I just asked myself “Where was I last week, anyway?”

It’s Monday morning and I am doing my new Monday morning routine, sitting in my favourite cafe, going through things I wrote last week and putting it into blog posts for next week.

This week the pickings are a bit slim.

And I’m feeling this LONGING for more journaling, meditation and writing time.

And I’m wondering… where was I last week anyway? Why wasn’t I doing more of this?

Oh right. It’s the week I “launched” the Journaling Kit for Existential Dread. I didn’t do a “real” “internet launch” but it was a LOT of Outer Work to get all the pieces in place to put it out there.

Weeks when I do a LOT of Outer Work I tend to do less Dream Work and Inner Work.

But it was the prior weeks of more Dream Work and Inner Work that led to the burst of productivity in the Outer Work.

And then I miss the magic of Dream Work and Inner Work and shift the balance over to those.

Then I start to feel like I am not making enough process in the Outer Work and shift back.

It’s not like I find some perfect balance every day, or every week.

Creative Dream Incubator Members: we have whole libraries of practices and classes for Dream Work, Inner Work and Outer Work and some classes on how to use Creative Dream Alchemy to bring it all together.

 Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

My dream sent me this message and... it's just as simple statement of truth but it LANDED like exactly the healing I needed in that moment.

It took away all the pressure I was feeling, that I hadn't realized I was putting on myself.

And it felt me feeling proud of myself for being exactly where I am.

This happened during one of our Co-Working/Co-Dreaming calls where we start the call with the Dream Lab meditation, for calling in the soul of your dream.

In all of my years of doing this work I've found that LISTENING to your dream in this way works so much better than any visualization or “manifesting exercise”.

Like - your dream doesn't really need you to try to force it into existence with your willpower. It needs you to slow down and listen to what it's trying to show you.

Your dream is a teacher and a guide and a part of your soul. Not a prize that the universe owes you.

When you really listen to it - your dream can send you THE RIGHT MESSAGE at the right time.

And some days it will land in a way gives you exactly what you need, even when you didn't know what you needed.

The internet is full of helpful memes. There is a lot of good advice to be found in a lot of places.

But the RIGHT IDEA landing AT THE RIGHT TIME and IN THE RIGHT WAY is a completely different ballgame.

And this is what your own dream can offer you that nothing else ever can.

I HIGHLY recommend this one as a daily-ish practice.

Creative Dream Incubator members: find it here.

There are 2 versions of the Dream Lab - one is 10 minutes long (with an 8 minute meditation and 2 minutes of music to take some notes in your journal after) and the other is 20 minutes long - just meditation. And there's a workbook for exploring the soul of your dream more deeply.

 Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Do I close myself off from receiving when I am overwhelmed in an effort to keep myself safe?

And does this actually do anything to create more safety?

When did I learn to equate lack of change with safety?

What if staying open to change is the most dynamic, creative, safe and pleasurable way to live my life?

These questions came out of my meditation with the soul of my dream, using the Dream Lab practice which helps you explore the soul of your dream and understand all that it has to offer you.

This get really trippy sometimes!

Today my dream wanted me to see all of these layers of … stuff… that I put between me and it. And how they’re not serving any REAL purpose. They don’t even protect me from the things I would like to be protected from, they just make it harder for me to have what I want.

As a creative - I feel pretty alone in this.

I look around at how other creatives share their work and I don’t see anyone else struggling with it the way I do.

I am comparing their outsides to my insides.

As a coach - I know it’s pretty much universal.

It’s such a gift to me, to be able to see so deeply into other people’s process and after doing this for so many years, I see all the ways that we are the same.

The ways we betray ourselves to feel safe are cultural. 

They are learned, they are not an inherent part of being alive.

We can unlearn them.

This is why we PRACTICE.

 Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

You may have noticed I’ve been sharing photos of myself holding my Year of Hope journal, to share different pages.

I really love this.

I love sharing it here on the blog, and I love having these photos to share on social media, to put my work out there.

I did a lot of experiments, and lot of them felt really uncomfortable and didn't look the way I had hoped.

Then it turned out I really loved taking these photos beside the window in my bedroom, where there is that black part of my wall mural, and it’s right beside the window.

But then I re-arranged a few things and there is a plant in there way there which I have to move over each time I want to sit there to do a photo.

And now that summer weather is here, my portable AC is there too.

It’s just a lot to move around.

And I really want to have as FEW obstacles as possible to continuing to do this as a practice.

So I started taking the photos downstairs beside the window in my workspace.

Which is ok - but I am missing the BLACK in the background and how that feels. And the window is making weird shadows.

So today I just… moved a lamp over there to counteract the window and now - no shadows!

And I just realized - I can paint this wall black, too. There is a colourful mural there which fades out into white… it can just as easily fade out into black and give me that dramatic background I want.

One step at a time.

I wouldn’t have thought of all of this at once.

I figured out how I want to do it... because I started doing it.

I looked around to find a way to try it, and trying it showed me more about what I need - in terms of lighting, background, and space to put my tripod to do the photos. And each thing I adjusted made it a little easier until now when it feels like it’s all coming together.

This is how most things come together!

Not as a “oh I got this perfectly the first time” but more as “I showed up imperfectly, I tried out my ideas, I reflected on how that went and what I wish was different, I made adjustments, I kept showing up, I made more adjustments, now it feels pretty good to keep going knowing I will likely keep making adjustments and it can all get better and easier over time”.

Where are you waiting to be ready to take a perfect step and where can you take some imperfect steps?

 Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

The “good vibes only” “just think positive” “fake it till you make it” approach is NOT going to help you deal with this inevitable disappointment.

It actually sets you up to feel WORSE about the inevitable disappointments. Because it piles on a steaming layer of shame, telling you that you shouldn't feel how you feel!

What you need are tools, support and a mindset that accept disappointment as a part of the process and help you work through it.

In the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership you get 3 videos for disappointment:

1. One about normalizing disappointment as a part of the process.
2. One alchemy meditation for nourishing yourself and relaxing your uncomfortable feelings of disappointment 
3. One alchemy meditation for receiving the holy gifts of disappointment. Because yes, there is always a GIFT in the disappointment.

Your disappointment is a not a personal failing!!!

It's just a part of the process.

If you can make a dream come true without feeling any disappointment along the way - you are not stretching yourself at all. You are not growing as a person. You are either thinking WAY too small, are prioritizing safety/certainty over authenticity, or you have a lot of money and are just buying your dreams, you're not engaging in a growth/healing/creative process with them.

 Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I just wanted to share that I WOKE UP HAPPY THIS MORNING.

And I have been waking up feeling happy every morning for a while now.

This feels surreal, given that I felt I was drowning in self doubt earlier this year when I set out to find out who I am as an artist in my 50s.

And I remembered something one of my teachers used to say:

Your clothes don’t look that dirty, but it’s time for a wash.

You put them in the washing machine…

And if you open it up halfway through - it’s disgusting. All the sweat and dirt and whatever that was in the filers has been released into the water it’s a big dirty mess.

But if you just let it go through the whole cycle - everything comes out clean.

He would say this at the start of his healing retreats to say - things are going to get worse before they get better, don’t let that make you give up halfway through the process.

It’s like that with our dreams.

Some steps we take can dig up deep rooted stuff, stuff we didn’t know what there, and working through it all can feel impossible.

But it’s not.

This is just what the process is like.

Let yourself stay in it until the end.

This is why I always say that the INNER WORK is a valid + needed part of the process, every bit as much as Dream Work and Outer Work. (Those are links to the libraries of practices + tools for each of the "works")

Inner Work is where we generate miracles, healing, and the shifts that make the outer work possible.

So, even if you feel like you're really stuck deep in there - please keep showing up. You'll work through it in time.

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

My Year of Hope journal collided with my Dream Book journal for this one.

In my Dream Lab and Dream Self and Project Miracle meditations - I feel so much power, clarity and sense of sureness. That's what these meditations are designed to do!

Outside of the meditations - I can't always feel it.

This is the work. WE PRACTICE.

We can practice being powerful and we build it up over time and start to FEEL, ACT and BECOME more powerful in our lives.

And I don't mean developing the ability to overpower other people, I mean developing the ability to fully and meaningfully act on our convictions, inspirations and dreams.

We ARE powerful and we don't always FEEL IT.

And I am just sitting in that space of noticing the difference between how it feels in these meditations and how it feels in my daily life.

Noticing those differences is good.

Sitting with how it feels to notice those differences is good.

It's easy to freak out and judge yourself for not being able to hold that more powerful/confident/creative energy all the time.

But I want to encourage you to be proud of yourself for being able to access it in the meditations.

This is a big step.

You're feeling into your potential.

This is an invitation and a glimpse into what is possible for you if you keep showing up and working on it - it's not a judgement about how far you are from it today.

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I had a busy week last week and was feeling quite overwhelmed. One of the ways this manifested is that I felt emotionally clogged up... I knew I had a lot of feelings but I was mostly just numb to them.

Then last night I woke up in the middle of the night and started crying. I can’t even say what I was crying about, just… everything. And it was real crying - snot flying, loud sobbing, etc. Like a dam breaking.

Then I guess I fell back asleep, because the next thing I know my cat is on me, tapping my face with his paw to let me know it’s 30 minutes until breakfast.

Today I feel emotionally hungover. My eyes are puffy and all of my muscles are achy and I am tired and in a haze.

I’m sharing all of this because I want to help normalize that these are trying times we are living through and there isn’t a right or wrong way to process it all.

But the way dominant culture is encouraging (demanding?) that we just carry on like everything is normal is not serving most of us. I think it helps to acknowledge how we are feeling and what the impacts are.

As artists, healers, visionaries and activists - we can’t really afford to be clogged up. Feeling our feelings is a part of the work, if we want to be good at our work.

I mean we can’t help but get clogged up sometimes, we're likely going to get lost in conspiracy theories and distraction - but it’s a part of our work to process and work through our feelings and try to stay present with that is actually happening.

And I was doing plenty of doomscrolling and noticing that I wasn’t even really processing what I was watching in reel after reel, I was just 100% trying to distract myself from the world.

And each time I noticed that, I reminded myself that I feel better when I stay present.

Even though today I feel like.. this is crappy and hard and none of us asked for this, when we do the work to stay present, we can access our creativity, our power and our inner knowing. And with all of that - we can find our way through.

So what to do on days like this? How do I want to show up?

I don’t know.

I do know I’ve already had too much coffee, but I’d like to make a note to self for the future: matcha would have been a better choice for how it impacts my mind, compared to coffee. And I do have a tin of matcha! So next time I could do that.

(sitting quietly with the question: how do I want to show up today?)

I think I just want to focus on art today. 

I had a list of admin things to do, but it would be ok to do them tomorrow instead. 

And if do those tasks - that means pushing my vulnerable emotional hangover feelings aside to get focused and that doesn’t feel right.

If I do art - something new could emerge out of these feelings. Or I just give myself the space to really be with this and let it move through me.

Either way - this is what feels right today, so this is what I’ll do. Some days are just a jumbled mess.

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Or... I'm planning to do it, but I am also ready to give up and say “No this will never work”

This is a VERY COMMON THING in creative dreaming! We can have parts of us who feel realllllly ready to do this thing... and parts of us who are terrified and will do anything to stop this from happening.

This is a part of the Inner Work and Dream Work of creative dreaming. The Inner Work is where you work with the parts of you who don't feel ready. The Dream Work is where you get more deeply aligned with the parts of you who were born ready.

Let’s look closer at what is happening for me today:

What’s going on with the part of me that IS ready to do this?

This came to me in a Dream Lab meditation. It doesn’t quite feel like part of me, it feels like my dream.. my soul calling from somewhere further on the path than where I am today.

But if I am honest, and there is no point of journaling like this if I am not, even though I am noticing I really don’t want to be honest about this but here goes: it’s an idea I have had many times. I have maybe (probably?) even taken steps towards it. Probably several times. Like, this is an idea that won’t go away, and I keep pushing it away and trying to forget it. And then it came to me in this meditation in a way that it feels like it wasn’t my idea but in the past it was.

WOW what a convoluted relationship I have with the part of me who wants this!

There is a lot to explore there, but I am going to move on to:

What’s going on with the part of me that doesn’t want to do this?

This part of me feels 70% in the driver’s seat right now, steering me away from any fruitful explorations of this idea.

Why?

It’s scared of loosing everything I have. It’s like “don’t upset the apple cart with a new way of doing things!”

And the part of me who wants to do this is like… but Creative Dreaming is ALL ABOUT finding and creating new ways of doing things. And if I want a different result I need to do things in a different way. This whole year has been about BEING the artist I AM, like in terms of how I do things - figuring out what it means to live as the artist I know I am. And that brought me to this place, to this idea. Back to this idea that I’ve explored before, but also I’m seeing it in a new way now so it feels different.

The part of me who doesn’t want this just wants to cry. It’s SO scared everything will fall apart if I make this change. 

Oh! Now I see - this part of me is holding the pain and grief of everything that has happened since 2020, even all the ways the world and internet have changed since 2016. It’s not as easy to put yourself out there as it used to be. This part of me wants me to be VERY VERY careful about upsetting anything that is working because we can’t necessarily get it back.

I don’t think we should take un-due risk. We can always take really small steps and experiment first. We can find ways to bring safety in. 

AND

There are risks involved which feel terrifying sometimes. 

Sometime’s it’s a small risk and a big terror.

It doesn’t really matter - your feelings are always valid and exploring them can help you better understand what you need to do this thing you want to do.

So, if I am VERY VERY careful - will the part of me who doesn’t want to do this, consider doing this and stop throwing wrenches in every idea that comes along?

Yes. I see this part of me putting down her wrenches, though she’s keeping them within reach to pick them back up. Fair enough.

The part of me who wants to do this is HAPPY to go slow and be careful. CAREFUL is not the quality she wants to lead with.

So what qualities does she want to lead with?

EXPANSION, CLARITY, OFFERING, INVITATION

As I show the part of me who doesn’t want to do this these qualities, all parts of me see:

This is the natural next step.

I mean - TRYING THIS IDEA is the natural next step.

Maybe we won’t get all the way there. Maybe we’ll do it and it will be a disaster. Maybe it will exactly what we need. THAT DOESN’T MATTER.

The outcome doesn’t matter.

So when I say that this feels like the natural next step - I don’t mean that it comes with a guaranteed outcome.

The only guarantees in Creative Dreaming are that you can’t get there if you don’t keep showing up.

And while there is still TONS for me to explore about my ambivalence - it also feels clear now that this is the way for me to show up next. This is my next step. It feels scary, so I will tend to that fear (in the Un-Sticking Station) while I also work on taking this step.

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.