Healing

Please don’t give up

A lot of people have written to me to say that they just couldn't do all of the classes I shared in the Goodbye 2021 Hello 2022 Journaling Extravaganza.

That maybe this is not the time for an extravaganza.

Maybe we should all just focus on trying to get through the day.

Here's the thing...

That's a dream.

Getting through the day is a dream.

You know I always say that your dreams are valid, needed and important...

I always say it because we have so many layers and flavours of ways that we discount our dreams.

When you say "I just want to get through the day" what you really mean is something more like:

  • I want to feel like myself again.
  • I want to remember how it feels in my body when I experience joy.
  • I want to feel free.
  • I want to have the energy to do the things I want to do.

These are all valid, needed and important dreams.

And it's easy to think "that's too small" or "my own joy isn't worth focusing on right now"

But it's wrong to think that.

Here. Now. This is where your dreams are needed.

Yes, two years into the pandemic a lot of of our dreams have shifted. But it doesn't matter what they look like on the outside.

What matters is that you listen to yourself about what you want and need right now.

What matters is that you make space for yourself, your healing, your needs, your growth - HERE. NOW.

About the journaling classes: I don't plan to take down the Goodbye 2021 Hello 2022 journaling extravaganza classes for a while. So you can still work through them and explore what you want to create for yourself in 2022.

But right now - today - I suggest you are a look this class.

It's about "figuring out the how as you go" and setting yourself up with the support you need.

Listen to it with your journal and see what ideas you can come up with to support yourself in having more of what you want, right here, right now.

You deserve the magic of embracing ALL the things you want and need.

New video: Journaling through my pandemic overwhelm

My pandemic overwhelm set in again, like mental fog and a heaviness pushing down on me.... so I recorded myself working through it.

NOW is the best time to join Dream Book!

We're doing two new coaching circles this month:

Well Rested: We REST together, on Zoom! Then we journal, talk and explore how to get more of the rest you need.

Organized AF: We get our shit together, together! We do a short focusing meditation, declare our intentions for our time together - then you go DO THE THING. If you get stuck, I'll be there to coach you through it.

Join us here.

How to move beyond spiritual bypass and lean into your true power to heal and create – and why you want to. (With journal prompts!)

How to move beyond spiritual bypass and lean into your true power to heal and create - and why you want to. (With journal prompts!)

About my post from last week on how Love & Light are used as New Age gaslighting....

Being uncomfortable about other people having human feelings is generally a sign that we are not allowing OURSELVES to have our feelings.

And it's not a crime. It doesn't make you a bad person.

But it does make it harder for you to heal, grow, and create more of what you want in your life.

If does make it harder for you to be the change you want to see in the world.

Because everything you avoid has power over you. Everything you face strengthens you.

We are powerful! We are healers and artists and world-changers.

We can look hard things in the eye BECAUSE we believe in our power to do better.

BUT the New Age/Wellness/Live Your Best Life culture is RIFE with spiritual by-pass.

PLUS it's human nature to want to avoid discomfort.

If you think of a spectrum between:

[full on facing everything like a boss, healing and growing through very little obstacle in your way]

and

[#goodvibesonly I won't acknowledge anything negative and will even shame others for "being negative"]

recognize that we move around on this spectrum all the time.

Self awareness helps!

Reflecting on your own tendencies to bypass helps you be more aware of when and how and why you do this, so you can make more empowered choices.

So here we go...

The journal prompts. How do you know if you are really healing the thing or attempting to spiritual bypass the thing?

 

What happens when a life event knocks you down and you're right up against the thing again (the thing you thought you'd healed)?

Has it changed at all? Or are you up against the exact same thing?

We talk a lot about the healing path being a spiral. But is it?

Are you really seeing your issue in a new light?

Or are you just coming back up against this thing because you haven't actually dealt with it?

Are you sure?

What makes you sure?

If something has changed about how you are engaging with this thing: what is it, specifically?

Are you reacting in the same way that you used to? Don't focus on how you feel, it's easy to "feel like" you're seeing this from a more evolved place. Look at your behaviour. How has it changed?

Spiritual bypass keeps things VERY vague and a LOT can hide in vagueness. So get specific.

You are drawing from your true power to heal and create when you can be specific and clear and un-flinching. Especially when you're dealing with the things you really struggle with.

If you've been using spiritual by-pass as a tool, it will be VERY uncomfortable to lean into your true power instead. You will try to stay vague to get out of the discomfort of facing the thing you don't want to face.

Take the discomfort as a good sign.

And stay with it.

Remember that there is a POWER in being able to face the hard stuff head on, including BEING WITH the feelings that it brings up.

This is the inner work.

It's in processing your feelings about the obstacles where you find the fuel that will help you get beyond the obstacle.

You find your power.

You find whole new ways of seeing the thing, which give you a plethora of new options for how to handle it. You tap into your INFINITE source of creativity which can generate INFINITE solutions.

Because everything you avoid has power over you. Everything you face strengthens you.

I think it's just obvious that your healing and growth tools should STRENGTHEN you.

Which means they won't necessarily make you feel better right in the moment.

Which is why the New Age/Wellness/Live Your Best Life Industry is so FULL of tools that rely on spiritual by-pass.

Which gets confusing.

This is how I handle it:

Inner Work is uncomfortable.

Working with your dream feels good. It's creative and hopeful and casts a bright light.

So the trick is to COMBINE this Inner Work with the Dream Work. And then combine both with the Outer Work of pursuing your creative projects and making changes in your life.

That way it's not just you and your discomfort - you're bringing in light and healing and magic and creativity and possibility to the process.

You are seeing - AND USING - the benefits of the Inner Work right away. This makes it easier to KEEP GOING.

This is the work that will grow your dreams, but it's also what will save us all.

Love & Light as New Age Gaslighting

love and light as new age gaslighting

One of Peter Nygard's buildings burnt down, on the day of the full moon in October.

Peter Nygard, a well documented serial rapist and sex trafficker, who at the time of writing this was custody here in Winnipeg (he has since been moved to Toronto), had an apartment in this building which had been his home here for the last 40 years (though he also has homes elsewhere in the province and the world - most notably the private island in the Bahamas where he lured and trapped his victims).

That building is not too far from my home and I woke up to the smell of smoke that morning.

When I found out what the fire was about, it was satisfying to know his only home in my city was burning to the ground. It felt like just rewards but it also felt like "thank God that monster doesn't have a home here anymore" even though he is an old man and even with the most lenient sentencing, I don't believe he'll ever be out of jail.

So I shared the news article about this on my personal Facebook page.

Which always sparks discussion, especially here in Winnipeg where he was from. THIRTY YEARS AGO I was taking fashion tech classes and being warned about him by my teachers, because he is the biggest employer in this city in the fashion industry and as a young woman, if I was going to work for him I had to be careful.

Women have been warning other women about predators for so long.

Meanwhile, our culture nurtures them.

This man amassed a fortune that gave him the opportunity, resources and power to traffic women internationally for over thirty years.

This is insane.

We all know this.

It feels so hopeful to see the tides begin to turn, to see this man in custody.

And this reckoning is BIG. Much bigger than this one predator.

And it sparks A LOT.

It's totally normal to feel.... feelings. Grief or anger or joy that he is caught, or fear or terror.

It's also normal to go numb and not want to feel anything.

This is BIG and our feelings about it may also be BIG. They may feel like more than we can handle.

This is a healing process that is feels personal and collective at the same time.

And it's political. Like most healing is.

My business is the Creative Dream Incubator, my expertise is helping creative people navigate the inner and outer growth it takes to pursue a dream.

And this is a part of it.

Because we don't dream in a vacuum, we dream in this world. In this sick culture that allows horrific things to go on and on and on and on.

One part of working with our dreams is saying NO to the ways this culture wants to tell you who you are, and what you are capable of.

This is on a personal level like if your 3rd grade teacher said you're not that good at art and to this day your inner critic uses that as fuel to stop you from being the artist that you are.

And it's on a collective level like this agreement we seem to have that it's ok for women to not be fully safe in this world.

And then that collective also impacts you personally. And the ways it impacts you personally CAN cause you to uphold these sick agreements.

Like - they feed each other. In so many ways on so many levels.

One of the ways this happens in the New Age Community is where we gaslight each other with Love & Light.

So when I shared my post about Peter Nygard - and I wasn't even sharing GLEE about his home burning down, just that it felt right to me - an old friend from the new age community I used to be a part of (someone I hadn't seen in at least 11 years) came in to let me know that I shouldn't "stoop to his level" by sharing this, that I must be "spiritually disconnected" and that we need to "remain loving and trust those powers to be just."

This is really where the New Age goes with this Love & Light as gaslighting - the idea that sharing the news that this building burned down and feeling like this is his just rewards is somehow equal to over thirty years of international sex trafficking and serial rape.

I mean.

The New Age, in it's fear of human beings having human feelings, is DANGEROUS. This is exactly the attitude that ALLOWS sex trafficking to go on for over 30 years.

Also, to remain calm and loving in the face of abuse is more likely a trauma response than spiritual enlightenment.

The New Age Community never had the skills to handle human beings having human feelings because - as I have written about before here, here and here - it's all cherry-picked culturally appropriated practices taken entirely out of context.

We need to make space for our feelings. This is what helps us be fully human. This is what helps us BE as powerful as we actually ARE. Avoiding weakens us, facing strengthens us.

We need to not try to gaslight other people who are having feelings. We need to recognize that they are strong enough to deal with their feelings, work through then, and come out even stronger on the other side.

If you feel you can't handle your feelings - by all means get help. I know therapy is expensive, you can also seek out other forms of support, like a lot of women's centres and community centres have free support groups.  Or get some books from the library about trauma.  Don't trust everyone who calls themselves "trauma informed" to actually BE trauma informed, but get in there, start learning so you can face and heal your traumas that stop you from being able to handle your feelings.

Being "spiritually evolved" so you don't have to feel your feelings is NOT healthy. Not for you or for our culture. And it actually stifles your dreams.

One of the ways we change the culture is by doing our own work, by learning how to be our true selves out loud in the world.

This is the "big umbrella dream" that ALL other dreams fall under: Everything that calls you, everything you wish for, is a piece of this puzzle of what it means for you to truly be YOU - free of all the ways this world has tried to change you or cage you.

Being your true self out loud is complex and multi-facted but one part of it is definitely being a human being with human feelings.

This does NOT mean throwing them at other people or using your feelings as an excuse for poor behaviour or getting stuck or lost in your feelings.

Allowing your feelings means congruence. Honesty. WHOLENESS.

Of course you're angry sometimes.

Of course you're sad sometimes.

Of course you feel righteous sometimes.

These are human feelings and appropriate responses to the things we encounter in this world.

How are YOU going to do this?

Get Beyond The Overwhelm

The last year and a half has been A LOT.

But even before that, a lot of things were A LOT

And personally, I am also finding peri-menopause to be A LOT.

It's so easy to get stuck in this kind of overwhelm.

Kind of frozen and unable to move forward and too tired to really even think about it.

This is partly because when we're overwhelmed, we stop doing soothing forms of self care and start doing numbing/distracting/avoiding forms of self care.

Of course, it's totally natural to turn to the things that help us avoid our feelings, or distract us from what's happening.

Totally natural.

AND...

At some point, if you want to go BEYOND the overwhelm, you need to shift away from numbing and towards soothing.

Last week I did Goodbye Pandemic Overwhelm, Hello Dreams class: Sooth Pandemic Overwhelm, Restore Joy + Magic, Grow into your brightest dreams for 2021 class.

(You can get the whole thing right here)

SOOTHE was the first part of the class, because that part has to happen before you can shift into restoring your magic and growing your dreams.

It's how you fill your tank back up.

How are YOU going to do this?

The meditation + journaling class gives you space to do some alchemy work with the quality of soothing, to experience being soothed, and use that experience to spark some ideas of what you need to be doing - the practical changes you need to make in your life, in order to be more SOOTHED so you can begin to move BEYOND the overwhelm.

Later in the class you also connect with your dreams, because dreams help GROW and HEAL us, which can help pull us out of overwhelm too. But it begins with the soothing part.

What came to you during the class about what YOU can do differently, to give yourself more nourishing and soothing?

How are you going to make space to DO these things this week?

It's Monday!

Join me live for Creative Genius Planning: live meditation + journaling for working on your genius plan for this week!

It’s happening on Instagram live this morning at 10 am (Central, North America). , or catch the replay at that same link after we’re done.

We’ll do an alchemy meditation to connect with your intuition and get more clear on what YOU need this week to help move you towards where you want to be.

Then I’ll pick journal prompt cards, for some questions to help figure out HOW to move closer to your dreams this week.

These sessions are MAGIC. Every week I get more emails from people telling me how helpful they are.

This is going to be epic

I went to the park this morning, to get all the final details ready for today's free class.

The sunlight. The trees. The warm breeze. The iced coffee. It was a perfect morning.

It feels like the perfect day to do this work of:

SOOTHING pandemic fatigue (or whatever needs soothing for you right now)

RESTORING joy + magic (or whatever needs restoring for you right now)

GROWING into your brightest dreams for 2021 (whatever that means for you right now)

I can't wait!

I just sent out the Zoom call details via email.

I'll post the replay here on my blog later today.

Goodbye Pandemic Overwhelm. Hello dreams. ⚡️FREE CLASS THIS WEEK⚡️

Soothe. Restore. Grow. Soothe pandemic fatigue. Restore Joy + Magic. Grow into your brightest dreams for 2021.

Soothe pandemic fatigue. Restore Joy + Magic. Grow into your brightest dreams for 2021.

The new moon sent me a message to offer this class.

It said: of course you're feeling wobbly! Look at what you've been through!

It said: you all need extra doses of self care!

It said: everything you want is waiting for you.

So let's do this!

This is a free live Zoom class happening on July 15 at 3:00 pm Central, North America.

(You can use this to translate to your time zone - I'm in Winnipeg time). The replay will be available shortly after.

The class will be about 90 minutes long. Bring your journal and do your best to have uninterrupted space for the call.

To attend live:

If you're already on my email list, you're already signed up!

If not - you can sign up for my email list and I'll also send you my free class for figuring out your next steps.

I'll email the link into the Zoom room on Thursday morning.

To watch the replay:

You can sign up for my email list if you want me to email you a link to the replay as soon as it's ready.

If you're not into email, I'll also be posting the replay on my blog so you can look for it there.

Getting free enough to really pursue a dream

Monday Morning live meditation + journaling session is on! It’s happening on Instagram live this morning at 10 am (Central, North America). Join me here, or catch the replay at that same link after we’re done.

We’ll do energy clearing + alchemy meditation to connect with your intuition, and get more clear on what YOU need this week to help move you towards where you want to be. Then I’ll pick journal prompt cards for some questions to help guide you through this week.

It's been a month since my husband moved out and I feel more deeply settled in my nervous system than I have in at least a year.

There is this deep calm that I feel in my bones almost all the time. I wake up in the morning feeling happy and light. I have more clarity and focus - I've almost finished a project that's been stuck for the last year!

It's not that I needed to be away from my husband.

It's that I needed alone time.

After a year of pandemic, I was starved for alone time.

And a lot of people don't understand this, or take it to mean something it doesn't mean while thinking that they DO understand.

But the thing is, I need the things that I need. Just like you need the things that you need.

And judging each other for finding ways to GET the things we need, is really the last thing anyone needs.

It's so hard sometimes to allow ourselves to have the things when need when they are different from what everyone else is doing.

I mean social media is full of beautiful quotes about following your heart and being yourself - and then it's also full of people judging you whenever you do something "different". And often it's the same people posting both.

But this is the work that grows dreams. Uncovering and living your truth.

I mean, you can't turn your life into fertile soil for dreams to grow while also conforming to what society expects you to do. You do have to choose.

We live in a garbage culture. White supremacy, ableism, sexism, the growing gap between the ultra-rich and everyone else. The way we're encouraged to conform and fit in and not even know how we REALLY feel about things, deep down. It's garbage.

And yet, we want approval from this garbage culture!

So much so that we're willing to give up our dreams to get it.

Talking about DREAMS is actually talking about something much bigger.

Your dream isn't just to write a book or grow your business or retire in a beautiful place. Your dream is about who you are and how you feel in your life when you have those things.

It's about your growth and healing and living your magic. Being who you know you really ARE.

It's worth so much more than the gifts of conformity BUT these patterns of wanting acceptance from the people around us run deep. Unhooking from them in a safe and grounded way is big work.

It's all worth it for those times when you go deep into the magic of when you getting what you need to FEEL MORE LIKE YOU. And I am just revelling in it these days.

Real freedom is NOT as far away as it seems.

It's about establishing routines that fuel and nourish you in the moment while paving the way for increasingly better tomorrows.

It's about taking the teeny tiny baby steps consistently enough that they turn into momentum.

This is what I call "showing up for your dreams" and I think this is the thing that heals ourselves - and also changes the world.

I do this work - every day - in Dream Book. It's a creative mastermind and shows you a way to journal that helps you be more effective about nurturing your gifts WHILE ALSO healing and transforming the stuff that gets in the way.

Join me here.

 

This is what I’m holding onto right now

Before I jump in - e-course bundle sale is ending TODAY.

This is a bundle of art e-courses valued at over £2900+ GBP, but - for one more day only - is sold for only £75 GBP! (In USD that's a value of roughly $4,000 for $104)

Two of my courses - the Creative Dream Incubator ($147 USD value) and the Creative Business Incubator ($199 USD value) are a part of the

holding on

WHAT YOU ARE FEELING IS NORMAL.

I'm feeling like this needs to be said more often. Like too many of us are feeling all alone in our feelings by feeling WRONG for feeling all the things we're feeling.

You're not wrong.

What you're feeling is normal. All of it. Even the parts that conflict with each other.

Here's what I'm feeling this morning:

  • A sense that I call "cognitive shut down" where my brain just CAN NOT
  • A wish to feel hopeful for the future
  • But then also a feeling that feeling hopeful is dangerous, too vulnerable, and that those hopes will soon be dashed so why bother
  • A deeper desire/need to FEEL GOOD AGAIN as my baseline feeling
  • Sadness about not feeling good
  • Grief about everything I've lost
  • Panic about everything I could lose next
  • Relief that my husband's health emergency from last week is still serious but not an emergency this week

But I've also had these moments of feeling more creative, peaceful and powerful than I have in a long time.

It can be so confusing to have so many conflicting feelings going on.

But this is what it means to be human.

We live in a culture that teaches us to NOT feel.

But denying our human feelings doesn't dissolve them, they just go underground where they control most of our behaviour, limit our possibilities and just generally do a lot of harm.

And now we're in this time when we can't keep stuffing it all down. There's just too much.

Every breaking point is also a doorway into a new possibility.

That's not just some bullshit thing people say to try to gloss over how hard the breaking point is.

It's the truth.

The degree to which we can be present with the hard parts determines the amount of new possibilities we can receive from the experience.

I mean - it takes work and support and courage. But the opportunity is there.

That's what I am holding onto right now.

I'm grateful for those moments of creativity and clear thinking and feeling peaceful and powerful and like I can do anything. I am using those moments to take care of my business and move important projects forward.

And in the rest of my time, I am resting and making art just for me and reading a lot and also reminding myself that there is an opportunity here.

That "my stuff is up" and I can see it more clearly than ever which means this is an opportunity for healing.

That I can emerge from this difficult time with less of my stuff weighing me down.

Things are hard anyway, why not go on a full on journey through my own underworld and see what I can clean up?

I had a breakthrough yesterday.

I had a breakthrough yesterday.

I hit (another!) pandemic wall on the weekend and I did the things that help best when I am in Full On Overwhelm. I finished my day with a hot lavender bath, I did yoga and meditated, and I went to bed early.

Normally, this helps me wake up the next day ready to take on the world. Yesterday, I woke up still crabby. And as my day went on I stayed crabby - even though I was doing all the things that usually help.

My husband (who is STILL working from home) noticed, of course, and towards the end of the day came upstairs to tell me a silly story in the hopes of cheering me up. That's when I started crying.

"Sweetie, what's wrong? I'm trying to cheer you up."

I realised later, that it was because I was touched by him trying to cheer me up, that I finally felt some of what I was actually feeling. That all that crabbiness and overwhelm was really more about having-so-many-feelings-I-can't-feel-anything and being all bottled up, emotionally.

And expecting my usual self care routines to take care all of this right now is unrealistic. I need more.

That's the breakthrough. To look for ways to double my self care.

The best breakthroughs seem boring and obvious once you've had them. But nevertheless, they change everything.

So I doubled up on my self care practices and gave myself more space to be where I am and I woke up this morning feeling more clear and grounded and I am remembering - we just had 3 weeks of brutal winter weather, and everything is still closed.

Normally, I can go for walks in brutal winter weather. In -40s, I can bundle up and go for a 30 minute walk - I'll just be cold by the end of it. So I walk to a coffee shop/bakery with a wood fire oven. It's toasty warm in there, and in the coffee shop section they've got huge sunny windows and dozens of plants. The warmth, the sun, the plants, the coffee, the treats, the whole place smelling like whatever's baking - it's a pretty epic spot to do some journaling and writing. Plus I warm up enough to walk 30 minutes back home, no matter what the weather.

Bundling up to walk 15 minutes from home, then turn around and walk back, just doesn't have the same feel to it, you know? So I haven't been bothering to do it, and now I'm feeling the effects of not getting out at all.

Last weekend we went to my friend's farm.

Normally, my friend and I would have lunch or coffee together at least every other week, since she works in the city.

My husband is a traditional Cree medicine person. He received messages from some spirits who needed to be fed, so he needed space to have a sacred fire. So I spoke to my friend at the farm and she offered her space - provided we didn't go inside her home.

We were only there for about 2 hours, but it was AMAZING to see my friend again and just sit around and hang out (it was a warmer day and we had the fire going).

It was after that, that it hit me how much I've lost. And how very much I miss my people.

This turned up the volume on the I-Have-Too-Many-Feelings-I'm-All-Bottled-Up thing that was happening. It pushed it all over the edge.

It was my little breakthrough that helped me see this differently, helped me be more compassionate with myself. "Oh sweetie. Of course you're crabby. Look at what you've lost. Of course you're sad."

And now I feel ACCEPTING of my feelings. Like they're not all bottled up and I am not on the verge of exploding. I can just slow down and be more patient with myself.

It's a subtle shift in focus.

A shift from: "just keep going, you are one of the lucky ones, you have everything you need to get through this ok" which was only creating a backlog of un-felt feelings in me, which was making everything harder than it already was.

To: "Sweetie this is HARD, make space for all of these feelings" which helps me be more deeply present with ALL parts of me which plugs me back into my superpowers which is the thing that will actually help me move through this best.

And let's me clear: I knew this. I KNEW BETTER than to do what I was doing.

The breakthrough didn't teach me something I didn't already know.

It put me back in touch with that inner knowing in a way that it really LANDED.

And then I was able to make that change.

And now everything feels different for me. I have all these new options for how to move forward.

Breakthrough Alchemy Coaching Circle

The BREAKTHROUGH Alchemy Coaching Circle is this Saturday - on Feb 27.

A Breakthrough is a sudden shift in perspective, a radical new way of seeing yourself, or your situation.

A Breakthrough gives you new options that you didn't know you had, before the breakthrough.

A Breakthrough brings you back to your own truth.

I am not promising everyone who attends will have an instant breakthrough. I am hoping for that though!

What I AM promising is that attending the Circle, and then showing up for the next 30 days to keep working with it, will give you these things:

A radical new way of seeing yourself, or your situation
New options
A deeper connection to your own truth

Join me here.

Your Next Steps: A journaling + meditation class to help you be more CLEAR and SURE of your next steps