Andrea: 2 Inner Critic: 0

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This is what healing looks like

This week TWO DAYS IN A ROW I made art when I felt blegh.

This is something I have been trying to do for so long!!!!!

I tend to make stuff when I feel good. 

I tend to journal when I feel stuck.

I’ve done a lot of journaling this year, lol! And that’s good - being stuck is good IF you are working with it because there is so much to learn in those places. 

But my explorations have told that I should MAKE SOME ART when I feel stuck. I like this idea, and I had some ideas for things to make…

But each time I felt blech and thought about starting those projects my inner critic was all…

Why bother?

Like really though?

WHY? This project is just a tiny drop in the bucket of all the art you want to be making, it’s so insignificant, why bother?

And this heaviness would descend on me.

And I would agree… yeah, why bother? 

I know that somewhere inside me a wiser part of me was like WTF? Girl go make the art! But I have not been feeling well and it’s so just been so easy to let the inner critic and the heaviness win.

I have a new body of work I want to create, a new direction I want to go in with my art.

I see where I want to be, creatively. But I feel far away from it.

I do have a MOUNTAIN of creative ideas but no one idea can actually get me to this new place that I want to be in.

I’ve coached a lot of people through this terrain, I know the only answer is to MAKE MORE ART and then KEEP MAKING IT and FOLLOW YOUR ART and it will get you there. OF COURSE no one idea gets you all the way there! Each idea is a step along the way!

But I am over here judging some ideas as “too insignificant” to count as a step which is what is making it so easy for my inner critic to take over.

And it’s wild to notice myself doing that when I have help SO MANY PEOPLE to NOT do that.

In my mentoring work I feel like a broken record of reminding people to take smaller steps more often and DO NOT wait to feel ready for a bigger step because that is a dream killer.

Which just goes to show how it doesn’t matter what you KNOW. Understanding how healing, growth and creativity work is not the same as giving yourself over to the process.

And at the same time… GETTING STUCK IS GOOD!!!!

Being in the muck is good. You learn so much here, so much healing and growth happens… so much that you don’t notice it while you’re in it, but you will see it later, once you get going again. This inner work needs to happen BEFORE the outer work is possible - this is how you GROW your self so you can grow your work. 

But this week, TWO DAYS IN A ROW actually, I made art when I felt stuck.

The inner critic could not stop me. I am so glad to finally be here!!

The first day I carved a linoleum eye, which I want to print onto a t-shirt to cover a stain… but also to add to my library of linoleum carvings for printing different things.

The second day I made papier-mâché jewels for a project for my home. The jewels really don’t feel like they fit in with my “new body of work” in any way except… surrounding myself with more things I made can only help!

And I feel inspired about them and following inspiration is the way to create the path.

Both times it felt AMAZING to make stuff when I was feeling blegh.

To sit with that energy in a different way. To MOVE that energy in a different way.

Carving and linoleum and smoothing the newspaper over the shapes - both felt soothing the way the act of embroidery feels soothing to me. My hands were meant for making!

I feel like this is a big part of becoming my post-menopausal self.

When I was younger I mostly made art when I felt good and inspired. What if, as I age, I make art MORE OFTEN because I make it when I have low energy as well as when I feel good and inspired?

Also, as expected, the act of making did soothe the "blegh" and I feel a lot better now.

This is especially great to experience during a health flare-up that makes exercise harder to do - exercise used to be the way I would move that energy and help myself feel better and it's taken a while to find a alternative for that! I actually feel like making more art more often could give me the energy to get the exercise I want! I will keep experimenting.

If you are stuck now:

USE the Un-stiicking Station! Remember there is even a whole meditation to use if you are too upset to do inner work.

The idea to "make art when I feel blegh" came out of Un-Sticking meditations.

If, like me, you're been doing Inner Work and getting ideas for what to do but having a hard time acting on those ideas... remember that it is SO BRAVE AND AMAZING to stay in the process. It's not a race to move through it as fast as possible. You're not failing to act on your inner wisdom, you are IN PROCESS.


Co-Dreaming/Co-Working is today!

We'll start with a longer meditation for connecting with the soul of your dream to receive the message/healing/insight/idea that your dream wants to send you now.

This will create a lovely atmosphere for co-working, to start with the meditation and then leave the audio on or off, and do your thing within the bubble of the magic we create together in the meditation.

And we can talk about what comes up in the meditation and look at how we can really receive and act on the messages/ideas/healing/shifts we receive in the meditation.

Get the call details here. The replay will be on that page a few hours after we're done.

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I’ve been really sick this year.

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I’ve been really sick this year.

There are so many things I have not been able to do... AND I feel so deeply engaged with my work.

I would have thought a long illness would make my work more difficult but it hasn’t. It’s made it BETTER. I feel so much more deeply aligned with the magic and power of the Creative Dream Incubator.

It turns out, not being able to participate in life the way I usually do has given me so much QUIET SPACE… for reflecting and growth. Like I finally have ENOUGH time/space to THINK!

So I’ve been thinking about artists and writers who create amazing inspiring even world-changing art while being mentally ill, chronically ill or disabled.

There’s a lot to be said about how we treat ill and disabled people in this culture, and how a lot of disabilities aren’t really limiting people, it’s THE WORLD BEING DESIGNED FOR ABLEDS that limits them.

Like how we use steps everywhere when we could have planned our cities to work for people in wheelchairs. An inability to walk doesn’t have to limit your life - living in a world that’s not designed for your abilities limits you.

I’ve also been thinking about my time in new age/healing spaces and how often I was fat shamed, how people would so earnestly share with me that they believed I could lose weight and “be healed”… when I wasn’t sick or bothered by my weight. Like - I never mentioned it! THEY brought it up as a thing I SHOULD be working on healing because their definition of HEALED couldn’t include any FAT at all. 

Wellness culture is sick.

Most, not all but MOST, of the healing and wellness spaces, all the way from licensed therapists to the wooest of the woo healers, operate from within dominant culture and it’s values. So they are operating on a definition of HEALED that is really off.

Yesterday I wrote about how you can dream from different parts of you… how it’s actually kind of easy to NOT be connecting with your most authentic dreams… but how working with the dreams you have does help you move towards hearing your deeper dreams.

This is related: Which part of you is defining what HEALING and HEALED means?

I was lucky to be able to find a therapist who is rooted in a decolonial, intersectional, non-oppressive worldview. So when I was caught in un-helpful definitions of my own healing, she could say things to me like “Andrea, are you expecting that one day you’ll be so healed that you’ll be able to (do the thing that other people or the culture in general expect from me that I honestly don’t have the capacity for)?? Could it be that real healing would look like honouring and respecting your actual capacity?”

There are so many places where we JUDGE ourselves for not measuring up to dominant culture’s standards instead of CELEBRATE ourselves for having the strength and courage to BE our unique self. 

There are so many places where HEALING is used as a tool to help us cope with the injustices of the world so we can conform to who and how the world tells us to be.

The truth is, your most healed and authentic self might not “measure up” to what the world around you expects.

After all, it is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society!

I believe your most HEALED self is your most CREATIVE self and our most creative selves, together, can CREATE a much better world that honours everyone’s unique ways of being. 

I believe this is what our creative dreams are leading us towards. 

So let’s keep dreaming!

And keep thinking: Where do your definitions of HEALING and HEALED come from and do they truly serve you?

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All of your parts are dreaming of different things

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Are you aware of which part of you you are dreaming from?

You can dream from pure ego. You can dream of winning capitalism. 

You can dream from the part of you that conforms to dominant culture. You can dream of external approval and acceptance.

You can dream from the part of you who rebels against everything the world wants you to be.

You can dream from the part of you who desperately wants you to feel safe in a chaotic world.

There are so many parts of you and each of them have their own dreams.

None of those dreams will get you to what you REALLY want.

The dreams that really HIT… the dreams that HEAL YOU ALONG THE WAY… those are the dreams that come from your soul.

In my work, I always say that your dream is how your soul shows you your path...

I speak as though all of our dreams come our soul...

I say this even though I know it’s not true!

I say this to HOLD SPACE for the process of you finding the soul dreams even when you pursue the other dreams.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the other dreams. And some of them ARE things you genuinely do want to create in your life! Some of them are important stepping stones.

They're not WRONG, they're just not THE BIG THING THAT YOU ARE HERE TO DO.

And the dream that’s calling you is ALWAYS the one to work with!

So I’m not judging the other dreams…

We also dream from INSIDE the culture we live in, and our culture is so fucked up and impacts us and our dreams in so many ways…

So really listening to ourselves and hearing our deepest dreams is a process.

And as you grow and heal, you make space to see your deeper soul dreams.

No dream is ever wrong but a lot of dreams that we think are THE THING end up being a stepping stone to something even better.

Stay open!

This is why it's so important to work with the SOUL of your dream and not focus on the external outcomes so much.

This is what I share in the Dream Lab class and practice. There is no end to how DEEP you can go with the soul of your dream.

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This one gets so WEIRD but it’s actually GENIUS [Dream Status Report]

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I am siting down to do my Dream Status Report for this week to check in with myself and my dreams and what I need and what my dreams need, for the coming week.

Doing this, consistently over time, IS MAGIC.... this is where your dream becomes REALITY. This is where you stop and notice: How am I showing up? Is this working for me? What else might be needed? This is where we figure things out!! There is so much we can learn by witnessing our own process.

AND... Consistency is hard for most of us these days! So - I try to do this on Sundays, and write about it, to remind you to also take a few minutes to check in with yourself and your dreams. Do this with me!!

This one is a little long and it gets WEIRD but it’s actually GENIUS the way it all comes together in the end.

What happens when you really go into the ALCHEMY of being with your thoughts and feelings as you sort through your next steps… often gets WEIRD. It hits is a really emotional/spiritual place where only YOU understand the message from YOUR dream.

So I don’t share this thinking you will understand what I mean about what my dream is telling me, I share it to be the change I want to see in the world, and to remind you to go DEEPER into your inner process with your dream instead of always trying to move FASTER in the outer process… because that is actually what gets you there faster.

Starting with a bow of gratitude to past me who made the Dream Status Report Meditation to go with these journal prompts!

I am all over the place this morning, this meditation really helped me settle and focus and be able to do this.

(If you want to go deeper into it, you could also use the replay from the last Co-Dreaming call to get the 40 minute alchemy process for reflecting on your week and receiving the message/insight/healing that your dream has for you now - and we’ll do that again this Friday!)

For a very long time I have believed that we need alchemy meditation + journaling together to be able to create real, grounded, lasting change in our lives… but these days I feel like we need alchemy meditation + journaling together just to navigate these times!

The more often you do these, the more you develop your relationship with the Field of Creative Dream Alchemy which is a way of deepening your relationship with the place inside you where you always believe in yourself, always believe in your dreams and always trust yourself to know what to do next.

Once in a while I see someone on social media sharing something along the lines of “Hey guys we can just shift into a better timeline! Just be positive! Be nice! Have fun! Let’s do this!”

And it’s like… if you have the ability to “just be positive” and then none of this dystopia will affect you… that’s not spiritual growth, that’s priviledge and luck.

And also, I don’t know who said this, but the best definition of how climate change/collapse is happening is by watching weather events with increasing intensity, happening more often, through the screen on your device, until they are happening in front of you. 

Your positive thoughts won’t change that.

Your positive/hopeful thoughts combined with thoughtful action supporting the people who have been in the fight for a better future for decades… that’s where the magic happens.

We need to go deeper.

So when I talk about that place inside you where you always believe in yourself and always believe in your dreams… this is not spiritual bypassing. I am talking about going deeper inner work to be able to access this. This is what everything in the Creative Dream Incubator is set up to help you do.

You have creative and spiritual gifts that are meant for these times… because you are here now.

Everything about how dominant culture tells us how to live severs us from those gifts.

So the work of creative dreaming gets so complicated as we have to un-learn a lot to be able to re-learn (re-lean as in “we were born knowing”) how to connect with our gifts and BE who we really ARE.

One you have that, the work of building your dream is so much more straightforward.

This came up on a recent call so I want to mention it… a few years ago I did a class called Slow The Fuck Down! BE As Powerful, Creative and Magnetic as you ARE! and that replay is worth revisiting once in a while! The work of slowing down is surprisingly complicated and magical.

In the meditation, my dream shows up as… At least 6 women on water skies doing tricks like standing on each other in a pyramid formation (on water skies! Attached to a speed boat!!!)

Looking more closely, there are 10 women. In sparking bodysuits. In a pyramid. Flying across the water.

This is amazing!!!!

Also I know this lake… it’s the only lake I ever water skied in, as a child. The lake that my dad’s best friend had a cottage on. He passed away this summer.

But I am remembering… wow this is so relevant in light of what I shared about how dominant culture severs us from our gifts and shows us how to live disconnected…. going to their cottage every summer and being so IN AWE of these people who were really rich and had all these fancy things. 

I am remembering my child self excited about being able to try water skiing and also the process of learning to discover what is right for me instead of doing what other people are doing... in all honestly I am not a water ski person. I am a swimmer. I prefer my lakes without speed boats flying around.

So thinking back to my dream… it was that vision of the 10 women in sparkling bodysuits water skiing in a pyramid.... I am noticing that place where the ropes they were holding attached to the boat.

And that place - all 10 ropes coming together attaching to the boat, was two things at once. It was also a hand (my hand!!) holding onto the handle of a kite, with 10 ropes leading to 10 different (huge!) kites.

Which feels in tune with a common theme of creative dreaming…. I feel small, my dream feels big...

And these dreams (kites) are so big but this time, right now, I feel like I can handle it because of the ropes all being attached to one handle.

Because the wind is helping to hold up the kites.

Also there is a “magic vibe” around the bodysuits sparkling in the sun.

It feels like… yes there is a LOT going on here. Yes lots of project at once! I can’t really handle them on my own, I do need the wind to help keep them all in the air, I do need to rely a bit on magic.

BUT

I AM holding it all. The kites ARE in the air.

Compared to times when I have felt so insignificantly small in comparison to my big dreams that I could HOLD THEM.

I can hold them!

I have a handle that allows me to hold them with one hand. It feels like I BUILT THIS HANDLE TO HELP ME HOLD THEM BETTER.

And then I realise…

I kind of feel like a woman in a sparkling bodysuit at the top of a pyramid flying across the water in the sunshine.

It’s so magical and amazing and freeing… just the joy of being in the moment...

Sure I could fall..

But I’d land in the water and I love the water.

Wow. OK. Taking that energy into my journal prompts…

I do feel like I have “too much” on the go right now but my dream is showing me that it’s ok, I’ve got it.

That “handle” with all the ropes attached to it is my project management app, lol. But it’s also the two Dream Books I am doing, and the Dream Book 2026 to hold space for myself and all the ways that work informs how I am planning in the project management app and implementing those plans and checking in with my process and learning as I go.

Again. WOW. That meditation totally changed how I see where I am.

I had this idea about a thing I could try this week, and it kind of matches the energy of the pyramid of water skiers in sparkling bodysuits, so I am going to do it.

I am in so many processes with so many projects that sometimes I get overwhelmed... but this meditation reminds me that I can trust that I am holding them all at once. And I am!

I did a lot of journaling today and this was where I ended:

I am moving DEEPER into the inner process of my work instead of trying to move FASTER with the outer process. There is so much magic and healing here. I love that I am moving so slow, so I can experience it all.

And I made a list of things to focus on this week - for my work and for my self care and for my art.

And I want to focus on that sensation of feeling like the woman in the sparkling bodysuit at the top of the pyramid flying across the water and trusting the magic of it.

Where are you this week? I'd love to hear you updates in the forum.

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The intersection of healing + creativity inside a dystopia

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Two new things I learned about doomscrolling this week:

The first is that I scroll more often in the afternoons... simply because my brain needs a break! I may feel inspired and want to get a few things done, but my brain is just not up to it.

So the doom-scroll is a signal to TAKE A BREAK. If I keep trying to get the work done then, I will keep “ending up” scrolling on social media.  AND if I keep doing that for any significant amount of time in the afternoon… I’m going to keep reaching for screens in the evening, too. If I scroll in the evening, it’s harder to get to sleep.

By using the anti-doomscroll meditation to pull my energy back and use it to FEED AND NOURISH MYSELF, and to learn more about what I really need when I go scrolling, I save the whole rest of my day AND my sleep!

That's great! Is that information ALWAYS enough to get me to stop? Not so far! But that’s why this is a PRACTICE.

The other thing is that… some of my health problems are exasperated in the heat, and this has been the hottest summer of my life (so far!) and...

It has taken SO MUCH time and energy to deal with this...

It’s only now that it’s cooled off a little this week that I can see how much being in my own personal distress distracts me from the distress we’re all in together.

But just because my conscious attention is focused on figuring out how to manage these symptoms (10 days now until I see the specialist I’ve been waiting to see!) it DOES NOT MEAN that the stress of the world isn’t impacting me.

It just means I am less aware of it because I am focused elsewhere.

So… the distress of my own health problems was quickly replaced with the distress of the state of the world around me.

And it’s a lot to sit with. But the only options are to sit with it or distract ourselves.

And sitting with it helps us process it helps us see HOW we want to BE in all of this. 

So… I am using the Hello Day meditations to give me space to do that.

And using the Anti-Doomscroll Kit as needed.

Recently someone mentioned they are using the Year of Hope prompts for making art! That feels like such a great way to explore how to hold onto hope in these times.

The more I think about it the more it feels like all of these big, painful creative blocks I have been experiencing this year are because of how important it is that we keep dreaming, keep creating, keep practicing hope, keep looking for how to create a better future for everyone.

It’s the job of the artist to hold up a mirror to society and to CREATE culture.

I feel so deeply called to this mission.

Of course this riles up the self doubt and inner critics.

And of course I will keep working through the muck and finding ways to make the art I am called to make.

This year I’ve put so much thought into my structures, habits + routines… feeling like this new phase of life I am in needs new structure! Which is true.

But I wasn’t fully noticing how this new phase of dystopia in the outer world ALSO needs us to revisit our routines, habits and structures while we also revisit our dreams and callings about how to respond.

Our dreams are our creative and spiritual response to the world around us.

As the world changes, our dream may change.

I think the dystopia is calling the artists, healers, helpers, visionaries and dreamers to step it up.

Not to work HARDER or dream BIGGER but listen more deeply.

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When the path breaks your heart

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Photo of a still-fresh-in-the-plastic-wrap Leuchtterm 1917 notebook I pulled out of my shelf this morning to start my new Dream Book.

I felt so messy and chaotic yesterday, and so stuck with my dreams...

And today I know why!

The answer is so obvious it's silly, now that I see it.

I need a new Dream Book for this dream.

I always say this to people when they get tangled up with multiple dreams - if you have more than one dream you are working with, you need more than one Dream Book.

Dream Book is where you get into the nitty gritty of the Inner Work, Dream Work and Outer Work of the dream, this is where you get into the details of it so you do need a different Dream Book for each dream.

You can move veerrrrrrrryyyyy slooooooow with Dream Book, just have a book for each dream so you are holding space for the process.

And here I am, for some reason, dreaming without a Dream Book!!

So OF COURSE I get tangled. OF COURSE I can't tell if I need Inner Work or Outer Work. OF COURSE I don't even know how to start the Outer Work...

So now it's simple. I am going to give this dream 1-2 hours a day. Either DO THE THING... OR... work on the Dream Book to learn more about it.

I am SO excited.

This is the dream of making a whole new body of work in visual/textile art... I see the big picture of it, like what it could be in 10 years, but all year I have struggled to find my way into the practice of it. Everything I do feels too small or insignificant in comparison to where I want this to go.

This is CLASSIC "looking too far ahead to be able to take steps where you are".

We want to KNOW the big picture of what we want - of course!

But then we have to FOCUS on the small steps that are immediately doable.

We have to put ourselves into the process and then stay in it long enough to get to that end. But being in process, especially being at the beginning of the process, doesn't necessarily look anything like the Big Picture Dream. It's easy to get tripped up there.

It's easy to have all sorts of feelings about how insignificant the little steps feel in comparison to the Big Picture Dream.

But if you don't take those steps because you have too many feelings about them being insignificant... then you're not getting any closer.

It's like we think if we wait, eventually a train will come and ZOOOOOM us all the way there.

That's not going to happen.

It's the steps-so-small-they-feel-insignificant that get us there.

I've made so much insignificant art this year.

I am calling them experiments.

Each one is so far away from where I want this art to be.

It's breaking my heart to be so far away from where I want to be. And my broken heart doesn't want to make more insignificant art.

AND YET

The REAL heartbreak would be to give up because it's uncomfortable.

The next ten years is going to go by no matter what I do.

I can either keep making insignificant art and see if I can grow it into a creative practice that creates the work I can dreaming of...

Or I can still be stepping in and then stepping back when it gets uncomfortable, not committing, waiting for it to not break my heart, and not be any further ahead.

I know what I choose.

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When trying to do something new lands you DEEP in the Inner Work

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I share this to normalize that... this is the work. Experiencing BIG CHAOTIC MESSY FEELINGS is a part of the process.

Because your dream will always ask you to do the Inner Work that needs doing... and this is the way in.

And culturally we are taught to avoid the feels at all costs and this keeps us separated from our healing and from our dreams. It keeps us disconnected from our selves and our souls.

So. We had our New Moon Intention Setting ritual yesterday on Zoom (replay is here) and I left with such a solid plan for how to move forward.

I went to bed last night EXCITED to implement this new plan this morning.

And this morning I could not do the thing. At all. Trying to make myself do it gave me a panic attack.

I tried to hold back the tears. I looked for a way to somehow pave over all of this inner chaos and feel how I want to feel and do what I want to do.

AND I knew that wasn't an option.

I decided to honour what I was feeling and make feeling it and being with it my new plan for the morning.

I have this big piece of thick forest green fun fur that I use as a rug. I spread it out on the floor. I made some coffee, toasted a bagel, and I got out my GRIEF ANGER RAGE HOPE 2026 Sketchbook and sat down for an Inner Work Picnic.

I wrote my feelings in paint. I drew a little diagram of how fucked up everything seemed. Even though everything in me wanted to run away from how I was feeling I slowly went deeper into the feeling.

I tried to breathe deep, to make space in my body for all that I was feeling.

I had my laptop with me so I could listen to Un-Sticking meditations (the For When You're Too Upset To Do This) is ideal for this situation.

I looked for ways to offer love, support and healing to the parts of me who were upset.

I felt lost about how to do that so I reminded myself that BEING WITH a thing can transform it. This is the alchemy.

And - it's 11am now. I feel much better.

Have I resolved anything?

Not really.

But I moved through the big feelings of it and I feel calm now.

And I have a new set of questions to sit with.

This is what it means to be IN PROCESS.

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The magic of letting yourself be in process [Dream Status Report]

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I am siting down to do my Dream Status Report for this week to check in with myself and my dreams and what I need and what my dreams need, for the coming week.

Doing this, consistently over time, IS MAGIC.... this is where your dream becomes REALITY. This is where you stop and notice: How am I showing up? Is this working for me? What else might be needed? This is where we figure things out!! There is so much we can learn by witnessing our own process.

AND... Consistency is hard for most of us these days! So - I try to do this on Sundays, and write about it, to remind you to also take a few minutes to check in with yourself and your dreams. Do this with me!!

My meditation was pretty trippy and I don’t understand what was happening with the soul of my dream.

It kind of… bowed to me? It felt like reverence but then also half of it just kind of… laid down? Rest and reverence?

I am reminding myself that I don’t need to understand. Creative + Spiritual growth are not linear or logical.

Just stay in the process.

I had a REALLY hard time doing the Dream Status Report questions this week.  After sitting with this a while and doing my best with the prompts... that “half lying down, partly bowing in reverence” thing starts to make sense.

That’s the vibe!

Depleted but respecting the process.

lol!

I got such good info from the soul of my dream on our Co-Dreaming session on Friday AND the last few weeks a lot of ideas have come together for me and there is so much I want to do with all of that AND I have been acting on it.. BUT…

I am noticing how, in the past, I used to ACT FASTER in terms of the Outer Work.

These days that’s not possible. That’s partly my health problems but it’s also… I am taking more space for the mental and emotional integration.

I am ROOTING IN to creativity and soul in new ways and this isn’t work that my logical/linear mind is ever going to understand.

Which ties in to some conversations we've had on calls recently about the incredible magic of SLOWING THE FUCK DOWN (which, of course, is slower and more dramatic than just SLOWING DOWN).

How there is so much we miss when we move too fast.

And how we don't have an accurate understand of speed... of what is "too fast" and what is "too slow" because we live in a culture that is always pushing for more more more more more.

So there is so much discomfort, on so many levels, in slowing down.

And there is so much we can't see, understand or experience when we move too fast... and dominant culture tries to keep us moving too fast for our whole lives.

I feel I am becoming a more creative and magical and powerful version of myself than I have ever been and that this looks nothing like what I thought it would.

All the places where we decide what our growth “should” look like… are actually places where we limit our growth. Your possibilities are bigger than what you can see…

And that doesn’t mean MORE MORE MORE MORE in the ways that dominant culture defines “bigger”.

It means more SOUL RICHNESS and FULFILMENT.

I think am learning a new level of what it means to “trust the process” 

I am in the discomfort of NOT focusing so much on the Outer Work and giving the Dream Work and Inner Work more space. It's one thing to talk about this or understand it mentally.. it's another to experience it. And another to keep going deeper into it.

Your dreams are always calling you deeper into the process because that brings you deeper into yourself, your creativity and your soul and THAT is where you find what you need to fuel your next steps.

So... depleted but in reverence of the process. Yes that's where I am.

Where are you this week? I'd love to hear you updates in the forum.

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On receiving the insight you need NOW

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The soul of my dream offered me a really interesting insight on Friday’s co-Dreaming session: the state of my home is a BAROMETER for how depleted I am.

My dream is saying that my whole sense of what it means to be depleted is off because I have lived my whole live in a culture that RELIES on EXTRACTION from people and the planet…  my internal barometer is not very sensitive.

My dream says that when I get to a point of feeling depleted I’m actually already off the charts of depletion, objectively speaking. It said: use the state of your home as a barometer to help you re-set your internal barometer.

The thing about receiving insights from your dream is that they are FOR YOU and FOR NOW.

It is EXACTLY the thing you need to hear right now.

It’s not necessarily something that can make sense to other people.

It’s not even necessarily something that will make sense to you, a few weeks from now.

It’s exactly the thing you need to hear NOW that helps you with your next steps. And you need to use it now, because it can be irrelevant or even destructive a few weeks or a few years from now. 

So I never share these little glimpses into my practice to offer insight about what you should do with your dream. I share them to remind that that the magic is real and the alchemy is POWERFUL.

The ALCHEMY will take exactly what’s happening in your life and all of your thoughts and feelings about it and use it to create the way through that leads to everything you want.

The way the YOUR ALCHEMY works will be unique to you because it is alchemizing all of YOUR thoughts, feelings and experiences into fuel for YOUR dreams.

The thing about using my home as a barometer means a LOT of different things to me. It’s permission to rest more often, yes, but more than that it’s permission to not judge myself for the places where I can’t keep up and it’s permission to validate my needs.. my REAL needs, not the needs I was socialized to think are acceptable.

My dream showed/reminded me of how I feel when my home is tidy (not spotless) and the laundry is done and some meals are prepped. How much more space for creativity and joy exists when I feel like I have my life “together”.

Not everyone feels this way! Some people would do well to let their homes be messier to give them more time for their art.

I am LOVING the new format for our Co-Dreaming sessions and I love seeing that we have more people coming to the lives and using the replays. I love that you’re in this with me!

If you haven’t tried it yet, the new format is a 40 minute meditation + journaling session for calling in the soul of your dream and reflecting on your week and looking at where you are in your process and RECEIVING WHAT YOU NEED RIGHT NOW.

We are rooting much deeper into creativity and soul.

When you look at how to get to where you want to be, it’s natural to focus on the outer path to try to figure out what to do… but the MAGIC and ALCHEMY can only happen if you let go of the outer and root deeper into creativity and soul. You have to take steps trusting the magic of your creativity and soul - steps that don’t seem logical or even appropriate if you are focusing solely on the outer path.

So - this weekend I am tidying and getting organized so I can start next week to see the state of my home as a barometer for how depleted I am, which of course is also a barometer for how FILLED UP I am. 

It felt like my dream needed me to adjust where I tend to be between depleted and filled… because there is something coming that needs me to go into it with a full cup.

And I am excited to see what that might be.

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Let yourself be FED + NOURISHED by your own energy + attention

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Let yourself be FED + NOURISHED by your own energy + attention.

Isn't it kind of fascinating + disturbing to think how our energy + attention is making BILLIONS for the tech billionaires?

That your energy + attention are worth so much?

Of course, your energy + attention, like your inherent value as a human being, are worthy beyond capitalism. 

But inside capitalism, they are being taken and used for profit. And when we take them back, we restore them to their rightful role as being sacred. They truly do FEED and NOURISH us.

I've had a difficult summer. For reasons I am not going into on the internet - my body can't tolerate heat... in the hottest summer of my life.

I've been trying to just focus on the good and there is a lot of good...

But as I've started doing the Anti-Doomscroll process I have really noticed how much I have been distracting myself with scrolling.

The thing about "I am going to focus on the good" is that it leaves your feelings about the hard parts of your experience abandoned. Unprocessed. Just floating around in there. Perhaps finding other old abandoned hard feelings and feeding each other and growing into something bigger...

And I realize that I have been scrolling more to distract myself from the growing discomfort of holding all of these unprocessed feelings.

And it's like... yeah so many people have it worse that me and yeah I have so much going for me and yeah I can mostly focus on the positive...

But there is no magic in that.

All the magic is in being in your WHOLENESS.

And I know this!

But also... it's just hard. There has been a continual onslaught of hard things to process happening to all of us.

So this is what happens when I do the Anti-Doomscroll process:

I feel so FED AND NOURISHED by my energy and attention...

And then, as my energy and attention move deeper into me...

I cry!

I process! I release!

And then...

There is more space inside me. I feel more creative and present.

Anti-Doomscroll Meditation + Journaling Kit

This is serious DREAM FUEL. I hope you’ll use it with me.

Membership members: get it here. And leave your thoughts in the comments on the bottom of the page about what you learn about what it is you REALLY need in that moment when you reach for the device. Let's inspire each other!

I added it to the home page of the membership to make it easier to find. (You can also use the FAVOURITES feature - scroll down to the bottom of any page on the site, and click the orange FAVOURITES button and then that page will show up in your “Classes + Faves” page which is always available from the menu bar at the top of the site.

And I added TWENTY check boxes! Check it off each time you do it and let’s see how fast you can get to 20!

If you're not in the membership: join here! Do this with me!

Even if you don't want to dive into the deeper Creative Dream Alchemy programs in the membership - your can just join for a month to use this to transform your relationship with doomscrolling! Let's scroll less and create more!

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THIS IS A SPELL: SCROLL LESS ⚡️CREATE MORE ⚡️

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I created the Anti-Doomscroll Journaling + Meditation Kit because I NEED IT NOW.

I was about to write… I don’t know why I am scrolling so much…

But I do know.

And lying to ourselves is one way we avoid facing our truth.

Though I want to be clear: avoiding the truth is not a sin! It’s not a sign of weakness. It doesn’t mean you’ll never face it and work through it and get to the other side of it.

Usually we lie to ourselves to avoid our truth out of SELF KINDNESS. Because we are just not up to facing all of it in the moment. And that’s ok!!! All self kindness is a radical and creative act, in this world.

The Live Your Best Life Industry has gone WAYY off the deep end when it comes to blaming and shaming ourselves for having fears and doubts  that make us hold back from our biggest dreams.

IT MAKES SENSE THAT WE WANT TO DISTRACT OURSELVES AT THIS TIME.

IT MAKES SENSE TO FEEL ANXIOUS OR EXHAUSTED OR OVERWHELMED OR EXACTLY HOWEVER YOU FEEL.

IT MAKES SENSE THAT YOU FEEL REALLY SMALL SOMETIMES AND YOUR DREAM FEELS REALLY BIG AND OUT OF REACH.

It makes ALL THE SENSE IN THE WORLD.

It doesn’t mean it’s super good for us. That doesn’t mean we have to keep doing it forever…  But there’s nothing wrong with doomscrolling as a way to distract ourselves from the horrors.

AND… we can feel when it becomes a problem that we are ready to solve.

And then we can make a different choice.

Without shaming ourselves along the way.

Just saying - yeah that was the right choice for me because I felt too depleted for any other choice. And the tech billionaires put a LOT of money and effort into making those apps as addictive as possible so it makes sense that they pull me in. 

And it’s valid that I want to make a different choice now.

And there are even good things about social media and how I can connect with people there and I don’t want to stop completely I just want to have a more intentional and helpful relationship with it.

Like - there is no either/or here. There are lots of truths and we can validate all of them and not make our past selves WRONG.

So…. I created the Anti-Doomscroll Kit because I NEED IT NOW.

And I am not judging myself for choices I’ve made that got me to this place where I need it.

And this week I am committing to really USING IT. 

There is a meditation there that is for WHEN YOU ARE IN THE MOMENT WITH IT. Either about to pick up your device, or when you are scrolling and starting to notice that this no longer feels nourishing.

It’s an alchemy meditation to re-wire that energy that is flowing towards the device, bringing it back to you, to LET YOURSELF BE NOURISHED AND FED BY YOUR OWN ENERGY.

And a journaling kit (you can do either the meditation or the journaling or both!), also to be used IN THAT MOMENT,  with prompts for transforming your relationship with doom scrolling.

This is serious dream fuel.

I hope you’ll use it with me.

Membership members: get it here. And leave your thoughts in the comments on the bottom of the page about what you learn about what it is you REALLY need in that moment when you reach for the device. Let's inspire each other!

I added it to the home page of the membership to make it easier to find. (You can also use the FAVOURITES feature - scroll down to the bottom of any page on the site, and click the orange FAVOURITES button and then that page will show up in your “Classes + Faves” page which is always available from the menu bar at the top of the site.

And I added TWENTY check boxes! Check it off each time you do it and let’s see how fast you can get to 20!

If you're not in the membership: join here! Do this with me!

Even if you don't want to dive into the deeper Creative Dream Alchemy programs in the membership - your can just join for a month to use this to transform your relationship with doomscrolling! Let's scroll less and create more!

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I’ve been writing so much and sharing so little.

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I am siting down to do my Dream Status Report for this week to check in with myself and my dreams and what I need and what my dreams need, for the coming week.

Doing this, consistently over time, IS MAGIC.... this is where your dream becomes REALITY. This is where you stop and notice: How am I showing up? Is this working for me? What else might be needed? This is where we figure things out!! There is so much we can learn by witnessing our own process.

AND... Consistency is hard for most of us these days! So - I try to do this on Sundays, and write about it, to remind you to also take a few minutes to check in with yourself and your dreams. Do this with me!!

As I reflect on this week I see... I’ve been writing so much and sharing so little.

This week was filled with breakthroughs for me… so many questions became answers, so many ideas coming together in ways that blew my mind…. it felt like a new path opened up in front of me. I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT SO MANY THINGS!!!!!

I wrote about it so many times in so many ways and none of them felt right to share.

It’s been really important to me to share my process, consistently, IN PROCESS as my response to living and working in a world where we don’t share any of the “messy middle” unless you can turn it into a marketing point… to mostly share “from the other side”, fully branded as as the powerful witch who holds the secrets and can now show you the path.

This is so antithetical to everything that I know is true about how to hold space for personal, emotional, spiritual and creative growth.

The reason why, for many years, I wrote on my blog EVERY WEEK DAY, was so that I didn’t pick and choose WHAT I share. 

This was a way to share honestly from inside the alchemy. Some days it’s inspiring. Some days it’s boring. Some days it’s a mess. I understand that this is terrible marketing but it’s powerful space-holding. 

It’s just the most honest way for me to talk about my work.

In 2026 I decided to stop posting daily, to call the posts daily-ish, to give myself some space. I still want to share my own practice as a way of sharing what it means to have a Creative Dream ALCHEMY practice that is consistent and sturdy enough that you can rely on it. 

But it felt important to stop sharing DAILY as a way to give myself space to…

To what?

I am not sure, to be honest.

With everything happening in the world I just wanted to go deeper into the question… How do I help people not let go of their dreams? 

How do I help people go deeper and deeper into their creative and spiritual callings, so that we can create a better future for everyone?

Because I still believe in us. I believe we can create a better world. I actually even believe we WILL create a better world, I just don't know how bad things will get before we get to that stage.

One of the things that troubles me right now is how the personal and spiritual growth worlds have become so… monetized. We value a teacher based on their follower count and income as though their personal ambition, and in some cases outright greed, is the mark of a true healer.

This is rooted in the meritocracy, the idea that “the cream rises to the top” which also means… everyone has what they deserve. So a rich and famous teacher must have the best teachings.

But you can’t say everyone has what they deserve without also saying that people living on the street deserve that, that people with chronic illness deserve that, that people who have experienced violence and trauma… everyone deserves what they have.

Meritocracy is a part of the patriarchy and colonial capitalism. There are so many damaging ideas in our culture.

A part of the work of artists is to hold up a mirror to culture and to create culture. To improve upon it. This is a part of how we create a better future for everyone.

I’ve always felt somewhat caught in the middle of my work as an artist and my work as a spiritual teacher. Following my creative dreams with my art led to the accreditation as a spiritual teacher and then the discovery that I’m really good at holding space for other creative people to be IN PROCESS, to go deeper into their process, to access more of their magic and power. Not to tell them to do things my way, to truly support them to trust THEIR way - which is no small task, in a world that is screaming at you to conform to it.

Now that I am coming back to my art in a new way it feels like I am also deepening into my work as a space holder.

So much is coming together for me.

But I am still so deep in process that it’s hard to write about in a way that may make sense.

And I am so deeply grateful to be doing this work. I LOVE what’s been happening on our calls lately - the new format for the Co-Dreaming has been so magical and transformative. This week’s Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice felt deeply healing. I love that we are seeing more updates on the forum lately.

Please email me if you need more support for where you’re at with your dreams - let’s find some practice that will help!

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Do a Hello Day Practice (from Dream Book 2026)

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

If you're not a member - find out more + join us here!

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It’s time to believe in yourself 10X more

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THIS IS IT. IT IS TIME TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF 10X MORE.

It. Is. Time.

You don’t need to be “better”. You don’t need to feel ready. You just need to 10X your BELIEF IN YOURSELF.

You need your dreams. 

And the world needs your gifts!!

This world - where the people with the smallest integrity jump right in there and grow the biggest businesses with the loudest voices while people with deep creative and spiritual gifts to share hold back because they feel “not good enough” and “not ready” and rightfully overwhelmed by the whole thing - needs your gifts.

This world - that makes it so hard for you to claim your giftedness because you are not here to conform you are here to be YOU - needs your gifts.

This world - which teaches you that “sharing your gifts” means being rich and famous - needs you to show it another way.

One of the ways that we help change the world is by not conforming. By being your authentic self.

Your authentic self, fully believing in yourself, may not look like what you think it will!

We are taught that self belief looks like conceit and over-confidence.

But it might look more like you being quietly happy and deep in the process of building your dream. It might look like you not sharing your dream with people who don't get it!  It might look like a quiet self confidence that doesn't need to prove itself.

It might look like fully embracing that YOU ARE WORTHY OF YOUR DREAMS.

It might look like dreaming WEIRDER, not BIGGER. (In fact - it probably will)

You are here to be who you are and to help create a better culture that can create a better world.

Your dreams are always showing you how to do this.

Your WEIRDEST dreams. Your most SACRED dreams. Your most AUTHENTIC dreams. The ones that most people just won't understand.

The work of creative dreaming is really hard sometimes - that doesn’t mean you should give up or slow down or be QUIETER about your dreams… it means you get more support and give yourself permission to do it in smaller ways and to do it imperfectly and to make more space in your life to experiment and PRACTICE.

It. Is. Time.

Imagine that somewhere inside you is a dial that represents the volume of your self doubt. Turn it down to zero. Look beside it where there is a dial that represents the volume of your self belief. Whatever volume that one is at - increase the volume as high as it can go.

How can you hold onto FULL ON self belief today?

And let's remember that SELF DOUBT IS CULTURAL.

We live in a world that pushes us to conform instead of encourages us to be who we are.

If our cultures celebrated our unique gifts things would look a lot different.

Your Self Doubt Is Not Yours You Deserve To Believe In Yourself is a healing circle and guided journal to help you dig deeper into the inner work of FULLY BELIEVING IN YOURSELF.

This is inside the membership: members can get it here And if you're in the membership and need more support for figuring out how to hold onto your dreams right now - post in the forum or send me an email. Let's figure it out together!

It's also available on its own! Get it here.

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Do a Hello Day Practice (from Dream Book 2026)

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

If you're not a member - find out more + join us here!

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The real secret to success is nothing that anyone else can tell you

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After my shower this morning I put on my nightgown and summer robe, made an iced coffee and took it to bed.

I sat crossed legged on my bed and started meditating.

Not with my headphones on and journal beside me, not the alchemy meditations that I teach like usual but just… sitting with myself.

Even though I just had a low energy kind of weekend and had been feeling sorry for myself… I noticed how much I love my life, how incredibly lucky I have been, how I love the freedom I have created for myself with the way I built my business.

I thought about how first thing in the morning is my most productive and “sharp” time and I felt a wave of delight move through me at the thought of using this time to just… sit.

I thought of how DEEPLY PRODUCTIVE this actually is.

And yes of course I am meditating through all of this. I am noticing thoughts and letting them go. But at the same time I was just loving the thoughts that were coming.

Almost every time when I want to make changes in my business, and I really sit with myself and the soul of the Creative Dream Incubator, the answer that comes is… go deeper. Expand that morning meditation + journaling + creative time.

The answer has never been to follow some online business guru’s 6 step system to make 6 figures in the next 6 days, you know?

If you have creative or spiritual gifts that you want to share, a part of having those gifts IS knowing your unique way of putting yourself out there. It’s all connected.

We can degrade our connection to our inner knowing about how to do that when we give too much authority to the “online business experts”. Some of their ideas and ways of doing things have become so pervasive, it really takes an effort to distance yourself from it to hear your own inner wisdom, and the wisdom of the soul of your work.

Your work didn’t grow and evolve to the point of wanting to help other people or move out into the world in some way, without also knowing HOW TO DO THAT. How to reach the people that it's here to help.

But usually, listening to the soul of your work is so deeply counter-cultural and counter to everything those gurus tell you - and there is this idea that we inherited that if we do things “the right way” then we will be rewarded, so we go looking (outside of us) for that “right way” to succeed. 

I still remember something that was said at once of the first Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice sessions I did a few years ago.

“It’s just so painful and difficult to put my precious work out there into such a toxic world”

And yet… putting our precious work out there is one of the things that help heal the world.

And no… we don’t have to compromise on our values, adopt a “abundance as defined by capitalism” mindset, and do a bunch of things that are scary and inauthentic in order to succeed.

And I am not saying it’s going to be easy.

Nothing about the work of being your true self and sharing your gifts with the world is easy, exactly. But it is fulfilling and healing and soul-restoring in ways that nothing else can really touch.

Our next Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice session is happening tomorrow, July 28.

This is in the membership: get the call details here. (Or join us here to do this with us!)

This is a 45 minute alchemy meditation for going deep into the work of connecting with the soul of your work, exploring how your work wants to go out into the world and be seen by the people it’s for, and looking at what you can do to support that to happen.

This is usually a very small group, and we go deep in our sharing about where we’re at with all of this and figuring out what to do next. The calls last 90-120 minutes and yes there is a replay.

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Do a Hello Day Practice (from Dream Book 2026)

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

If you're not a member - find out more + join us here!

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Your life is showing you what you need [Dream Status Report]

By / / ,

I am siting down to do my Dream Status Report for this week to check in with myself and my dreams and what I need and what my dreams need, for the coming week.

Doing this, consistently over time, IS MAGIC.... this is where your dream becomes REALITY. This is where you stop and notice: How am I showing up? Is this working for me? What else might be needed? This is where we figure things out!! There is so much we can learn by witnessing our own process.

AND... Consistency is hard for most of us these days! So - I try to do this on Sundays, and write about it, to remind you to also take a few minutes to check in with yourself and your dreams. Do this with me!!

Girl! Your life is showing you what you need. Listen!

That was one of the messages I got from the soul of my dream on our Co-Dreaming call on Friday... Which I couldn't really understand. And then as the meditation went on we went into all the stuff I shared yesterday (about "stop trying to be better")  and then that was what stayed with me.

I started my Dream Status report today by re-reading my notes from Friday's Co-Dreaming session. Then I did the new Dream Status Report alchemy meditation.

During the meditation I had this sensation of a new dream coming in... like a seed sprouting into a little seedling.

That happened before I brought the soul of my dream in... when I brought the soul of my dream in, the seedling stayed right in the center, the dream came in off to the side and the dream was pointing at the seedling. It felt like "focusing on that dream is what will support this dream right now".

Which circled back to something else that happened on Friday where my dream was trying to show me how I am the one who needs to change right now, to make more space for my dream. Like, I don't need to figure out how to create this thing I want, I need to look at myself and how I need to change in order to be able to HOLD this dream.

I wasn't sure what to do with that, but now that this seedling showed up - I get it.

The seedling is the dream of feeling better in my body. I don't want to share medical details, but some of these symptoms I am having are SO INFLAMED right now. And I am doing so much to care for myself in all of this. I was talking to a friend recently who is also going through some health stuff, and we talked about how when you're not well - all of you time and disposable income can go towards trying to be well.

My kitchen cupboards are SO cluttered because I have so many herbal remedies and supplements and things I am trying. And I am taking the drugs my Dr. recommended but they're not helping very much.

I think this is where it all dovetails with the "stop trying to be well" message.

I'm looking for the things that will help me feel the way I used to feel. What if I focus on caring for myself where I am?

I don't know how that is different, frankly.

I feel like suddenly I don't understand what my dream is trying to show me... I can see my dream (which is my SOUL'S GUIDANCE) trying to show me in a different path to take but I don't understand the path.

THIS. IS. GOOD. (All caps because I am trying to convince the parts of me who think this sucks)

It's uncomfortable to not have clarity. But if you ALWAYS have clarity then you are NEVER expanding your perspective. You're not growing. If you always have clarity then you are only creating what you already know how to create. That's not CREATIVE DREAMING.

So. My lack of clarity is good.

We can get so impatient at this parts, like GIVE ME THE ANSWERS NOW!!!!! but the truth is, the only options are:

  1. Keep sitting with this and making space for it, and exploring it, so you can find the answer in time.
  2. Give up. Know that your dream AKA a message from your soul, is trying to show you something and decide it's not worth the effort and walk away.

So I know what I am going to do but that doesn't mean I have to feel patient about it.

This week's Dream Status Report has brought a lot of questions. The purpose of this practice isn't to necessarily get ANSWERS, but to give you some direction for where to focus for the next week.

The path to a dream is BOTH non-linear and multi-dimensional.

There is so much happening in inner healing AND the soul work of growing into who you are AND the creative growth AND the outer work...

So it's VERY easy to not be able to see what's in front of you.

And this weekly refection helps to orient you.

Without this, I would have gone into this next week focusd on the outer work I want to get done. And I did list those thing in my planner.... but I also listed a whole bunch of questions and ideas to hold onto.

I feel I am on the cusp of so much and these health problems are IN THE WAY...

But what if I can hold all of it together? What if the health problems and the way they shift my capacity are a part of these changes?

What if my life, exactly as it is, is trying to show me something about what I need in this life-long work of fully being who I am...

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Do a Hello Day Practice (from Dream Book 2026)

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

If you're not a member - find out more + join us here!

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FREE CLASS: MAKE MORE SPACE IN YOUR LIFE FOR YOUR DREAM