This week I posted two new tutorials on my blog: How To Be More Creative and How To Be More Productive. These are the kinds of things I have to remind myself of all the time, which is why I share them with you.
They both give the same advice: Remember that you are a powerhouse of creative ideas and magic, and deal with the things that stop you from *being* a powerful house of creative ideas and magic.
I teach people how to make their dreams real by showing them how to dismantle and transform their inner obstacles: fear, self-doubt, limiting beliefs, sabotaging patterns, etc.
Once you get rid of that stuff you're more connected to your True Self.
So you're more connected to your Inner Wisdom which can show you how to make your dream real. And you're also more connected to your CREATIVE FLOW. It's your CREATIVE FLOW that will take you to your dream. It's powerful enough to bust through the outer obstacles (or at least find a way around them).
Your work is never to change yourself.
To become more creative or more productive or more focused or more whatever it is you think you have to be to make your dreams real.
YOU are already perfect, just as you are.
Your work is to work on the things that stop you from being YOU. Once you're doing that - well there's no stopping you!
Today I'm flying to California for a creative retreat.
I'm spending a week in Oakland, at my friend Chris Zydel's intuitive painting studio.
Absolute heaven.
On my last day there, Chris and I are going to to a one-day online workshop together - all about working on the stuff that stops creative people from making their dreams real.
Facing the things that stop you, unraveling them, taking back your power, and getting in touch with your CREATIVE FLOW.
Join us for Gifts Of The Shadow: Wild Creative Momentum on Dec 4, 2018.
Practically speaking it's not that hard to be productive. You only need two things:
- A plan for how you're going to do what you want to do.
- To take step after step to implement the plan.
It's quite simple... in theory.
I'm meeting my mom for lunch today so I'll use this as an example for how to be more productive.
I'm going to make a plan and then implement it on time. This is what productivity is. My plan for this is so simple I don't even need to write it down but here goes:
- Change from my pyjamas into real clothes.
- Pack up my laptop and journals as I want to go to Starbucks after lunch to do some admin stuff.
- Get bundled up - it's cold out there!
- Get on my bike and go. I already know the route I want to take.
- Lock my bike outside the restaurant and go in.
- Have lunch with my mom!
I know my plan is solid because I've done this before. Once I get going I just keep going until I am done. I'm 100% sure that I won't just stop my bike halfway there and sit on the sidewalk and not finish my plan for getting to the restaurant.
But when it comes to being more productive about our creative dreams we DO tend to get off our bikes and sit on the sidewalk for no apparent reason.
Sometimes we never change out of our pyjamas. Or we go to the wrong restaurant.
We could even get on the wrong bike.
More often: we don't ever make a plan in the first place.
Using the example of me meeting my mom for lunch really illustrates how silly a lot of our productivity issues are. Why do we do this?
Because we think that being productive in service to our creative dreams is infinitely more complicated than me going to meet my mom for lunch.
We're wrong. It's not. I mean it's going to take longer, but the principles are the same:
You decide what you're going to do and then you do it.
Productivity is very straightforward. When it comes to our dreams, what makes it seem so complicated is our conscious and unconscious emotional reactions and patterns.
But it's not complicated.
If you want to be selling your art on Etsy, but instead of making art every night after work you're watching Netflix - well the problem is that you're watching Netflix instead of making art and learning how to use Etsy.
You're not following through.
You probably have reasons why you're watching Netflix instead of making art, but if you look closer these reasons are probably excuses that are masking a fear.
It's our fears that make it seem complicated. It's our self-doubt that leaves us wondering what to do, instead of just diving in.
It's our sad old stories about who we are and what is possible for us that tell us that it's easier to just put our dreams on hold.
So how do we push through all of this and actually be more productive?
There are thousands of productivity experts out there who will tell you that they have a system that will teach you how to be more productive. But here's the thing: you don't need to learn to be more productive.
There isn't any tool or technique that will magically change you into a more productive being.
You already have a natural creative flow which you can tap into to make amazing things happen.
You just need to learn how to manage that stuff that gets in the way of your productivity. (This is the stuff I help with you in Dream Book 😉
You can't be more productive until you've dealt with the stuff that stops you from being more productive.
The fear, self-doubt and sad old stories. This is the stuff that gets in the way. Your shadow.
This is the stuff that tells you you're not productive or you can't be more productive or you're a procrastinator or whatever.
Underneath all of that: you are a powerhouse of creative ideas and magic!
There is *so much magic* and possibility in you it can naturally power your creative productivity. You've just got to open up the flow.
The first thing to know about how to be more creative is that you already are a creative genius. This is a part of what it means to be human. You have creativity within you.
Too many people are looking outside of themselves for inspiration, instruction and guidance about how to be more creative.
You won't find your answer outside of you. That's kind of the opposite of what creativity actually is, isn't it? Creativity is about finding and then sharing your unique voice in your unique way. To do this you have to:
- get quiet enough to be able to hear your inner voice
- get brave enough to share it
There is only one thing that will help you to be more creative: PRACTICE.
Your ability to share your creative voice will grow with practice. Start small. Make time for it every day or every week - the more often the better. If you want to be as creative as possible you need to practice as often as possible. A daily creative practice IS magic. It will teach you everything you need to know about your creative voice and how to best share it. A daily creative practice will hold you through the ups and downs of growing towards your creative potential.
I mean you can't be more creative without literally being more creative. You have to just do the work.
If something is stopping you from doing the work - it's NOT a lack of creativity. "I'm not creative" is a story we tell ourselves to avoid the real story because it's too painful. The real story, of course, is that it's terrifying to share your creative voice. It's vulnerable and awkward. It means facing your self-doubt and inner critics.
The path to being more creative goes right through all of this uncomfortable stuff. It goes through your shadow.
Last week I wrote about What Is Shadow Work and How To Do Shadow Work. Being more creative and being more productive (that's what I'm going to write about next) are the results of facing the shadow. (That's why Chris and I called our shadow workshop Gifts of the Shadow: Wild Creative Momentum) Let me show you what I mean: When I talk about having a regular creative practice being the key to being more creative - what is it that makes you think you can't do that? For most people this is a story about why you don't have enough time or the right space or the right skills. You start by exploring that story and looking for a way through it. How can you MAKE time/space? How can you start even though you don't feel ready? What is the SMALLEST step you can take? The path to expressing your creativity more fully will likely be made up of thousands of teeny tiny steps. No step is too small and waiting until you can take a big step is not moving you closer to where you want to be. The more deeply you explore this story the more likely you are to find your shadow lives at the core of it: old stories and wounds about how you're not good enough to be considered an artist, fears, self-doubt, inner critics.
This is the stuff that stops you from expressing your unique creative voice. Handle this stuff and your natural creative energy will burst through.
I know this is HARD. But your creative voice needs your courage! If you want some help with this I'm offering a 1 day workshop on working through your shadow stuff to liberate your Wild Creative Momentum with my friend and colleague Chris Zydel on Dec 4.
This is Bear, sitting on the stairs. This picture is actually kind of a miracle.
One week before we got him, my husband and I burned the last of the medicines we had used for Starfish's bundle, like the little bits of plants and stems we had cut off that ended up on the floor after we were finished his ceremony.
(I wrote the story of Starfish's passing here)
We were going to burn them in the fire we had a month after his passing on the new moon to feast him. But we forgot to add them to that fire and it kind of felt like we were holding on, not quite ready for that last goodbye.
When we were ready, we burned them and told Starfish how much we missed him and how grateful we were for his presence in our lives and asked him to send us a nice cat when we were ready.
Six days later, my husband suddenly fell in love with a cat in a shelter while he was looking for a puppy for a client. I said no. Absolutely not. We're not ready. We should wait until we've moved. And we wanted to get a mellow, older cat.
But my husband wouldn't let up, he knew this was our cat.
That night I dreamed about this cat, so the next morning I agreed to to see him.
Of course, as soon as I laid eyes on him it was all over.
This was our cat. We brought him home.
Bear was born in a shelter and had lived there for 1.5 years, he never knew a life outside of being in a cage. He didn't know what a home was and he was pretty freaked out to be here.
For the first few days he hid in random places and then one day we came home and couldn't find him anywhere. His food and cat box were un-used and Bear was nowhere to be seen for over 24 hours. We were so scared.
And then the next morning I heard a small meow.
We had already done this, but I decided to try again. Behind our fridge is a fridge-sized storage area, and beside that is our hot water tank and furnace - this is behind the kitchen wall and under the stairs. You have to pull out the fridge to get in there. So I pulled out the fridge and went in there and looked around and this time I saw him.
He was all the way in the back under the first stair I just saw his little eyes peeking out. I moved the fridge out and to the side so we could walk into this space. I put his cat box where the fridge had been (still kind of blocked by the fridge so it was quite private) and put his food and water on the furnace.
I told him that under the stairs could be his little apartment for as long as he needed. Now - we can't get around the furnace, we can only access it from one side so there is no way to vacuum in there. It was a horribly dusty dirty place. Bear stayed in there like that for over a week.
Every night before bed my husband and I would stop at this first stair, put our hand on it and say "Goodnight Bear I'm so glad you're here I hope you come out and live with us soon"
It just got sadder as the week went on.
I would go back there and talk to him and he would look back at me, but he stayed tucked into that bottom stair...
Until one night when he woke me up meowing loudly in the middle of the night. I went downstairs and he was standing right on the furnace, right at the edge of his little apartment behind the fridge.
It was like he wanted permission to come out.
So I encouraged him, and he came out and explored. This continued for many more nights as I started to worry that I would never sleep through the night again. And now?
He actually naps like that - on his back with his paws in the air.
He plays with everything - he loves to run round chasing cat toys or a ball of paper or whatever he can find to play with. He loves sitting in the huge windows and watching rabbits, squirrels and birds.
He sleeps with us in the bed every night. He wakes us up meowing for wet food every morning.
He even goes on top of the fridge and into the basket of cat stuff and gnawed through the thick plastic bag so he can help himself to cat treats when he wants them.
I'm writing this sitting on my couch with my legs stretched out. Bear is snuggled up with my feet and kind of petting my leg with his tail.
He learned how to live in a home and he's thriving.
He even looks different!
His fur was rough when we first got him and now it's silky soft. And it's easy to forget how there was a time when he didn't eat for 48 hours.
But when I saw him sitting on the stairs I took that photo because I was remembering how I would stop and put my hand on that stair every night to try to send him some love.
We adapt to the circumstances of our lives. Like Bear was used to living in a cage and so when he came here he found that smallest space - under that bottom stair - and made it his home. It took time before we was able to adapt to be able to spread out into the whole home.
But now, you can just see, he is being more who is really is. He's thriving.
We are the same. We can shrink into spaces that are too small for our actual potential and start to call that home.
And, when given the opportunity, we can expand.
And, this is how we're different from cats of course, we can create new circumstances for ourselves. In fact we do this all the time - we are continually growing into who we really are.
Because this process of growing and adapting can be so uncomfortable at times (I mean I'm pretty sure Bear would have run right back to his cage in the shelter if given a chance on those first few days here) it's so important to engage in a regular practice that helps us stay grounded in our true nature.
This is why I do Creative Dream Alchemy: using my dreams as a north star, or as a shortcut towards my true self, my purpose, my most meaningful and magical life, and engaging in the work of alchemy as a regular practice.
Transforming the places where I want to stay small.
Healing the places where I feel not good enough.
Releasing what is no longer needed.
Exploring what's going on inside me so I can know more fully where I'm being called to grow towards next.
This is ongoing work, so I need to be engaged in an ongoing practice with it. And this is where I'm going with my work with the Creative Dream Incubator.
New programs and tools to make it easier to do that ongoing transformative work - just one baby step at a time - to make it fit into your current life so you can grow your current life into your dream life. Because the delight and freedom that Bear has found here - I think we all deserve that.
So I've been sharing the story as it's been unfolding but I know not everyone is on Facebook. On Monday we lost Starfish.
(We're going to print + frame this photo and put it up in our new bedroom when we move in spring/summer)
A few weeks ago I took him to the vet for a check-up since he was an older cat and we'd had him for a year, though he seemed healthy. The vet saw something and tried to intervene but it was too late. It was so strange, the vet was saying Starfish was so sick and yet he was still running around being his happy loving self. Until he wasn't, of course. He took a really sharp turn on Sunday and by Monday he was gone. I'm so glad he was still enjoying his life right until the end.
Monday was brutal.
It was the day the Focus Pocus Creative Support Group started. I had been so excited to start this group and we had a live call happening at 1:00 my time. I thought about canceling - but everyone was ready to start! That seemed sucky. I thought about just pretending - doing the call as my happy self. That seemed wrong. I thought about how life is always happening for us, not to us. And that is this was all happening on the same day then it was all happening on the same day and I could be with all of it. The more I thought about it the more it felt ok, like we're exploring how to stay focused no matter what so - let's do this then, let's figure out how to make space for all of it. So I got on the call and told the truth. I talked about how ironic it was, since I am usually such a focused person, and we were starting the focus group on a day when I was TOTALLY unfocused. And I talked about how it doesn't matter - we're not here to do things perfectly, we're here to keep showing up for our dreams in the midst of the mess of every day life. And everyone offered me love and support. And we started the focus group and it was perfect.
Not that I think Starfish had to die for me to have this lesson to share, of course.
But I thought - maybe a part of me did know something was up and that is the part of me who picked the start date for Focus Pocus? I don't know. At the end of our call, my husband came home. I thought he was just stopping in to check up on Starfish, but he was there to do a ceremony for Starfish, to call on the spirits to meet him, help him not be scared, help send him on to the other side and give him strength for the journey. So we spent those last few hours with Starfish praying for him, thanking him for all the gifts he brought us, telling him how much we love him. And we gathered the medicines into a bundle.
My husband explained that ideally Starfish would be wrapped in this bundle to be cremated, so he would be burned with the medicines so he could use them on the other side. So when we Starfish back to the vet we brought the bundle too, just in case. Starfish actually likes car rides, so for his last ride we didn't put him in his carrier. He went up into the back window and you could see he was wanted to be there look around at the world, while also in a great deal of pain. I guess I want to add - of course I spoke to the vet about all possible solutions. I was hoping we could give him surgery or at least painkillers and he could at least live out his natural life without crying in pain all the time. But since the issue is that he couldn't breath and wasn't eating there just wasn't a way to keep him going. It was his time. We were both in tears at the vet, and Starfish was put to sleep quickly while we petted and kissed him. After, the vet did allow us to wrap him up in his bundle, in four different cloths in the colours of the four directions, and send him off right. We always talked about how we wanted to send him off like that, so that everyone on the other side can see right away that this is a special cat and should be treated like a king. It's been a few days and my husband and I both can't feel Starfish's presence in the house at all. We think that means he went right over. My husband said "Wow that means he can be our spirit guide now"
Nothing makes the grief less painful, we just have to feel our way through it.
But having the Focus Pocus Creative Support Group has really helped me feel like I won't lose the plot in the rest of my life. I am learning to make space for all of it - the shitty things that happen that I have to deal with and the day-to-day details of life AND my dreams. There IS room for everything to co-exist. I always used to worry about this kind of thing as a self-employed person. Like one bad happening could throw me off track so much I could lose my livelihood. I don't worry so much about it anymore, I trust myself to handle life as it happens and make space for everything I need to make space for AND everything I WANT to make space for.
These past few days without Starfish in the house have been so weird and sad.
I'm working out of coffee shops more and more since it's so uncomfortable to be at home without him. I'm always looking for him and re-remembering that he's gone. In the evenings my husband and I look at photos and videos of Starfish and talk about him and cry a lot. I am so grateful that my husband loves Starfish as much as I do, and that I have someone to share my grief with. I just figured out how to use that "live" thing in iPhone photos. I didn't really know what it was but was SO happy to see it means there are a few seconds of video on each photo. So amazing to see Starfish purr and move around on my phone. And looking at those few seconds of video reminded me of a Starfish story I'd forgotten, about one of my favourite photos of him: 
When he was lying in bed I would often gather him up and hug him like this, and he would let me do it for a few minutes, then he would get himself free. He was pretty independent and didn't like being held, he liked to sit on people and be petted and always be free to walk away whenever he wanted to. But on this particular day, I was really sick (this is when I had the flu in December). I was lying in bed binge-watching The Vampire Diaries and Starfish snuggled in and stayed there, watching along with me. Such a sweet little thing.
This week I started knitting a Starfish.
I want to make a few of them and leave them in his favourite spots. Little memorials. Weirdly (?) I've also had some amazing creative breakthroughs this week. I have big plans for what I want to do with my work this year and I've been in that fuzzy/messy/unknown stage of the creative process for so long, it's amazing to start to come out of that with clarity and new direction. Maybe Starfish is on the other side, sending these amazing ideas to me.
My husband and I are getting winter tires put on our car. (Yes - I got rid of my car and became a cyclist 4 years ago. Then when I got married my husband and I bought a car together - he uses it most of the time.)
My husband needs the car for his job as a social worker, so we called around to find someone who could book an appointment in advance, first thing in the morning, so he could just come into work 1 hour late and then skip lunch. The car guy said for sure he could be done in an hour. But when he got to the shop they said they didn't have an appointment, and that the car would be in the shop all day.
I was up super early that morning and was at Starbucks. I'd already done some really great brainstorming/planning, and was just chatting with a friend about some work stuff and getting ready to crack open my laptop and get caught up on some admin work. That's when my husband called to let me know that the shop was saying we didn't have an appointment so it would take them all day to do the tires. So I agreed to bring my husband my mom's car (my parents are away right now) so he could get to work.
Then I sat there, in a huff.
I mean this is hardly the end of the world, but it did put a wrench in my plans and I was frustrated. Of course it's not a big deal, so I tried to just blow it off. But as I kept talking with my friend I noticed I was feeling more and more uncomfortable. I was angry. Not so much about my schedule getting a little messed up but more about how this person did not honour the agreement we made - that's a trigger for me.
It's ok to be angry when you're angry.
I mean it's ok to not be angry too. But if you are angry then it's ok to feel angry - to not brush it off, but to be with it and listen to it.
So I admitted to my friend that I still felt angry about the mechanic.
This gave my anger some space and legitimacy. And almost instantly I knew - I needed to stand up for myself.
So I phoned the car guy and let him know I had made the appointment in advance and that I expected it to be honoured. The mechanic agreed, at that point he couldn't still get the tires finished by the time that was originally promised, but he said he could have it done by 10am.
I hung up the phone, took a deep breath, and felt much better. The anger was gone.
The anger was there as a sign that I needed to stand up for myself. That I couldn't allow the car guy to break a deal with me without saying anything.
Anger is often a sign/message that comes with a burst of energy that allows us to act on the message.
When we use anger in that way - it's very helpful! One of the most helpful emotions!
But people rarely use it this way.
Often, when you think you're acting out of anger what you're really doing is acting out of your own resistance to feeling angry. That's when you fly off the handle - the anger that comes up is so uncomfortable for you that you try to throw it onto something/someone else. You're just trying to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling you're having.
But what you end up doing - lashing out just to try to get rid of the feeling inside you - is just making things worse. Then ager gets blamed!
But it wasn't anger that made you lash out like that - it was your resistance to feeling your feelings.
When you can simply feel your feelings then you can get the message/meaning in your feeling. Then you can find the gift in it. THEN you have the power to act differently - and that changes everything.
Notice how my husband was not angry about the car thing. He was irritated, but let it go once we had a solution.
I was angry.
This is what it means to be triggered. Being triggered means your inner wounds have been activated. Maybe my husband wasn't triggered because he wasn't the one who made the appointment. Maybe it was because he doesn't care if some car guys keeps his promises or not.
He would say that he has bigger things to worry about.
I was triggered. It means a great deal to me that people keep their agreements with me, so this is the kind of thing that triggers me.
The thing about being triggered is that it's a gift. There is always something in it that you can use for your own healing and growth.
Of course it never feels that way in the moment.
The example I'm sharing is a pretty small trigger. I was feeling angry and in a huff but it wasn't out of control or anything. Sometimes we are so triggered that we can't handle our feelings and it takes everything we've got to not fly off the handle, and go into that reactive mode where we do things we later regret.
Those triggers are where we find the BIG gifts.
We're doing a group coaching call on What To Do When You're Triggered in the Creative Dream Circle on November 20, 2017.
I want to go speak in depth about handling large and small triggers and how to find the gifts in them. This is an important topic because when you can handle your triggers you can find the gifts in them - which always serve your healing and personal growth. So I'll have more to share on the call, but we'll have plenty of space for people in attendance to ask questions.
While it's great to be on the call live, I think the recording of this one will be a real gift - to be able to come to it as a source of healing and support for when you're right in the discomfort of being triggered.
*This call was GREAT! And you get access to it, along with ALL of my other courses, when you join Dream Book.
(This is a page from the Dream Lab playbook (Dream Lab: Explore The Miracle of your Dream is one of the classes you get in Dream Book.)
Today my dream shows up as a bird in a cage.
The cage feels heavy and rough, like I could cut myself just trying to touch it.
My dream is small and sad, trapped inside.
Or is it that I'm sad, seeing my dream trapped in there?
Well I feel hopeless about it. Like there is no way to get that bird out of that cage. The lock is rusted over and I don't have the key anyway.
So this is depressing.
Sometimes you meet with your dream and this is what it feels like. And it's easy to think you're doing it wrong or that this process is stupid and pointless.
But none of that is true. It's just that I feel hopeless about this right now.
We all feel hopeless about our dreams sometimes. Just like we all feel happy, excited, terrified, confident and totally un-sure about our dreams sometimes.
Feelings are fluid.
When we try to control our feelings, when we judge some feelings as good and others as bad - then we close ourselves off from the power and wisdom in our feelings.
We close ourselves off from our own inner wisdom. And so that's why a big part of this work is to explore how you feel when you meet your dream.
You'll find there is usually a gift, healing or lesson in those explorations.
Why do I feel hopeless about my dream today? Where is the gift in my hopelessness?
When I look more closely at the hopelessness, it shows up as a sad looking rag doll, just hanging there.
Hmmm. Hanging there, really?
I zoom out a bit and see that the rag doll is hanging from the hand of a sad younger me.
I offer my inner child love and comfort. I see how sad and hopeless she feels about this dream. It feels soothing to offer her love and comfort.
But how does this help me with my dream?
And then the girl whispers to me "I don't think you should go after this because of how much it would hurt if you fail" I give the girl a hug and suddenly I really feel different.
In my wish to comfort her of course I put myself into the position of trusting my dream and trusting myself. "Oh sweetie. We don't want to live that life where we cower afraid of our own dreams! We want to be brave! We want to take risks and trust ourselves to handle whatever happens."
I mean there isn't a way to control what happens in life anyway. We can only control how we show up in our lives.
And I want to be the person who shows up and takes their dreams seriously.
Isn't that funny?
In exploring hopelessness I ended up activating trust and inspiration. And then I was able to stop feeling hopeless and just get back to work on my dream.
That's always the end goal with this inner work - to put yourself into a position where you can get to work on your dream.
This is a page from the Dream Lab: Explore The Miracle Of Your Dream Playbook (which you can get as a part of Dream Book)
Exploring what feels uncomfortable about your dream is tricky work so I thought I would share my process today in exploring that voice that says that I AM NOT DOING ENOUGH.
This voice has been getting louder lately. And I have been assuming it's because I am in this big creative expansion and I don't really know where this process is leading me to.
I just have so many ideas I want to do them all at once.
This part of the creative process is always confusing for me. I have been assuming this voice comes from my creative process. But I just remembered - hey! Fears are TRICKY! They like to dress up as reasonable responses and ideas.
They know when they show up as fears they are treated differently than when they show up as reasonable voices. Oh shit I fell for it.
This voice isn't a part of this creative expansion I am in. This voice is a fear that is coming up in response to the creative expansion I am in.
So, ummm, hello voice? Can we talk?
Voice shows up as a GIANT rainbow caterpillar, about 6 feet long, floating about 3 feet in the air, cool as a cucumber and says "Oh sure we can talk" I stand there for a few minutes, just getting used to being here with the caterpillar.
And I notice that the caterpillar isn't real. It's a costume.
There is a person standing there wearing a caterpillar tied around their waist.
"So could you take off the costume?"
The caterpillar is furious. They rip off the costume. Now it's a very angry person.
I shift my weight around a bit, feeling very uncomfortable all of a sudden.
"You want to know why I'm angry?"
"Yes"
- You work so hard for so little.
- You're sharing your heart out there, day after day and people ignore it.
- You take the work so seriously and no one else takes you seriously.
- You are not properly seen or understood.
I am feeling bowled over by the intensity of the anger, which I had not noticed was there!
"This is why I have been pushing you to share more do more be more. To get the recognition that you deserve."
Oh wow. I struggle to find a balance between acknowledging the voice of anger and also wanting to rush in and remind it of all the good.... that I am not wealthy but have a good life and there are people who listen and take me and my work seriously and that I love my students and my work.
But I know I need to give this anger space.
It doesn't need to be right it needs to be heard.
So I sit down and let my anger know I'll sit and listen for as long as it wants to talk. Anger mumbles "Yeah I know actually we have it really good. We have amazing people in the Circle. We have a fantastic life with enough money to enjoy it."
Then anger asks "But still, can't I just be pissed about how hard this is sometimes?"
"Oh of course. How can I help?"
"Well I was thinking if you would just work harder at doing the right things then everything would be easier and I wouldn't be upset anymore, but now I can see that that's not right."
So I say "Right. You're upset and you need to be heard and respected. Once you have enough space then we'll know what to do about this."
OK something is really shifting in my heart. I'm not sure what it is, but this feels like a good spot to stop our meeting and give this a chance to marinate. T
his is the mess of exploring the uncomfortable parts!
You just don't know where it's going to lead. But right now I am feeling immense relief to have seen the anger for what it is and have given it some space.
Finding love - if you want a long-term monogamous commitment or just a great date this weekend - can be tricky.
Often people think their dream of finding someone is not, like, a real dream. Like a real dream is something concrete that you can work towards: a solo show in an art gallery, a novel written, a trip around the world. A real dream is a thing where you can take steps, work hard, and get there eventually.
Finding the right person seems to be a lot more about luck and just waiting for the right time and maybe going on a lot of shitty first dates.
But finding your soulmate IS a dream you can work on.
Your journal is your best tool for making any dream real, including finding your soulmate.
Your journal is where you work shit out and create space to be able to listen to your own inner voice - who is the only knows who knows how to navigate your unique path to love.
(I have an AMAZING journaling + meditation class for creative people who are ready for a breakthrough - right here)
Journal your way to your soulmate!
You don't have to answer each prompt perfectly. Use the prompts as little diving boards to dive off into other things to explore – the most important part of journaling is following your creative impulse – that’s where the magic is.
Even when you’re not sure about your answers – stay in the process. The best answers aren't right on the surface, it takes time to get to them.
Creative Journal Prompts for Finding Your Soulmate (Or Even Just a Date for Saturday Night):
Ideally, my love life would look like:
If I had that I would feel:
If I had my ideal love life then other parts of my life would change and be more:
My love life doesn't look like I want it to right now because:
But if I am really honest with myself, the answer to the last question is:
Brainstorm a list of everything you could do about it:
Go through your list and pick out one, small, do-able thing that you could try in the next week.
The thing I am most afraid of when it comes to relationships is:
Some ways I could help make that be less scary are:
The thing I am most excited about when it comes to a relationship is:
Some ways I could invite that kind of energy/feeling into my life right now:
Take your time with this. Really explore each question and notice where your thoughts lead you to.
Then explore your answers to see what they are telling you about what action to take.
Your path to love is going to be unique to you and the best way to navigate it is by listening to your own inner wisdom about how to move forward.
This is delicate work.
Love is vulnerable and terrifying.
Navigating the path to finding love is going to mean navigating a lot of uncomfortable and confusing feelings.
If you’re feeling apprehensive about exploring this – you’re not alone. We’re all scared sometimes!
But fears don’t bother coming up unless you’re onto something, so if you’re feeling afraid of exploring this, that is a good sign.
If some fears do come up for you – you can check out my Creative Journaling Prompts for Overcoming Fear.
The Year of Dreams is now Dream Book.