Journaling

Dreams do fall apart sometimes. That doesn’t mean you were wrong to pursue them.

I keep noticing this about my divorce - I am frustrated with myself for marrying the “wrong” person.

I’m asking - how did it feel so RIGHT to marry him when obviously it was a big mistake? Why didn’t I know better?

And these are all such un-helpful questions.

But underneath them is this big raging fear that I’ve been needing to sit with:

Can I trust the way I make decisions?

Because it DID feel SO RIGHT to marry him and this is where that led me so… do I stop doing things that feel SO RIGHT out of fear that everything will blow up in my face?

Now - all FEELINGS and REACTIONS to feeling are VALID and all but they are not TRUE.

And while I’ve been sitting with this feeling because it keeps coming back to me I know that actually I didn’t do anything wrong.

A lot of traumatic things happened to my partner before and while we were together. And his increasing reliance on alcohol to cope with that trauma changed him dramatically and altered what kind of relationship was possible.

None of that is on me.

AND just because it did all blow up in my face, does that mean I shouldn’t have done it?

Is it a GOAL or a DREAM of mine to never have things go wrong?

Because YIKES! The kind of control you need to try to exert over the universe to avert all disaster is not appealing to me at all.

So.

If I am listening to my own truth, accepting that things happened the way they happened is the only way.

AND

This is hard.

This isn’t just about my divorce.

I’ve worked with SO MANY PEOPLE who followed their dreams and it made a huge mess in their lives.

This does happen. It IS a thing.

There is risk in following a dream! Not because dreams are inherently risky, but because our culture doesn't support us in being our true selves. Our culture rewards conformity, the people who conform the most AND have the most intersections of privilege are going to be the safest.

Following a dream is a risk and doesn’t always pay off.

I mean there is lots to be said about how failure is inevitable, it teaches us and helps us along the path, and we need to normalize the idea that things WILL fall apart and we WILL create something new from the ashes.

But most people feel alone in this, because no one is talking about it.

Everyone is out there sharing little quotes about healing and courage and following your dreams and no one is sharing quotes about being in the mess that’s left when it all blows up in your face.

But this is a part of it.

Nothing is forever. Relationships. Businesses. Careers. Our health and our lives!

So, these questions that are coming up for me about CAN I TRUST THE WAY I MAKE DECISIONS? CAN I TRUST MY DREAMS? are not actually questions, they are fears.

Totally valid things to feel.

I am sifting through a LOT of different conflicting feelings right now. And I want to validate and FEEL them all… but not let them make decisions for me.

Your dreams may blow up in our face and make a huge mess in your life and this does not mean that you did anything wrong.

Shit happens!

You are a creative genius and you can make magic out whatever life throws your way.

Dream Book Resources:

When your dream falls apart

Two processes for working with disappointment + the whole inner work library

Come dream with us

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Dreams do fall apart sometimes. That doesn’t mean you were wrong to pursue them. Read More »

I woke up with a new dream

I woke up this morning feeling AMAZING. Suddenly I had a dream: getting a little camper van and going on trips with Bear. (This is brand new, there is lots of research to do, maybe a camper van or an RV or a trailer, I don’t know!)

Writing and making art and having little adventures. Traveling AND being at home!! (Or, a tinier version of home)

It felt sooooo goooooood. Magical and light, setting of little sparks in my heart.

Dreaming is a function of healing. Just like healing is a function of dreaming.

I’ve been in another really hard part of my divorce process.

Since our separation I’ve been grieving the dreams and plans I had for my future with him, and how so many of them don’t feel right or seem possible on my own or with someone else.

And I haven’t had anything to replace any of that with.

And I haven’t WANTED to have anything to replace any of that with because taking the time to be with the loss and be in the unknown is vital for healing and healing is vital for creating a better future.

So, waking up with a brand new dream that feels so warm and light in my heart is really everything.

It’s bittersweet because it’s a reminder of what I lost and all the ways my former partner let me down.

But it’s mostly a bright light showing me that my best life is still ahead of me.

Having a THING I REALLY REALLY WANT feels so good!!!! YAY CREATIVE DREAMS!

That’s the end of this post, but… I am writing so much right now, so I wanted to share something I had written previously that I hadn’t shared:

The dreams I was working towards have died. The life I was planning with my husband is over.

So what now?

I don’t know.

When we first split up, I instantly dreamed of a healing cocoon and did what I could to turn this transitional time into that.

And now, I’m stepping out of the healing cocoon and it’s a shock out here. I don’t know where to go. I don’t know what’s next.

It’s not like me to not know what I want, so that feels disorienting. But I don’t want to rush and pick something. I want to really dig in here and explore what feels possible now.

So I’m going to set up an art picnic, right here where I am.

Make some art. Figure it out.

Some prompts:

What do I wish for?

What am I dissatisfied with?

What do I want more of?

What do I want less of?

What are the little things that bring me joy?

And some Dream Book resources:

Dream Finder Coaching Circle

The Biggest Dream

 

 

Come dream with us

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I woke up with a new dream Read More »

I trust my magic

I trust my magic

This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: I trust my magic.

HOLY CRAP this is exactly the mantra I needed.

I've also been using "I am a powerful witch"

This keeps coming up on our calls lately and I am feeling it in my practice - the need to dig in deeper to the Dream Work, to help counteract how hard Inner Work and Outer Work are right now.

I've been journaling more lately, and one thing I am doing is just writing out all the things I want, like affirmations. "I am now open to receive...." "I feel powerful enough to ...."  "I know I am ready to..." things like that.

Throughout the day I remind myself… I trust my magic. I am a powerful witch.

It’s helping.

We do need to remind ourselves of who the fuck we ARE sometimes.

As I keep sharing on our calls - all the ways that dominant culture fail us has been on my mind a lot.

Not that I want to sit around pointing fingers and not taking responsibility for my own life, but because I see the impacts every day, on all of us.

As I connect with my new dreams for the second half of my life, I have this growing feeling about how we all deserve better.

Life is sacred. It’s a gift.

Our culture degrades this gift in the name of greed.

None of this is new.

But it all feels more urgent to me.

I TRUST MY MAGIC has been helping me NOT feel helpless in the face of the state of the world, and instead look for ways to be a part of the future I want.

Come dream with us

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I trust my magic Read More »

It IS harder now.

This keeps coming up with the people I work with - how HARD things are right now.

How it IS harder to stay in the kind of positive mindset you need to make things happen.

How it IS harder to rally and keep going on the long path to a dream.

How it IS harder to pay bills with the costs soaring! And how that stress impacts everything.

How it’s natural to have resistance to our dreams, how we will ALWAYS have inner work to do, and how breaking through the fog and getting into creative slow is harder now.

And how just “trying harder” or whatever - isn’t cutting it.

So I planned a series of calls to help us find our way through:

Today’s call is about Exploring Resistance + Creative Flow. (If you can't make it live, the replay will be on that page a few hours after we're done)

I’ve been working on this pretty intensely this year, and have lots of ideas to share, but when we meditate and journal together on any topic - magic happens! So I am excited to see what we discover together.

March 12 we’re doing Taking The Inner Work Deeper.

This is because most times the way to make a dream happen FASTER or BIGGER is to go DEEPER with the inner work of if.

And we all resist the things we want to resist, and then try to validate our resistance, which makes this complicated. So we’ll work on it together.

April 9 We’re doing Letting Your Dream Come To You Instead Of Chasing After It.

This one was a request from a Dream Book member (you can always let me know what kinds of topics you want to explore on these calls!) and I think is also a really important piece of how to stay positive and dreaming in these hard times.

Because sometimes when things are hard, WE get hard. We try to be more dedicated or hardworking and forget to lean into our inner magnetism and ability to draw things to us.

Not that we can just sit around and wait for the dream to manifest, there IS work for us to do since WE are the dream’s guardian on this plane, so we need to do all sorts of physical stuff to make space for it. But there is a balance we need there, to not go into CHASING and HARD WORKING our way into a dream.

And the more we are doing the Dream Work practices like this, the easier the inner work and outer work are!

Then on May 15 we’re doing Creating Self Care Protocols to Support Yourself in Being The Version of You Who Can Do Your Dream.

This is the one I am most looking forward to. Next-level self care.

All the practical physical stuff AND all the magical stuff and DELIGHTING in giving ourselves everything we need to be our absolute “best” selves - best being however you want to define it. Happy, creating, trusting your self, trusting your dreams, building your future.

These calls will all start with alchemy meditations and journaling prompts for exploring the topic and then rich discussions, sharing of ideas, and working through all the stuff that comes up.

I know times are hard!

And I know we are stronger together.

So I hope you join us for these.

(If you're not a member of Dream Book, find out more + join here)

Come dream with us

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

It IS harder now. Read More »

With BIG FEELINGS flying around, how do I want to show up for my life, my self, and my dreams today?

I read enough books about divorce to know that the first year after separation is hard.

A lot of different waves of feelings can hit. You can feel one thing one day, and then it’s opposite the next day. The best advice I got was to remember that none of these feelings are your new forever state, and none of your thoughts will be your forever beliefs about anything. Let them flow.

Today’s wave feels more like a bomb of sadness, anger and regret.

(I want to add - I write these posts in advance, so this isn’t about Valentine’s Day but I was delighted when I was organizing my writing into posts for this week and this is where this one fell)

And a part of me wants to process all of this as quickly and effectively as possible so I can go back to living my life, and working on my creative dreams.

But this is my life.

And creative dreaming doesn’t happen in a vacuum, it happens in our lives. Which are messy sometimes.

So. With BIG FEELINGS flying around, how do I want to show up for my life, my self, and my dreams today?

That’s the question I start with.

We don’t choose the feelings we have, we do choose how we react to them.

And I believe the best way to react to them is to VALIDATE them. We don’t have to like or enjoy the sensations a feeling provides to validate it.

Our feelings are valid responses to what is happening, and all the ways that all the things that have happened to us have impacted us.

And by validating all of that, it’s like we give the feeling space to breathe. Which is brutal in the moment but then it’s pure magic. Because there is something FOR YOU in those feelings, and you only get to receive it when you feel it.

On last week’s new moon call this came up a few times: how BIG our emotional reactions can be and how those BIG FEELINGS get in the way of being able to do the things we want (and need!) to do.

There are so many ways to work with this. We identified a few different paths, and then experimented with “how would it feel to ____” to try to find the right one.

There is no “one right path”

The world is a mess! Our lives are (sometimes?) (often?) a mess!

Figuring out how to fit our dreams into the mix of the messes we are facing is complicated - precisely because of what I was talking about in my dream status report from last week - because I need to be more PRESENT and INTENTIONAL and this is more difficult to do from within a hurricane of mess.

AND

We don’t just give up, right?

Come dream with us

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

With BIG FEELINGS flying around, how do I want to show up for my life, my self, and my dreams today? Read More »

OMG Resistance

The Exploring Resistance + Creative Flow call is happening this Thursday! Dream Book members, get the call details here.

I started the resistance project in January.

A year of exploring, healing and making art with my resistance.

I dove in excitedly in January. I learned/remembered a whole bunch of things that work for me. I removed all games from my phone, I cut my screen time way down, I increased my daily step count, I firmed up my routines and structure/organizing.

And now, I still have all of these things in place that help nurture creative flow so I feel less resistance… and I have more creative flow... and yet sometimes I am still just RIGHT IN IT.

IDON’TWANNA

This came up on our New Moon call last week - how a lot of us feel like we’re overwhelmed and it’s just REALLY HARD to do the things we want to do.

I think it’s good to remember that there are external forces acting that ARE making it harder. The state of the world DOES impact our mental state.

Creative Dreaming is LIVING AS A VISIONARY and this is actually a big deal. It’s exhausting even in the best of times and these are not the best of times.

So it’s understandable that I have these days some days.

AND I really want to explore my resistance consistently this year so…

This morning my resistance shows up as:

Resistance to going for my morning walk to a coffee shop. My plan was to go to the “45 minute walk” coffee shop. But it is cold and windy, and after 2 weeks of un-heard of warm weather it means switching back into winter gear and maybe that’s too much today… so I bargained with myself… what about the 30 minute walk place? Or the 20 minute walk place, I mean we don’t like that place very much but 20 minutes feels so doable, right? Or… I mean there is a 1 minute walk coffee shop too... Can we do that?

Nope. The thought of getting dressed and going into the world was a big NO this morning. (Being self employed and the freedom it brings is one of my biggest dreams, and I recognize how lucky I am to be able to make this choice.)

But, even comfy at home in my PJs with my coffee and my cat Bear snuggled up in his bean bag chair beside my desk I have a lot of mental resistance today.

I feel HEAVY.

I also feel resistance to the resistance. Like WTF ANDREA? Just do the things that you DO want to do!

I look out the window. Maybe I will go out? Exercise and fresh air may be all I need?

On the other hand, maybe I need a break? A day off?

There is nothing urgent I need to do today BUT there is something I really do want to do. And that’s another thing we talked about on the New Moon call… how we can rally and get the stuff done that needs to happen. How none of us would just not show up for our clients. But then we end up not showing up for ourselves as well - that we don’t get to those projects that don’t have any external deadlines.

So I feel 50/50 - yes a day off would be nice AND totally justifiable. And yes a whole day to work on that project that I really do want to do feels really good.

My pre-pandemic self felt this way so rarely, that when I did feel this way I tended to take it as a sign that I needed a break, and take it.

But since 2020 I feel this way much more often, and I actually don’t want to take that many breaks. I want to move my projects forward.

OK! Good information!

I have resistance AND resistance to the resistance AND this inner knowing about what I actually DO want to do.

So what’s in my way?

(This is where I pop onto Facebook to see if there is anything interesting happening there)

No! Come back! We are journaling our way THROUGH this! Keep going!

What’s in my way?

I think about doing what I want to do, and I get a “brain swirl”.

What’s the brain swirl?

I sit with that a few minutes. It’s this tiny little part of me who is riding some kind of spacecraft that swirls around in my head, trying to create an energy stream that directs my thinking away from this project.

Wow, interesting! Why?

She wants to go get ice cream.

OK well that is SUPER interesting, because there is an ice cream shop near one of the places we could go to work this morning. But do you think this is literal - like part of you want to get ice cream? Or do you think it’s more like she wants to go play and not think about work?

I think she is BRAIN SWIRLING us right now and we can’t stay focused on what we are trying to process.

Right, yeah.

OK I think it’s obvious that if I stay home I’m just going to swirl around in my thoughts and not do this thing. AND I am resisting the plan I had made. So we need to come up with a new plan!

Oh I just realized what the problem is.

That project I want to work on today. It’s “starting something new” and “working on a thing that really matters to me” and both of those things bring up ALL THE THINGS.

The vulnerability of trying something new.

The fear that it won’t work out.

The doubt that I can really pull it off in the way I want to.

The “why bother? No one cares”

The worry that it will be too hard.

The worry that no one will understand what I am trying to do.

THE THINGS that come up for everyone with their dreams at some point. For me it happens mostly at the start, and then again right before it’s done.

Having named “the resistance” for what it is, and having worked through all of these fears/doubts so many times over the years (there is a whole library of inner work practices for this in Dream Book!) I just need to find the gentlest way to begin.

NAMING it really shifts it.

Instead of “some weird brain swirl that won’t let me focus” I know “this is hard and scary because it’s so vulnerable to start a new thing”.

And I know what helps with this:

Un-Sticking Station or other practices from the Library of Inner Work

Dream Self process to connect with the part of me who knows how to do this

Dream Lab process to connect with my enthusiasm for doing this

And now I feel ready to get started.

Making space to process all of our thoughts and feelings will naturally bring you to your truth. Your truth will include HOW MUCH you want to do the things you want to do - even when they are scary.

SO excited to explore this on the Exploring Resistance + Creative Flow call on Thursday! If you're not in Dream Book, now is a great time to join!

Come dream with us

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

OMG Resistance Read More »

I am moving in the right direction

 

I am moving in the right direction

This is the mantra I got in this week’s journaling + alchemy kit: I am moving in the right direction.

DIRECTION is SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT than speed! And yet we all get discouraged at how long things can take.

I started weightlifting (again) in December. Between the holiday season in December and then January hitting kind of hard - I took about a month off and started back at it late in January.

But this week I’ve been noticing my shoulders, arms and legs are starting to look different.

And it’s like “what?! I’ve barely done anything!” I am only even aiming to go twice a week, which means some weeks I only go once. I’m not trying to do body building, I’m just trying to counteract the loss of muscle that happens at this age, because getting those muscles back helps my energy and mental health so much.

So I am taking tiny steps but I AM MOVING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

And as long as I keep taking tiny steps - they do add up and move me towards where I want to be.

AND

Nothing is guaranteed, in terms of outer outcomes, of course!

But - how does it feel to say to yourself “I am moving in the right direction”?

And there some places where this is uncomfortable?

What are those places telling you?

Come dream with us

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I am moving in the right direction Read More »

Focusing on ONE dream and ONE thing at a time

Of course, there are no rules! YOU always know what is best for you.

BUT/AND it really is easier to make a big change happen when you can focus on one thing.

This is not always possible! I know!

But if you are really struggling making something happen, it is good to look at how you could re-structure your priorities to give this thing more time, energy and FOCUS.

For myself, focus has been really hard to find since 2020.

And I’ve noticed that my Dream Book has become less and less focused. I’m dreaming of everything, lol!

Over the years my dream had become this vague thing… the brightest future I see for myself.

Which is lovely, but you need to be able to focus on something in order to grab onto it.

So, this year I am focusing.

I am dialled in on ONE dream.

And, since this is a larger dream that has multiple steps/projects - I am also PRIORITIZING things, getting one thing done before starting the next.

I know that seems like an obvious way to get things done, but since 2020 I have struggled with that.

I haven’t wanted to put any ideas aside to focus on just one, and the result is that none of the ideas get the support they need.

And I’m kind of just swimming around in ideas, becoming increasingly overwhelmed trying to juggle it all at once.

So I took the time to put the ideas into ORDER and am working through them - one by one.

I’ve only been doing this for about a month but already I feel completely differently about everything.

AND I want to note - the process of putting them in “order” and prioritizing certain things over other things WAS BRUTAL. It brought up a lot of fears and doubts and I un-stuck the sticks as I went and now it feels really good to have my ideas IN ORDER so I can give each one the time and energy they need to turn into something.

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Focusing on ONE dream and ONE thing at a time Read More »

I got out of my way!

For the last few years (??!?!) the soul of my business has been sending me this one message consistently.

And I thought I understood it. And I thought I was acting on it.

And I WAS acting on it - in the best way I could.

But my actions were not really getting the results I wanted. Things were not clicking into place like the soul of my business insisted they would.

Which is so frustrating. But I kept trying.

One of the principles of Creative Dream Alchemy is “It takes the time it takes” and we all get frustrated with this, we can all feel like things aren’t happening as fast as we want them to…

But often, when we do finally have the breakthrough we needed, we realise that WE were the ones in the way, the whole time.

But THEN we realize that even though it was on US to change - that we couldn't make the change until we could make the change.

That showing up and trying and not having it go well, over and over and over, is what brought us to this place where it all comes together.

So that’s where I am today.

But it does’t feel shaming, like I should have done better two years ago.

It feels like an amazing journey, like who cares how long it took I FIGURED IT OUT.

If you can't control the universe and don't know how long it will take for things to work out for you, but you CAN control whether or not you keep showing up - how can you find ways to do the work that are generative and interesting so it's easier to not give up?

Dream Book members: I have this 10 minute video on how to make it easier to stay on a looooong path to a dream.

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I got out of my way! Read More »

New Moon Call Tomorrow! And the New Moon Intention Setting Ritual Kit is here!

I don't have a regular post for you today - I've been completely focused on finishing the New Moon Intention Setting Ritual Kit.

I started out wanting to make some printables of prompts we use on the New Moon Calls.

And then I decided to make it a whole thing to use on it's own, for people who are not in Dream Book - a journal that leads you through a simplified version of the mediations we use on the live calls every month.

I love this so much!

We've been doing the New Moon calls for years, and I've been refining the meditations over time and it's become such a beloved practiced, I am thrilled to be able to share it in this way!

Read all about it here.

Dream Book members: you can download it here.

Come dream with us

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

New Moon Call Tomorrow! And the New Moon Intention Setting Ritual Kit is here! Read More »

My creative genius is bigger than the obstacles

 

This is the mantra I got in this week’s journaling + alchemy kit: My creative genius is bigger than the obstacles.

This is one of the few mantras that I believe is true for everyone.

We don't have to pretend we don't have obstacles or ignore our actual feelings about them. Obstacles are scary! And frustrating! They can make us ANGRY.

AND we can be brave enough to FACE and CHANGE to obstacles, and our creative genius (our inner creativity, wisdom, power, courage and authentic way of being) can absolutely help us do this.

But the point of the weekly mantras isn't to learn a specific thing, it's to explore your own reactions.

Each time I do these kits, I get a different reaction.

This week it's ANGER.

And a bit of surprise about how angry I am.

I feel angry about how much of the new age/holistic healing/life your best life industry is (still!) DISempowering people when it comes to this.

I feel angry that people are STILL preaching this idea that we should just "rise above", good vibes only, change your thoughts to change your life... instead of cultivating the courage to just fucking FACE the hard parts.

Because we are SO powerful when we stop avoiding and start BEING WITH.

Because I 100% believe that each one of us is bigger than the obstacles. So there is no need to spiritual by-pass or learn hard, heavy and unconsciously into privilege as a manifesting technique.

So, I feel angry about this because I see so many people being led down paths that won't bring them what they want.

But the biggest anger is about much this approach to Living Your Best Life focused on individual gain while leaving the oppressive systems we live inside unchecked and as powerful as ever. The ways the colonization of Indigenous spirituality continues to do harm.

And, as I have started to reflect more on my life because I'm in this big season of change AND facing the start of my 50s and feeling surprisingly unprepared for a whole new decade, I actually feel a lot of regret for the times I spent in these communities.

Regret is a hard one for me.

And it can easily make me angry and then reactionary and I'm trying to not go that way with it.

I'm trying to sit with it and find out more about what this is calling me to do.

Come dream with us

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

My creative genius is bigger than the obstacles Read More »

It’s the things we least want to face that we most need to face

As a coach, this is easy. It’s easy to notice where someone is speaking vaguely about something, and ask them for details. And most times the “details” they provide are still pretty vague, so as I ask again for details - that’s when it becomes clear that there is something in the way, something the are avoiding that is keeping them from doing the thing they say they want to do.

It’s easy to spot in other people and it’s easy to keep pressing, to keep asking for details - when it’s someone else.

When it’s yourself? Not so easy.

So it’s good to notice where things feel vague.

Where you’re not sure why something isn’t working.

Or you’re not sure why you’re not doing the things you said you’d do.

Or when you have a really good reason for not doing the thing… but you still somehow feel all tangled up about it.

The place where it gets uncomfortable… see if you can find the gentlest way possible to find out more about that.

And then keep asking, don’t let yourself stay vague. Don’t pack away any of the discomfort.

This is the way through.

I've been doing this for the last month, exploring the way I organize my work. It's been EXCRUCIATING.

When the pandemic hit, all of my routines, systems and habits just flew out the window. The last month I made the commitment to not re-build them, but build new ones that fit where I am now.

EXCRUTIATING.

It feels like I had mountains of layers of discomfort to work through.

Getting organized, like really truly organized so not just keep up with my work as it is, but actually DO the things I say I want to do, can be so fraught because this is where the rubber meets the road. No excuses. ALL the vulnerability. ALL the fears and doubts are right there. Nowhere to go but right through every fucking one of them.

So, as I said, I've worked through what feels like mountains of layers. One little thing at a time.

And each layer taught me one little thing about the new systems I want/need now.

And I applied each little thing as I learned it.

And then suddenly - I feel SUPPORTED by how ORGANIZED I am.

It's excruciating until it suddenly isn't.

It's like a big ball of healing and order lands right in your lap.

This is the magic of working through the shit, and continuing to work through the shit, until you've worked through it.

So if you're in the shit - keep going. Keep asking yourself more about what's going on, don’t let yourself stay vague. Don’t pack away any of the discomfort.

And if you're in Dream Book - make the Un-Sticking Station your best friend.

Come dream with us

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

It’s the things we least want to face that we most need to face Read More »

Journal Prompts for when you’re so stuck you can’t do anything but you also can’t just give up

(Since my year-long project on exploring my resistance has me getting more organized as a way of supporting my creative flow, I am going through things I have written. I wrote this one a few years ago and then never shared it!)

Journal Prompts for when you're so stuck you just can't do your dream but you also can't just give it up

I went to see a friend I hadn't seen in a long time.

In the time I hadn't seen her, she sold her business, retired, moved, and dealt with several family illnesses and deaths.

She was telling me about her new creative dream - to write a book. It's a very specific book, and as she was telling me about it I realised.... she had told me about this before. Before all these big changes, before the pandemic.

She kind of winced. "Yeah, I have been wanting to do this a long time. I mean... I did write one chapter."

But the way she said "I did write one chapter" discounted what she was saying. Like, because she didn't make the progress she wanted to make, the progress she DID make is not valid.

We were quiet for a minute and then she said "It's just so hard"

I've heard that so many times from so many people and each and every one of them felt ALONE in it.

Like everyone else is happily writing and creating and getting things done and they are just all alone in finding this all kind of hard.

But it's hard for everyone.

It's hard for everyone and that hard is magnified by feelings of shame and failure and being all alone in it.

This is why I do my work in an ongoing community -  so you can see that others are on the path with you and help normalize that it's just hard. (Join us here, it's amazing!)

When you accept that it's just hard then you don't have to get all emotionally tangled up about it being hard.

You don't have to be STUCK in the hard.

You can just face the hard parts and move through them. You take your power back. (I know it's not quite that simple, but I have a lot of tools to help you do this in Dream Book. It's absolutely do-able, with some time and work.)

It's hard because it's vulnerable.

Listening to your dreams is some of the most vulnerable work you can do. It touches on your deepest inner stuff because it pushes you to be more authentic in how you're showing up in your life.

That's vulnerable because of the reasons WHY you're not already being more authentic, creative, powerful and brave in how you're showing up in your life.

This is all very deep down hard wired and mostly lives in the shadows where you can't see it.

Working with your dreams makes it more visible because your dreams push up against this and asks you to bring healing and new possibilities to these places inside you.

So: Journal Prompts for when you're so stuck you just can't do your dream but you also can't just give it up:

Where are things really hard for you right now with your dream?

How does this feel? Where is this feeling in your body?

Stay with this. DO NOT move ahead to the next prompts, don’t try to get to the solution. Stay with the feelings until you feel you have fully described them. For bonus points: can you actually FEEL the feelings? Notice where they are in your body and focus on those sensations.

What are the other thoughts, feelings and questions that come up when you sit with how hard things are with your dream?

How can you validate all of these ways that you react to it being hard?

I can tell you: your thoughts, feelings and reactions ARE VALID. This is hard stuff! You’re doing great! But how can you validate this for yourself?

How can you think of yourself as a success for staying with this?

If you’re feeling like you’ve failed because this feels stuck, can you instead see yourself as being IN PROCESS? Instead of seeing yourself as stuck, can you see yourself as being incredibly brave because you’re still showing up?

Can you remember that creative dreaming is about answering your soul’s calling which includes a lot of inner healing and growth, and that your dreams often push you to face all the hardest things you have to face, all of the things you would much rather avoid, and so: it’s not that you are struggling with this, it’s that this is inherently experiment difficult work and no one moves through it in a linear way?

No one moves through it as quickly as they would like to. No one “feels successful” while they are in the middle of it. AND YET YOU ARE SUCCESSFUL BECAUSE YOU’RE STILL HERE.

How can you offer love to the places in you that are hurting with all of this?

How can you offer love to the places in you where you feel stuck and small?

Really sit with this. Be with the sensations in your body, ask yourself what you need and give yourself some time to find an answer that feels right for you.

Can you trust that your inner genius is guiding you?

And that this means: if you have some really hard stuff going on and you feel stuck, that maybe being with this stuck is the right thing for you do right now? Can you see this as a part of your path?

Somewhere inside you, you do know how to work with this obstacle. What would help you get in touch with this part of you?

HINT: It’s RELALY hard to do this work when you are avoiding anything that you’re feeling. So you may need to repeat this process a few times before you start to get in touch with the answers… but I promise they are inside you.

Want more help with this?

If you're in Dream Book, you have a whole library of inner work practices here.

If you're not in Dream Book, check out my free courses, which include a healing circle for working through the hard stuff.

Come dream with us

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Journal Prompts for when you’re so stuck you can’t do anything but you also can’t just give up Read More »

I am a living growing ball of chaos, magic and contradictions. I am not a robot.

This is an old photo of my old workspace, but the creative mess really matched how I am feeling.

It’s a sleepy morning. I open my journal and feel wildly grateful for the Dream Book journaling kit because I have some structure and a helpful question to start with, instead of a blank page.

This is so good!

Two minutes later I am on my phone, googling tinted moisturizers.

It’s partly resistance.

But another part is that I am trying to have a specific kind of day, doing a specific kind of work, and that’s just not where my energy is at. I’m trying to get myself to where I want to be, rather than be where I am.

Monday mornings I want to (?) (should?) do planning and strategizing and I am really not feeling it. Especially after a weekend of relaxing, a slower start would make more sense. Like - unfocused creative work. Journaling, writing, or working on artwork that is already planned.

If you are a regular reader then you know - this is not a new dynamic for me!

And I SOLVED this dynamic by moving my weekly planning to Friday.

And it took a few weeks for me to really get into it, but once I got to a place where I was consistently planning on Fridays everything was working better.

And now here we are, back at stage one. Arriving at Monday morning with no plan and no head for planning. So of course I’d rather just google tinted moisturizers than figure out how I am going to do the things I want to do.

I don’t share these things for sympathy.

I honestly don’t want sympathy or empathy or anything.

This is just my process. I’m fine with it.

I share these things to say: THIS IS WHAT THE PROCESS LOOKS LIKE.

I am a person who has successfully supported herself with her creative dreams for the last 13 years.

And this is what that looks like some days.

This is completely natural and ok and I am still going to get to where I want to be. Maybe I won’t get there today, but that’s fine.

We have this sense that if we can’t get our shit together and keep it together when we’ll never succeed with anything.

But this is just not true.

I can know better and NOT do better. And I can just keep showing up and working on it.

The process is messy.

And I am well aware that I could be more organized about how I run my business.

I could run it like an actual business, lol.

But I’m a mentor, writer and artist. I’m really good at these things and I also - these are the things I want to do.

I don’t want to be a CEO. I don’t want to set up a whole business that has so much structure that I always know what to do on any given day because it’s been planned out months in advance.

My definition of success includes space to flounder.

A lot of growth and new ideas come from the floundering.

And it feels so important to me lately that we ACCEPT and CHERISH and HONOUR our process as it is.

That little voice that is always criticizing my way of doing things (”You aren’t organized enough!” “You’re too slow!”) has been getting quieter. The internalized rules about “how things should be done” feel less relevant than they ever have.

I love this.

Come dream with us

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I am a living growing ball of chaos, magic and contradictions. I am not a robot. Read More »

It’s easy for me to have what I want

 

This is the mantra I got in this week’s journaling + alchemy kit: It’s easy for me to have what I want.

This is a hard one!

In the message I send out with this one I talk about how much this one has PUSHED me.

Remembering that with these mantras we are never trying to force ourselves to feel a certain way or pretend to have a belief we don’t genuinely have. We are exploring, learning more about ourselves and how to bring ourselves more of what we want and need.

It’s easy for me to have what I want. I mean it would be amazing to feel this way all the time.

And we have to recognize that, in the culture we live in with intersecting systems of privilege and oppression, the more intersections of privilege you have the easier this one is to believe because invisible systems really are making it easier for you to get what you want.

So if this one feels really hard for you, that’s not necessarily on you.

Recognizing where dominant culture makes it harder for you to receive what you want is not “playing the victim” or “being negative” - it’s having clear sight.

And with clear sight you can see the path much better.

AND of course we might have places in us that believe that it's "just too hard" to go after the things we really want, and it's our work to detangle those beliefs.

So this is a tricky one.

One question it brings up is - how do we open up more space for receptivity?

I did a receptivity call last year - the replay is very helpful! I do a mini version of that practice most mornings before I get out of bed. We can practice and learn to BECOME more receptive, we’re not just stuck where we are with it.

What do you think?

When do you feel like it’s easy for you to receive what you want?

And when DON’T you?

And what could you do about that?

Come dream with us

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

It’s easy for me to have what I want Read More »