I am having a major vulnerability hangover.

Sharing my own practice more widely felt so inspiring and RIGHT at first and now it feels like too much.

Especially since yesterday's post was a really big breakthrough I had, and when I was putting it onto the blog I realised - no, this isn't for the blog.

I still want to do my daily blog posts until the end of the year...

AND I need to respect my feelings about it being to much to keep doing it as I have been...

So - I don't know.

When I don't know what to do, I pretend I am my own client. (I've never not been able to help a client figure out what to do, but often can't help myself figure it out, unless I pretend I'm doing a coaching session).

If I was my coach, I would say - let's explore that "I don't know" feeling.

What does it look like?

An iridescent sky blue cloud.

OK that's interesting. Usually clouds are white or grey against the sky blue sky, but this cloud is sky blue?

Yeah, it's not in the sky, it's like right here in the room beside me.

Oh, beautiful!

Yeah, it is beautiful.

That's interesting that the feeling is BEAUTIFUL... does it feel beautiful inside you?

I can't quite locate it inside me, because it's bouncing around. It feels like... possibility.

Not knowing feels like possibility.

Yeah.

Is the cloud still there? Has anything changed?

It's gone. It's inside me, as a sense of possibly.

OK, so now you have a sense of possibility about what you want to do next with your blog.

I guess that's the thing. It's not just about the blog. The daily blog posts were a way of practicing visibility and communication. And I still have so much to learn there! BUT I have learned that the way I was doing this isn't how I want to keep doing this.

So that feels hopeful because you learned something but also disappointing because the way you'd hoped this would work isn't working? Is that right?

Yes. Hopeful and disappointing and also some shame, like I should have known this wasn't the right way. I mean I feel embarrassed that I felt so RIGHT and EXCITED about this when now it feels so WRONG and that feels extremely VULNERABLE and UNCOMFORTABLE.

So that's a lot of feelings all at once!

It is. But also another feeling.... I feel like I COME ALIVE when I really dig in and explore what's happening with me. I love this. It feels as good as it feels to do this with other people.

So - which feeling stands out as the one that you want to explore?

The shame. The sense that I should have known. That's such a dream killer to feel like you're supposed to have all the answers.

Where does it come from?

The story that I should do things "the right way". The story that there even IS a right way! And that as long as I do things the right way, I am guaranteed to be ok. There is also a bit of a story about wanting other people to think that I know what I am doing, so to be wrong out in public feels very uncomfortable.

I do think that being wrong out in public is very uncomfortable for everyone!

Oh, yeah, I guess it is.

That's the culture. That's a way that our culture doesn't hold space for our human-ness. Our culture is encouraging us to be good little capitalist productivity robots, and there's no room to experiment or try things or follow what feels good... unless it's guaranteed to pay off.

Oh wow. Yes. That's NOT conducive to an actual ALIVE and CREATIVE life at all.

So you're going against unconscious cultural conditioning. That's bound to be uncomfortable!

Yeah, I can have empathy for my discomfort and that soothes the feeling that I should have known better.

OK so now what happens to the story that you should have known better?

It feels ridiculous. Like - I don't WANT TO know better. I want to follow my inspiration! I want to do those things that feel so RIGHT and INSPIRING and who fucking cares if they don't immediately "pan out"? Like that feels ridiculously irrelevant.

Ridiculously irrelevant.

Yeah but there is still a tinge of wishing I wasn't sharing all of this quite so openly because a lot of people really don't get it.

Yeah, I can see that. Can we 100% validate that feeling?

Yes. I can wish that I could control how people see me while also not actually putting any energy into controlling my image. The thing is, when I am thinking about that, it's never that I am worried about what MY PEOPLE think. I know that MY PEOPLE get it. I'm worried about random people on Facebook that I used to know who never really understood me anyway so it's really silly that I would care.

I'm not sure it's silly, I think it's human. And it's a big part of why most people don't share themselves with any real vulnerability the way you are trying to do.

Oh, right, yeah.

So how is this story landing now? You should have known better?

I love that I didn't know better. That iridescent sky blue cloud is back and it's like - sparkling magical blue skies all around me. I tried a thing, learned a lot, and now I get to take what I learned to try the next thing.

What do you think the next thing is?

It's connected to the conversation I had with my fear yesterday. That new way that I want to look at how I am in my business. Recognizing that something is feeling off in my marketing - not necessarily that I've done something wrong, but that a new way is now possible. But I don't know what that new way is, and thinking about it feels so discouraging and overwhelming.

Do you want to work with the discouragement and overwhelm?

No. This is a lot already. What I want to do is the meditation from Marketing as a Creative and Spiritual Practice. Just be with it, the meditation we did on the second call is exactly what I need here to start to see that new possibility for how I could be doing things.

Great! So you know what to do next.

Yes. Thank you!

(After this, I edited yesterday's post to add the "next day update" and then decided to share it on the public blog too)

Dream Book members: Want to discuss? Click here to find this post on our private blog with comments section.

Not in Dream Book yet? Click here to find out more + join us.

"You're doing something wrong. You should be marketing your work in a different way."

This voice is like - not quite at the forefront, but not quite quiet enough that I can't hear it either. This low, rumbling uncomfortable feeling.

So I'm bring it into the Un-Sticking Station (one of the practices we use in Dream Book)

Voice shows up as: a man in a suit with a hat... like Charlie Chaplin style?

So, hi there. I wanted to find out more about why you are saying these things.

He just looks at me. I realise - Charlie Chaplin was a silent movie actor, right? I mean, I don't know that this IS Charlie Chaplin he's just kind of got that style.

So you said that I am doing things wrong, that I should be marketing my work in a different way. I'd like to explore this with you.

Again, he's just staring at me.

I'm feeling very awkward.

Are we not able to have this discussion?

He shrugs.

Do you not want to have the discussion.

OK let's be clear. You don't want a "discussion". You want to change my mind about what I am saying and I won't have it.

Oh, well, no, actually I...

No, YOU no. I know how the Un-Sticking Station works. You are expecting me to transform.

Usually that's how it works, but maybe I need to transform! Honestly, I am willing to listen.

I get the sense he wants a rose, so I offer him a rose.

He holds it, looks into it for a while.

It's just that - you're doing all of these calls and people INSIDE Dream Book can see them all, but for the people OUTSIDE Dream Book they don't really see everything that's happening.

I hear you, and you're right!

I feel like, if people could see all these cool things they may want to join in on them, but your marketing is, and I am sorry if this feels harsh, but it's too haphazard.

Haphazard! That's an interesting word. Right now, I send an email every Sunday, consistently. Sometimes other emails too. Before I was doing the Sunday emails, I was still doing a weekly email. I'm not arguing, I see that this feels haphazard to you and I'd like to understand more.

Well, first of all - what about the people not on your email list? They don't even know what they could be experiencing in Dream Book!

You are completely right there. I'm not sure that they need to know though, because they haven't chosen to try my free classes or sign up for emails, so if they're not that interested in my work, I'm not sure why I would keep telling them about it?

I am saying you could be more clear and consistent about letting people know what you actually offer.

You are completely right. I am making a note of that and I also want to know -what else feels haphazard to you?

You don't have a system or process for how you let people on your email list know about upcoming classes. Or to even explain to them all that you do in Dream Book! It's this amazing magic world and you're leaving it to them to find it.

I mean, I think I am putting myself out there and respecting their sovereignty. But yes I see your point, too. You would like me to have more STRUCTURE in my marketing, is that right?

Yes! God yes. Structure AND strategy. I want you to remember that strategy doesn't mean sleazy! NOT strategy around trying to persuade people, but strategy around being consistent and clear. Having a system/structure in place so you don't have to figure it out each time, too. I think this would make you happier AND make me happier.

Hmmmm. I like what you're saying. Is there anything else?

You've been right in the details of it for so long, you're focusing on what people in inside Dream Book and that's great! I'd like you to take a little time to step back and look at the bigger picture of how people find the Creative Dream Incubator and how they decide to join. I want you to clarify those paths and develop simple routines and structure that fit in with what you're doing inside Dream Book. You can make it easy for YOU to make it easy for the people that Dream Book is for to find it.

OK that is super helpful. This idea that "what I have been doing feels haphazard" - which felt so out of left field when you first said it, is starting to feel true. When I think about doing what you are saying, it feels really good.

I appreciate your advice! I wish you weren't whispering "you're doing it wrong" because that feels hurtful and feels like it's a self esteem/self doubt/"you just do everything wrong" kind of thing when really you had a really helpful idea to bring me.

I'm sorry, I didn't know how else to get your attention.

I guess, now that we've had the discussion, you could say "Hey! This feels haphazard to me!" Maybe you can be the Haphazardness Sensitivity Officer for the Creative Dream Incubator.

Ummmm, I want to be the marketing director.

Oh, yeah that makes sense.

Marketing is love. There are so many people out there that Dream Book is for. And they don't all know it. Sharing your daily posts for a month has been really good, but it's not a clear and consistent path. Since THE WORK ITSELF is so non-linear, your posts are non-linear, so having a path that IS linear would be really helpful.

OK that blew my mind a little. Yes, you are the Marketing Director and we'll work on this together.

++++++++

Update written the next day:

This felt EXTREMELY RAW. When I wrote it, I felt there was NO WAY I was going to post this on my public blog because this is too vulnerable.

Re-reading it today, I know it's not.

What happened was, a WALL of shame and fear and all sorts of uncomfortable feelings came up around "I am doing it wrong" and "I should have known better"

I did a lot of work on that (you can read that in tomorrow' post - really interesting un-sticking work!)

And now I see: I am doing *exactly* what I set out to do in Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice.

This is literally the assignment from the second call! PRACTICE putting it out there a little more boldly or loudly and see what happens.

When visualizing the path between your work and the people your work is for, zoom in more closely on the part of the path where they are right now to see what is needed.

This is what I am doing.

There are so many reasons why this is just horrifically uncomfortable - again, that's all in tomorrow's post.

But I am doing what I set out to do.

Engaging in a practice helps us GROW into the version of ourselves that knows how to do the thing better than we know right now.

This applies to all dreams, not just business.

Showing up and practicing WILL TEACH YOU and GROW YOU.

In those moments it's easy to feel like you failed, you did something wrong, you should have known better.

But actually - you are doing amazing.

Process all the feelings that come up, and carry on.

These times are as MAGICAL as they are DIFFICULT.

In the Before Times, I used to go to coffee shops every morning. Something about the din of the coffee shop forcing me to focus on my work helped me to REALLY focus on my work. I could spend a few hours there and get a remarkable amount of work done.

I repeat: Having some kind of activity around you and being forced to focus, can help you focus more deeply than you can if the activity wasn't there.

Which means: hard times that we are in also can make for MAGICAL and TRANSFORMATIVE times. Like the din of the coffee shop, the ABSOLUTE WILDNESS of everything that is happening in the world can help us shut the world out to focus on our own dreams. I mean - not keep our heads in the sand forever, but it becomes more important to MAKE SPACE for ourselves when surrounded by SO MUCH.

I've been experiencing this myself and seeing it in a lot of people in Dream Book. As the world becomes wilder, it's like we are forced to focus more firmly on our own dreams, our creativity, our values, our truth. It becomes so much more urgent to do the things we feel called to do. The world needs ALL OF US!

And then it actually does get easier to summon the courage to face the fear and let go of all the different ways we hold ourselves back, and make our dreams a priority.

I love this. I am here for this.

For 2023 in Dream Book, I am continuing the monthly intention setting and coaching calls to help you navigate your path.

I'm also doing a monthly Marketing as a Creative and Spiritual Practice call because everyone's gifts are needed out in the world right now so let's all practice SHINING BRIGHTER! And also because, as the world falls apart, there's actually a really good opportunity to let go of the parts of entrepreneurship that don't fit our values or creativity and create new ways of doing things that are more congruent with our deepest inner truth.

I also want to do regular calls (every month or every other month) on topics that the members need most. For example in November I did the Staying Stable With Money While The World Is Unstable call. I'd like to do one on Believing In Yourself No Matter What, but mostly I want to listen to what topics would be the most helpful to the members and do those.

And mostly - keep using the content from Dream Book to show up in my daily practice, sharing my notes with and encouraging you with your practice.

These are TRANSFORMATIVE times.

Every creative dream we can put out into the world helps us move towards a better world for everyone.

 

Dream Book members: click here to read this on our private blog with comments section, where I link to all of the practices I use.

Not in Dream Book yet? Click here to find out more + join us.

On Fridays I post my Dream Status Report which is a series of prompts I use every week to help me have more clarity, momentum and groundedness on my path. 

My Dream Status Report:

PART ONE: (sometimes these can stay the same for months at time, sometimes they change often)

My dream is: BEING the artist + writer I want to be. This is the "big picture" dream - this includes lots of different inner + outer things, which I am working on clarifying in my new Dream Book.

I want it because: This feels so enticing and important.

When I have it I will feel: More in the flow, more creative and like... feeling fully expressed. Right now it's like I have sooo much TO express, I would like to feel more fully EXPRESSED.

My new moon intention for this month: VERY SPECIFIC business goal for the end of the year

 

PART TWO: Invite your dream in (using the Dream Lab practice) to help you with the rest of the prompts.

The Field of Creative Dream Alchemy is the far north. It's snowy. There are pine trees. The northern lights above us. I LOVE winter, and it's snowing here today, and everything feels magical (I know - so easy to say when I don't have to go out in all this snow!)

My dream shows up as a glowing cocoon. I'm holding it in my hands. It feels sacred and vulnerable but also powerful.

It feels like - it's winter. It's incubating. It doesn't need anything except time and space to become what it is.

This hits me in the heart like a healing.

I call in the soul of my business to join us.

It shows up as a circle of pine trees, encircling us, keeping us safe, so that we have the time and space we need.

This feels SO healing.

The way I built my business - working hard - is not the way I will build what I do next.

It feels like - I worked hard to get better at what I do, to create the Dream Book and Creative Dream Alchemy frameworks, to build an audience for my work... and now I have that foundation to stand on.

I don't want to dismiss the value of hard work, or pretend that I didn't work very hard to get to where I am. I actually always described myself as a hard worker and I LOVED the hard work I put into all of this.

AND

It doesn't feel like the way forward. I mean, it doesn't even feel possible. My brain doesn't seem to work that way anymore. AND it doesn't feel appropriate.

It feels like - I use Dream Book and Creative Dream Alchemy to create what's next. Which means I can heal, grow, create, explore, and play my way there. I just have to trust it. (ha! just trust)

I mean - in one sense this is what I have ALWAYS done. It's just that the way I do the outer work needs to change.

 

PART THREE:

Last week’s focus was:Do the next thing that feels like magic.

What happened in the last week? I did do the next thing that feels like magic. Mostly this feels really small, like run the small decisions I made about what to do next through this question to figure out what to do NEXT, but in the end, all the things from my list still got done.

What am I learning/How do I feel about this? By starting with the thing that feels like magic in the moment, I get into the flow faster. Once I am in the flow, other things get done. It's so helpful to think about it each week, to have a list written out of what each project needs - I think that clarity plays a big part in this.

What do I need now? I did a therapy session ALL ABOUT the stressful parts of my family holiday gatherings and we worked out a plan. Not that it's THAT stressful, but we talked about every little thing and went down every little rabbit hole and in the end I felt really clear about how I want to do my holidays this year. So helpful! I need to hold onto all of that, and give myself a calm and relaxing month.

What does my dream need now? It's showing me my new embroidery project. I started on a few weeks ago, and then yesterday when I (finally!) felt better enough to go for a walk, I walked to Michaels and got embroidery thread for a new project. The cocoon sparkles when I embroider. It's like - me being engaged creatively is helping my dreams in ways I can't see.

Taking all of this into account, my focus for the next week is: Still - do the next thing that feels like magic. Have a clear list of what I want to get done and keep checking in with my body + feelings about what I need next.

Goodbye 2022 releasing ceremony is happening today!. The replay will be available a few hours after we're done. The call will be MAGIC. The replay will be MAGIC. This is open to all members of Dream Book.

Today my practice is: sitting with all of the feelings I am having about the state of the world and "how dare I wholeheartedly pursue my dreams while people around me are suffering?"

I have been writing and deleting and re-writing.

I was doing this yesterday, too. Yesterday's post was about my 67th try.

The reason it's feeling so urgent for me to recognize that ALL LIFE IS SACRED is because of what's happening in my city. A serial killer of Indigenous women was recently caught. A person was murdered in the library by 3 teens this weekend. And it feels like every day there is a new tragedy and my city is spiralling out of control.

I guess I just want to say: there is a lot I am not saying. There is a lot that I don't feel ready to share.

I am sitting with my feelings - using the Yikes! I Am Having A Lot Of Feelings and also the Un-Sticking Station practices and practicing my way into my truth.

This is the world I live in and dream in.

I did spend a lot of years in the new age/new thought worlds where it was encouraged to just be positive and not watch the news. I understand now how much that attitude relies on unconscious use of privilege, and that's not who I want to be now.

AND I can't let it consume me either.

Processing my feelings, even when it's layers and layers and layer and all very messy, is the way to find clarity and truth, it's the way to know what I want to DO.

So I've been doing a ton of that work, and all of it feels too raw to share.

I will just say, to anyone else feeling this way: please remember that it's not on YOU to save the world. That individualistic perspective is one of the things that is toxic about our culture. For every problem we face, there are already smart and capable people who have solutions, there are grassroots movements who are already doing the work - we don't need to figure out how to solve anything. We need to support the people who are already doing the work.

HOLY GUACAMOLE there is so much to let go of right now.

This was my first thought as I went over the class content for the Goodbye 2022 Releasing Ceremony (which is happening on Dec 15 inside Dream Book).

Like - every year it feels like there's a lot - but this year? This year actually feels like the year we can start REALLY letting go of the things from the pandemic and all of the ways that's changed things.

I mean we're still IN IT and I am still recovering from Covid as I write this, and also we're moving through some parts of it.

But I don't think it's hyperbole to say - we need to change the world. NOW.

And it's not on ME or YOU to do this. That individualist way of looking at the world is one of the things that we need to change.

But we need to let go of so many layers of things we've picked up living in this toxic culture.

I've started seeing my parents completely differently.

Like - I love my parents. They are wonderful people who always did their best.

AND

There are so many things I needed that I did not get as a child.

That's not their fault. They didn't get those things either. And there are so many things that my parents didn't get that they DID make sure that I got. Just like I see my husband make sacrifices so he can do the same with his kids.

But it's bigger than any one family.

OUR CULTURE is failing us.

OUR CULTURE does not recognize all life as sacred.

We grew up in this.

We take things on.

A belief that we are not enough. That our gifts don't matter. That our joy doesn't matter.

We somehow end up believe that we are something other than a goddamn miracle.

But you ARE.

You ARE a goddamn miracle.

And it's time to let go of everything that tells you otherwise. Because it's all bullshit.

And I think we need to free ourselves of our culture internally before we can change the culture externally. And it's very urgent that we do that, before we destroy the whole planet.

Goodbye 2022 releasing ceremony is happening Dec 15 at 1:00 Central (North America). The replay will be available a few hours after we're done. The call will be MAGIC. The replay will be MAGIC. This is available to all members of Dream Book - join us here.

(Journaling tools from the Project Miracle class)

DO the thing that feels like magic

I feel SO LUCKY that I have a life where I even CAN do this.

And I also still feel SO CONFLICTED about actually doing this.

But, yesterday, which technically was Friday, I did do the thing that felt like magic: sewing. I finished sewing a bright fuschia heavyweight wool jersey fitted, long sleeved top. Perfect for wearing under dresses on the really cold days. Way too hot to wear most days, but it's so nice to have something so special to wear on those super cold days, and it will likely last the rest of my life.

What a gift for my future self.

And then I was inspired and kept going. I did a ton of embroidery this weekend on a project that FILLS me with delight every time I look at it.

I see what my dream was trying to show me - that this helps change HOW I am, which changes HOW I do things, which puts me on a different trajectory.

So, today, the thing that felt like magic, interestingly enough, was Pinterest marketing!

I just felt inspired and everything flowed and I made 24 new pins and have them in my scheduler (I use Tailwind, which I have not been consistent with over the last few years, but Pinterest is a really good marketing tool for me).

I got that done by 8 am and then asked:

What next? What feels like magic?

Working with my Dream Self (from Dream Book). Getting her help for coming up with a plan for this week that makes space for magic AND is strategic about what needs to get done.

Well. Connecting with my Dream Self brought me more than I was expecting.

She was not all that interested in just looking at this week's plan. She was EMBODYING my biggest goals for my work.

And she was pointing to this project that I've had on hold for some time.

I reminded her that I put it on hold because of the "Slow the fuck down! BE as creative, powerful and magnetic as you ARE" message that my dream sent me in the summer and how I really have been slowing down and connecting to that deeper and more creative, powerful and magnetic part of me.

Yeah, she says, I know. It's time for your next steps with that. Now it's time to BE all of that WHILE picking this project back up.

At first I was confused, because that project had some deadlines for December and January that I absolutely cannot meet. And extra double cannot meet if I am staying "slowed the fuck down".

Then I saw it. A new way of approaching the work. No deadlines. All magic.

Yes, she says. You see it now. Pick the project back up AS your most creative, powerful and magnetic self. Pick it up slowly and joyfully. Don't WORK on it, CREATE and EXPLORE and PLAY with it.

OK yeah.

Then I look at my plans for this week and it feels more clear: Get my tasks organized to make space for this other thing. I don't necessarily need to spend any time with it this week, I can look at how to integrate it back in, in the new year.

Dream Book members: click here to read this on our private blog with comments section, where I link to all of the practices I use.

Not in Dream Book yet? Click here to find out more + join us.

I Make My Own Magic: available in hardcover + coil bound journals, mugs, zipper pouches, stickers, magnets, art prints and more in the Creative Dream Incubator RedBubble shop.

My work this week: do the next thing that feels like magic.

This is from my Dream Status Report from Friday, and the meeting with my dream and the soul of my business that I had there.

I feel like yes - there is this rope that goes from where I am to where I want to be. My dream IS this rope. The soul of my business is holding the other end, making sure it stays sturdy.

I can trust this rope.

Also - the dream IS THE ROPE. Like, being in the process, listening to my heart and intuition, staying connected and doing the little things I can do each day - THIS is the dream. Not the destination, which is my business goals, which is connected, but the dream itself is to enjoy this creative process.

Do the next thing that feels like magic. But I am conflicted about actually DOING this.

This is a challenge to some parts of me! Like - shouldn't I do the thing that makes sense?

Right now, what feels like magic is sewing.

But, since I am feeling better, shouldn't I get to work? There are so many things I wanted to do last week that I didn't do.

So I invite in my dream and the soul of my business (using the processes from the Dream Lab + Creative Business Incubator classes).

Girl?! What are you doing! We gave you clear instructions.

I know you did, but...

NO! BUTS!

I am really conflicted though. I need your help here. I was sick and all these things didn't get done last week, I want to do the things.

Yes. You WILL do those things. But does doing those things RIGHT NOW feel like magic?

No.

The dream is not about getting to the finish line as fast as possible. There are ways of thinking/feeling/seeing/BEING that are so much more important than the speed of how things happen. To be in alignment with us, you need to do the next thing that feels like magic. Your work right now is learning to prioritize this. I know you know you can trust your dream but - act like it.

Oh wow. ALL of my conditioning from living in this world is telling me to catch up on work. But if I am going to TRUST MY DREAM and TRUST MY MAGIC actually I need to sew.

Yes. It's that simple.

It doesn't feel simple at all but I get that it IS simple.

You ARE going to do those other things but actually - even though you ARE recovered enough to do the work, technically, you are not received enough to have the energy you need to do it in the most aligned/inspired way. You know what I mean by that. You need to work from that deeper connection to your dream and your Dream Self. You don't have the energy to do THAT today.

Yeah. I get it. Thank you for explaining it more clearly. I know you are right AND I have so much conditioning around getting caught up.

Sewing IS the next magical thing. I am going to do that this morning.

 

Dream Book members: click here to read this on our private blog with comments section, where I link to all of the practices I use.

Not in Dream Book yet? Click here to find out more + join us.

My Dream Status Report:

PART ONE: (sometimes these can stay the same for months at time, sometimes they change often)

My dream is: BEING the artist + writer I want to be. This is the "big picture" dream - this includes lots of different inner + outer things, which I am working on clarifying in my new Dream Book.

I want it because: This feels so enticing and important.

When I have it I will feel: More in the flow, more creative and like... feeling fully expressed. Right now it's like I have sooo much TO express, I would like to feel more fully EXPRESSED.

My new moon intention for this month: VERY SPECIFIC business goal for the end of the year

 

PART TWO: Invite your dream in (using the Dream Lab practice from Dream Book) to help you with the rest of the prompts.

My dream shows up as... a rope in my hands. I can ease my way along the rope, one step at a time, and it does lead to my dream. But it's snowy, so the rope is buried, so I can only see the little bit that is right in front of me. The rope asks that I trust it.

So I ask "How do I know I have the rope in my hands?" and it said "By how it feels in your heart"

Just do the next thing that feels like magic.

Specifically it feels like this: I posted the New Year Journal Prompts on my Instagram yesterday. This morning I saw that that post got me some new followers - which is really rare for me. My photos don't get a lot of visibility on Instagram and I have accepted that. But when I saw that THIS photo was visible enough to bring new people in, I wondered - should I do more like this?

That is what NOT to do.

Posting the photo, sharing the prompts - that felt like magic. Trying to reverse engineer this to create more scenarios where the IG algorithm works in my favour in the teeniest way IS NOT MAGIC.

Not that those kinds of logistical, strategic things aren't ever good to do!

Just - that's not what the rope is telling me to do right now.

And I want to listen to the rope. And I want to trust my magic.

(Again, this is NOT general advice to ignore logistics - just where I am right now. Logistics have helped me a lot with my dreams, too!)

My dream is the rope. And my dream feels very connected to my New Moon Intention as well. Interesting, since a few weeks ago they felt at odds with each other. Now they feel connected, though it feels like the New Moon Intention will take longer that just until the New Moon, which feels fine.

I call in the Soul of my Business (another practice from Dream Book) to join us.

It snows up as a big being of energy and light... and it's holding the other end of the rope.

It feels really good and SOLID to see that other end, even though I still don't see what's between me and that end, as everything is buried under snow, it feels easier to trust the rope now.

 

PART THREE:

Last week’s focus was: Nurture my creative flow.

What happened in the last week? Covid 🙁 Really just tons of resting. Doing what I can to keep up, but mostly not keeping up.

What am I learning/How do I feel about this? Maybe this was the ideal way to spend this week, resting and not doing... also having Covid now means I'm not that likely to get it over the holidays so I can start the new year feeling good. This year everything feels busier, though I did my Holiday Season Boundaries I need to look at all of that again, because I feel like things are getting too busy, even with only doing the things I want to do. Where can I simplify more?

What do I need now? Last winter I LOVED winter, how it felt like I had so much SPACE for myself. Quiet. Reflective. Right now I need that feeling back, I feel like the holiday season is starting to crash in on me. And that's not actually true - it's just that I need to get things organized. I want to see how it will all work, between our 3 holiday dinners (hosting 1, and bringing food to the other 2, and we're each cooking different things in a tiny kitchen so planning ahead is necessary). Yeah. WHAT I NEED is to plan it all out, and see on paper how there is time for everything.

What does my dream need now? The rope just shakes a little. Keep doing the next thing that feels like magic. In all honestly, right in this moment that is a nap. This reflecting and planning has tired me out. But yes - I want this to be my guiding light as I get back into the swing of things next week.

Taking all of this into account, my focus for the next week is: Do the next thing that feels like magic.

(Photo of my journaling kit: zipper pouch + hardcover journal from the Creative Dream Incubator RedBubble shop)

We've been through so much these past few years and now the world is falling apart around us.

This is my mood and manifesto for the 2022 holiday season: do not let one single thing bring you down.

Hold boundaries. Say no. If it causes stress say "FUCK NO" and move on.

Your dreams are precious.

Your mental health is precious.

Your creativity is precious.

Your self care is precious.

What is your mood and manifesto for the 2023 holiday season?

Now that I am starting to feel better from Covid, and I am looking at my lists of things I wanted to do this month with my work and creative projects and in my social life... holy fuck it does feel like the holiday season is just CRASHING in on me.

So I am making lists and getting organized and also looking at: What are the boundaries I need to have in place, in order to have the December that I want?

(This is SUCH a valuable question to spend time with at this time of year)

My boundaries:

Between the pandemic, the general state of the world and my own experience with peri-menopause - I have anxiety now that I've never had before. I need to be more mindful of not over-extending myself and getting depleted + overwhelmed, because it happens so much more easily now.

I'm not going into a single store the whole month of December. Groceries will be click + collect. And my husband, who is as extraverted as I am introverted, and actually LIKES to go wander around in stores, can go get stuff if we need it beyond that.

I will not go to anything I don't want to go to, and the things I do go to - I will have a plan in place to go home early. (A plan that allows my party-loving husband to stay out late if he wants because he gets to have the holiday season he wants, too). Early bed times are rejuvenating to me and late bed times can actually ruin the whole next day for me. This plan needs to be in place ahead of time, otherwise it can feel too complicated to figure it out and I end up staying out later than is good for me.

"I will not go to anything I don't want to go to" means literally. I will risk disappointing people. AND I will plan ahead to manage my energy... like if I know I want to have dinner with my family for Christmas, then do I need to keep my schedule more free for a few days before, so I know I'll be well rested/regulated and have the energy?

I will stay hydrated and well nourished. I can eat anything I want at holiday parties. AND I will eat lots of veggies, whole foods and protein. I have a lot of fruits + veggies in the freezer to make quick smoothies, and protein powder.

Daily walks outside. No matter how cold it is - I have all the gear I need to do this safely + warmly.

Daily meditation. No exceptions.

Notice how I am feeling during screen time and stop when needed! This is one of the things that can deplete me very quickly.

Have a soothing creative project: I am starting an embroidery project that I am really excited about. I've done a whole bunch of test pieces and am ready to start - I am embroidering rainbow prisms, with an eyeball in front of them, all over my favourite linen dress.

Have some fun novels to read: I have 4 books waiting for me at the library right now that should be enough.

For if I do get depleted: Take Ashwaghanda right away (an adaptogen that is amazing for anxiety). Take CBD gummies when I'm ready for bed. (I am stocked up on both) Hot aromatherapy bath.

Which brings up a question: Where can I lower expectations in order to preserve my energy?

EG: house cleaning standards, getting more prepared foods and cooking less from scratch, putting things off until the new year.

Will keep thinking on that one.