I'd love to hear your thoughts! Leave them in the comments at the bottom of that page so we can discuss this as a group. Practicing hope in community is MAGIC.
This year of practicing hope has been so subtle and deep and healing.
Last November I just felt a deep sense of hopelessness about the future. Which is a really completely natural and valid feeling to feel in response to what was happening in my life and in the world.
Hope was a far-away dream, so I dreamed about it.
And now I feel I have a different relationship with hope, somewhere deep down inside in my inner world that doesn't necessarily impact me day-to-day but does feel like it strengthens the foundation that I live and dream from.
And it feels like a healing and a blessing to see that hope does not judge me for the times when I just can't.
The relationship has strengthened enough that this is ok. The relationship can hold it.
Hope can still believe in me. Hope can still believe in us, and what we can do together.
And it's just like with all dreams, we know what we want to create and how we want to feel and the times when we have and feel the opposite - these are portals of learning and healing. They're not mistakes.
We're not meant to always hold onto hope or optimism or positivity. Trying to do that will only lead to trouble.
I'd love to hear your thoughts! Leave them in the comments at the bottom of that page so we can discuss this as a group. Practicing hope in community is MAGIC.
Photo of my journal open to page that says in big letters: Some days this is all too much
One thing the Year of Hope has shown me is how much hope needs CAPACITY.
When “it’s all too much” hope becomes nearly impossible to find and that doesn’t mean something is wrong... It means you need to rest, slow down, and look at what you can take off your plate so you can have the capacity to be hopeful.
I'd love to hear your thoughts! Leave them in the comments at the bottom of that page so we can discuss this as a group. Practicing hope in community is MAGIC.
Entering the tail end of the Year of Hope, practicing hope and practicing creative dreams are starting to really converge for me.
Which is what I had HOPED for, for this project!
Being intentional is so good... and... sometimes we can get kind of hardened in our intentions. We become so focused and hard working that we kind of shift into this "I have to do this all by myself" and "I am making this thing happen by sheer determination and hard work"
And we forget that that the whole universe is out there, supporting you in the process of being who you really are, which includes this dream.
And you can relax into that.
Of course finding the right balance between showing up for the work/not avoiding the hard part and relaxing and trusting is a nuanced and ongoing process. But this was the right message for me for today.
I'd love to hear your thoughts! Leave them in the comments at the bottom of that page so we can discuss this as a group. Practicing hope in community is MAGIC.
It's really about self care.
My most hopeful self is into next level self care.
I feel like I have so much to learn about self care right now. A lot of the self care things that really used to work just don't work as well - it makes sense, my needs are changing, but there's a lot of grief, discomfort, confusion and chaos to navigate when the things that used to work stop working.
I never would have defined myself as being apologetic about any kind of self care - but in comparison to my most hopeful self, myself as I am today does seem apologetic.
So, my most hopeful self being so unapologetic about naps feels like a light in the dark showing me the way.
I'd love to hear your thoughts! Leave them in the comments at the bottom of that page so we can discuss this as a group. Practicing hope in community is MAGIC.
I am kind of stunned by some of the things that I am learning in the Year of Hope.
Like - more of an un-learning really.
I am seeing the assumptions that I started this project with in a new light and starting to see things differently.
One of those assumptions what that hope could almost be a superpower potion, and it would help me just... get my shit together, keep my shit together, and get all the shit done, forever and always.
Well, now I really don't even know what I was thinking. Other than this year I am noticing, in new ways, how much dominant culture has impacted my worldview.
I thought that a more hopeful version of myself would be more optimistic and more... productive and capable.
That hope would become a resource I could EXTRACT from myself. Just like capitalism treats the whole planet as a source of resources to EXTRACT for wealth.
Hope actually wants me to understand my own spirit better. It helps me plug into the bigger picture.
Hope doesn't want to dissuade me from the creative projects I want to do. It just wants me to find the EASIEST way to do them.
It's like "Let's unplug from that capitalist/productivity thinking and do this in a different way. Let's let your creativity and spirituality COME ALIVE with these projects."
I'd love to hear your thoughts! Leave them in the comments at the bottom of that page so we can discuss this as a group. Practicing hope in community is MAGIC.
Art can make hope possible when it feels impossible.
And ART can mean a lot of things. But visual art is something I have been leaning into heavily in my year of hope.
MAKING THINGS can make space to MAKE THINGS.
But also MOVING can make space for MOVEMENT.
Changing SOMETHING can make space for other things to change.
That thing where sometimes we do have to do the thing before we're feeling the thing.
I had two year-long projects for this year - the Year of Hope, to show up to explore and practice hope and try to build up a sense of hope inside me, and to BE the artist I know I AM.
They are colliding in really nice ways at this point.
I'd love to hear your thoughts! Leave them in the comments at the bottom of that page so we can discuss this as a group. Practicing hope in community is MAGIC.
Three pages from my Year of Hope journal:
I am so sick of how much effort it takes to be hopeful.
And yet I keep showing up.
Sitting in that frustration is an alchemical process.
(I'll share a short video of these on Instagram today)
I am just now starting to experience some of the GIFTS of that alchemical process. But I was really only experiencing the FRUSTRATION of it in a very deep way for some time.
I'd love to hear your thoughts! Leave them in the comments at the bottom of that page so we can discuss this as a group. Practicing hope in community is MAGIC.
This feels like a miracle.
The way I hold hopelessness... and it's relatives fear, anxiety and self doubt... has radically changed.
It's like there is more space in my mind and body for hope, so I NOTICE MORE QUICKLY when hopelessness starts to take over.
This is what practicing HOLDING HOPE IN YOUR BODY does. (that links to the hope meditation in the Year of Hope where you practice holding hope in your body)
It changes your whole relationship with hope and hopelessness.
I'd love to hear your thoughts! Leave them in the comments at the bottom of that page so we can discuss this as a group. Practicing hope in community is MAGIC.
I know I shared a photo of this page a little while back but I'm back in this place.
A lot of the reasons why I have felt SO distracted lately is that I actually feel SO vulnerable and don't want to feel it.
And in trying to avoid this intense feeling of vulnerability - I end up needing to avoid a lot.
I have to avoid hope itself. I have to avoid my dreams.
Sometimes it IS all too much and we need a distraction. And then sometimes it's hard to find our way back out of distraction.
Right now: I'm starting to appreciate the sensation of vulnerability in my body.
There is a certain amount of vulnerability it takes to put yourself out there the way I do with my work. I've been doing this full time for almost 15 years so I have had some time to work though that and find ways to be with the vulnerability.
But as the world changes so quickly, it feels vulnerable in new ways.
And then at the same time my dreams are telling me that this work is more relevant and important and needed than ever... and I feel called to be a little MORE visible with my work and that adds in new layers of vulnerability.
So it's a lot to work through. You might think 15 year of experience would make it easier but that's not the case right now, lol!!
I'd love to hear your thoughts! Leave them in the comments at the bottom of that page so we can discuss this as a group. Practicing hope in community is MAGIC.
I've been sharing photos of my Year of Hope journal every Monday with the new prompt and I don't have a new photo this week.
I love how helpful that routine is - a bit of structure to support my creative process.
But to be SUPPORTIVE, a structure has to include room to support what is actually happening. Today I just don't have a photo or a page I feel interested in taking a photo of.
Maybe ideally I'd have a photo that I felt excited to share but here I am without one so... I don't want to force myself to get a photo and I don't want to not do a post.
Just noticing this, the different ways of holding a structure for a creative practice.
I am looking through pages I wrote in my Year of Hope journal about how we can't stay hopeful when we are heavy with unpressed feelings.
So I left my embroidery project, with the little bag of all the things I need with it, on my coffee table instead of having it "kind of away" in my embroidery box on my shelf where it has been languishing for about a year.
Because technically it was ready to go, but in those moments where I feel heavy or foggy, I am not thinking of it. So I need it to be sitting there where I can see it.
So I picked it up. Fifteen minutes later I felt so much better.
There is something to be said for - doing a repetitive thing with your hands is good for calming your nervous system. There is something to be said for - creative projects are good for the nervous system.
There is a LOT to be said for accepting that there is a heaviness to these times, to acknowledging how it's impacting our minds and bodies, and making space to figure out what to do about that.
I'd love to hear your thoughts! Leave them in the comments at the bottom of that page so we can discuss this as a group. Practicing hope in community is MAGIC.
This is recurring theme in my Year of Hope journal.
Hope is on the other side of grief.
Hope is on the other side of anxiety.
Hope is on the other side of rage.
Etc, etc, etc.
This regular reminder that the kind of hope I am looking for can't be found in ignoring, avoiding or numbing the hard stuff.
I'd love to hear your thoughts! Leave them in the comments at the bottom of that page so we can discuss this as a group. Practicing hope in community is MAGIC.
At some point hope has to become action.
We all see it in the US with the Republican politicians who offer thoughts and prayers after school shootings and refuse to take action on sensible gun legislation.
Here in Canada our politicians keep saying they want to respond to climate change and protect us from climate collapse… but we need to keep building MORE pipelines (and passed a bill to override Indigenous consultation to put new pipelines through Indigenous territory quickly) and extracting all we can… to fund the green economy of the future.
At some point real hope requires real action.
If you cannot or will not back up your hope with action - it’s worthless.
It’s very easy for us to see this in our politicians and other scenarios…
… it’s harder to see it when it comes to our own dreams.
But that’s where my Year of Hope daily journal practice has landed me now.
Hope isn’t just…. like a nice feeling or idea. It needs legs. It needs to have the power to act or else it becomes something else.
Holding onto hope for something but not taking any action to support it turns toxic.
When it comes to issues like climate change and the fascist takeover of your government and watching democracy crumble before your eyes… of course these things feel “too big”. Of course any steps you might be able to take feel like too little.
But taking them matters.
Same thing with our dreams.
I’ve been in this weird intersection of getting a divorce I didn’t see coming, while turning 50 and suddenly not being so sure about who I really am or what I really want, while my closest neighbours are becoming fascists and launched a trade war that threatens to become a war war as in they want to take us over, while being self employed during a chaotic economy, while checking the air quality monitors to see if it’s ok to go for a bike ride because wildfire season is completely out of control in my province (in a place where floods are usually the bigger problem!), while worrying about all of the wildfire evacuees, while being terrified about the ongoing genocides, while trying to re-discover myself as an artist in all of this.
And most days it’s easier to just say… this is too much. I don’t know what steps to take but if I did I’m sure they would be too much. So what if I just don’t.
But the NOT DOING adds up over time just like taking little steps add up over time.
This is just really hitting me.
THE
NOT
DOING
ADDS
UP
OVER
TIME.
And the doing… well it doesn’t even matter how big the steps you take are, it doesn’t matter how relevant they feel or what the immediate results are.
Doing creates movement. Doing creates possibility. Doing builds the path that leads to the better future.
(Not to be confused with over-working, pushing, striving, etc. There is a balance.)
Let's work together to figure out what little steps we can take!
A Better World is Possible: Showing Up For The Future You Want To Create is happening this Wednesday!!
Healing Circle + Community Spell * June 30 1pm Central * Live on Zoom, replay provided
From Existential Dread to Hope and everything in between.
This is: Space to sit with everything that is happening and tend to your feelings about it all and move towards knowing how you want to show up for the future you want to create - either in your own life or in the world at large or both.
This is the work right now and I am so grateful to get to do this work in such an incredible community.
Call details are here. <-- this is for all membership members. If you're not a member - this call is worth joining for! Join here.
I'd love to hear your thoughts! Leave them in the comments at the bottom of that page so we can discuss this as a group. Practicing hope in community is MAGIC.
I am over half a year in to exploring hope. I love this.
I went through a period where I struggled to fill this journal. I am now filling pages several days ahead!
It's all a part of it.
Right now what's coming to me is how much COURAGE it takes to be hopeful
And then how much COURAGE and HOPE it takes to dream.
We can't just... wake up and do this work.
There is all of this foundational work we do to even begin to feel ready to show up.
Next week: A Better World is Possible: Showing Up For The Future You Want To Create
Healing Circle + Community Spell * June 30 1pm Central * Live on Zoom, replay provided
From Existential Dread to Hope and everything in between.
This is: Space to sit with everything that is happening and tend to your feelings about it all and move towards knowing how you want to show up for the future you want to create - either in your own life or in the world at large or both.
This is the work right now and I am so grateful to get to do this work in such an incredible community.
I'd love to hear your thoughts! Leave them in the comments at the bottom of that page so we can discuss this as a group. Practicing hope in community is MAGIC.
SHOWING UP.
That's it.
You can be an absolute mess, but SHOW UP and BE IN THE MESS.
I'd love to hear your thoughts! Leave them in the comments at the bottom of that page so we can discuss this as a group. Practicing hope in community is MAGIC.
Have I really ✨NOTICED✨ this part of me who has been fighting so ferociously for hope?
This is a whole theme for me lately in my journaling: noticing places where I am NOT giving myself credit for what I AM doing, and focusing more of what I am NOT doing that I wish I WAS doing.
And I was feeling like I wasn't as hopeful as I wish I was and then suddenly this thought came to me and I knew it needed it's own page in the Year of Hope journal.
And ferocious really is the right word.
I, and all of us, have every reason to NOT be hopeful.
Any little way we try to hold onto hope is FEROCIOUS.
We deserve a LOT of credit for this.
To recognize how heavy it is to try to hold onto hope right now. To hold onto dreams and art and healing and believing in ourselves.
It feels like such a relief to notice this part of me who has been so diligent and consistent and yes FEROCIOUS about holding on to hope.
And at the same time it feels like an acknowledgement of how HARD this is right now, which validates the fact that maybe even though I am fighting FEROCIOUSLY, I am not going to win every single battle.
