Manifest your dream life

A bad dream, over-working and searching for the light at the end of the tunnel

bad dreams, over-working and the light at the end of the tunnel

My latest update as I move my whole business and learn tons of things in the process.

I had a pretty trippy dream last night.

It had some traumatic elements and some really fun elements woven together in that weird dream way - like Simone Grace was the person letting people in to the Canadian Video Music Awards, and I recognized her but she didn’t recognize me, but she did let me in!

But the main theme of the dream was betrayal, like betrayals on top of betrayals. And that left me feeling pretty uncomfortable this morning - kind of raw and sad, without knowing why.

My first reaction to waking up feeling this way is “NO! I can’t! I have so much to do that really needs clear-headedness today!

But of course you can’t just “No I can’t!” your feelings away, not even dream-feelings. So I’m just sitting here, being with that feeling so I can process it and not have it interfere with my day.

First there is this rush to bullet-proof my life somehow to make sure I am never betrayed.

Then concern that I am being betrayed and I don’t know where and maybe this dream is trying to tell me something.

But the feelings starts to shift around and change when I come to: people are going to do what they’re going to do and I can’t control that, I actually trust myself to take care of myself whatever happens...

It’s the places where I betray MYSELF that are really brutal.

Then I feel a sense of forgiveness.

I’m realizing I have felt betrayed by the person who I was trusting with my online business operations. And that somewhere inside myself, I have blamed ME for making a wrong choice. Six years of 100% depending on them to keep everything operational… to then see that all the little red flags of course DO add up to something and they are NOT trustworthy.

But I’m not 100% sure I placed my trust in the wrong place, I believe I did the best I could with what I knew at the time AND this situation HAS taught me and next time I think I’ll see the truth sooner.

The act of taking my power back and taking control of this aspect of my business is… well not to be dramatic about it but it’s actually FLATTENING ME right now.

The volume of decisions to be made, the level of detail - my already-Covid-lessenened-mental-capacity is not up for this task.

At the same time, my creative self is THRILLED.

My dreams are THRILLED.

Yes, this is a rough patch where my dream is stretching me - but I've been in these places before and they always lead to something good. Like, this is how my dreams grow me, it’s always worked like this and by now I can trust the process.

So it’s kind of a weird place to be, of trusting the process AND being flattened by it at the same time.

The way I feel flattened right now - that’s similar to how the betrayal on betrayal felt in the dream.

Like I did betray myself to end up in this place?

Absolutely not.

I think that’s the toxic positivity+ love + light culture speaking.

That sense that if things are hard now that means I did something wrong. I wasn’t positive or loving enough so I am out of the flow. I am to blame. That’s bullshit but it’s so pervasive in our culture where we blame people for their hard knocks.

The thing is, this rough spot I’m in right now is GOOD. It’s the exact right place for me to be right now.

I’m being grown in the ways I need to grow to get to the next level.

This new online classroom I am creating is a HUGE “up levelling” for the Creative Dream Incubator. I get to create the VIBE and I am LOVING that.

And I get to decide how all of the behind-the-scenes stuff works in terms of how classes are delivered and accessed and this is REALLY cool because my classes are actually CONTAINERS FOR TRANSFORMATION so this way I get to set them up to be more flexible to support all the wild and wonderful and strange ways your transformation will occur.

I love that part.

It’s just that building more flexible systems is exponentially more work.

And I do want ME to be the one doing this work, building the container. Usually people hire experts to do this kind of work.

It’s kind of funny that I do have the skills for this. I have a Bachelor of Applied Arts in Fashion Design, I took a lot of courses in the elements and principles of design (which work for websites the same as for fashion) and visual communication. I taught myself html after university (which is easy to do online). I learned how to use Beaver Builder for WordPress a few years ago - a theme that allows me to put my ideas onto the pages of my website. I also learned how automations work to deliver course content over the last few years.

I have everything I need to do this.

OK wow.

I started writing this to help me process the feelings from my dream and now those feelings have cleared, I feel plugged back into my purpose + passion for this project and ready to get to work.

I think I am 1-2 weeks away from the move! But I thought the same thing 1 week ago, so who knows? When I get REALLY close, I will close registration for Dream Book, and will open it back up after everyone is moved.

You are *always* worthy of your dreams. But you won’t aways *feel* worthy.

Today I hit a milestone: All of my courses + libraries have been moved over to the new website.

This is HUNDREDS of pages of content, all re-designed, re-organized and better than ever. I’m not done, there are a least 1-2 weeks of work to get the site operational, but still, having all of the content moved is a big milestone.

I hit this milestone at 7:45 am this morning, sitting on the patio of a coffee shop I used to work out of all the time, pre-COVID. For computer tasks, I am more productive in a coffee shop and not having access to them since March has impacted my productivity, on top of how the stress of these times has already impacted it.

So it was a real gift this morning, to wake up super early and get to the coffee shop early enough to get a table on the patio, as our patios are open at 1/2 capacity with social distancing measures so getting a table is not something I can count on being able to do most of the time. Also – I usually don’t WANT to be there, but early in the morning is good.

I was up so early because I went to bed so early because I really hit a wall last night.

It felt equal parts emotional and physical. The physical part I understood but it felt like I was hitting new ground in the emotional part and I didn’t know what it was.

I did NOT have the capacity to be with it and figure out what it was. I took a hot bath and went to bed early, which is my go-to self care practice for when things are hard. It always feels more clear and hopeful in the morning.

So this morning I was happily working away at the cafe, and at one point I tried to access I page but I wasn’t logged in and this flashed on the screen:

And suddenly I knew what this new emotional wall I’m hitting is all about: I don’t feel worthy of this new website.

Like – who am I to plaster my smiling mug all over the login screen like that?

When I designed this page, I was DELIGHTED with it! I thought “it’s like I am right there smiling and welcoming them in!”

But now that “who do you think you are???!?!?” voice has taken over and trying to shame me into NOT showing up in this new way.

This is good.

Every time I level up in some way (and I must say that levelling up is NOT all about things you can measure – like an increase in income or audience – there are infinite ways to level up and our dreams will need us to level up in all sorts of un-measurable ways along the way) I come across my inner resistance to showing up BIGGER and BRIGHTER and TRUER.

This resistance is made up of parts of me who need healing before they can feel safe with me taking my next steps in living my most brave, free and authentic life. 

We ALL have these parts. We live in a culture that is constantly telling us who we should be and what we should want so living by your internal compass feels TERRIFYING for some parts of us. 

This is just a part of the work.

It’s never a sign that we really CAN’T do this, or that we am NOT good enough or NOT worthy of having what we want.

It’s just a thing we have to work on, a part of the process. Just as important as making the website or recording the podcast or writing the book or making the art.

This is why Dream Work and Inner Work need to be a part of your daily practices! Otherwise you don’t notice this stuff because it’s all happening way beneath the surface – and the stuff you don’t notice about yourself has a LOT of control over you.

I am taking my power back and I didn’t even know I had given it away.

Every month I do a new moon alchemy circle + creative coaching call. During the June call I had this huge realisation...

I have a pattern of choosing "the easiest and/or simplest thing" instead of "the thing that will help me reach my goals".

😳

Like, I had NO CLUE I was doing this. I see myself as a person who pursues her dreams and goals wholeheartedly.

I felt really uncomfortable to see it, to notice where my own self concept is not allowing me to see what I am actually doing.

(We're ALL doing this, all the time btw 😉

This is why it's so important that we not force ourselves to heal or grow or to push ourselves into any kind of mould of who we think we are supposed to be.

The Live Your Best Life Industry is full of this! It's all about deciding what "living your best life" means and then shoving yourself into that shape. It’s violent and it’s dangerous. And it ignores just how hard it is to REALLY know what you want. And the fact that we you grow and change, so do your desires.

As an aside - so many people come into Dream Book feeling vulnerable and ashamed because they don't know what their dream is. I know I feel it too sometimes! But the idea that we're supposed to always know what we want is BULLSHIT. We're NOT supposed to always know what we want. The process of exploring is vital. Staying in a place of KNOWING and being CERTAIN means staying in a place of STAGNATION. Being wiling to not know, being willing to explore and grow... that's where the magic happens.

Magic, healing, growth - they all REQUIRE vulnerability and uncertainly and willingness to explore and be open. Spiritual belief systems that treat the universe like a giant vending machine that grants your wishes if you wish right bypass all of the magic, healing and growth that are actually possible for you.

But let me get back to my story.

So I explored this new pattern of mine where I choose "the simple thing" over "the thing that would help me reach my goal."

I know it's possible to just "change your mind" about a thing and instantly shift your perspective and your actions and your outcomes.

I also know that that approach can be nothing more than shoving yourself into your ego-created ideas of who you should be and what you should want. That's not what I want for myself.

So I explored GENTLY. Staying open, curious and loving. I used the tools I teach in Dream Book. I made space to just BE WITH the pattern, exploring my feelings about it, getting to know it. Not trying to CHANGE it.

Anything that is not your truth will unravel and dissolve or change into something true - when you give it your love and attention.

This is why I think the Inner Work and Dream Work NEED to be a daily, or regular, practice for anyone who is wholeheartedly pursuing their dreams. And the further you are along the path the more you need to practice 😉

And when you are doing this work you don’t even always realize or understand how everything is interconnected. You pull at at one tiny thread and it can unravel and change your whole life.

Because at the same time all of the stuff happen in terms of me moving my business which I thought was just a simple choice to use one piece of software instead of another one...

But now that I am in the process of moving, now that I am building a whole new home for my work, I’m starting to understand where the tools I have been using have been holding me back... because of that choice to keep my systems SIMPLE.

Like I am stunned by how much I have been held back by the tools I've been using. I am stunned by how much I have given my power away without even knowing it.

And in all of this surprise and shock I'm also feeling so much joy, so much ALIVENESS and so much freedom.

A LOT of energy has just been freed up for me, in the transformation of this pattern. I feel wildly energized which is really helpful because I have so much work to do getting this new site set up.

This is NOT to say that everyone who uses simple tools like the ones I've been using is being held back!!!

Absolutely not.

There are EXTREMELY GOOD REASONS to choose simple tools. And you can absolutely succeed in any way you choose to using any tool you choose! I wholeheartedly believe that.

But - I had an UNCONSCIOUS pattern of choosing easy/simple over effective. So my decision making process was impacted by this in ways I couldn't see.

So - for where I am now - with an eight year old membership site and a new course where I hold DEEP space for DEEP work - in an ongoing way (Dream Book baby!!!!) these are not the right tools for me.

Or another way I can look at it is - I am ready to step into my NEXT LEVEL of how I offer my work.

When I think of it in this way I don't feel shame or embarrassment about not having seen this pattern sooner, I just feel excited to let it go now.

You just NEVER KNOW what kind of changes will be sparked by doing the Inner Work.

So this is why I am I advocate and create and hold space for people to do this work in a wholehearted and CONSISTENT way.

We don’t know what we don’t know.

WE don't see out own blind spots anywhere near as well as we think we do.

And the further along we go on the path the more we start to think we DO know what we don't know - and that stops us from learning!

So that’s why we need to keep practicing, keep exploring, because there’s so much more for us.

Good news! It’s IMPOSSIBLE to know HOW to make your dream real!

This is good news because if you don't know HOW to make your dream real - that's fine! NO ONE DOES.

AND not knowing how doesn't mean you can't start today 😉

I explain in today's today and talk about what I've been struggling with lately, and how staying engaged in the struggle has led me to a MUCH better place.

I have free classes to help you get started with this here.

Or join me in Dream Book and I'll show you how to work through all of this stuff and make SIGNIFICANT progress towards your dream, taking just one little step at a time.

When there is an IMPOSSIBLE CHASM between where you are and where you want to be

This morning I had a bit of an intense experience in my journaling + meditation practice so I wanted to share my story.

It's about a visualization I did, to try to help me figure out what my next steps are.

I visualized where I am today, and I visualized my next level dream, and then I looked more closely at the space between as a way of figuring out what kind of steps I should be taking.

The space between showed up as an IMPOSSIBLE CHASM.

Yikes! I mean no one likes an impossible chasm.

But as I sat with it I understood more and more... and then I got inspired to make a quick video to share with you:

If you've got your own impossible chasm to cross - come do this with me!

Find out more about Dream Book here.

Here’s the real secret of how to get anything you want.

It all comes down to the RELATIONSHIP you have with your dream.

You need to stay present in this relationship in order to have a fruitful successful relationship with your dream - to be in RIGHT relationship with your dream.

Right relationship is about listening and respect and trust and collaboration and love.

The world tells us that these are the kinds of relationships we can have with our dreams:

  1. Sacrifice EVERYTHING for your dream, and maybe your dream will come to you in the end. Self-sacrificing relationship where your personal needs don't matter.
  2. Wish and pray and treat the universe like your personal vending machine and your dream will come to you. Juvenile relationship where you expect everything to be handed to you.
  3. A dream is just a thing to dream about, just keep it on the shelf you have more important things to do. Weird secret relationship that never goes anywhere.

Those are all nonsense! When you come into RIGHT relationship with your dream you enter this powerful place of co-creation.

Your dream is powerful and wise. Partnering with it makes YOU more powerful and wise.

When I forget to partner with my dream I have to do everything myself. I get overwhelmed easily. My options shrink.

When I remember to partner with my dream there is a palpable sense of relief. My dream has an expanded perspective, so it can offer MUCH BETTER IDEAS.

Yes, you can learn to communicate with your dream in such a way that you can RECEIVE it's amazing ideas.

Of course getting there is a process.

But in my experience - anyone who shows up and practices can get there.

And when you get there - you become unstoppable. Your purpose and power become AMPLIFIED by the purpose and power of your dream.

I'm doing a live coaching call and alchemy class about this next week!

I do a live coaching call and alchemy class every month as a part of Dream Book. Each month we have a different theme on the calls and this month the theme is working on right-relationship with your dream.

Can't wait to explore this with you!

Grab your spot here.

On Taking The LEAP Into Your Dream

I was asked for my tips, tricks and advice for how to navigate that space when you're getting ready to quit your job and LEAP into your dream.

I was approached by someone who is getting ready to leave her job to do her dream full time. She's been building up her creative work for some time, now she's rented a studio and is gearing up to quit her job. But in the meantime - she has to keep working full time.

So she asked me for tips or suggestions for navigating this part of the path - where she's got to keep showing up to work full time WHILE ALSO pushing her business into full time.

This is a hard place to be and temporary sacrifices to have to be made. BUT there are also LOTS of things you can do to make the transition easier.

And that's what today's new video is all about!

 

As I said in the Video: I WOULD LOVE TO HELP YOU WITH THIS!!

Check out Dream Book here.

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Everything is impossible today.

For all of January I've been working on clearing some space so I could focus on some BIG GOALS I have for this year.

So here I am: with a week mostly clear to work on these big goals.

And what am I doing? Anything but focus on my big goals, of course.

In this moment, trying to bring myself to focus and get to work feels IMPOSSIBLE.

So, I am focusing on my resistance instead. Sitting with it, getting curious about it, exploring where I can bring some light and space and healing in.

My resistance is grey clouds. Not heavy clouds just... well they FEEL heavy. They make ME feel heavy.

The clouds think I should just watch Grace and Frankie and knit all day. I worked hard all month, don't I deserve that?

Yes of course I deserve that, and can even do that - AFTER my new lavender coloured linen/cotton blend gets here and AFTER I have this work that I really do want to do.

Now my resistance is saying: You know what? We should go on an AMAZING creative retreat to work on this stuff away from everything.

OK that's actually a really good idea, and since this is a goal I want to work on all year, we CAN make a plan to do that - but not right now.

Right now I need to focus on these next steps I want to take.

My resistance feels it would be so much more fun to just dream about creative retreats.

And I need to stop letting my resistance change the subject, and focus on the matter at hand.

I want to make progress on this scary project.

Wind blows and the grey clouds of resistance become a brick wall. I spread out a brightly coloured blanket in front of the wall and sit down on it. I pull out my Dream Book and paint pens.

Starting small, I make a list of things I WOULD LIKE to do this week. No pressure to follow through, I just want to see the list out of my head and on paper.

The wall leans forward, peeking over my shoulder to watch.

And it turns out there are only 3 things I would like to do this week, and putting them into the Dream Book changes them.

Now they feel do-able and FUN.

The brick wall has some graffiti on it now - super creative artwork. Some inspirational quotes and "follow your dreams" type stuff.

I put my Dream Book down and focus back on the wall of resistance.

So - it looks like you're kind of coming on board with this now?

The wall forgot how much FUN it is to pursue those BIG goals. How it lights me up to play with them.

I place my hand on the wall and a graffiti heart appears under it. I send love to the wall.

I do love the wall, I love all forms of my resistance because I know it's trying to protect me. I am so sensitive and easily overwhelmed and it has SO MUCH to try to protect me from.

But it doesn't need to protect me from this.

I am ready.

 

I hope you're going to join me for Dream Book!

Dream Book is a GENIUS journaling system to help you navigate all of the inner work and outer work and obstacles and healing and special challenges your dream has for you.

It's helping me go deeper and be braver.

It's already helping hundreds of people - every week someone writes to me in tears over how much things are changing for them because of this work.

>>> Find out more + join us here.

Don’t Quit Your Day Dream Interview with Eefje Jansen

Hearing the stories of people who are pursuing their dreams is one of the things I find most inspiring in the world. I'm lucky, I get to hear these stories every day in the Creative Dream Circle, my Online Incubator for Dreamers, Artists, Healers, Coaches and World-Changers.

So I'm sharing some of their stories out here!

Today I'm talking with Eefje Jansen. Eefje is working on accepting who she is and daring to share her light with the world. She is a sensitive, intuitive woman, mother and wife, reconnecting with Mother Earth and developing her skills as an organic artist.

Eefje had some REALLY inspiring things to share about facing fear as an artist.

Her fear, and a really strong inner critic, stopped her from doing her art for years, but her art kept calling her and now she's answering the call with her inspiring work. 

Find Eefje here:

website: www.eefje-jansen.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ateliereefjejansen/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/atelier_eefje_jansen/

 

It’s easy for me to have what I want

This is one of those classic new age affirmations:

It's easy for me to ___ (fill in the blank with something specific) ___

And the idea is that you're supposed to repeat it to yourself until you believe it. You're supposed to CHANGE your belief that it's hard to have your dream.

It's NOT that hard to change a belief. Beliefs are just thoughts we think so often they become weightier in your unconscious. There are lots of tools for changing beliefs, for creating a belief system that makes it easier for you to achieve what you want in life.

But this work can be downright violent.

If the shallowest part of you, your logical mind, decides that you want easy money and a big house and sets out to change your beliefs to make this possible for you to achieve... what are you doing, really?

First of all you're allowing your shallowest self to be in the driver's seat in your life. Not usually a great idea.

But more importantly, you're allowing your shallowest part of yourself to bully other parts of you into thinking the way it wants you to think.

And in the process you're totally erasing the reasons why you have the beliefs you have.

You have the belief system you have for a reason.

Some of those reasons are pretty benign.

And some of them are protective trauma responses.

Some of them are tied to other core beliefs, which are there for really good reasons...

I mean you just don't know.

To say: Everything would be better if I had a belief that money comes to me super easy all the time is dangerously short-sighted.

Last weekend we took the kids to my friends' farm. On the drive home we were talking about Henry Ford and the regret he felt at the end of his life over how his mission to make cars accessible to everyone had changed the world in really negative ways.

Since then I've been thinking about how short-sighted we are can be, when we're in the thrall of inspiration with our creative dreams.

And how this short-sightedness can lead us to take a different path than the one our wisest self would choose.

Which is not to say you should give up on all of this change your life stuff.

The problem is when you put your logical mind, your shallowest self, in the driver's seat.

So - put your deepest wisest genius self in the driver's seat.

Which means instead of DECIDING what to chase after - make space for LISTENING for what is most true for you.

The bonus is that this deeper wiser genius part of you is also the most POWERFUL part of you, so once you get aligned with what this part fo you wants - it's much easier to do the outer work of making it happen.

It's easy for me to ___ (fill in the blank with something specific) ___

I've been using this mantra and am encouraging my Creative Dream Circle members to use it with me for the next month.

Not because my logical mind decided this certain thing should be easy.

But because after months of listening and following direction from my inner wisdom, I am doing a thing that is really HARD for me.

And because my inner wisdom is clear that this is the thing for me to do now, I started using this mantra to help make it more doable for me to do the thing.

See the difference? It's all about which part of you is in the driver's seat.