About my post from last week on how Love & Light are used as New Age gaslighting....
Being uncomfortable about other people having human feelings is generally a sign that we are not allowing OURSELVES to have our feelings.
And it's not a crime. It doesn't make you a bad person.
But it does make it harder for you to heal, grow, and create more of what you want in your life.
If does make it harder for you to be the change you want to see in the world.
Because everything you avoid has power over you. Everything you face strengthens you.
We are powerful! We are healers and artists and world-changers.
We can look hard things in the eye BECAUSE we believe in our power to do better.
BUT the New Age/Wellness/Live Your Best Life culture is RIFE with spiritual by-pass.
PLUS it's human nature to want to avoid discomfort.
If you think of a spectrum between:
[full on facing everything like a boss, healing and growing through very little obstacle in your way]
[#goodvibesonly I won't acknowledge anything negative and will even shame others for "being negative"]
recognize that we move around on this spectrum all the time.
Self awareness helps!
Reflecting on your own tendencies to bypass helps you be more aware of when and how and why you do this, so you can make more empowered choices.
So here we go...
The journal prompts. How do you know if you are really healing the thing or attempting to spiritual bypass the thing?
What happens when a life event knocks you down and you're right up against the thing again (the thing you thought you'd healed)?
Has it changed at all? Or are you up against the exact same thing?
We talk a lot about the healing path being a spiral. But is it?
Are you really seeing your issue in a new light?
Or are you just coming back up against this thing because you haven't actually dealt with it?
Are you sure?
What makes you sure?
If something has changed about how you are engaging with this thing: what is it, specifically?
Are you reacting in the same way that you used to? Don't focus on how you feel, it's easy to "feel like" you're seeing this from a more evolved place. Look at your behaviour. How has it changed?
Spiritual bypass keeps things VERY vague and a LOT can hide in vagueness. So get specific.
You are drawing from your true power to heal and create when you can be specific and clear and un-flinching. Especially when you're dealing with the things you really struggle with.
If you've been using spiritual by-pass as a tool, it will be VERY uncomfortable to lean into your true power instead. You will try to stay vague to get out of the discomfort of facing the thing you don't want to face.
Take the discomfort as a good sign.
And stay with it.
Remember that there is a POWER in being able to face the hard stuff head on, including BEING WITH the feelings that it brings up.
This is the inner work.
It's in processing your feelings about the obstacles where you find the fuel that will help you get beyond the obstacle.
You find your power.
You find whole new ways of seeing the thing, which give you a plethora of new options for how to handle it. You tap into your INFINITE source of creativity which can generate INFINITE solutions.
Because everything you avoid has power over you. Everything you face strengthens you.
I think it's just obvious that your healing and growth tools should STRENGTHEN you.
Which means they won't necessarily make you feel better right in the moment.
Which is why the New Age/Wellness/Live Your Best Life Industry is so FULL of tools that rely on spiritual by-pass.
Which gets confusing.
This is how I handle it:
Inner Work is uncomfortable.
Working with your dream feels good. It's creative and hopeful and casts a bright light.
So the trick is to COMBINE this Inner Work with the Dream Work. And then combine both with the Outer Work of pursuing your creative projects and making changes in your life.
That way it's not just you and your discomfort - you're bringing in light and healing and magic and creativity and possibility to the process.
You are seeing - AND USING - the benefits of the Inner Work right away. This makes it easier to KEEP GOING.
This is the work that will grow your dreams, but it's also what will save us all.
Creative Genius Planning Sessions are about doing your weekly planning from your most wise, brave and creative self. You get to your next level wth your dreams by being your next-level self, doing next-level things.
This is a 15 minute journaling + meditation practice for doing your Creative Genius Planning:
New videos come out every Monday where I share my process with this.
If you're in Dream Book - watch them on our private blog, (I send it to you every Sunday, so you have an extra day to work with it) with a private comment section for sharing your goals for the week, asking questions and getting extra support.
If you're not in Dream Book - if you like the Creative Genius Planning Sessions you will LOVE Dream Book. Check it out here.
The original version of this planner had mistakes!
I'm really sorry about this. Of course I triple-checked everything and of course these things got through.
Mistakes do happen and I hope that as you use the Year of Dreams 2022, these mistakes can be a reminder to you that your mistakes are ok. Mistakes are a part of the process.
The January, July and October monthly calendars are wrong.
If you purchased the printable:
log in to your account for updated files - there are a few different ways you can use them.
If you purchased the printed book:
You can print out the new calendars, cut them out on the black lines, and glue them over the calendars in your book.
This means you still have the coloured backgrounds, and the calendars will be accurate. (If you're not quite following me, scroll down for photos)
Also - you can use washi tape for cute edges!
Download the new calendars here:
Print out the new calendars, and cut out along the black lines:
Find the appropriate page in your planner:
Glue the printed calendar over the one in the book:
Optional: Decorate with washi tape.
Or get creative with it - it's your creative planner!
Again, I am SO SORRY about this.
There is a notice about this on the Year of Dreams 2022 page - it takes a few days for updates to work their way through the system and make it into printed books, so don't buy the printed version right now. I'll take that notice down once the revised version is being printed.
One of Peter Nygard's buildings burnt down, on the day of the full moon in October.
Peter Nygard, a well documented serial rapist and sex trafficker, who at the time of writing this was custody here in Winnipeg (he has since been moved to Toronto), had an apartment in this building which had been his home here for the last 40 years (though he also has homes elsewhere in the province and the world - most notably the private island in the Bahamas where he lured and trapped his victims).
That building is not too far from my home and I woke up to the smell of smoke that morning.
When I found out what the fire was about, it was satisfying to know his only home in my city was burning to the ground. It felt like just rewards but it also felt like "thank God that monster doesn't have a home here anymore" even though he is an old man and even with the most lenient sentencing, I don't believe he'll ever be out of jail.
So I shared the news article about this on my personal Facebook page.
Which always sparks discussion, especially here in Winnipeg where he was from. THIRTY YEARS AGO I was taking fashion tech classes and being warned about him by my teachers, because he is the biggest employer in this city in the fashion industry and as a young woman, if I was going to work for him I had to be careful.
Women have been warning other women about predators for so long.
Meanwhile, our culture nurtures them.
This man amassed a fortune that gave him the opportunity, resources and power to traffic women internationally for over thirty years.
This is insane.
We all know this.
It feels so hopeful to see the tides begin to turn, to see this man in custody.
And this reckoning is BIG. Much bigger than this one predator.
And it sparks A LOT.
It's totally normal to feel.... feelings. Grief or anger or joy that he is caught, or fear or terror.
It's also normal to go numb and not want to feel anything.
This is BIG and our feelings about it may also be BIG. They may feel like more than we can handle.
This is a healing process that is feels personal and collective at the same time.
And it's political. Like most healing is.
My business is the Creative Dream Incubator, my expertise is helping creative people navigate the inner and outer growth it takes to pursue a dream.
And this is a part of it.
Because we don't dream in a vacuum, we dream in this world. In this sick culture that allows horrific things to go on and on and on and on.
One part of working with our dreams is saying NO to the ways this culture wants to tell you who you are, and what you are capable of.
This is on a personal level like if your 3rd grade teacher said you're not that good at art and to this day your inner critic uses that as fuel to stop you from being the artist that you are.
And it's on a collective level like this agreement we seem to have that it's ok for women to not be fully safe in this world.
And then that collective also impacts you personally. And the ways it impacts you personally CAN cause you to uphold these sick agreements.
Like - they feed each other. In so many ways on so many levels.
One of the ways this happens in the New Age Community is where we gaslight each other with Love & Light.
So when I shared my post about Peter Nygard - and I wasn't even sharing GLEE about his home burning down, just that it felt right to me - an old friend from the new age community I used to be a part of (someone I hadn't seen in at least 11 years) came in to let me know that I shouldn't "stoop to his level" by sharing this, that I must be "spiritually disconnected" and that we need to "remain loving and trust those powers to be just."
This is really where the New Age goes with this Love & Light as gaslighting - the idea that sharing the news that this building burned down and feeling like this is his just rewards is somehow equal to over thirty years of international sex trafficking and serial rape.
The New Age, in it's fear of human beings having human feelings, is DANGEROUS. This is exactly the attitude that ALLOWS sex trafficking to go on for over 30 years.
Also, to remain calm and loving in the face of abuse is more likely a trauma response than spiritual enlightenment.
The New Age Community never had the skills to handle human beings having human feelings because - as I have written about before here, here and here - it's all cherry-picked culturally appropriated practices taken entirely out of context.
We need to make space for our feelings. This is what helps us be fully human. This is what helps us BE as powerful as we actually ARE. Avoiding weakens us, facing strengthens us.
We need to not try to gaslight other people who are having feelings. We need to recognize that they are strong enough to deal with their feelings, work through then, and come out even stronger on the other side.
If you feel you can't handle your feelings - by all means get help. I know therapy is expensive, you can also seek out other forms of support, like a lot of women's centres and community centres have free support groups. Or get some books from the library about trauma. Don't trust everyone who calls themselves "trauma informed" to actually BE trauma informed, but get in there, start learning so you can face and heal your traumas that stop you from being able to handle your feelings.
Being "spiritually evolved" so you don't have to feel your feelings is NOT healthy. Not for you or for our culture. And it actually stifles your dreams.
One of the ways we change the culture is by doing our own work, by learning how to be our true selves out loud in the world.
This is the "big umbrella dream" that ALL other dreams fall under: Everything that calls you, everything you wish for, is a piece of this puzzle of what it means for you to truly be YOU - free of all the ways this world has tried to change you or cage you.
Being your true self out loud is complex and multi-facted but one part of it is definitely being a human being with human feelings.
This does NOT mean throwing them at other people or using your feelings as an excuse for poor behaviour or getting stuck or lost in your feelings.
Allowing your feelings means congruence. Honesty. WHOLENESS.
Of course you're angry sometimes.
Of course you're sad sometimes.
Of course you feel righteous sometimes.
These are human feelings and appropriate responses to the things we encounter in this world.
I woke up feeling stuck but I did manage to get myself dressed, and on my bike, and to a favourite bakery/coffee shop which is where I am now, enjoying amazing coffee and the creamiest quiche tart in the world.
Still, I feel stuck.
So, stuck, can we talk?
😩 Argh. Ugh. I don't know. I guess. Remember when you rode your bike past that house and could hear a man screaming "FUCK" over and over and you were kind of scared? I kind of relate to him. Like I want to yell and scream and throw my feelings all over everyone else so I don't have to deal with them.
Yeah, I can see that. But you know that he DOES have to deal with them, eventually, and he's just making a bigger mess for himself and everyone around him, right?
😩 But it would be so satisfying in the moment.
Ok yeah. I hear you. I guess I am just always thinking of my future self and how to make life better for her so I don't want to go around making huge messes.
😩 And I want to make some messes. I want to not care.
That's valid. What kind of mess do you have in mind?
😩 Oh I don't want to MAKE a mess. I just want to know I can.
Oh, I hear you. That's important - to know you can express yourself however you want to. I'm sorry, dd I make you feel like you can't do that today?
😩 You did, when I was all "I'm tired and stuck and don't want to do anything!" and you insisted we get dressed and come here. I mean you were right, I am happier here, and I am glad we got the blood moving with a bike ride. But I also want you to acknowledge how I was feeling.
Well, yeah that's why I am in this conversation.
😩 Oh! Right. It's like I am so used to feeling like nobody cares that I don't notice when someone is trying to care.
I do care. I care about you, my stuck, just as much as I care about my future self.
😩 Oh. Whoa. I never thought of it that way.
Well it's true. So what do you need today?
😩 To acknowledge that you made some big decisions this week. Like sometimes you decide something and move on it SO FAST and I just feel lost.
(Sitting and breathing for a few minutes, focusing on how this feels in my body)
Do you feel that? That faster moving and heart-more-open energy flowing in my body right now?
That's what is fuelling this decision. It's ALIGNMENT, it's not "moving fast". I've been working on this stuff a long time, and when the next level snapped into alignment for me, I knew what needed to shift. Once I have that clarity and alignment it's really hard to NOT act on it, because then I know I am OUT of alignment. But I see how it can feel too fast for you. What can I do to help you with that?
😩 It helps to hear that it's about alignment and not about just making a fast decision and acting on it immediately. It felt like you didn't take time to think about it, and that's a bit scary to me.
OK this is FASCINATING. Because you started this conversation talking about the man who was just SCREAMING swearing angry so loud I could hear him just riding my bike past his house. And you felt like you wished you could express yourself that freely.... but when I express myself that freely - via taking immediate action when I feel that deep down in my heart and soul alignment - you want us to stop and get stuck.
😩 WHOA. I didn't see that. It's true. You are expressing yourself VIVIDLY by taking action on your inner inspiration and I was wanting to shut you down.
You didn't feel safe.
😩 No. But then I was jealous of the man who felt he could just be a big asshole with his feelings... so LOUDLY!
You wanted to feel.... what is it, entitled?... to express your feelings.
Just sitting with this. Feeling the stuck and bad mood dissolving.
Getting un-stick by validating all feelings and letting myself BE exactly where I AM is one of my favourite things to do, and I share LOTS of different ways to do it (with guided meditations and journaling sheets) inside Dream Book. I'll even show you how to create an entire "Un-Sticking Station in your journal.
This Monday, November 1, will be our LAST live Creative Genius Planning Session.
It's been SUCH A GIFT to connect with people during these live sessions over this last year.
But/And something happened last week, I just started seeing the creative genius planning sessions completely differently.
Which is funny because during these live sessions every week we have been asking questions about our projects and dreams and to-do lists - in order to look at things from different perspectives.
And now I am seeing the experience itself from a different perspective.
I realised that I always hold back in the lives, because we are LIVE ON SOCIAL MEDIA which isn't exactly a safe space for inner explorations and actual alchemy work.
And the spirit of the Creative Genius Planning Sessions doesn't want this anymore. It's ready to grow and evolve and take a shape that better suits it's purpose.
So the Creative Genius Planning Sessions are going to get WAY better.
BUT in order to do this, they won't be LIVE anymore.
They'll still be free.
I'll share them on my blog and social media.
(I'll also share them in our private blog inside Dream Book where they'll come with extra resources and a private space for sharing what you're up to and getting extra support)
And I'll post them on Sunday instead on Monday, to give you more time to work with them.
I will definitely miss connecting with people on the lives each week, and may come up with a new way of doing that, just not with the Creative Genius Planning Sessions.
⚡️⚡️⚡️ JOIN ME FOR OUR LAST LIVE ON INSTAGRAM CREATIVE GENIUS PLANNING SESSION ⚡️⚡️⚡️
This Monday, November 1, at 10 am Central
f you go to this post on the Instagram app you can set a notification to remind you to join us.
Hope to see you there.
I have been doing A LOT of journaling and thinking and meditating about how I want to put myself, and my work, out there.
There have been a lot of tangles to work through around how the internet culture has changed over the last 10 years, and all the places where I DO NOT want to interact with "business as usual" and... well... I could go on and on about the tangles but I won't. (Not that they are not super valuable to explore but that I've already written about all of that)
Today I am ready to talk about what I want to do next
The Creative Genius Planning Sessions are changing.
When I started doing them I was trying to find a way to offer something useful in a "live on social media" format.
A lot of what happens in my classes is NOT appropriate for "live on social media" it's deep and personal and it needs space to incubate away from the public.
So I didn't know HOW to do it in a free, live, public format , and I really wanted to experiment with it. And I've done that.
At this point, what I want to do is make the Creative Genius Planning Sessions the best they can be.
They are still going to be free. But they won't be live.
I'll be posting them on Instagram, Facebook and You Tube. I'll also be posting them inside Dream Book, where they will come with extra resources plus private space for sharing your goals and getting support each week.
I'm going to post them on Sunday mornings, so they're ready for people in different time zones and people who want to plan on Sunday instead of Monday.
Because these will take a lot more time/energy - I might miss some weeks. Or I might figure out a way to be super consistent with this, at this point I don't know 🙂
I do know these will go MUCH DEEPER than I feel comfortable taking people in a "live on social media" format.
I know - I am still posting these on social media, but I won't be taking questions/comments from people as I go. The thing about some of those questions/comments is that they quickly start to hit places that feel too vulnerable to share in this way. So it feels restrictive because we DO need to be working in those vulnerable places to truly access our creative genius.
In a pre-recorded format, you do the work on your own, in your mind and in your journal, and I don't feel restricted in terms of where I go with it.
I am hoping to have the first one ready this Sunday. Watch this space.
I am working on the new DREAM SPREE!!! project.
I have a few hours in my schedule to work on implementing some of the amazing ideas I've gotten....
I'm just sitting here.
Why am I not doing this?
My mind tries to grasp at multiple excuses, can't get a firm grip on any of them, and just freezes.
I don't know.
And I hear "I just don't want to do any of this"
This is soooo common.
I've coached so many people through the process of getting CLEAR on the HOW and making time and space and then that magical day comes when it's time to get work....
And they don't.
They don't get to work. They don't know why. And they say something along the lines of "I don't think I really want to do this"
And I ask "Well what would you like to do"
And they talk about going back to the drawing board, coming up with a new plan for a new dream.
They're lying to themselves. Just like I'm lying to myself right now.
It seems really weird that when we get to that moment when we have both a plan and a the time/resources to implement that plan, that THIS is when we get stuck.
In a sense, this is the EASIEST PART! It's the part where we get to finally DO the thing!!
But in reality, this is one of the HARDEST parts.
This part is VULNERABLE AF and so this is where your inner stuff will throw the biggest possible hissy fit to get you off track so you don't have to feel the discomfort of ACTUALLY FOR REAL STARTING.
I just added a video about this to our Library of Creative Dream Alchemy Videos.
I recorded the process of how I worked through this, and added it to the library of Creative Dream Alchemy processes.
So that the next time you're in this situation, you can work through it with me.
It is SO MUCH BETTER to not do this alone. Alone - your inner critic can hold you back forever while having you believe you have no other options. In Dream Book - we'll get you taking steps TODAY.
Dream Book members: the video is here
"I don't follow through" is not a part of who you are. It's not your inner truth.
Not following through is a symptom of something else.
And saying "I am just a person who doesn't follow through" stops you from figuring out the CAUSE of that symptom and exploring WHY you are not following through.
And it stops you from figuring out what would help you follow through on the things you really do want to be doing.
Listen. "I am just a person who doesn't follow through CANNOT be the truth of who you are because it means that your dreams are impossible.
And they are NOT.
This video leads you through a process of untangling some of this so you can make some different choices and create new options with your dreams.
"Not following through" is a SYMPTOM and to change this for yourself, you need to work on the CAUSE.
To start: You need to explore and work with the thoughts/feelings/ideas that came to you in this video.
This is the work that will detangle this "I don't follow through" story and give you space to create a totally new story for yourself.
The Hard Parts Are Where The Magic Happens Healing Circle and Inner Work Workshop
Do this workshop using "I don't follow through" as your obstacle and you will find a way to work through it.
The Build The Path By Walking Guided Journal is ALL ABOUT the follow through.
It will guide you through the process of taking steps, and learning as you go.
If you're in Dream Book:
Remember that EVERYTHING you to in Dream Book is helping you to dissolve un-helpful patterns and create new nourishing dream-growing patterns.
So every time you show up for ANYTHING in Dream Book, you are doing this work.
Any time you get lost: Here is the checklist of everything in Dream Book. Go to the next thing on that list and follow the link.
But to go deeper into this inner work:
Start with the Un-Sticking Station but if you notice you are not doing that, then go to the video for when you are avoiding the Un-Sticking Station.
KEEP DOING THIS. The Un-Sticking Station will absolutely show you what you need to do to change this for yourself. You just need to keep showing up and working with it.
Read the daily mastermind posts for daily reminders to come and join me in doing the work.
Do the new moon alchemy calls to set intentions for what you want to focus on over the next month.
Try the Focus Pocus 21 day program for getting focused.
I am mentioning all these things NOT because you need to do them all!
It's just that creative people need options.
Pick the one that appeals to you now and just do it.
Your dreams are counting on you.
You got this.
Last week I started something new. I'm calling it the DREAM SPREE.
I've invited EVERYONE in Dream Book to contact me, to let me know where they're at with their dreams and what kind of support they need most right now.
I'm going through ALL of the Dream Book content, looking at where I can make improvements to make it more helpful.
I'm asking for feedback from members about what they'd like to see in the group.
To me, the DREAM SPREE feels like if a bunch of fairies put on a "dream work party" to help all of them all move forward with their dreams.
That energy of celebration and magic and enchantment and dreams and MOVING FORWARD MORE QUICKLY THAN USUAL.
I know this is what I need right now, and I don't think I am the only one.
The response has been amazing.
Obviously, Dream Book is full of really smart creative people, so they've already sent in a ton of really smart and creative ideas.
AND they're sharing about their edges - those hard places they are up against as they move their dreams to the next level.
I am offering to work with EVERYONE. To help make sure you get what you need from Dream Book. NOW.
If you've been thinking of joining, but aren't sure it can help with the things you are facing now - this is the ideal time to join.
You can use the DREAM SPREE to end 2021 on a really high note.
It's been a rough year and a half. I'd really like to see us end 2021 on the highest possible note.
As always, I believe that listening to our dreams can show us the way there.
This is NOT about hitting our goals or necessarily even accomplishing anything.
It's about ending more deeply in the process of listening to what we are being called towards next.
And then being brave enough to hear our most honest answers.
Are you with me?
I'd love to give your dreams a BOOST!
Join Dream Book today to get in in on the Dream Spree.