A little while back I shared this little video on Instagram of a new project I was starting. 

I was having A LOT of feelings about the state of the world, and one thing my brain just couldn’t seem to process is - the word “anti-fascist” is suddenly controversial. Like, I thought we were all against fascism but suddenly, in communities I used to be a part of, anti-fascist is controversial.

It’s similar to how I felt when I was learning more about anti-racism and was so surprised at how many people got mad about it. I thought - if you’re not racist then how could you be upset about anti-racism? Well, they are racist and just don’t identify as such and there are a lot of layers.

While I was sitting with my feelings and struggling to really process, I got the idea to use some red linen I had, and make the letters to spell anti fascist and then hand stitch around them, like a very slow meditative process giving me time to with with this word and process my feelings.

Which has been so good, for that.

AND

I think it may be turning into a real Art Project. Or it has the potential to anyway.

A bit of background: I have a degree in fashion design, really excelled at all types of surface design, and set out to be a textile artist out of university in my 20s. Never really made much money but I did make some beautiful textile pieces and that is still in my blood.

(That dream, of being a textile artist, is what led to the Creative Dream Incubator - like 12 years later. I tried my best in my 20s until I ended up so broke and tired of figuring out how to make ends meet every month that I got an office job right before I turned 30, around 2003. That job ended up giving me the space to explore my creativity and spirituality and healing in different ways, which led to me deciding to leave that job to start the Creative Dream Incubator in 2010.)

SO - When I started these letters, I did have skill and experience to figure this out - but I knew I’d be rusty and it wouldn’t look like I would hope it would look like. 

And as I am working on it and I am getting the thread twisted and many stitches are lopsided I am reading myself that I am doing this for the process, it’s fine. This is not going to be SOMETHING...

Until it started to feel like SOMETHING.

Maybe (with a ton of practice and refining my technique and approach) fabric letters spelling out words and sentences is THE ART I have been looking for, with my dream of “being the artist I know I am”.

Feels like it could be, which feels amazing. Like the dream coming full circle.

And it might not be anything more than this particular project, but I feel like I am following intuition and inspiration and picking up the threads - literally and metaphorically and metaphysically.

And I really think I am going somewhere!

And I just wanted to share this moment of doing a thing just because I got an idea that doing the thing might help me feel better in the moment - and that opened up a new door.

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I'm still over here feeling a lot of feelings about the people in the "holistic wellness live your best life community" who are saying "don't get political"

If you want to heal and grow and make your dreams happen WITHOUT being political, WITHOUT recognizing HOW the systems of privilege and oppression we live inside of are influencing you... you are actually being EXTREMELY POLITICAL in your approach in that you are holding up the system in how you live your life.

Not that you are 100% responsible for holding up the system.

But "not getting political" means you are doing your part to uphold it.

LIFE IS SACRED.

HOW you live it matters.

I feel strongly that these colonial imperial systems of privilege and oppression we all find ourselves living inside betray the dignity of life.

I think living a quiet life from inside these systems betrays the dignity of life.

And I won't be quiet about that because I know this is not who we ARE.

Also, naming the obstacles accurately is the best way to figure out how to work around them.

Creative Dreaming is COMPLEX and we are often wrong about where and how we get stuck.

In my post two days ago I wrote about how I'd been feeling this "heaviness" that was making it hard for me to engage in my creative practice in the way I wanted to. It felt heavy and tired and it was too hard to engage.

It wasn't until I accurately identified it as GRIEF that I realized it was FROZEN GRIEF because I was not feeling it... and once I could feel it and sit with it, it melted and changed and then - yes I had grief to feel but I also had the energy and liveliness to engage creatively.

We often make up these stories about WHY we are not doing what we want to do, and then we kind of settle into these stories and wait for them to play out before we take more action.

THIS. NEVER. WORKS. And people spend their whole lives making their dreams smaller than they are.

Your dreams are HUGE and WILD and SACRED and NEEDED. Anything that wants to shrink them should be named and faced and dealt with.

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

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I had a dream of sewing up ALLL of my fabric stash this winter.

No, I won't get there. But  I sewed up A LOT of my fabric stash and it’s down to a manageable size and I have a ton of new things, so even though I still have some fabric left I am calling it a win!

This is a 100% polyester I got for very cheap many years ago and never knew what to do with it. I don’t generally want to wear polyester… but when I made a few hoodies this winter I realized that this polyester would be perfect for a zip up hoodie - especially fantastic for cycling on cooler spring days.

When it came to the zipper, I pinned it in and noticed, before I sewed, that it was upside down. I thought “who cares?” and sewed it in. Then I tried it on and found out I CARE that it’s upside down because this way it doesn’t zip from the bottom up, it zips from the top down, LOL!

So I took it out and re-did it right side up. Tried it on. PERFECT!

Then I got to the finishing part and snipped off the end of the zipper - totally not thinking.

Then I tried it on again…. zipper no longer zips because I CUT OFF AN ESSENTIAL PART.

I did have a moment of “total overwhelm meltdown”.

But I quickly let it go. It’s just a zipper. I’ve sewn it twice already, I can do it three times.

The next day I was therapy and we were talking about being a sensitive creative person in this toxic world (my therapist actually used the phrase “steaming pile of bullshit” 🤣) and I told her the story of the hoodie zipper and how easy it was for me to accept mistakes and mis-steps in the process of making a hoodie, and I wish it could be that easy in my life.

At the end of therapy when I checked my phone to book our next appointment, I had a text from my sister.

WITHOUT EVEN ASKING HER, since she was out with my mom near the fabric store, she picked up a new zipper for my hoodie and had left it outside my condo.

I felt so seen and supported in my creative process.

There really is magic everywhere. And especially in this galaxy hoodie!

So now every time I wear it, I remember that kindness and thoughtfulness AND I remember the question: how can I be easier with myself for my mistakes and mis-steps?

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

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Every Monday in 2025 there will be a new journal prompt in the Year of Hope classroom in the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership.

​Get this week's journal prompt here.​

I'd love to hear your thoughts! Leave them in the comments at the bottom of that page so we can discuss this as a group. The discussions already have been so good! Practicing hope in community is MAGIC.

From my Year of Hope journal:

I realized what has been making it SO HARD to get into a creative practice in the way I want to: GRIEF.

Grief that had kind of frozen into heaviness.

And the heaviness was so frustrating to me, because it was keeping me from where I wanted to be, so I wasn't engaging with it Un-Sticking Station style...

Until I did. And that's when I realized it was grief.

And that's when I started to see how many things I am grieving at once.

And no wonder I am tired and things feel heavy.

BUT

This awareness has melted some of the mountain... so I didn't have to climb out from under it, it's more like my relationship with it is shifting.

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

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When I started out with the Creative Dream Incubator in 2010, and the world felt simpler and I felt happier - the goals was to help more people have more of the things they dreamed of.

This is soul work. The work of excavating our true self from all the layers of junk that got piled on us as dominant culture pushed us to conform to who it thinks we should be. And then the work of nurturing our truth and letting our true selves flourish.

But this work, when done from within the context of dominant culture, can become all about “manifesting the perfect life”.

This work, when done without any real examination of the values of dominant culture and how they impact how you see your desires and needs, only cements you deeper into conformity.

Rich is better than poor.

Abled is better than disabled

Thin is better than fat.

Happy is better than sad.

Most new age, new thought and holistic wellness communities stay true to these values.

If you’re poor, disabled, fat and sad - you’re doing everything wrong. If you’re rich, able, thin and happy - you’re doing everything right. There is one standard, one ultimate way to be and everywhere that you miss that mark points to where you are doing something wrong.

So what happens is that our genuine soul excavation work becomes tainted by the ways we unconsciously hold onto the values of dominant culture.

I think this soul work is actually meant to help us DISMANTLE the systems we live in and create a better culture. I think that is the goal. Because the values and systems of dominant culture don’t reflect ANYONE’s soul truth. They reflect fear and greed. They are driven by an unwillingness to look within.

Most new age, new thought and holistic wellness communities collude with dominant culture and support people in believing that they’re doing actual soul work when they’re just using every privilege they have to make their own lives as comfortable and enjoyable as possible.

And we all get infected by this.

Of course we do! These values are the air we breathe and the world we live in.

So it’s helpful for me to keep coming back to the question: WHAT IS THE GOAL?

Are you trying to manifest your best life to prove that you are worthy within dominant culture’s definition of what that means?

Are you trying to be your most authentic self?

Your happiest self?

Your wealthiest self?

Your most socially acceptable self?

WHAT IS THE GOAL, REALLY?

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

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This is from about 3 weeks ago, I just found it in my notes and realized I hadn't shared it.

There are two things that I have identified as next steps that are easy for me to do today.

I am not doing them.

I journaled about it and found… I am not doing them because I want to jump out of my skin.

I keep distracting myself from these tasks not because I don’t want to do the tasks, but because world events have me on edge, and in order to do these tasks I need to be present and that feels too hard.

So I need to sit with this “I want to jump out of my skin” sensation.

Bringing it into the Un-Sticking Station - it shows up as ants in my pants, lol.

So, hey there, I Want To Jump Out Of My Skin, I find it hard to sit with you but I am going to try.

I Want To Jump Out Of My Skin is no longer ants in my pants, it is a sobbing child me. She’s terrified and I wrap her up in a hug.

I’m so sorry all of this is happening. It’s terrifying. This madman is threatening to take over our country and there isn’t anyone out there to save us. It’s like no one knows how to handle him. I’m so terrified of the big picture, the impact this will have on the most vulnerable people and the impact on the climate because he wants to extract everything he can from our beautiful country. And of course I worry about my own livelihood, how can I make a living inside a trade war?

And I feel stuck in a freeze response.

I hug the little girl tighter and then realize… this is not her problem. Like, I need to be my grown-up self and keep my grown-up self in the driver’s seat.

I try to bring myself into the present. 

I hum. This is a good quick nervous system reset.

My strategy for these times has been Epic Self Care. Nutrient dense meal prepping every week so it’s easy to be nourished. 1 hour walking every day minimum.  Playing music I like to dance to so I dance around the house. Remembering to drink enough water. Yoga. Early bed time. I stocked up on sleepy gummies to use when needed. Journaling, art making and processing. Being consistent about making plans with friends.

It’s like… I am doing ALL THE THINGS and they are not enough.

Suddenly I feel a sense of spaciousness.

I have space to take care of myself. This is something to be SO grateful for.

We are going to respond. We as in Canadians. Trudeau has been looking alive again and making great speeches. Individual Canadians are intensely getting into buying Canadian, and realizing how much we DON’T buy Canadian in general. Like so many of our Canadian brands have been bought by American companies but we still think of them as Canadian.

In some ways, world events can help us see the shadows and make positive changes.

OMG did I just find something to be grateful for about the trade war?

OK this is good! I feel like I am starting to stay present instead of getting overwhelmed and having freaked out inner children take over.

Now - these two tasks - can I do them?

I want to go have lunch. Am I really hungry or is this another distraction? Probably both.

There is a question emerging here: How do I hold the stress of the world when it’s really falling on me AND do the work I feel inspired to do?

I feel like the decision to prioritize art making in my daily life is a big part. SPACE TO PROCESS. Which I haven’t really had today because I have been making more space for distracting myself than processing.

Well that’s a clue!!!

As I said, this is from about 3 weeks ago.

So I have been working on that part... when I notice myself distracting myself I make art instead.

I don't always have the energy for that, so I am also looking for some simpler craft projects to have at-the-ready.

But, by stretching out my art/meditation/journal practice in the mornings I am so much less stuck! I am moving slow AND getting tasks done!

I am not "trying to stay positive" about the state of the world. I am focusing on all the good I am seeing, the ways people are coming together and thinking about the big picture - all life is sacred. Fascism, destruction and greed can't win in the long term. I want to believe in us!!

The Year of Hope project is helping - PRACTICING being more hopeful and processing all the stuff that comes up in the process.

It's not easy but I'm doing it.

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Lately I’ve been sharing the big obstacles I’ve been getting stuck in, and moments that feel like I already have everything I want, and this weird thing where I keep forgetting what my dream even is… and it can seem pretty chaotic and all over the place.

This is why I feel like the only way to share ANYTHING about creative dreaming is to share EVERYTHING. Or close to it.

Because this is what it IS.

The Inner Work and Dream Work and Outer Work of pursuing your creative dreams is ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE.

You will believe in yourself 1000% one day and then feel like everything is sure to fall apart the next day. This is what it IS to really pursue a creative dream.

My creative dreams have financially supported me for the last 14 years. They are STURDY. 

And they are also chaotic… Or they can seem that way…

I think they are DEEP and RICH and ALIVE.

Awkward and amazing.

And this is the only way I want to live my life. 

Join the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership and be awkward and amazing with me!

If you're already a member come into the forum and let us know what you've been up to with your dreams!

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Every Monday in 2025 there will be a new journal prompt in the Year of Hope classroom in the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership.

​Get this week's journal prompt here.​

I'd love to hear your thoughts! Leave them in the comments at the bottom of that page so we can discuss this as a group. The discussions already have been so good! Practicing hope in community is MAGIC.

From my Year of Hope journal:

Hopelessness thrives in isolation.

This was in my mind from conversations we've been having in the Year of Hope classroom.

The ways we've been sharing our thoughts on hope are really helping me incubate the hope project more richly.

And then I had some people over for a "snack potluck" - just very casual "bring yourself and a snack to share if you can" and it was such a lovely afternoon and I've been thinking of how much that helps to bolster hopefulness.

We can ✨practice✨ our way into a more hopeful state of being. Just like we practice our way into confidence, creative movement, healing, etc, every day in the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching membership!

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.