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Inner Critics are sneaky and make things seem more complicated than they really are.

Eight months ago I received a letter about my pension plan at my former job.? More of a package than a letter, with a ton of stuff to read through and a decision to make about what to do with my pension money now that I am no longer contributing to the pension plan.

I looked at it at the time and it started to wake up too many inner critics and fear goblins so I noted that there was no deadline on it – and just filed it away.

And in the eight months since – every time I thought about dealing with it, my inner critics and fear goblins got so riled up I just put it aside again.

They had a lot of stories about how complicated and time consuming and stressful and annoying it would all be.

About how I’d probably have to go down to their office and explain my situation to someone.

Which is the Absolute Last Thing I want to do.

Can you see it?

Hello, Pension Planner Person.? I quit my solid good paying nice job to play with glitter and sell magic on the internet. And no, I don’t want to stay in this pension plan.? I have magic on my side!

So, yeah, lots of things to avoid and not want to deal with there.

Because I was believing the story that my inner critic was telling me.

About how I don’t fit in and no one will understand me.

And how my financial decisions are ridiculous.

Etc, etc, etc.

So I stayed away from the whole thing and over time, as the past eight months went by, the stories became more and more real.

And finally this week I decided to make it a priority and do whatever I had to do to get this settled.? I did remember somewhere there that some money was going to come to me when I sorted this out.? And the money would be handy right now as move into my Dream Loft.

So I quieted my inner critic and opened up the package and this time read it in detail.

Oh.

Not what I expected AT ALL.

Basically, I can take my money out whenever I want or I can leave it in and draw a pension when I retire.? That part is all cool.? I don’t have to make any life-long decisions right now.

And there’s some extra money, money that is not a part of the plan and is actually mine and needs to come back to me at some point.

So the reason why they wanted a response from me is just to send me money.

Money that would more than pay for the really super cute appliances I’ve been thinking about getting for my new place.

It took 5 minutes.? All I had to do was fill in the form and send it back.

And now I wait for my cheque while deciding which colour I want for my cute new fridge.

Inner Critics are sneaky and make things seem more complicated than they really are

They hold us back in ways that are so hidden we can’t even see that we are being held back.

Things look so hard but really they aren’t.

All these things you think you can’t do – you can do them.

You just have to stop believing the stories your inner critic is telling you.? And then all sorts of things become possible.

And then, you can take it a step further by getting your inner critic on your side.? And then the real magic can start.

Inner Critics are sneaky and make things seem more complicated than they really are. Read More »

International Gremlin Treaty of 2011

Oh my goodness.

Last week we started looking at our inner saboteur in the Creative Journal Magic e-Course.

Meeting our gremlins.? Being compassionate and kind and strong.? Letting them be there, but not letting them be in our way.

And one of the Creative Geniuses in the class, the always lovely Faerian, took the assignment and turned it into a really beautiful thing.

She turned it into the International Gremlin Treaty of 2011.

Seriously! Go read her blog post about it right now: International Gremlin Treaty of 2011.

It’s amazing and inspiring.

And that’s why I keep working on my stuff.

So that I can bring more magic to the world.

So magic things like the gremlin treaty can happen.

I’m really glad I shared what I was going through last week, with wanting this course to be bigger.

The support, ideas and encouragement in the comments was awesome.

And putting it all out there was so liberating.

On Friday afternoon I decided I could allow 30 more people into the class.

As of this morning there are 17 spots left.

New people have been coming in.? More creative interesting smart magical amazing people!? Yay.

But even YAY-er – It doesn’t matter to me if the spots get all filled up or not.

I’m at peace with this.

I feel like I went through some kind of right of passage.

Like something was re-arranged on the inside.

I feel like I took another significant step away from my old life, the one where I had a job.? I feel a lot more grounded in who I am now, a free creative being.

A free creative being who gets to explore what is happening inside of her and make decisions for her life, and her business, based on that.

I feel a lot more sure about what I am doing.

When I left my job I had a really good business plan.

I thought I needed that.? I own a house and a car and have certain habits (like Sephora, Lush and spa days) that I don’t want to give up.

(The last time I was self employed as a creative person I rented a small apartment, took the bus and was a champion at not spending any “unnecessary” money)

So, I thought, I am going to do this right.? With a good solid plan.

The plan made me feel safe.

Which was a really big important job, considering I was stepping out into the unknown.

But the plan is all about the outside stuff.

And the magic is all about the inside stuff.

So the plan is kind of my security blanket.? It’s ok to have it here.? It’s ok to wrap myself up in it when I need to.

But it’s not, like, driving the bus.

It’s not actually directing what happens in my business.

I don’t check it every morning and say “Oh, this is what I am supposed to do today”.

No.? I do yoga and meditate every morning and check in with my body and my feelings and my creative genius and my gremlins and say “Oh this is what I am supposed to do today”.

It’s the inside stuff that is directing what is happening my business.

This requires monumental amounts of trust.

But what it comes down to is – where do I want to place my trust?

I have asked myself this question over and over again as a self employed person.

Do I trust an organization or company to provide for me (via a job) or do I trust myself to provide for me or do I trust life to provide for me?? What do I trust more?? Why?

And what that comes down to is:

If I don’t trust what I teach I have no business teaching it.

Of course there will be times when I feel unsure.? I am human.? And everything I teach leaves plenty of space for that.

But on the whole though:

I really don’t have any business teaching Creative Magic if I’m not living it.

I have no patience for people who don’t walk their talk.

And I really have no patience for me not walking my talk.

No.? This is important to me.? This is real to me.? This matters to me.

This is what I am here to do.

Sometimes it will be easy, sometimes it will be hard.

No matter how hard it gets, I am not going to give up.

I’ll be present with the awkward stuff.? And I’ll share it here with you.

This is how we stretch and grow.

PS – If you didn’t yet – go read the International Gremlin Treaty of 2011.

International Gremlin Treaty of 2011 Read More »

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