Trying to follow through, but depression and resistance are getting in the way

Last week’s Dream Status Report brought me: focus on inner work and dream work.

(Hey! Did you see that the Dream Stutus Report Prompts have new journaling sheets? I really love this one)

I am also remembering my commitment to do Dream Book EVERY MORNING, and how I have strayed from that.

I always stray from it… doing Dream Book gives so much clarity and confidence that I drift away from it to focus on outer work - implementing all of the great ideas. This makes sense!

But then coming back to it always feels so healing and needed.

So here I am, coming back to it.

And I am noticing that it WASN’T just that I was focused on the outer work - I was in resistance, too. There was something to explore that I wasn’t really ready to look at before.

So today in my Dream Book I started a new page: How To Do This With Depression.

It feels important to me to not pathologize depression. I think there are a lot of reasons why depression is a good, healthy natural response for me to have.

And today I feel accepting that I am depressed! It’s interesting to notice how much I didn’t want to see it. How much I was trying to pump myself up to feel good...

But now that I see it, it feels like a gift.

I feel like I have moved through SO MUCH STUFF in this divorce process, and I am mostly focused on building my new life, and I just want to let go of everything from my marriage… but it’s not that easy.

I have hurt feelings and sadness that sometimes feel so sharp I can’t breathe.

And so depression comes in… heavy, sticky and foggy.

I've been soooo frustrated by how much this has slowed me down...

But now I am seeing how it fills my whole body with this heavy sticky fog and actually protects me from the sharpness. It slows me down, which I was finding SO ANNOYING before but now I appreciate that it is giving me this space for these sharper feelings to process in a safer way.

I appreciate my depression and want to care for it.

WHILE ALSO taking care of the post-divorce life I am building.

Before it’s kind of like these two things were fighting each other, so this morning I made this Dream Book page about doing this WITH depression.

Not just that I AM depressed.

But that depression and dreams can work together.

They both want what’s right for me. They both offer healing and authenticity.

This feels like such a gift.

So this morning I am not at my usual coffee shop. I went to a different part of town, so that after this I can stop at the conservatory with butterfly garden, and take a little walk through there.

Adding these nourishing and joy-sparking thing to my day feels essential for doing this WITH depression.

Also, this thing where I focus on working on my Dream Book FIRST - EVERY DAY even when I have “things I need to do”.

Doing this WITH depression means TAKING GOOD CARE OF MYSELF while I go. Making self care a priority along with measurable progress on my dreams (which is a form of self care BUT we can get into over-working with it too).

Anyway, just making this page, and giving myself space to BE WITH it has already made me feel completely different about this.

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Trying to follow through, but depression and resistance are getting in the way

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