This morning I woke up with a small case of “the Mondays”. I wished it was Sunday.
Which is weird because Mondays are my favourite day.
For 2016 I promised myself that I would spend every Monday morning doing an extra-long Creative Genius Planning Session. Connecting with the heart and soul of: my dreams, my intuition and whatever qualities I wanted to invite in and then journaling, exploring and planning from that connection.
My other promise to myself was that I would keep going all year – pedal to the metal for all of 2016.
I use pedal to the metal kind of ironically because it makes me laugh. I am a slow mover and I want to keep moving slow – it’s just that I want to KEEP moving slow. So this promise is really about holding the quality of steady momentum all year.
This was a big struggle in the first few months of the year as I got used to holding this new intention.
Then I got used to it.
Now it’s a struggle again.
Typing something out and trying to make it make sense for other people reading it is actually a super-genius way of making sense of things for yourself.
That’s why I do a weekly update in the Creative Dream Circle and invite all the members to do it with me – that weekly practice works wonders to keep me on track on a path that is always shifting and changing under my feet.
And that’s why I’m here right now.
Maybe if I try to explain to you where I am, that will help me know where I am and what I need.
I don’t want to push myself to get to work. I know my best work doesn’t come from that place.
I want to explore why I don’t want to get to work with the hopes of shifting something and re-connecting with my inspiration and creative flow.
(Which is actually exactly the process that Chris Zydel and I will lead you through in next week’s Resistance Rx. Though I’m not here to talk about that right now so if you want to you can find out more about that here.)
Normally I would just talk to my fear/resistance but this morning’s stuck feels more complex than that.
I need to talk to my stuck and also talk to momentum (intention for the year), expansion (outcome of expansion) and opening (my inner process of allowing expansion).
So let’s call this meeting to order.
- Stuck: GIANT smooth rock with sharp edges, hovering over everything – like big enough to block out the whole sky around us
- Momentum: a cart on a track, it feels a little scary even though I know that this has been my friend and ally
- Expansion: eagle flying overhead (so I can’t actually see it right now with that rock in the way but I do know it’s there)
- Opening: a cave with a glowing red heart inside
So I’m going to start by going into the cave.
The red glowing heart is floating in the center, I sit down. The eagle, the cart and the rock (all smaller versions of themselves) join me in a circle around the heart.
We sit quietly for a while, just acclimating to being here together.
Cart: You see me as being all rickety and un-trustworthy. I need you to trust me. I am smooth and stable. I am support.
Really? Momentum as support? I have never experienced that.
Cart: It’s these sharp rocks on the track – they are what creates that uncomfortable feeling that you associate with me.
Hmmm, OK I didn’t notice those before.
Cart: No you didn’t. That’s why I grew them so big you couldn’t avoid them (looking over at the stuck/rock in the circle)
OK so this GIANT STUCK is a gift to me and my dream from momentum.
I pick up the rock and just hold it in my lap.
Rock: I want you to see where you hold yourself back from what you want. Not that you HAVE TO do/want/be anything you don’t want to be, just to be aware. If you’re holding back because you don’t really want this anymore then just be honest and make a new plan. If you’re holding back because you’re afraid then let’s transform your fear. If you’re holding back because something needs to be adjusted then let’s adjust. Let’s just not ignore this uncomfortable feeling.
The cave is lighter now. The heart is shining brighter. Everyone here is on my side and I can suddenly feel that support.
Inside the heart I see a reflection of myself in this sad pattern of reaching out and not being able to have what I want.
I have so much love for that part of me.
But, why is she here? Isn’t she my past?
Heart: No sweetie, she’s right here. You are activating those patterns in how you are approaching momentum. This happens when you are unsure of yourself – you slip into familiar patterns. The problem is you become unsure when you’re stepping into something new.
So the challenge here is to learn how to step into something new without activating my patterns around being unsure.
Heart: Or change the pattern.
Oh, that feels much easier.
Eagle: Love and gratitude. That is the key to shifting the pattern.
Oh of course. Allow expansion. Don’t grasp at it.
I call in that part of me who was stuck in that sad pattern of reaching out and not being able to have what she wanted.
The eagle wraps a blanket around her shoulders.
Sitting in the circle with the heart-light shining on her, she is transformed.
I can feel the energy around her shifting, instead of being so focused on reaching out, she is becoming more grounded and present with herself.
OK so what does this mean?
Well, that old fear/way of being has been creeping in as I’ve been holding this intention for expansion all year.
I mean that makes sense. I want to be open and allowing of expansion and growth. But “wanting more” or “dreaming bigger” or any of those problematic kinds of ideas can trigger that pattern of striving, of not being here/happy now.
Also – moving towards a dream means cleaning up anything inside of you that is not in alignment with that dream.
So here I am. Right on track. Encountering my un-helpful patterns so I can change them.
Ha! The stuck is a gift from expansion. I see it now.
So what do I do with this?
Bring love and gratitude into the process.
Oh wow everything feels different now.
PS: Resistance Rx is happening next week!
Resistance and Creativity. Two mighty forces that constantly dance and bob and weave around each other as we expand our way into greater creative aliveness and wholeness.
And learning to successfully navigate the challenging and often rocky waters of resistance is essential in making our creative dreams come true.
So my Super Badass Creative Magic compadre Chris Zydel and I have cooked up a day long online playdate we’re calling Resistance RX: Magic Mojo For Mucho Creative Momentum.
On Tuesday, August 23rd you can join us and a wondrous international creative community for an experiential journey into the heart of your resistance where you will gain many cool tools and skills for transforming resistance into gorgeous creative magic.
Find out more and to reserve your spot