Every Friday I do a Dream Status Report. These help me reflect on the past week so I can LEARN from my process, and apply what I learn to the next week. Setting intentions for the week is fun, but reflecting on how you held that intention at the end of the week is a much more powerful practice.
PART ONE: (sometimes these can stay the same for months at time, sometimes they change often)
My dream is: BEING the artist + writer I want to be. This is the "big picture" dream - this includes lots of different inner + outer things, which I am working on clarifying in my new Dream Book.
I want it because: Staying where I am feels like staying stuck + this feels so enticing and important.
When I have it I will feel: More in the flow, more creative and like... feeling fully expressed. Right now it's like I have sooo much TO express, I would like to feel more fully EXPRESSED.
My new moon intention for this month: VERY SPECIFIC business goal for the end of the year
PART TWO: Invite your dream in (using the Dream Lab practice) to help you with the rest of the prompts.
My dream shows up as... it's an embroidery pattern I was working on yesterday. An eyeball with a triangle behind it, and the triangle is a rainbow. (I knew I wanted to embroidery eye symbols on a dress and yesterday I started drawing and embroidering some practice eyes, and then I added the rainbow triangle and I am really liking it)
So, my dream showed up as the embroidery like it's alive. And it's soooo sweet. Like it feels like my creativity brought to life and I want to cry with happiness seeing it.
Since I am also working on holding onto my new moon intention more firmly this month, and since last week it butted in on this meeting with my dream (that's there the "business bitch" came from) this week I thought I would invite it in.
My new moon intention shows up as embroidery scarabs. I just looked it up - I am using the book Mystical Stitches for my embroidery (soooo good!) and I knew I had seen scarabs in there and sure enough, she says they are "a great symbol for birthing new projects you have been working diligently on"
The scarabs, which immediately felt, to me, like a symbol of abundance, are crawling around on the floor pretty fast. They seem energized by the eye/rainbow triangle.
This is a WHOLE different relationship between the part of me who wants to be creative/happy/free/expressed and the part of me who does have specific business goals.
I am thinking back to last week's meeting between the Dream Fairy and the Business Bitch and I don't feel any of that here. There is no pushing against or arguing, this feels like a peaceful relationship where everyone can co-exist and even support each other.
NOT that it feels like this inner conflict has been FOREVER RESOLVED for me, but today it feels good.
Something worked it's way out by me giving this space last week, even if I don't understand in a logical way what happened.
I sit with this meditation a little longer and it's like - the rainbow beaming from the eyeball is like the sun shining down on the scarabs. Energizing them.
I mean that's so obvious, right?
Me being the artist + writer I want to be, me feeling expressed and in the flow - of course this is the "light" that lights up the marketing work. And I just cringed a little writing "marketing work" because that's not how it feels at all.
I am SO GRATEFUL for the Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice Calls.
(These calls are happening every month in Dream Book - the next one is Dec 7)
Even just having the intention to keep doing a monthly call keeps me focused on this.
What it feels like is happening for me is that the three parts: marketing, creativity, spirituality, are each their own thing (I visualize them as circles) and then the overlap and ideally I'd like to be working from the centre of all three overlapping. AND understanding that each day I'm likely leaning more towards one of them.
In that, I am noticing how I have been making the creativity and spirituality parts more important, and leaning into them more deeply... and I DO want (and need!) to lean into them deeply but in a way that doesn't discount the marketing aspect.
It really is something to hold the "this is a PRACTICE and I am focused on honouring + following my thoughts, feelings, ideas, experimenting, etc and practicing without pressure" and also "this is a practice around marketing and I do have goals and my goals are important too!".
Reflecting on this, what feels important for me right now is to integrate these in a way I haven't done before.
In one sense - of course this is all integrated because it's all a part of your work. And in another sense, for me, it's like I have been treating these as separate things. Of course my practices INFORMS and NOURISHES what happens in my marketing but there is a totally different relationship and type of connection that I would like to have between the two.
So, what I got from this meditation with the scarabs is that I need to let my goals matter more. This feels really nourishing.
PART THREE:
Last week’s focus was: Sit with the question: how do we hold this goal FIRMLY but not with PRESSURE? And bring in the HAPPY FAIRY VIBES.
What happened in the last week? LOTS of sitting with the question. And I did find one answer - you don't HOLD it! You BE it! Which just has a different feeling and approach. And so I was looking at how to BE the artist and writer I want to be..
And that's why I started the embroidery project this week.
That photos is from May, that's my first embroidery experiment, which taught me A LOT! And I meant to keep going, but I didn't. And having all these embroidered me-made clothes feels like an important part of BEING my dream, but also the work of MAKING the clothes feels like part of it, engaging my creativity in that way.
I also went for a 1 hour walk each day, had fun cooking, I'm feeling really good and taking really good care of me. I am SO HAPPY IT'S DECEMBER. I am SO READY for winter, for quiet-inward focus.
What am I learning/How do I feel about this? I feel REALLY EXCITED about all of this, making space to become the artist + writer I want to be.
What do I need now? More quiet. I love how in winter it feels like the world kind of moves further away and I have more space for ME.
What does my dream need now? I see the embroidery there - and a needle appears. I need to keep CREATING.
Taking all of this into account, my focus for the next week is: Nurture my creative flow.
PS: Remember: Yikes! The I Am Having A Lot Of Feelings practice is free to access until Dec 5.
Remember: Yikes! The I Am Having A Lot Of Feelings practice is free to access until Dec 5.
These are practices like yoga is a practice.
You don't do yoga once, and then three years later wonder why your back is stiff is stiff when you "did yoga" to stretch it out.
This is why I offer so many different practices, so that you can find the one that works on any given day.
As you repeat them, listen to your own intuition and creativity and you'll find your own ways of working with them.
While I was doing the Yikes! I Am Having A Lot Of Feelings meditation I wanted to draw it out instead of fill in the journaling sheet, so I did.
(see photo above)
I love doing this. Creating a visual representation of the feelings helps me see them from a different perspective. And as you can see - no art skills needed! This is NOT about making art that looks like something, it's about being with your feelings in the moment. Giving them colours and shapes.
Once I was done, it was depressing to see how far away I was from the "happy fairy vibes" that I was going for this week.
And then I realised - actually I need a nap.
And then my Dream Self (from another practice we do in Dream Book) came in and whispered "You are doing great. Keep going." and I FELT IT.
We all feel feelings sometimes! It's ok!
Such a relief.
(Journaling cutout from Dream Book)
I was doing the Dream Lab practice to meet with the soul of my dream and I couldn't hold it.
This is the basic practice I teach for Dream Work, I have done it daily for YEARS and today... I couldn't get into it.
As I tried, it felt like a wave went through me, all of the liquids in my body flowed to my feet.
What the heck? It felt like my body was at risk for a tsumani.
Why is it so hard for me to hold this dream?
This isn't usually a helpful kind of question. But it feels like the question I have right now.
This question likely can't lead to any helpful information for what to DO next but it could lead to more information about the inner work I need to do.
So: Why is it so hard for me to hold this dream?
Now I feel this uncomfortable sensation in my throat.
And I want to hide. Like I feel this strong burning desire to pull blankets over me.
My ear starts to hurt.
Everything feels foggy and dense. No answers anywhere.
See what I mean about this not being a helpful question?
OK let's try - what would help me be able to hold it?
Then my Dream Self (from another Dream Work practice we use in Dream Book) intervenes. "Honey, stop asking questions. BE WITH the process AS IT IS"
Oh, right.
However I am holding my dream right now is how I am holding my dream. I can only get "better" at it by practicing.
AND ALSO
Holding it more firmly is NOT better.
AUTHENTIC IS BEST
I have a lot of ambivalence. This is how it's showing up today.
I ask the happy fairy and the business bitch to join me.
I want to ask the happy fairy how she can hold the dream so well but then I see - she's not HOLDING it. She's BEING it. She's dancing and not thinking about any of this.
So I look over at the business bitch. She's sitting on the floor looking at spreadsheets. She's got a snack and she looks really happy.
They are both doing what they want to do.
So what am I doing?
Now my dream is a light in a jar sitting in front of me.
I am working through my shit.
I am staying clear about what I want next even when I have no clue how to get it and thinking about it stirs up A LOT of crap.
And then the answer comes and I now I know what to do next:
I need a new set of Alchemy Wheels - another practice from Dream Book, this one bridges Dream Work with Inner Work and Outer Work.
So that's what I'll do next.
(Journaling cutout from Dream Book)
I want to keep exploring that bit from last week’s Dream Status Report about the “happy fairy” and “business bitch”
They want different things AND there has got to be a way for them to work together.
This feels juicy right now. (Always look deeper into the things that feel the most energized for you - the things that feel juicy and exciting AND the things that feel terrifying)
Happy Fairy wants:
- JOY and FLOW! Painting and meditation and time for sewing and embroidery and maybe exploring new crafts. Going for long walks. Going out for coffee. Cooking. Aromatherapy. I mean she could go on forever, the shortest way to say it is MAKE MORE TIME FOR ALL THE THING THAT BRING JOY
- The business goal! Yes she wants to HAVE it but she doesn’t want to do the things she doesn’t want to do to get it.
- But yes she is willing to explore NEW ways as long as they are aligned with VALUES and JOY
Business Bitch wants:
- Spreadsheets! Organization! Plans! To see what we are doing and see how we are progressing. (Though even as I write this my tummy gets all uncomfortable and wants to say: but I want to FEEL FREE and not tie myself down with business plans)
- For me to STAY ON SCHEDULE. I’m not entirely sure what this means, but it feels important to her.
- Then she sits down and looks right at me, very intense eye contact, and says “I want to succeed so everyone is safe and happy.” OK whoa this is not a dream, this is a trauma response so that’s something to explore.
- She looks at Happy Fairy’s list and says “Yeah that’s ok BUT SAFETY FIRST. We have to KNOW that we are safe and secure in reaching the goal BEFORE we can play.”
This is good. Now I can see more clearly what conflicts need to be addressed:
Happy Fairy really is connected my values and my inner truth. She does not seem to be concerned with the realities of life on earth. She feels I should be more respectful of the power of TRUST.
The Business Bitch us VERY concerned with the realities of life on earth. She is in a trauma response, she wants to create safety and certainty in an unsafe and uncertain world. She doesn’t believe it’s safe to have joy and freedom and creative flow without earning it first, and she seems to think this must be re-earned every day.
Like - ideally we don’t need to earn these things at all! BUT even if we did have to earn then - haven’t I earned them already? I have worked very hard for a long time.
OK this feels like enough to explore for today.
Awareness DOES shift things.
It’s not usually ALL you need. But it’s a big step.
And this feels like enough for today. I’ll let it simmer and check back in in a few days.
I made a new Creative Dream Alchemy Practice called Yikes! I am having a lot of feelings! and I am going to share it with you for 1 week only.
It's at the bottom of this post. First I want to explain a bit so you have a context for the practice.
Creative Dreaming is BRAVE work and you can’t really do it if you’re disregulated. And yet we ALL get disregulated sometimes.
Also - Creative Dreaming has a tendency to DIG UP feelings and make you feel EVEN MORE disregulated, so these kinds of practices are vital.
This practice is for the Inner Work section of the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy. I decided to share it out here on my blog, for one week (until Monday, December 5).
Creative Dream Alchemy is the magic that powers all of my work. It’s the art and magic of using what you have to create what you want.
And it’s a way of navigating the path between where you are where you want to be, using your dream as a North Star.
This are three main aspects to this work: Dream Work, Inner Work and Outer Work.
Dream Work is the inner growth and alignment. Getting clarity about what the dream is. Understanding who are you becoming as you move towards it. Learning to PARTNER with your dream as you become your future self.
Inner work is the inner healing work. Your dream will generally ask you to face the things you least want to face because these are the things that need to be addressed in order for you to move forward.
Outer Work is where you make plans and follow through on them. It’s all the things you do to make your dream a real and tangible thing in your life.
Generally - the Outer Work is impossible if you’re not doing the Dream Work and Inner Work.
The obstacles you face in the outer world are REAL… AND… your inner genius and power are real too, and big enough to overcome them IF you are showing up for the inner healing and growth that your dream needs from you.
So when these three “works” are all done together they fuel and power each other.
The Library of Creative Dream Alchemy has a section for each, with quick practices (like the one I am sharing here) and in-depth courses. This is available to all members of Dream Book.
(The Yikes! I Am Having A Lot Of Feelings practice was available here for 1 week and is now currently only available inside Dream Book)
(As a part of my commitment to do the things I want to do and NOT do the things I don't want to do - I am not making/finding photos for my daily posts - unless I want to some days. So I am digging into the photos already on my website - this is a photo of my Dream Book journal (with cutouts that come with the class) April 2021)
On Fridays I post my Dream Status Report which is a series of prompts I use every week to help me have more clarity, momentum and groundedness on my path. Dream Book members: click here to read this on the private blog with comments section where you can share your Dream Status Report.
My Dream Status Report:
PART ONE: (sometimes these can stay the same for months at time, sometimes they change often)
My dream is: BEING the artist + writer I want to be.
I want it because: Staying where I am feels like staying stuck + this feels so enticing and important.
When I have it I will feel: More in the flow, more creative and like... feeling fully expressed. Right now it's like I have sooo much TO express, I would like to feel more fully EXPRESSED.
My new moon intention for this month: VERY SPECIFIC business goal for the end of the year
PART TWO: Invite your dream in (using the Dream Lab practice that I teach in Dream Book) to help you with the rest of the prompts.
My dream shows up as a happy fairy floating in, but then my new moon intention is like... elbowing her ?! Trying to shove her aside so I focus on her. My new moon intention is also a fairy but she's dressed different... OMG she's wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase.
I think about The Office and Mindy Kaling's "business bitch" and laugh to myself and my new moon intention SCOLDS me (WTF?).
"This is not a laughing matter. This is serious. We are being serious about this goal."
Oh.
I look over at my dream who is radiant with joy, but being held back by... well I've got to name her this... the business bitch.
OK so my dream and my business goals are not getting along.
My dream gently shakes her head to say - no that's not it.
The business bitch has her arms crossed in front of her, still holding the briefcase so it's askew and it looks like papers and things may fall out of it.
I summon some comfy chairs, a table with tea and trays of sandwiches and veggies and hummus, and ask them to sit down.
"OK I'm sorry, I don't want to take sides, though I don't know why I think I'm supposed to be a neutral party, but I really want to BE the happy fairy, doing my art and writing." I turn to the business bitch "Of course your goals are my goals, but this is not how I want to get there. And I have to ask - is this how YOU want to get there?"
She starts crying. I hand her a cupcake, pink frosting with a heart on top.
"I don't eat cupcakes because the sugar and carbs make my sleepy and I need to stay focused and work hard"
"Yeah, sweetie, that's just not how I do things."
The happy fairy butts in "Actually it is - I mean you eat cupcakes sometimes but you are careful about nutrition, especially breakfast and lunch because you want to feel energized and good"
I look at them and I know that need to integrate them together. There are aspects of each one of them that I need, to get to where I want to be.
AND obviously - I HAVE AMBIVALENCE ABOUT MY BUSINESS GOALS. Not sure why I wanted to yell that. But that's how it felt.
I guess I am FRUSTRATED AF about these kinds of goals always also having ambivalence for me. Like why can't I get all of myself on board?!
I feel a hand on my shoulder. It's my Dream Self (from one of the practices in Dream Book) and she whispers "Honey it's not you, this is what it means to do this work in late-stage colonialist capitalism. It's fine that you don't love every part of it. BEING with all of your feelings about this is a part of work of deconstructing the places in you where you carry this toxic bullshit, so you can become more free."
Then suddenly I see.
I want the magic and flow and happiness of the happy fairy (my dream). I do WANT the goals (business bitch) but there is this pressure-y "let's take this seriously" vibe around her that I DO NOT want.
When I think about "taking it seriously" I just want to curl up and cry and then watch Netflix for the rest of the day.
I notice the happy fairy and business bitch are no longer on chairs, they are sitting on a love seat and snuggling.
And - this feels like a miracle even though I've been working with these aspects of me for so many years of course this is what happens - the business bitch immediately agrees to soften the pressure and take more of a "happy fairy approach" and the happy fairy agrees to hold this goal more firmly.
Which means: how do we hold this goal FIRMLY but not with PRESSURE?
This feels like a question that needs attention so I am going to make this my "question for the week" next week. Write it at the top of my planner, keep checking in with it, and see what happens.
It also feels important that I honour the spirit of my 6 weeks of blogging adventure: to DO the things I want to do and NOT DO the things I do not want to do. This includes a lot of the ideas that "business bitch" has for reaching the goal. I know there are other ways I just haven't found them yet.
PART THREE:
Last week’s focus was: Stay slow, stay in your body and get aligned with your inner truth before taking action
What happened in the last week? I found a really beautiful rhythm for my workdays that honours my energy levels/patterns and my body! With lots of movement and rest. Slowing down IS magic, I continue to learn new things about how magic it is.
What am I learning/How do I feel about this? I feel on the verge of growth, you know that feeling? When you KNOW this thing will grow you but you don't know what that will look like. I have always done everything I can to do business in a way that aligns with my values AND there are always "next levels" to this. It feels exciting to see that next level - I don't see it but I know I am AT IT because there is nowhere else to go on this level. I guess I feel TRUSTING that the path will reveal itself if I keep showing up.
What do I need now? Give myself space to sit with this every day. In September when Joseph and I tore down and re-built some things in the Dream Loft to make it work better for him to move back in, we were using this IKEA thing and IKEA ran our of drawers. So we have 1 drawer and an empty space for 3 more drawers and I've felt like - the entire organization of all of our things DEPENDS ON THESE THREE DRAWERS. But they were out of stock for so long! BUT THEY ARE BACK IN STOCK NOW. I have them ordered and J will pick them up after work and I can paint them (that whole unit is hot pink with zebra stripes, I just love it) this weekend and then.... we can get organized! This feels important, like the things I've been waiting for are here and it's time to live how I want to live.
(Joseph can't believe how important I think the drawers are, but these drawers are the hold up in organizing literally everything else - when he moved in a lot of stuff got crammed into these big bookshelves because we had nowhere else to put it and now I can put everything where it belongs. The drawers are pretty big!)
What does my dream need now? She waves her wand - HAPPY FAIRY VIBES, GIRL!!!! STAY IN THOSE VIBES! YOU GOT THIS!
Taking all of this into account, my focus for the next week is: Sit with the question: how do we hold this goal FIRMLY but not with PRESSURE? And bring in the HAPPY FAIRY VIBES.
(As a part of my commitment to do the things I want to do and NOT do the things I don't want to do - I am not making/finding photos for my daily posts - unless I want to some days. So I am digging into the photos already on my website and who doesn't want to see this pic of me and Bear again?)
When I started this new adventure of showing up every day on my public blog I wrote: Showing up every day is a miracle generator.
It felt so true to me.
And then a few days in, it was SOOOOOO true. Like, overwhelmingly true. I felt like I am creating this HUGE OPEN SPACE for miracles to find me and I didn't know that I was ready for it.
There are so many layers to things, this is so interesting to me.
Showing up every day in my own practice has been a miracle generator - AND - I have been doing this so long I feel acclimated and computable. But to show up every day in a public way, in a way that promotes/shines a light on my work, feels like a whole new level.
I love that there are SO MANY WAYS to practice our dreams.
And we have so much space to experiment and explore and find the way that fits for where we are right now.
Please remember that having a daily practice of showing up can be TINY. It can be making a cup of tea and giving yourself a few minutes to breathe. Doing it AS A PRACTICE as a way of SHOWING UP FOR YOURSELF makes it special and creates this bubble of possibility where the things you need next can find you.
The things you need have a harder time finding you when you are not showing up for them.
But can we turn the pressure down?
We had our New Moon Alchemy Circle this week, which we do every month for reflection, intention setting, coaching and chatting.
At the start of the call we reflect back on the intention we set at the last new moon. This month - I couldn't remember mine.
"That's weird" I thought. Then I remembered that I had actually made some changes to some of my weekly routines that involved NOT checking in with my monthly intention each week.
And I thought "Hmmmmmm... what kind of intention that I set that scared me so much I didn't want to check in with it?"
So I flipped back through my planner and....
Oh.
Right, I set a VERY SPECIFIC BUSINESS GOAL as my intention.
During the call it felt SO RIGHT.
During the call we do alchemy work to align with our inner truth and feel POWERFUL and CLEAR and SURE...
And so OF COURSE the next day I did not feel THAT powerful, clear or sure. And I just quietly put that goal down and didn't pick it back up again.
I mean, I do feel pretty powerful, clear and sure - but it's a spectrum. And when we set intentions from that more-powerful place, sometimes we're able to draw on that "bigger" sense of power to follow through and take action and sometimes not.
IT'S A PRACTICE.
THE GOAL OF PRACTICE IS NOT TO MAKE PERFECT.
The goal of practice is to show up.
This is a monthly practice of setting an intention, holding that intention, and then checking back in on it the following month.
I 100% DID THIS RIGHT. Even though I didn't get the outcome I had wanted.
We don't PERFECT our way to our dreams.
We PRACTICE our way there.
Holding a less-pressure more-joy approach can go a long way.
(Dream Book members - click here for our private blog where this post contains links to all of the practices/mediations I use, and a private comment section)
This is a thing that comes up over and over and over in this work: other people will react poorly to you going after your dreams.
They’ll react poorly when you fail. But they’ll also react poorly when you succeed! They will even react poorly to you STARTING the path.
This is 100% about them and their feelings that get stirred up and 0% about you and your dreams.
Everyone has dreams! Everyone longs for a more authentic, aligned, purposeful, meaningful, free and creative life. And everyone has really good and valid reasons why they don't go for it.
Our dreams are connected to our deepest fears. So when your co-worker/family member/partner/friend sees you making a move, it can trigger all of that IN THEM and they don't want to deal so they try to throw it at you.
And it feels like shit.
I have a complicated relationship with insecurity. So when people started throwing their insecurities at me because I was starting to be more bold with my dreams, it felt like a really complicated thing.
But it’s not complicated at all.
If someone is being a shit, that’s on them and you don’t need to feel conflicted about setting some healthy boundaries.
You don’t NEED TO feel conflicted.
Most of us WILL feel conflicted though. At least at first, because this triggers our own insecurities - am I good enough? Do I deserve to do/be/have this?
This is the stuff we need to work through. This is a part of the work of creative dreaming.
This is the writing that came out today. And it inspired an idea:
A class for Creative Dreamers: Am I good enough? Do I deserve to do/be/have this?
The idea just came to me - I'm going to go play with it and see where it goes.
This feels like it would be a good thing to have in the Creative Dream Alchemy Library of Inner Work. Because most people DO feel this way at the start of ANY new thing - and these feelings aren't actually meant to stop us.
I am starting a new thing - daily blogging (Monday-Friday) until the end of the year.
There is so much I want to say and share, so I want to create this container to help me do that.
And also... writing is a way of finding my way.
And also... being more deeply rooted in my art + writing practice is a BIG DREAM right now, and having a place to put that stuff would be helpful.
I do write every day on my private blog for Dream Book members. Some days these posts may be the same some days they may be different. I don't know what that will look like because I am figuring it ALL out while I go.
The way I used to plan things doesn't feel true to me anymore.
Doing BEFORE planning feels like a better fit - for me, for now.
I do have ideas of things I would like to see here - not just writing but videos too, sharing my own journaling, collections of journaling prompts, mini-classes, some teaching and sharing ideas.
I want to DO MORE - in terms of art + writing + sharing.
I want to DO LESS - in terms of ALL of the things that tax my nervous system.
I love this time of year for this kind of thing.
In the last few years I have learned, and keep learning, to honour my sensitivities.
Instead of being frustrated about certain things making me be anxious, I am saying "Oh! That's good information" and taking it as a message to not do those things.
So, stuff like - I can't go into a grocery store between now and the new year because the vibe in there is TOO FRAZZLED. And I will walk places more often because driving on icy roads is stressful but walking feels MAGICAL (and I have bew boots for walking on ice).
Just - noticing all the things that feel stressful and finding other ways.
This includes: more HIGH QUALITY alone time. Writing. Making art. Hobbies. Napping. Meditating. Walking. Dancing.
And mostly: being more devoted to creative dreaming as a practice.
Which is what I want to share here.
So - stay tuned! If you're reading this in email - you are already subscribed to my blog so you'll get these posts delivered to you.
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Artists, healers, helper-people, activists, people with a vision for a better world - YOU ARE NEEDED! NOW!
I am doing Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice calls every month, the fist one was Nov 8 and this is my first update.
These calls are open to everyone who is in Dream Book - join us here.