After my dream lab meeting where some voice wouldn’t let me think of ‘’my dream” as “my dream’ anymore, I thought two things:

This is a really good sign that I am on track with the thing I am working on - like “this is done. It’s in process. Move on to something else” is a way of trusting that it’s happening.

There is another thing I want: to be exercising more. Or moving my body more. I wasn’t thinking it is a DREAM since I usually do get so much movement. And there usually is a transition with this during seasonal transitions, and it’s awkward for a bit and then I’m fine.

But this year is different. Climate change is really impacting the way our seasons shift which impacts what kind of outdoor movement is possible. This year “spring” was mostly winter weather and now it’s suddenly in the freaking 30s.

I’m overwhelmed by the heat before I even had a chance to get into spring routines.

This all feels VERY SMALL in light of everything that is happening in the world. AND it’s happening to me right now, these are my feelings and they deserve some attention.

My heart breaks almost every time I go out. The signs of collapse are everywhere, the ways my city has changed in the last five years are heartbreaking.

Like - one day this winter I walked downtown to meet a friend for dinner. It was a 45 minute walk, wearing my anti-slip boots which are not that comfy, so I arrived a bit early to sit down, warm up, and rest my feet. But the mall I was going to stop and sit down in.... had removed every bench. I just walked around in shock, thinking about people getting together to discuss the problem of a rapid and heartbreaking increase in un-housed people downtown who need to warm up and rest somewhere safe... and then came up with the solution of removing every bench in the mall and adding security guards to the food court to make sure no one sits down without paying for something. It's so dystopian.

Giving myself space to sit with this and journal out ALL of my thoughts and feelings about how to include more biking and walking into my daily routines feels like such a waste of time.

I keep coming up with the same ideas for what to do. It feels like I am going in circles.

But seeing it all written out together, again, it just feels different.

I feel closer to creating new routines.

All these obstacles we have to doing the things we want to do… it can feel like we’re just whining or being too picky but we’re not.

We’re looking at the reality of the situation, at every detail of it, and our feelings about it, to make a plan that works with/around all of the obstacles in the way.

We ARE moving in circles sometimes! Circling is a valid way to work things through and get onto a new path.

Sometimes we have to think through it, and feel through it, over and over, as we get our new plan in place.

 

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*this post accidentally went out last week - but it was supposed to go out today, as it's connected to yesterday's post.

Doing Dream Work puts us in the process of really listening to and connecting with the soul of our dreams. This puts us in the process of healing and growth and really listening to and trusting our callings. This is A LOT!

Sometimes, like my meditation yesterday, it's all weird and there are no solid or helpful answers or ideas.

So sometimes while we're doing the practices we're not seeing benefits or results. Still - doing the practices is keeping us in the process. That's always the most important part.

Ideas and shifts can come outside of our practices. It's like the practices feed the process but the process is going to do its own thing, we don't control that. (We only control how quickly we move through it by how diligently we show up to practice + engage)

After my weird meditation yesterday, I woke up today with a thought in my head:

It betrays the dignity of the human spirit to live and dream from within the current paradigm.  

The dream I am working with now, the thing my dream scoffed at yesterday and called "a small shift" and said "it's already in process don't even worry about it" is about money and business and how I am switching things up to match where I am now.

And I understand what my dream was saying now.

My dreams are SOUL CALLING. This is sacred creative important work.

How I pay my bills is not sacred.

Yes - CARING FOR MYSELF and HAVING MY NEEDS MET is all sacred because all of life is sacred.

But... it's like dreaming of an organized and well functioning home. Washing the dishes is going to be a part of that but is washing your dishes YOUR SACRED DREAM?

Not to say it's not important and worthy.

But it serves a greater dream, and my dream was asking me to focus on the greater dream.

Which is.... I am still figuring that out. With so much in flux in my life this could take a while?

AND there is the part of my dream that never changes: to do this work and share it and hold space for others to do it with me. To keep exploring my creativity.

Dreaming really isn't ever black and white. Keep doing the Dream Lab practice regularly!

 

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I’m not following my rule every day, but I’m trying.

The rule is that if I want to pick up my phone when I first wake up, we’ll I can do the Wordle but after that - I can only use my phone to get the Dream Lab meditation going. I am still really thrilled by playing it on the speaker so my own voice fills the room.

I use both the 10 and 20 minute versions. Today it was the 20 minute.

I invited my Dream in and it started to come in, in the same way it’s been coming to me when I use the Project Miracle meditation. Then this voice, I think it's actually my dream, comes in and says “that’s not your dream”

And I say… "but it is. This is the thing I am working on. This is what I want right now."

And it says “This is not a DREAM. It’s a shift that you are calling in with project miracle, and you’re doing that really slowly, but you are doing it. Trust that.”

I feel kind of lost because who cares if it’s a dream or a shift it’s the thing I want now and why is this meditation going so weird?

The voice comes back “this is sacred space to meet with your DREAM”

(Implied: don't meet with this "shift" it's not worthy of this)

I think about how a dream calls us and invites us to grow towards it.

I think about: What do I really want right now? 

And I just say with my questions for the rest of the meditation. Then I in the end when I held out my hands, my dream was a huge ball of light, and I put it into my heart and that felt great.

And I reminded myself that we’re not supposed to ALWAYS KNOW. We need times of not-knowing to open up to new possibilities.

 

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Getting to know your Dream Self is one of the big jobs of Creative Dreaming.

It's the version of you that you become as you move towards your dream - often a version of you who is a bit more wise, brave and creative than you are today.

(Not that you aren't already SUPER wise, brave and creative today!!)

Lately some days I really FEEL IT. Like, I feel myself shift into that Dream Self Me and I feel different.

I trust my self 200%. I feel energized, confident and really excited to do the work. I actually feel TALLER!

And then some days I am ready for a nap by 10am.

And in my ongoing experiments with not judging my brain and body, and instead asking "What if this is the right brain and body for this stage of my life? What if the answer is here, somewhere inside my actual current capacity?" ....

... well the answer is usually to just take a nap when I need a nap.

To not make a big deal out of the fact that I felt so confident and energized yesterday and feel so tired and foggy today.

To just accept myself where I am and do my best to give myself what I need.

And I have been having some magical naps. Like I wake up SO FREAKING HAPPY and often I even wake up with a great new idea, some perfect solution to something I have been trying to figure out.

Giving yourself what you really need IS ALWAYS BETTER THAN trying to force yourself to be where you think you should be or do the things you think you should be able to do

This is a part of what we do in Creative Dream Alchemy: Meet yourself where you are AND move towards where you want to be. These two work together.

And when I was younger it was just so much easier to just push myself. I wouldn't even have called it pushing myself! I was genuinely doing the things I wanted to do!

So getting to a place where it's just not possible to keep doing that... this felt like a loss at first.... but it's actually a huge GAIN.

That feeling like I am SO FAR AWAY from my most wise, brave and creative self is so uncomfortable... until I remember that it's just a sign that I need some rest. Then it becomes an invitation.

We CANNOT move towards where we want to be without meeting ourselves where we are.

AND

It is STUNNING and AMAZING how much we are capable of when we DO meet ourselves where we are, instead of pushing ourselves to already be where we wish we were.

 

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I had written something I was really happy with and was excited to share it…

So I went to the email software app I use to send newsletters, and suddenly my stomach kind of dropped.

And I said “Oh hush, this is fine!” and went on to format my email.

And then I stopped.

Because when any kind of discomfort comes up int he process of creative dreaming, the answer is never to silence it and always to be with it, as in take it to the Un-Sticking Station and work with it.

So - stomach, what’s going on?

Oh yikes I hate looking at this.

Looking at what?

This website. What if everyone unsubscribes?

You think EVERYONE will unsubscribe at once?

They might! I’m scared one day we’ll log in and that number will be zero.

Why?

Because everyone hates you.

Oh sweetheart I’m so sorry you feel that way. Do you really feel that way?

Do you really not understand how the world is, and how terrible some people are? Do you not see how fucking vulnerable you make yourself?

Ok yeah. Good points. You are 100% right. AND … Do you understand how amazing some people are? Do you see how me being vulnerable is a big part of the culture I have created with the Creative Dream Incubator and how it draws in the right people to work with me?

Oh. Whoa. Yeah. I wasn’t noticing that part.

Yeah. The people we cherish and love to work with probably wouldn’t be here if we weren’t sharing in the way we do. How could they find us otherwise? I mean I know there are other ways, but in alignment with my values and the values of the Creative Dream Incubator - this is the way for us.

(nothing from stomach)

How are you now? I don’t want to silence you.

I see that you’re right AND it’s nerve wracking. I appreciate that you stopped to have this conversation.

I appreciate you! Because yes - I am sending something that will likely get unsubscribes. And that’s GOOD. People who don’t like this are not a good fit for me. And it’s good to take a minute and acknowledge that that feels vulnerable.

Then I finished editing and formatting the email.

Then I put my hand on my belly and together we visualized this message finding the people it is meant for.

 

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This is not pressure.

Like, you are not supposed to save the world with your magic. You're not Buffy the Vampire Slayer! None of us are.

But, together, we create the world.

And every person who offers their gifts contributes to creating a better world.

And every person who offers their gifts to others IS HEALED IN THAT OFFERING. Your gifts weren't meant for just you and holding them in isn't good for you.

But this is not all about starting a business as a healer! There are a billion ways to use your unique gifts to help others. You can start a free poetry zine or make banners for local activist groups or teach free cooking classes at your community centre or start a meditation circle at the park near your home. This can be, AND does not need to be, connected to any kind of money-making thing. The choice is yours!

Either way - sharing our gifts and having them be received feels harder than ever right now.

This is why I offer a Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice call every month in the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership.

Because I don't believe this is MEANT to be this hard! And it's easier when we do it together.

So we sit with this. Together.

We sit with the beauty and power of your gifts and all the ways you are already sharing them with the world and all of the ways you could grow that. We think about the people who would benefit from you sharing your gifts more brightly and ways to reach out to them.

Marketing is the spiritual practice of being true to who you are and offering your gifts to the people that they are for. And marketing is the creative practice of expressing all of that in a way that people can really receive it.

We don't focus on tactics, we try to go deeper into the spiritual connection between you, your gifts, and the people they were meant to help... and then see what ideas come out of that.

Most of the online marketing tactics that used to work... don't actually work anymore anyways. It's time to really listen to yourself, trust your creativity, trust the power of your unique voice, and put it out there in your unique way.

Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice is happening TODAY (May 13) in the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership.

Members: get the call details here

Not a member yet: join us here. Even if you can't make today's call - there are loads of replays from past calls for you to watch and you can come to the next one!

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I had this moment where all I felt I could do was send out this tiny bit of hope that I would figure it out.

So I made this journal page:

And since that was all I felt like I could do - then that was all I COULD do, in that moment.

Of course I did have some voices in my head saying... this is not enough. Surely you can do more. This is pointless.

But they are wrong.

 

BEING IN THE PROCESS OF CHANGE IS AWKWARD.

BEING IN THE CREATIVE PROCESS IS AWKWARD.

CREATIVE DREAMING IS A MESS SOMETIMES.

I AM YELLING THIS TO HELP US ALL HEAR.

It doesn't matter how messy your process gets.

It just matters that you stay in it.

 

THIS IS IMPORTANT:

What you can do in any given moment has no real relation to what you'll be able to do, if you stay in the process over time.

By doing the thing you CAN do in the moment, even if it feels really small and pointless, you keep yourself in the process.

You WILL get there, as long as you stay in the process.

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

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This is continued from and related to yesterday's post about going in circles with resistance and inertia:

Have I found this SO STRESSFUL because I am trying to do something that cannot exist?

This question just popped into my mind.

I have been trying to “re-build my marketing systems”

I have these dreams of systems, routines and processes that feel really good for where I am now and are simple to do every week.

But actually creating these systems, routines and processes has felt SO HARD this week.

And it just dawned on me that I am on the wrong path.

That I am looking at this wrong and tripping over my own feet every time I try to do something.

I mean - THERE ARE NO WRONG MOVES IN CREATIVE DREAMING. Every step teaches us something. 

So - if I re-frame it: I have learned that I need to shift my perspective.

Ok Good! But, like, how?

It’s one thing to see that I am looking at this in a way that isn’t helping.

It’s another thing to figure out… what is the helpful perspective?

I’m going to use Project Miracle to help me do it. It is specifically to help “call in the shift you need” but it feels weird because I can’t name the shift I want, but if someone else was in that situation and asked me about it I would say it’s fine to not know, that being in the process will give you what you need.

So I am getting myself into the process!

This feels amazing!

I printed out the pages, watched the video from day 1, filled in my journaling sheet and did the meditation and WHOA.

Yes, this is helping.

I am starting to see new possibilities already and really excited to give this some time and see where it goes.

Project Miracle is a 30 day program but I am definitely NOT going to do it within 30 days. I am thinking a few times a week. Really give it all space...

UPDATE:

Shortly after writing this, we had our April New Moon call. And I had this intense experience in that mediation where I SAW MY WHOLE PROJECT IN A WHOLE NEW LIGHT.

I don't fully HAVE the new perspective I am looking for, but I am almost there.

 

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When you feel INERTIA or RESISTANCE or just plain feel stuck.

You really only have two options:

1. be with it
2. avoid it

Avoiding looks like scrolling, being busy with other things, etc.

Being with it is so much more uncomfortable. It’s SO uncomfortable that most of the time we will avoid.

Avoiding gets you out of the discomfort but does not change anything about the situation.

Long term avoidance starts to look like “One day, when I _____ then I will _____”

Avoidance in the moment usually looks more like scrolling the internet or a sudden urge to do the dishes.

I just loaded my dishwasher and went through the freezer to pick out something to thaw to cook later.

When you KNOW you are avoiding, that does open up a little pathway that can lead to being with it. Like “Yeah, I am avoiding right now because this feels so uncomfortable but I am going to stay aware that I am avoiding which makes the odds that I STAY in avoidance much smaller.”

As I notice that by loading the dishwasher NOW, while trying to write this, is a sign of resistance... I try to move myself into BEING WITH I notice all the muscles in my shoulders tense up.

I feel frustrated.

I think my heart starts beating faster.

It feels like there is a heavy fog, like literally heavy. A fog with gravity. In my head, encasing my brain in heavy fog so it can’t think it’s way out of this.

Not that you ever CAN think your way out of avoidance.

OK, hello all forms of discomfort that make themselves known when I try to sit with this. Can we talk?

I want you to know that I do want to do the thing. Can you tell me why you don’t want me to do it?

I listen to my discomfort.

My jaw gets very tense.

But the only kind of response I get is a very vague and kind of far away voice that says “I just don’t want to”

But don’t you care that I REALLY, REALLY want to?

But this part is SO HARD! You don’t want to do THIS PART, do you? Isn’t what you REALLY REALLY want to be done with this part, and be further down the path?

Wow, I feel like you are twisting my own dreams on me! WTF? I really really want to do this thing, to do it I need to take all of the steps. Why are you so opposed to this step?

This is a hard step. Please admit you would rather be done this step already. You don’t want to DO IT, you want it DONE. These are different.

OK if that is an important thing for you to acknowledge. Yes, I really want to be in the place where this part is done. Does that help you feel better?

I just again, sit with the discomfort and wait for a response, and then it comes. 

But I’m scared I’ll do it wrong.

Oh. Sweetie. I’m so sorry.

Really? (the voice seems genuinely surprised that I have empathy for it)

Yes! It sucks to be scared! I don’t want you to be scared!

You’re not scared of getting it wrong?

No. I mean I don’t think there is a way to do it wrong. The next step is to EXPERIMENT… so I guess yeah some “fails” will be a part of that. But that’s just a part of the bigger process of finding the way that I want to do this.

Each fail is a fail.

Oh! Darling! You are so wrong! I’m so sorry you see it this way, it’s not even accurate. Each failure is a LEARNING and step towards finding the way. There is literally no way to “just do it” except by following someone else’s instructions about how to do it and the WHOLE THING about this thing is that I want to find/create MY WAY to do it. A way that fits for me and my life and my needs and my creativity. We can only do that by experimenting.

Can I do anything to help you feel like you have permission to have things go badly in the process and not have it be a big deal?

Oh. WHOA. WHAT IF I had permission to have things go badly in the process and not have it be a big deal? That would be so cool.

But that brings us to the next thing. This is annoying.

This is annoying? This task?

Yeah, I hate it.

This voice has more of a form. She’s like eight years old and dressed like a Holly Hobby doll, but she is a girl.

Why do you hate it, sweetie?

It just feels so much like WORK.

Now she’s flickering back and forth between Holly Hobby and my teenaged self.

I send them both love.

I get to choose to work if I want to. 

But not right now.

Why not right now?

I don’t feel like it.

I do not want to go in circles with this!

WHAT IS MY REAL RESISTANCE HERE???!?!?!?!?!?

I’m scared I will fail. I don’t know where to start. The project feels too big.

Sat with that for a bit…

OK good.

It feels better now.

I can start by finding a place to start and YES the project is too big. That feels really relevant.

Let’s break it down into some tiny do-able things.

Resistance and inertia feel gone. For now.

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.