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Wanting The Dream While Being Ambivalent About Doing The Work

(As a part of my commitment to do the things I want to do and NOT do the things I don't want to do - I am not making/finding photos for my daily posts - unless I want to some days. So I am digging into the photos already on my website - this is a photo of my Dream Book journal (with cutouts that come with the class) April 2021)

On Fridays I post my Dream Status Report which is a series of prompts I use every week to help me have more clarity, momentum and groundedness on my path. Dream Book members: click here to read this on the private blog with comments section where you can share your Dream Status Report.

My Dream Status Report:

PART ONE: (sometimes these can stay the same for months at time, sometimes they change often)

My dream is: BEING the artist + writer I want to be.

I want it because: Staying where I am feels like staying stuck + this feels so enticing and important.

When I have it I will feel: More in the flow, more creative and like... feeling fully expressed. Right now it's like I have sooo much TO express, I would like to feel more fully EXPRESSED.

My new moon intention for this month: VERY SPECIFIC business goal for the end of the year

 

PART TWO: Invite your dream in (using the Dream Lab practice that I teach in Dream Book) to help you with the rest of the prompts.

My dream shows up as a happy fairy floating in, but then my new moon intention is like... elbowing her ?! Trying to shove her aside so I focus on her. My new moon intention is also a fairy but she's dressed different... OMG she's wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase.

I think about The Office and Mindy Kaling's "business bitch" and laugh to myself and my new moon intention SCOLDS me (WTF?).

"This is not a laughing matter. This is serious. We are being serious about this goal."

Oh.

I look over at my dream who is radiant with joy, but being held back by... well I've got to name her this... the business bitch.

OK so my dream and my business goals are not getting along.

My dream gently shakes her head to say - no that's not it.

The business bitch has her arms crossed in front of her, still holding the briefcase so it's askew and it looks like papers and things may fall out of it.

I summon some comfy chairs, a table with tea and trays of sandwiches and veggies and hummus, and ask them to sit down.

"OK I'm sorry, I don't want to take sides, though I don't know why I think I'm supposed to be a neutral party, but I really want to BE the happy fairy, doing my art and writing." I turn to the business bitch "Of course your goals are my goals, but this is not how I want to get there. And I have to ask - is this how YOU want to get there?"

She starts crying. I hand her a cupcake, pink frosting with a heart on top.

"I don't eat cupcakes because the sugar and carbs make my sleepy and I need to stay focused and work hard"

"Yeah, sweetie, that's just not how I do things."

The happy fairy butts in "Actually it is - I mean you eat cupcakes sometimes but you are careful about nutrition, especially breakfast and lunch because you want to feel energized and good"

I look at them and I know that need to integrate them together. There are aspects of each one of them that I need, to get to where I want to be.

AND obviously - I HAVE AMBIVALENCE ABOUT MY BUSINESS GOALS. Not sure why I wanted to yell that. But that's how it felt.

I guess I am FRUSTRATED AF about these kinds of goals always also having ambivalence for me. Like why can't I get all of myself on board?!

I feel a hand on my shoulder. It's my Dream Self (from one of the practices in Dream Book) and she whispers "Honey it's not you, this is what it means to do this work in late-stage colonialist capitalism. It's fine that you don't love every part of it. BEING with all of your feelings about this is a part of work of deconstructing the places in you where you carry this toxic bullshit, so you can become more free."

Then suddenly I see.

I want the magic and flow and happiness of the happy fairy (my dream). I do WANT the goals (business bitch) but there is this pressure-y "let's take this seriously" vibe around her that I DO NOT want.

When I think about "taking it seriously" I just want to curl up and cry and then watch Netflix for the rest of the day.

I notice the happy fairy and business bitch are no longer on chairs, they are sitting on a love seat and snuggling.

And - this feels like a miracle even though I've been working with these aspects of me for so many years of course this is what happens - the business bitch immediately agrees to soften the pressure and take more of a "happy fairy approach" and the happy fairy agrees to hold this goal more firmly.

Which means: how do we hold this goal FIRMLY but not with PRESSURE?

This feels like a question that needs attention so I am going to make this my "question for the week" next week. Write it at the top of my planner, keep checking in with it, and see what happens.

It also feels important that I honour the spirit of my 6 weeks of blogging adventure: to DO the things I want to do and NOT DO the things I do not want to do. This includes a lot of the ideas that "business bitch" has for reaching the goal. I know there are other ways I just haven't found them yet.

 

PART THREE:

Last week’s focus was: Stay slow, stay in your body and get aligned with your inner truth before taking action

What happened in the last week? I found a really beautiful rhythm for my workdays that honours my energy levels/patterns and my body! With lots of movement and rest. Slowing down IS magic, I continue to learn new things about how magic it is.

What am I learning/How do I feel about this? I feel on the verge of growth, you know that feeling? When you KNOW this thing will grow you but you don't know what that will look like. I have always done everything I can to do business in a way that aligns with my values AND there are always "next levels" to this. It feels exciting to see that next level - I don't see it but I know I am AT IT because there is nowhere else to go on this level. I guess I feel TRUSTING that the path will reveal itself if I keep showing up.

What do I need now? Give myself space to sit with this every day. In September when Joseph and I tore down and re-built some things in the Dream Loft to make it work better for him to move back in, we were using this IKEA thing and IKEA ran our of drawers. So we have 1 drawer and an empty space for 3 more drawers and I've felt like - the entire organization of all of our things DEPENDS ON THESE THREE DRAWERS. But they were out of stock for so long! BUT THEY ARE BACK IN STOCK NOW. I have them ordered and J will pick them up after work and I can paint them (that whole unit is hot pink with zebra stripes, I just love it) this weekend and then.... we can get organized! This feels important, like the things I've been waiting for are here and it's time to live how I want to live.

(Joseph can't believe how important I think the drawers are, but these drawers are the hold up in organizing literally everything else - when he moved in a lot of stuff got crammed into these big bookshelves because we had nowhere else to put it and now I can put everything where it belongs. The drawers are pretty big!)

What does my dream need now? She waves her wand - HAPPY FAIRY VIBES, GIRL!!!! STAY IN THOSE VIBES! YOU GOT THIS!

Taking all of this into account, my focus for the next week is: Sit with the question: how do we hold this goal FIRMLY but not with PRESSURE? And bring in the HAPPY FAIRY VIBES.

You cannot PERFECT your way to your dreams. It’s a practice.

(As a part of my commitment to do the things I want to do and NOT do the things I don't want to do - I am not making/finding photos for my daily posts - unless I want to some days. So I am digging into the photos already on my website and who doesn't want to see this pic of me and Bear again?)

When I started this new adventure of showing up every day on my public blog I wrote: Showing up every day is a miracle generator.

It felt so true to me.

And then a few days in, it was SOOOOOO true. Like, overwhelmingly true. I felt like I am creating this HUGE OPEN SPACE for miracles to find me and I didn't know that I was ready for it.

There are so many layers to things, this is so interesting to me.

Showing up every day in my own practice has been a miracle generator - AND - I have been doing this so long I feel acclimated and computable. But to show up every day in a public way, in a way that promotes/shines a light on my work, feels like a whole new level.

I love that there are SO MANY WAYS to practice our dreams.

And we have so much space to experiment and explore and find the way that fits for where we are right now.

Please remember that having a daily practice of showing up can be TINY. It can be making a cup of tea and giving yourself a few minutes to breathe. Doing it AS A PRACTICE as a way of SHOWING UP FOR YOURSELF makes it special and creates this bubble of possibility where the things you need next can find you.

The things you need have a harder time finding you when you are not showing up for them.

But can we turn the pressure down?

We had our New Moon Alchemy Circle this week, which we do every month for reflection, intention setting, coaching and chatting.

At the start of the call we reflect back on the intention we set at the last new moon. This month - I couldn't remember mine.

"That's weird" I thought. Then I remembered that I had actually made some changes to some of my weekly routines that involved NOT checking in with my monthly intention each week.

And I thought "Hmmmmmm... what kind of intention that I set that scared me so much I didn't want to check in with it?"

So I flipped back through my planner and....

Oh.

Right, I set a VERY SPECIFIC BUSINESS GOAL as my intention.

During the call it felt SO RIGHT.

During the call we do alchemy work to align with our inner truth and feel POWERFUL and CLEAR and SURE...

And so OF COURSE the next day I did not feel THAT powerful, clear or sure. And I just quietly put that goal down and didn't pick it back up again.

I mean, I do feel pretty powerful, clear and sure - but it's a spectrum. And when we set intentions from that more-powerful place, sometimes we're able to draw on that "bigger" sense of power to follow through and take action and sometimes not.

IT'S A PRACTICE.

THE GOAL OF PRACTICE IS NOT TO MAKE PERFECT.

The goal of practice is to show up.

This is a monthly practice of setting an intention, holding that intention, and then checking back in on it the following month.

I 100% DID THIS RIGHT. Even though I didn't get the outcome I had wanted.

We don't PERFECT our way to our dreams.

We PRACTICE our way there.

Holding a less-pressure more-joy approach can go a long way.

Other people will tell you to dim your light. Let’s not ✨

(Dream Book members - click here for our private blog where this post contains links to all of the practices/mediations I use, and a private comment section)

This is a thing that comes up over and over and over in this work: other people will react poorly to you going after your dreams.

They’ll react poorly when you fail. But they’ll also react poorly when you succeed! They will even react poorly to you STARTING the path.

This is 100% about them and their feelings that get stirred up and 0% about you and your dreams.

Everyone has dreams! Everyone longs for a more authentic, aligned, purposeful, meaningful, free and creative life. And everyone has really good and valid reasons why they don't go for it.

Our dreams are connected to our deepest fears. So when your co-worker/family member/partner/friend sees you making a move, it can trigger all of that IN THEM and they don't want to deal so they try to throw it at you.

And it feels like shit.

I have a complicated relationship with insecurity. So when people started throwing their insecurities at me because I was starting to be more bold with my dreams, it felt like a really complicated thing.

But it’s not complicated at all.

If someone is being a shit, that’s on them and you don’t need to feel conflicted about setting some healthy boundaries.

You don’t NEED TO feel conflicted.

Most of us WILL feel conflicted though. At least at first, because this triggers our own insecurities - am I good enough? Do I deserve to do/be/have this?

This is the stuff we need to work through. This is a part of the work of creative dreaming.

This is the writing that came out today. And it inspired an idea:

A class for Creative Dreamers: Am I good enough? Do I deserve to do/be/have this?

The idea just came to me - I'm going to go play with it and see where it goes.

This feels like it would be a good thing to have in the Creative Dream Alchemy Library of Inner Work. Because most people DO feel this way at the start of ANY new thing - and these feelings aren't actually meant to stop us.

Showing up is a miracle generator. My new daily blogging.

I am starting a new thing - daily blogging (Monday-Friday) until the end of the year.

There is so much I want to say and share, so I want to create this container to help me do that.

And also... writing is a way of finding my way.

And also... being more deeply rooted in my art + writing practice is a BIG DREAM right now, and having a place to put that stuff would be helpful.

I do write every day on my private blog for Dream Book members. Some days these posts may be the same some days they may be different. I don't know what that will look like because I am figuring it ALL out while I go.

The way I used to plan things doesn't feel true to me anymore.

Doing BEFORE planning feels like a better fit - for me, for now.

I do have ideas of things I would like to see here - not just writing but videos too, sharing my own journaling, collections of journaling prompts, mini-classes, some teaching and sharing ideas.

I want to DO MORE - in terms of art + writing + sharing.

I want to DO LESS - in terms of ALL of the things that tax my nervous system.

I love this time of year for this kind of thing.

In the last few years I have learned, and keep learning, to honour my sensitivities.

Instead of being frustrated about certain things making me be anxious, I am saying "Oh! That's good information" and taking it as a message to not do those things.

So, stuff like - I can't go into a grocery store between now and the new year because the vibe in there is TOO FRAZZLED. And I will walk places more often because driving on icy roads is stressful but walking feels MAGICAL (and I have bew boots for walking on ice).

Just - noticing all the things that feel stressful and finding other ways.

This includes: more HIGH QUALITY alone time. Writing. Making art. Hobbies. Napping. Meditating. Walking. Dancing.

And mostly: being more devoted to creative dreaming as a practice.

Which is what I want to share here.

So - stay tuned! If you're reading this in email - you are already subscribed to my blog so you'll get these posts delivered to you.

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Staying CREATIVE AND HOPEFUL while the world is unstable.

From my journal: Staying rooted and stable while the world is unstable.

This has been one of my practices lately. It's the one we did together in the Staying Stable In Your Relationship With Money When The World is Unstable call last week. (Replay is available when you join Dream Book - find it in the "Zoom Calls" section)

That was a 90 minute class. In first part we did the practice of creating our own bubble of stability and then the second part we invited money in to work with it there.

By doing this work in the class we created a FELT SENSE in our bodies of having this bubble of space, which makes it easier to conjure that feeling on your own after.

And lately I am just doing that first part - creating that bubble of stability around me and staying there.

From this place I feel so much more creative and free. Like the stresses of the world aren't right up in my face, I have some SPACE for myself.

Having that space gives me the opportunity to figure out how I want to respond, instead of just reacting.

This is so helpful and healing for myself. And also - this is the way we can create a better world.

All those feelings we have in reaction to what is happening in the world - anger, frustration, terror, whatever it is for you - ARE VALID.

AND ALSO

Being reactive with these feelings is not usually helpful.

By sitting with them (validating, processing, expressing) we work through that flurry of sensations and come to a place where it's easier to connect with our truth and then we can ask: How do I want to respond? What do I want to do here? how can I act out of my values?

One of the things that starts to feel SO FREAKING IMPORTANT for me when I do that work is: Your gifts are needed.

EVERYONE'S gifts are needed.

Your books, art, coaching programs, healing modalities, blogs, events - the things you feel inspired to create, the ways you want to share your gifts. THIS IS NEEDED.

So for me, last week's call naturally leads to this week's call:

Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice.

Rooting in to your inner light and exploring how you want to shine/share it.

Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice is:

- practicing exploring this light
- practicing TRUSTING your light
- practicing shining your light and experimenting with all the different ways you can do this
- practicing sitting with all of the questions and feelings that come up for you as you do this, while bringing your intuitive knowing and creative power to creating the answers

You have gifts. And there are people who need these gifts.

How can you practice showing up in such a way that they can see you?

How can you practice staying grounded and sure when this inevitably gets scary?

This work is SO inherently creative and spiritual, and when we make more space for this part of the work, then the outer work all becomes less fraught and more clear.

Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice on Zoom. Tuesday, Nov 8 at 1:00 pm Central (North America)

(Note: we did just have the time change for daylight savings. Use the Creative Dream Incubator Google calendar to double-check what time this is for you)

This is just the first call, it will be a monthly call inside Dream Book for the foreseeable future because I believe that all of our gifts are URGENTLY needed out there in the world so let's practice sharing them more brightly.

It's totally ok if you can't be there live. Make a plan to watch the replay ASAP and leave your thoughts, comments and questions in the comments under the video.

Hope to see you there. YOUR gifts are needed.

Your gifts are needed (Monthly calls on Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual practice)

On Nov 8 we dida Zoom call on Marketing as a Creative and Spiritual Practice.

The replay is now available to all members of Dream Book. It was a beautiful rich discussion and also I shared an alchemy practice for this work you can use to get your practice started. Then we'll meet each month to take the next step with it. I'll share new ideas, and we'll see where our practices take us.

Turning marking into a creative and spiritual practice makes it GENERATIVE and EXPANSIVE. It creates space for you to receive exactly what you need from it.

According to Wikipedia, marketing is the process of exploring, creating, and delivering value to meet the needs of a target market.

I think of it as shining your light. Or sharing your message. You have gifts! Marketing is how you let people know about them.

We tend to think of marketing as being all about the outer work, but I think it is more about the inner light and how we're choosing to shine/share it.

Marketing as a creative and spiritual practice is...

  • practicing exploring this light
  • practicing TRUSTING your light
  • practicing shining your light
  • practicing all the different ways you you can aim your light and all the different ways you can shine it
  • practicing sitting with all of the questions that come up for you as you do this while bringing your intuitive knowing and creative power to creating the answers

You have gifts. And there are people who need these gifts.

How can you practice showing up in such a way that they can see you?
How can you practice staying grounded and sure when this inevitably gets scary?

This work is SO inherently creative AND spiritual.

Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice on Zoom. Even month inside Dream Book!

I'll keep doing this for the foreseeable future because I believe that all of our gifts are URGENTLY needed out there in the world so let's practice sharing them more brightly.

Join Dream Book here.

Today’s Journal Prompts

I had a dentist appointment this morning, and on my way there I went out for a chai latte and journaling.

In preparation for our class on Wednesday (Staying Stable In Your Relationship With Money When The World Is Not Stable) I focused on two prompts:

What helps me feel stable? (Which sparked some thoughts about the nature of stability itself)

How do I want to feel about money? (Which also sparked some thoughts about money in general)

Some of the ideas that came to me were surprising.

Like at first, I know I want to feel EXPANSIVE and FREE and CREATIVE and POWERFUL in my relationship with money.

But the longer you sit with a question, the more answers you get, and an answer I got later on felt more true.

I want to feel neutral about money.

Also stability fascinates me the way it’s not a dream of mine… but without all dreams feel impossible. I thought of the forms of stability that I take for granted because they’ve always been there, and all the ways I can call it in for myself. I thought about it on a larger level - how do we help more people in the world be stable enough to dream? Because we do need everyone to dream our way into a better future for all.

As I keep exploring, I’ll probably find more surprises.

I hope you’ll join me for this on Wednesday.

We’ll explore and share together (this work is always so much better in a group) and do some energy alchemy around calling the things we need.

Details and registration are here.

Having a stable relationship with money when the world is not stable.

How do I be grounded, stable, empowered, expansive and creative in my relationship with money...

... while the economy and world are so unstable?

This is the big question that keeps coming to me lately.

And as I've been sitting with it I realized I want to share this process with you.

So I'm doing this as a Zoom call, next week.

Get the details here.

This is a time of transformation. How are you answering the call?

This past while has felt like an especially weird part of my path.

It’s like being on a long journey through a very dark forest, stopping at occasional waterfalls and meadows full of wildflowers, but mostly being in the forest, unable to see very far ahead, and having nothing but my own heart to let me know I’m moving in the right direction.

And then I stepped out onto a VISTA. Like I can see a whole new world of possibilities from here.

And my dream is like “YES! THIS is what I was trying to get you to see”

The Creative Dream Incubator is so much bigger and more powerful than I knew.

By that I mean the energy being that is the soul of the Creative Dream Incubator.

The Creative Dream Incubator created the Yes There Is Still Time For Your Dreams For 2022 To Come True class a few weeks ago and is still sending it’s encouragement and energetic support to all participants.

(And yes this includes you if you want to join us - you can get the replay right away when you join Dream Book)

The Creative Dream Incubator sees from a much wider and differently-focused perspective. It’s seeing how each of our dreams impact the world, and what the world would look like if we were all following our own hearts and dreams.

And it’s not doing this in an overly simplistic way. It’s talking about a revolution. Following your heart does often mean speaking up and actually fighting against forces of oppression just like it means healing your own trauma responses and taking responsibility for your behaviour.

Some days you’ve got to be a warrior in order to be an artist or healer.

This summer my dream had sent me this message: Slow the fuck down! BE as creative, powerful and magnetic as you ARE. I’ve been trying to listen, I’ve been exploring what this means.

I’ve had layers and layers and layers of things come up to explore around slowing down.

It’s really been an initiation into a whole new relationship with the Creative Dream Incubator which in turn creates a whole new relationship with my own dreams.

I think we’re all in a kind of initiation right now.

This is a time of transformation.

And I want you to know the Creative Dream Incubator is here.

Dream Book is a strong and sturdy container for supporting your process of transformation, healing and creative growth.

Together, our dreams can change the world.

There is lots happening at Creative Dream Headquarters right now:

Celebrating another book launch: I’ll be live on Instagram with Meliors The Holistic Tooth Fairy next Thursday! She’s written a book - The Secret Life Of Teeth. Her work is FASCINATING plus we’re going to talk about her behind-the-scenes process of writing the book and setting up a Kickstarter campaign to publish it. (Details are here - you can join live or catch the replay)

I wrote a blog post: 3 Steps to Stop Procrastinating, Overcome Resistance and Distractions and Actually DO Your Creative Dream. Read it here.

Year of Dreams 2023: The planner for Creative Dreamers is available here! This is a totally customization and magnificently supportive planner - watch the video on this page to see how it all works.

Impossible Project Self-Coaching Journals: This is a self-coaching program will will guide you through the process of actually DOING your “impossible project”.

Also, I am going to be opening up some one-on-one sessions. The work I’ve been doing with my clients lately has been so deep and rich and I want more! Normally these sessions are only available to Dream Book members, but for the rest of the year I want to offer them to anyone, at a lower price ($153 USD). I’ll be getting this ready for next week, let me know if you want to get on the waiting list.

You’ve got a lot of magic in you.

And I’ve got a lot of tools, tips and practices to help you use it more effectively as FUEL for your DREAMS.

 

Start today! Get access to ALL of my free classes* here:

*Included classes:

 

Your Next Steps: a journaling + meditation class for navigating your next steps with your dream.

Help! I'm Stuck!: a 4 day class for getting un-stuck and transforming your stuck energy into FUEL for your dream.

The Hard Parts Are Where The Magic Happens: 80 minute healing circle and inner work workshop

Soothe*Restore*Grow: 80 minue deep dive into healing pandemic overwhelm and growing into your wildest dreams for what's next