I ordered the noise-canceling headphones of my dreams and they were supposed to arrive yesterday.
There was all of this fortuitous synchronistic stuff happening around the purchase of the headphones, and the whole thing felt like an opportunity to step into my next-level future dream self.
The headphones represented spaciousness and ease and having my self care needs exquisitely met.
The headphones did not arrive.
When I checked the tracking, I saw that they had arrived in my city, and then were returned to sender. Also: no more of these particular headphones (this particular choice being ridiculously well-researched) were listed for sale on the website of the Canadian company I’d bought them from. (Yes, I can check other stores, but NO I will not shop at Amazon)
I was so frustrated and disappointed.
And while I cried a part of me was like “WTF? Are you really this upset? We’ll find the headphones eventually”
But it wasn’t about the headphones. It was about feeling like I was stepping into that next level of having my self care needs be exquisitely met and then having it taken from me.
Feeling like I don’t deserve it.
And then feeling into all of the losses of this year.
And then remembering that my friend is gone and feeling terrified that people can just die.
An then I was like “Oh sweetie, I’m sorry, I get it, cry all you want”
So I did.
And when I was done crying I did some soothing yin yoga, kissed my husband goodnight, noticed how exquisitely my self care needs are already being met, and drifted off to sleep. I woke up feeling happy and inspired.
I see so many people asking for help dealing with their feelings, because 2020 has been so hard and we all have so many feelings.
But what most of them are really asking for is help DISTRACTING THEMSELVES or TURNING OFF their feelings.
We need to FEEL our feelings, now more than ever.
Un-felt feelings don’t magically disappear. They calcify in your inner landscape.
I’ve been helping people with this since 2008 because that calcification forms the basis of the INNER BLOCKS make it harder to pursue your dreams.
This calcification of un-felt feelings makes it harder for you to know your true self.
It makes it harder for you to act in integrity with who you really are - it keeps you in a life that is too small for who you really are.
It’s what is making parents say “but our children have lost so much already” and demand that Halloween go on without any changes, ignoring the facts about super spreader events.
It makes us entitled and greedy and short sighted and without empathy for those who are more vulnerable than we are. This is why our species are killing the only home we have. This is why white supremacy and colonization and capitalism and greed.
And this morning on social media what I kept seeing is people wishing for 2020 to end.
As though that is some kind of solution.
The end of 2020 is not a magical portal that’s going to bring us into a better place.
That’s not the way through.
People keep asking about the online healing circle I did where I lead you through the working through a difficult feeling to get to the other side of it and feel free. You can get instant access to it when you sign up for the Your Next Steps free course.