake curls up in the center of the nest.)

Yeah, I can do this.

I am taking the fact that this is a HUGE DEAL and putting that in the barrel.

I am taking the timeline and putting that in the barrel.

I am sealing up the barrel.

I am taking the fact that I am really excited about this project and putting in a heart-shaped locket and putting that around my neck.

I am taking how helpful and useful this is going to be and spinning it into yarn and knitting myself a soft, soft hat out of it and putting it on my head.

Yeah, I can do this.

I Am Stuck. Read More »

Inner Critics are sneaky and make things seem more complicated than they really are.

By Andrea Schroeder / October 7, 2011 / healing

Eight months ago I received a letter about my pension plan at my former job.? More of a package than a letter, with a ton of stuff to read through and a decision to make about what to do with my pension money now that I am no longer contributing to the pension plan.

I looked at it at the time and it started to wake up too many inner critics and fear goblins so I noted that there was no deadline on it – and just filed it away.

And in the eight months since – every time I thought about dealing with it, my inner critics and fear goblins got so riled up I just put it aside again.

They had a lot of stories about how complicated and time consuming and stressful and annoying it would all be.

About how I’d probably have to go down to their office and explain my situation to someone.

Which is the Absolute Last Thing I want to do.

Can you see it?

“Hello, Pension Planner Person.? I quit my solid good paying nice job to play with glitter and sell magic on the internet. And no, I don’t want to stay in this pension plan.? I have magic on my side!”

So, yeah, lots of things to avoid and not want to deal with there.

Because I was believing the story that my inner critic was telling me.

About how I don’t fit in and no one will understand me.

And how my financial decisions are ridiculous.

Etc, etc, etc.

So I stayed away from the whole thing and over time, as the past eight months went by, the stories became more and more real.

And finally this week I decided to make it a priority and do whatever I had to do to get this settled.? I did remember somewhere there that some money was going to come to me when I sorted this out.? And the money would be handy right now as move into my Dream Loft.

So I quieted my inner critic and opened up the package and this time read it in detail.

Oh.

Not what I expected AT ALL.

Basically, I can take my money out whenever I want or I can leave it in and draw a pension when I retire.? That part is all cool.? I don’t have to make any life-long decisions right now.

And there’s some extra money, money that is not a part of the plan and is actually mine and needs to come back to me at some point.

So the reason why they wanted a response from me is just to send me money.

Money that would more than pay for the really super cute appliances I’ve been thinking about getting for my new place.

It took 5 minutes.? All I had to do was fill in the form and send it back.

And now I wait for my cheque while deciding which colour I want for my cute new fridge.

Inner Critics are sneaky and make things seem more complicated than they really are

They hold us back in ways that are so hidden we can’t even see that we are being held back.

Things look so hard but really they aren’t.

All these things you think you can’t do – you can do them.

You just have to stop believing the stories your inner critic is telling you.? And then all sorts of things become possible.

And then, you can take it a step further by getting your inner critic on your side.? And then the real magic can start.

Inner Critics are sneaky and make things seem more complicated than they really are. Read More »