daily practice

Following the rabbit hole…

Continued from yesterday's post, I followed my dreams instructions and did a journaling page about me and my dreams being in the toxic and collapsing dominant culture.

I drew a bubble to represent me in my dream bubble.

Chimneys putting out smoke and trees on fire to represent the world.

Wrote out things that are in my dream bubble: healing + creative practices, feeling creative + inspired, trusting myself + appreciating life, growth + expansion. Respect + space for all feelings. Worthiness.

As I was doing this I was listing what is in the world and quickly saw the opposites.

Climate collapse. Driven by consumerism, greed + unhappiness. Lack of regard for most vulnerable. Refusal to see + destroy systems of oppression. Competing for worthiness.

Then this new bubble appears, a much larger bubble that I can move into through my dream bubble. This is a doorway to a new world/culture. (Feels like A doorway, not THE ONLY doorway)

It’s like - as we heal and change we create new culture.

And then I felt despair.

But we don’t have time to do this.

But this is my life, like how do I want to live it? I can do this in my own small way in my own life.

What are my other options?

(Meant sarcastically, but then I listed them)

Pretend this (climate change, racism and all forms of systemic injustice, etc) isn’t happening.

Spiritual bypass

And then:

Guess what??? You can’t save the world that’s individualism which is another aspect of dominant culture.

That’s where I stopped.

But now that I have typed that our and reflected on it…

This puts me back into the big bubble. Community. Remembering I am not the only one doing this and this is not the only way through. There are other different bubbles. They can link up at some point.

I mean, we work for change or we accept what is and to me, the state of the world is unacceptable.

Where do my dreams fit?

My dreams right now, as I am re-defining them, aren’t about any kind of external things.

It’s about how I want to feel in my life. It’s about really showing up for creative and healing practices, being in the process of always becoming more ME and living in that space and dreaming in community.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab which is what I am using for my dream meeting drawings.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

Following the rabbit hole… Read More »

Meeting my dreams while the world falls apart

I’m doing the Dream lab meditation and, sitting there in the field of creative dream alchemy, I just want to cry.

In real life (not the meditation) I’m in my favourite spot in the park and there is so much smoke in the air (from the fires in northern Canada) and so many wasps flying all around I’m probably going to go inside, as much as I want to be outside. It’s hard to not be acutely aware that we’re IN climate collapse. 

I ride my bike on paths along the river so I don’t see the city that much but when I go into downtown there are more signs of collapse - more unhoused people than I’ve ever seen here, like by a huge percentage, businesses shut down, most office buildings have big “for lease” signs on them. Violent crime is the highest it’s ever been.

This is the world I am dreaming in.

This is the world my dreams need to be rooted in.

I’m just sitting with this, while a wasp tries to land on my hand.

So, this is interesting it’s never happened this way for me before, in my meditation in the field of creative dream alchemy I am crying. But here in the park, I am not. 

Tears are flowing and becoming a river that sparkles with iridescent light.

I wish I could be one of those new age people who can just meditate and be in the light and believe that they are healing the world and they don’t have to be in the mess of anything, they get to stay safe in their total lack of awareness of how hard they’re leaning into white privilege to sit there and feel good while the world falls apart.

I mean I don’t. But I do. You know?

My tears are becoming a river. There’s a boat made out of old tree branches woven together and I get in.

Slowly the landscape starts to change. Cities are burning. Toxic fumes. Over consumption. People living out of tune.

I’m just sailing by knowing that this is all falling apart because it was never sustainable, and we’ll build something better in its place. It won’t be perfect but we can learn from some of our mistakes to do better, and keep building on that.

I get to a place where I’m supposed to leave my boat. 

There are art supplies, though the art supplies we use are mostly unsustainable so these look like different art supplies, like Beam paints.

I sit down, panic rising in my chest, wishing for a solution, which I mis-spelled as soulution. 

There is nothing I, myself, can do - but together we can do everything.

For every problem the world is facing right now there are people who have been working for the solution for some time. People with good research and information and skills. We can support them.

But back to my dream meeting.

My dream is here now, just like a voice in the clouds.

It says: Andrea! You are dreaming in this broken world. Your dreams are not of this world though. You need to understand the boundaries and differences… do some journaling about this and see where it takes you.

To be continued...

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab which is what I am using for my dream meeting drawings.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

Meeting my dreams while the world falls apart Read More »

Starting Fresh Again.

Last week I kept getting stuck because I was FEELING like my journals/planner were all wrong.

I made this Instagram video about how this might seem ridiculous but it's SO valid. The search for the perfect journal isn't about the journal, it's about how the journal is a container for so much and so all of our resistance ambivalence, etc, can get tied up in choosing the journal itself.

This weekend my new paper arrived and I did a ton of collaging. I had some dividers from when I tried to use a Happy Planner (there are things I like about Happy Planner planners but it's way too "good vibes only" and the prompts they use in the planners feel completely irrelevant to my life) and I cut them down a little to the size I want, and then collaged over them.

The collaged dividers FEELS PERFECT. They feel like containers and doorways. And I can keep collaging/writing/painting/whatever on them!

(I also want to sew a carrying bag for it, to keep it safe in my bag)

I also just CUT DOWN my 2023 planner!! Like, it was done on printer paper and I wanted 6"x9" so I just cut Sunday out of the planner pages (I can plan Saturday and Sunday in the same space), and then also made the page narrower... kind of a messy solution but it gives me a quick way to have a planner in the new size I want. For next year, I can do something nicer.

And I can put my Creative Genius Cards in it!!

I haven't been using the Creative Genius Cards as much lately, but I want to get back into that. And I want to make a card that shows the things I want to check in with each week when I do my planning, so I could just keep moving that card to each new week I plan.

I feel like I really have space to begin.

I have been doing Dream Book as my way of journaling since about 2018. I feel like I just got to "my next level" with it. It's not just about how the book looks, it feels like this is the right container for me to take it deeper? I don't know what that looks like right now and am so happy to be exploring it.

The first words I wrote in here were in the planner section, my focus from last week's Dream Status Report:

I treat myself and my life as precious.

That felt like the perfect "christening" for the new journal/planner/DreamBook.

This week I want to re-do (again! Yes, I did just do this a few weeks ago) the Dream Page and Dream Self Page. I feel I've been circling around some new layer of knowing what I REALLY want, and each time I do this I learn more.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab which is what I am using for my dream meeting drawings.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

Starting Fresh Again. Read More »

Co-Dreaming: Meditation + Journaling Class


This week we did a Creative Dream Check In and discussion.

A big theme that came up was Creative Dreaming in a broken world, in a culture of racism, colonialism, climate change... there are no easy answers but it's good to sit with the questions.

Ultimately I think our dreams help lead us to create a better world, but in the meantime we're living and dreaming in this one.

I'm offering these live Co-Dreaming (Meditation + Journaling) calls every Monday.

I started doing these calls to help us all keep showing up no matter how messy things get because have you noticed how messy the world is right now?

I'm so grateful for everyone who is showing up and Co-Dreaming with me. This is so special.

I will keep posting the replays here on my blog. If you want to attend live, register here to get the Zoom details emailed to you.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Co-Dreaming: Meditation + Journaling Class Read More »

Goldilocks and the three journals (getting unstuck)

Continued from yesterday - using the Un-Sticking Station with the part of me who doesn’t feel right using the journals that I have.

It’s a sad crab, wrapped in all sorts of stuff. 

Tangled in a web.

Hi crab! I’m sorry you’re sad. I’d love to help.

"Can you get me out of this web?"

Sure. Also, I am really curious about what the web is made of?

It seems like… potato chips? But also other stuff…

I sit down beside the crab and we both just sit here looking at it…

hopes

dreams

disappointments

grief

panic

All coated in grease from the potato chips. Slippery. 

I should be able to slip it right off the crab but it feels like we need to honour all of this, and whatever it is that happened to get the crab all tangled up in it.

“I just want to be free of this. Then we can look at it?”

Oh sure, good point. I slip the tangled web off the crab.

Oh!

Now he’s back to being a praying mantis in the sacred cave, the one I met in the Un-Sticking Station last week.

There is a circle of journals all around him.

Oh, ok. So you’re trying to pick a journal?

“It’s so hard.”

Yeah, I know!

“I’m so scared I’ll make the wrong choice and ruin everything”

Oh wow. I mean, I don’t think you’ll ruin everything. It’s just that the right journal FEELS RIGHT.

“Remember back when you did have the right journal for everything, and everything FELT RIGHT, and you journaled SO MUCH MORE THAN YOU DO NOW?”

Yes I do, that’s what I want back.

“That’s the pressure! It’s important to go back to doing THAT MUCH journaling but you can’t/won’t if it doesn’t all feel right so if I pick wrong I’ll slow down the magic”

Oh my, you’re right. I see how much pressure you are under here. What can we do about this?

The air feels pressurized around us.

It doesn't feel like we can do much with the pressure, so...

Let’s make space for THE DREAM.

The bug is happy with this.

We sit and dream the dream and the vision comes:

A journal that’s all worn. Beat up around the edges. Lots of colour everywhere. Lots of tabs and things marking pages. The magic of everything in one place. The magic of indie stuff instead of a mass produced planner - my own printed planning printables.

It is disc bound and magically flexible. But it is NOT with printer paper. That size is just a bit too big for this.

LOL! So my small journal is 5x8 which seems too small and the big journal is 8x10 which is too big, the printer paper disc bound journal is 8.5x11 which is also too big…. but I saw “student quality” (AKA affordable for the quantities I’ll want) watercolour paper that is 6”x9” online. That would actually be perfect. I AM GOLDILOCKS!

Also: it has a handmade cover. A few months ago I bought the wrong interfacing for a project. It’s really stiff/heavy and it would be PERFECT for this. A few layers of that with some canvas on top, sewn into a cover for the planner would make it easier to throw into my bag and bring places.

A little fear pops up: but you just bought a new journal! You have to use that one!

And instantly I remember: I change journals all the time! I’ll put it in my stash of empty journals and use it when I want it again, which I am sure I will!

Another fear: but what if I get this new paper and make this whole new journal and AGAIN it doesn’t feel right?

Well then I will know. That’s literally the only way to find out!

I feel inspired about this. These are my next steps. Taking them helps build the path. Either this is the right system for me, or I will learn another thing that will help me figure out what to try next.

So I am ordering the paper.

And until it gets here I suddenly feel fine to use the one I made last week in the meantime….

I am un-stuck!

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab which is what I am using for my dream meeting drawings.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

Goldilocks and the three journals (getting unstuck) Read More »

Once again – I am having journal problems.

I had my new Dream Book all set up and I was LOVING how I brought my planner and Dream Book into one book.

I’d always wanted to do that and now here I am, I’ve got it… and… I don’t know, it’s not feeling how I thought it would.

(THIS IS NOT UNUSUAL! Sometimes we pursue a dream, we get the thing exactly how we wanted it only to discover this is not how we want it at all. But there isn’t another way to find this out! This is not failure, this is a step on the path).

I’m still wishing for something else and not sure what that is.

I have stuff I want to do in my planner.

I have stuff I want to do in my Dream Book.

I have stuff I want to do more freestyle.

Thoughts:

I have it all in one disc-bound book, and I LOVE BEING ABLE TO MOVE PAGES AROUND!!!  This is magic! 

But I don’t like taking this big bulky thing with me anywhere. And I don’t want to only work in it at home.

I know - I could just take the pages I want to work with with me, and I do this -  but this doesn’t feel right either.

I love using a small (5”x8”) hardcover journal for freestyle journaling. LOVE. 

I miss using a larger (8”x10”) hardcover journal for Dream Book.

I want to buy a planner next year. As much as I’ve loved the flexibility of the printables.

I also want to make my own planner for next year!

I don’t want to make a 2024 version of the Year of Dreams Planner but I do want to make a bunch of different styles/sizes of fill-in-the-date planners and offer it as a set for people like me who want to keep changing how they do it.

THIS IS SO ANNOYING.

Having all of these conflicting thoughts and feelings and underneath it all feeling:

THIS SHOULD BE SIMPLER

And also

This is probably not about the journals. I’m working through something. I don’t need to know what it is.

And also

Trying to make myself “just do it” with whatever journal I already have set up take all these thoughts and feelings and crams them inside me where they don’t do any good.

But if I give them all space, I know at some point I will work through them and understand what I want to do next.

UNTIL THEN

I don’t want to just feel stuck.

I also don’t want to force myself to do a thing that doesn’t feel right.

I’m going to do an Un-Sticking Station with the part of me who doesn’t feel right using the journals that I have.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab which is what I am using for my dream meeting drawings.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

Once again – I am having journal problems. Read More »

I have what I wanted

Last November I did a Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice call as an experiment, to share some ideas. It went so well we've been doing it as a monthly call ever since. (These calls are in the Dream Book membership)

What I wanted from marketing at that time was to FEEL a certain way about how I am putting myself out there.

But I could not articulate how, exactly, I wanted to feel - just that I wanted it all to feel different and this vague sense of how I wanted it to be. It's so awkward to know you want to feel different about a thing but not be able to put your finger on how you want to feel!

But, indoing the calls every month... Practicing in between calls. Experimenting. Processing. Exploring. Staying with it even when there are no answers in sight....

I feel like I have it now.

It feels sustainable and open and COHESIVE. Like I am offering work inside and outside of Dream Book and it's all a cohesive whole.

The thing that's changed this is, of course, the Monday Co-Dreaming calls. They feel like the right way for me to invite people into the world of the Creative Dream Incubator.

And I am SO grateful for the people who are showing up because it’s not the same without them! It feels MAGICAL and I do want to keep doing them.

It feels like such a beautiful way to open the door for anyone who is interested in my work. Or to include people who can’t afford the money or the time commitment for the full program, so they can still have some ongoing support for navigating the path.

The only part that feels annoying sometimes is promoting the calls.

So guess what - when it feels annoying I just don’t do it!!!!

I am releasing that idea that feels like it got hammered into my head from the online business classes I took that we need to “do all the things” to “make the most” of everything.

Sometimes it’s felt fun to create promotional content and put it out there, and in those times I did it.

Other times I just didn’t have the energy, so I didn’t do it.

No rules here!

I don’t want to do any UGH. This feels revolutionary.

And it’s not like I ever wrote my emails and marketing content FEELING UGH.

I would feel UGH and remind myself of the WHY and then work through my feelings to get to a place of feeling like - yeah that is worth doing - and then do it.

But now instead of all that I’m just - not.

THIS FEELS SO MUCH MORE SUSTAINABLE because I am doing it at my own human pace instead of doing everything at the pace of “how the online business people said it should be done”.

I do want to say though:

It DOES take a lot of promoting even to get people to participate in a free thing online.

There is so much out there now, it's hard to get people's attention, even if they're already following you. So - when I do feel inspired to create content around promoting these calls, I do it!

On Friday I was thinking about how much fun I am having with these calls, and ended up making a bunch of artwork for them, so now I have that all made and can post it whenever I want to share something, instead of having to figure out in the moment what to share.

The other thing I changed is I am now sharing my daily posts on my blog which felt ALL KINDS OF AWKWARD.

I mean each layer of "awkward feelings" that I worked through opened up a new layer of "awkward feelings" and it felt like it would go on like that forever but I think I found the bottom - now it all feels good.

I don’t really promote the blog posts either - I don’t send them to my email list or even post on Facebook most of the time. When there’s a really interesting post that I FEEL like I want to share, I share that.

Sometimes I read the post on video and post it on Instagram. I am enjoying that.

But most often - I just put it on my blog for the people who choose to go and read it. Not putting all that effort into putting it in front of people like I used to.

This feels like - if someone feels called to explore my work, it’s all there for them to see. Not locked away but  also not shining every spotlight on it that I can.

IT FEELS SO GOOD.

I am consistent about putting things out there into my tiny ecosystem. I’m not consistent about how I put it put it into the larger social media/email/internet ecosystems and that’s ok!

WILL THIS MAKE AS MUCH MONEY AS THE OLD WAYS?

I don’t know!

I do know the “old” internet marketing ways I learned in 2009 onward don’t really apply to the way the internet works now. I could keep doing them but they don’t make the money they used to, they don’t get attention like they used to.

And the “new ways” I see people doing - no fucking way am I going there. And also - it feels like these are starting to crumble too. Every week on Facebook a new "big name" is being talked about for unethical and illegal behaviour.

I don't want to be a part of any of that. I just want to do my work.

So I am trusting this because it feels right. This feels like ENOUGH so I am trusting that.

And I’d have to keep doing this until the end of the year at least to get a sense of how it “works” in terms of money.

BUT 

All these months of Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice have really shifted my perspective on how I define if a thing “works”.

DOES IT FEEL GOOD FOR ME

DOES IT RESONATE WITH THE PEOPLE THAT THE WORK IS FOR

These two things feel so much more important than:

HOW MUCH MONEY DOES IT MAKE

Because money is NOT the only factor.

I mean, money was NEVER the only factor for me with my work, but it did feel like the way to define if marketing activities, specifically, "worked".

Though I recognize that we need to make money too! 

This business IS my only livelihood.

But/And I do have lots of long-term members of Dream Book and ongoing one-on-one clients and when I need more money - things tend to happen. I used to do more joint ventures to bring in more money, though that doesn’t feel right anymore. Mostly I trust myself to figure it out.

Underneath that is the thought that actually -  I am taking the energy I would have used on marketing and using it to create hand-drawn guided journals and maybe that will make me more money in the end?

For marketing - I want to feel like I am shining the light of the Creative Dream Incubator, I am creating welcoming spaces for people to come and see what we’re doing and then leaving it to people to decide if they want to join.

I’m not doing any of the persuasive marketing + sales tactics that the internet is full of now so having income goals be attached to marketing feels off. 

Also - I started this business as a single person with no plans to ever be married. I have since gotten married and my husband moved into my condo so we split the bills now. This does make all of this easier. 

Also, I did own a home before I started this business and that helps too for financial stability! I sold it and bought the loft condo which is more expensive to maintain but still I’m leaning on all of the equity I already had in my home. And I sold my car and got a bike 9 years ago - I did this because having a car felt wrong, having a bike feels AMAZING (as does taking lots of long walks in winter when I don’t ride - though if my city ever starts clearing bike paths safely I will!) I didn’t do this for financial reasons but it IS a lot cheaper to maintain a bike than a car!

We do have to consider the facts of our financial situation, which is why I shared that here. I don’t think Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual practice is about bypassing reality. It’s about being where we are and working with what we have - which includes our tremendous gifts AND our actual life circumstances.

Our next Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice call is happening August 9 - tomorrow.

But we do these calls every month, and there is a library of calls to work through when you join, if you'd like to explore with us in Dream Book.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab which is what I am using for my dream meeting drawings.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

I have what I wanted Read More »

Co-Dreaming Meditation + Journaling Class

I'm offering these live Co-Dreaming (Meditation + Journaling) calls every Monday.

I started doing these calls to help us all keep showing up no matter how messy things get because have you noticed how messy the world is right now?

I'm so grateful for everyone who is showing up and Co-Dreaming with me. This is so special.

I will keep posting the replays here on my blog. If you want to attend live, register here to get the Zoom details emailed to you.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Co-Dreaming Meditation + Journaling Class Read More »

A conversation with my stuck project which turns into a conversation with fear.

Last night I wrote in my planner: Why is my journal project stalled?

I’ve started writing QUESTIONS in my planner. This feels revolutionary. Since our Structure Habits Routines explorations I’ve been more consistent about using my planner, and more creative about how I use it.

I have permission now: it doesn’t have to look like my pre-pandemic planners looked like. I’m not that plan-happy person anymore.

I do write in what I want to do each day. I draw my meditations from the Monday Co-Dreaming calls, to hold that energy with me all week. I write out goals for the week for my journal project and track my progress.

And that - tracking the progress - feels SO helpful.

Because I can see right now that progress is slowing.

It FEELS stalled, progress is still happening but not like it was.

So - what’s up with that?

I sit with it and see there are:

  • My feelings about the project
  • My feelings about the process
  • The other projects that are tapping me on the shoulder and asking for attention

The thing that stands out is:

A week ago I felt THRILLED by this whole thing. I loved the way the pages look, I love what the pages say.

This week I feel UNCERTAIN about the whole thing. I am second-guessing some of the artwork AND writing.

And I feel SCARED about feeling UNCERTAIN. It sparks new questions:

What if this sucks?

What if I suck?

What if I’ve been on the wrong path with this? This has been SO LONG in the making!

What if all of my other ideas suck too?

OK so now I see we are definitely in Un-Sticking Station territory!

Bringing the fear into the Un-Sticking Station:

It’s a bug of some kind. I want to say praying mantis but I don’t know anything about praying mantis including who they look. But it’s standing with it’s arms in prayer pose.

It’s in a cave-like place, with light coming from behind it. Feels sacred and safe.

Why are you here?

This is my safe space.

Why are you upset?

You disturbed my safe space.

Ahhhh I see.

This project is too scary - I mean this particular journal but also the whole move to doing ALL the journal ideas you have. BUYING NEW MARKERS FOR IT!!!!

The markers scared you?

You invested in this.

I’ve invested so much time already, that’s way more than the value of the markers.

Yeah true I guess that happens incrementally and the markers was this thing I could see. It woke me up.

So you’re ok with me investing in this project incrementally?

I was, but I was always going to get upset if it got a place where you would actually SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD.

I mean, THE WHOLE WORLD is not paying attention to me. I was going to share it with the people who are paying attention to me. These are people who already like/support my work.

People could hate-follow you.

Wow, you live in a sacred cave and you know about hate-following?

I hear things in here!

OK, but if anyone hate-follows me then that’s their thing, that has nothing to do with me, right? They’re not going to buy this journal. My work isn’t for them. So aren’t they irrelevant?

Yeah but they might DO something.

Like what? Tell me I suck?

Yeah.

You’re already doing that though?

Bug bursts into tears.

I give it a hug.

Listen, sweetheart, I love you. I mean - you live here in this safe scared cave because I made this space for you where you don’t have to be so present in the scary world, right? Like, that cave shows the healing work we’ve done together over the years, doesn’t it?

Yeah, I love it here. But I’m scared that this new project might crack a hole in the cave.

Oh, I see. Yes that’s a valid fear.

It is!!!

But telling me I suck isn’t a valid way to handle it.

No, you’re right.

So what are we going to do? I really want to go back to feeling excited and inspired about this project.

I guess we keep doing what we’ve always done. You want to do the things you want to do, and deep down I want that for you too, so I’ll let you know when it gets too scary for me and we can reinforce the walls.

I do want to keep doing what we’ve always done, as it giving you space to have your feelings but “reinforcing the wall” feels a bit off. Like - what if I can help you feel more brave and sure and safe WITHOUT thicker walls? What if we could even let some sunlight in here? It feels like you’ve been in a healing cocoon and that’s fantastic but also - is it really forever? Is it time for some…

The bug cuts me off and is immediately out in a meadow of flowers.

I can be safe here! I feel safe! But also I can breathe out here.

The bug is not a praying mantis anymore. I’m not sure what it is. It’s setting up a hammock attached to wildflowers.

Ha! In Monday’s Co-Dreaming call on How Easy Can It Be my dream showed me that it was strong enough for me to string a hammock to it and rest.

I was going to take the day off and go to the beach. I usually go to the beach at least once a week in the summer and I haven’t been there once. Then I decided - the heat is exhausting this year I know being in the water is refreshing but everything else? I don’t actually want to.

But what if I lay around inside in air conditioning and read books?

This is NOT the answer I was looking for about why the journal project is stuck but I am going to trust it for today, and come back to this tomorrow.

It seems logical to me that my fear needing a day of rest today IS the thing that can help me re-connect with the magic of this project and create a more creative day tomorrow.

UPDATE:

After writing this I wanted to open the program where I have the artwork for this project... and I was inspired! Things felt good! The things that didn't feel good - I had ideas for what to change. I had written this post in a coffee shop and spent TWO MORE HOURS there drawing! Back in the flow!

The Un-Sticking Station is not always this fast, but I sure appreciate when it is.

Exploring your Post-Pandemic self is today!

This is for Dream Book members only - get the call details here.

 

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with. Or go to the Structure Habits Routines class (it's staying there so you can go through the prompts in your own time)

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab which is what I am using for my dream meeting drawings.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

A conversation with my stuck project which turns into a conversation with fear. Read More »

My dream is a ball of light in a chrysalis. And how would Sinead O’Connor run the Creative Dream Incubator?

It feels like there is so much happening INSIDE that there is no space for anything to happen on the OUTSIDE.

I did a Dream Meeting and got this:

My dream is a chrysalis in a ball of light.

I spelled chrysalis wrong and I just want to say - spelling and grammar are COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT in journaling. Trying to follow those kinds of external rules can pull you out of listening to your inner voice, you just need to understand what you wrote, it doesn't need to win a spelling competition.

It feels beautiful and hopeful and SO FUCKING VAGUE.

I want more clarity but it's just not here.

Trying to accept both the frustration for more clarity and the fact that now is not the time for clarity.

Exploring your Post-Pandemic self is tomorrow!

This is for Dream Book members only - get the call details here.

 

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with. Or go to the Structure Habits Routines class (it's staying there so you can go through the prompts in your own time)

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab which is what I am using for my dream meeting drawings.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

My dream is a ball of light in a chrysalis. And how would Sinead O’Connor run the Creative Dream Incubator? Read More »

The magic of NOT conforming to dominant culture

I'm trying to think of a delicate way to say this but maybe it just needs to be said awkwardly:

We're too judgy!!!

We have a really fucked up "standard" for how we think things, and people, should be.

This is wayyyyy worse in the holistic wellness/new age/life your best life communities than it is elsewhere, but it's everywhere.

Positive is better than negative.

Confidence is better than doubt.

Healthy is better than sick or disabled.

High energy is better than tired.

WE NEED TO GIVE OURSELVES THE GRACE OF HAVING OUR FULL AND ACTUAL HUMAN EXPERIENCE.

Pushing yourself to always be positive and productive can lead to greater success in capitalism but allowing yourself to BE who you ARE helps you have WHOLENESS.

It gives your magic.

And yes - I'm talking about how we apply these things to ourselves but of course this is a mirror for the culture we live in and the ways that people who don't or can't conform are treated.

There is magic in allowing the diversity of human experience.

Out in the world - it would actually change everything if we valued ALL people equally, and made space for ALL ideas. A world that works for everyone!

Inside ourselves - it would actually change everything if we valued ALL of our thoughts and feelings, and made space to feel and acknowledge them because that would totally change the ideas we'd have about how to navigate our path.

I see it all the time in Dream Book. We start with an uncomfortable feeling, and it's like "no this isn't how I want to feel, this isn't how I want things to be" but by being with that feeling and allowing our actual experience, we see a totally new way to proceed.

And it feels like magic every time but I think that's just because our culture is TRASH so we've become accustomed to TRASH.

It's not magic - it's how being alive actually is when we allow all aspects of ourselves.

This shoving feelings down, denying our desires, trying to conform to capitalist, colonialist, white supremacist culture - that's not healthy for anyone.

This is sparked from our Co-Dreaming call yesterday about How EASY can it be?

About all the different responses:

  • I could get support so that I can DO THE THING!!
  • I could rest.
  • I could make more space for my feelings.
  • I could trust what's already here rather than look at how to create more...

And how beautiful it was to be in a space where everyone's ideas were given space. We weren't looking for THE ONE RIGHT WAY for everyone to make things easier. We were making space for our own truth, sharing our truth, and being inspired and encouraged by each other.

I noticed how the vibe is soooo different from a lot of the Wellness/New Age/Live Your Best Life communities where this is this PRESSURE to find and do THE RIGHT THINGS.

Where you get judged, usually in subtle ways but not always, for "being negative" or being poor or disabled or fat or sick.

Where the idea is that you're doing it wrong if you're not manifesting a life that looks like what dominant culture says your life should look like: productive, successful, organized, cheerful.

I feel sorry for the people who are still in all of that.

And I feel so grateful for everyone who is doing this work with me.

If you didn't see it - watch yesterday's Co-Dreaming call here.

Exploring your Post-Pandemic self is Thursday!

A deep dive into exploring what's changed and what wants to change now.

This is for Dream Book members only - get the call details here.

 

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with. Or go to the Structure Habits Routines class (it's staying there so you can go through the prompts in your own time)

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab which is what I am using for my dream meeting drawings.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

The magic of NOT conforming to dominant culture Read More »

Meditation + Journaling Class: How Easy Can It Be?

I'll be doing these live Co-Dreaming calls every Monday until Aug 28.

Watching these videos all summer WILL get you seeing, and feeling, your dreams in new ways.

The replays will all be here on my blog. If you want to attend live, register here to get the Zoom details.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Meditation + Journaling Class: How Easy Can It Be? Read More »

I did it! Starting the new Dream Book

Yesterday I sat with what felt like heavy resistance, and just took one tiny step at a time, and got the first few pages of a brand new Dream Book set up.

I didn’t actually do that much, but it felt like a lot because of all of the resistance I had.

And - I didn’t actually do that much, but today when I sat down to my creative dream practice - I had a whole new Dream Book to play in!

I had a container to explore my new dreams!!

Which is vital because exploring new dreams is nebulous and vulnerable and awkward so it’s soooo easy for resistance to creep in and then take over.

So today I opened up my brand new container. And it felt empty but I had cut + pasted enough of the Dream Book printables that I had places to start. I had prompts and processes to work with and….

I saw the thing I’d been dancing around in my journaling and meditation for the last few weeks.

I have been in a shift from:

“I want to create my life as this amazing thing, to have my outer life reflect what I feel in my inner life - reflect my values and preferences.”

To

"Life IS this amazing thing! I just want to enjoy it”

Which doesn’t mean I think one of these approaches is better than the other one. And it doesn’t mean I think this is a permanent shift! We are alive and growing and so are our dreams, always.

I’m just noticing a shift in my own preference, a shift in what I feel called towards right now.

And I’d been feeling that shift for a while but only saw parts of it, like I know I want something to change but I don’t know what. And now I know what.

It can be so uncomfortable to sit with our dreams, to keep practicing creative dreaming, in the times when we don’t know exactly what our dreams are. It brings up so many uncomfortable feelings that we want to give up.

But we can’t find our way through by not showing up for the journey, you know?

I had so much fun this morning, journaling and exploring in my Dream Book. I have been journaling lately, but this morning it's like I was REALLY journaling, fully in it.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with. Or go to the Structure Habits Routines class (it's staying there so you can go through the prompts in your own time)

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab which is what I am using for my dream meeting drawings.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

I did it! Starting the new Dream Book Read More »

Step by Step: Working through resistance and starting a new Dream Book

I’m starting over with Dream Book. Fresh new book. Re-doing all the pages.

I’ve always wished I could combine my planner with my Dream Book but that felt complicated… but during the Structure Habits Routines prompts I saw a way to do that. At least for the next 5 month until the end of the year, I can experiment with this.

THIS FEELS SO DAUNTING.

To re-start. To really sit with…. what do I want? Why do I want it? How will I feel when I have it?

I know these are the questions I sit with every week in the Dream Status Reports, but it feels different to start over and answer them FRESH, not working from what I already have figured out,

My dream is being the writer + artist I want to be.

(Of course I already am this. And of course there are still so many ways I want to do this.)

The heart of this doesn’t change, but some of the specifics of what this looks and feels like for me are changing. I do need a new Dream Page for this.

And, even though I have been doing this work so for long, it still feels sooooo vulnerable.

Like, I can’t believe all the ways my mind is trying to run from this.

So, let’s explore the resistance then.

Hey resistance, can we talk!

Sure! I mean no. Let’s go to the store and get milk and make coffee. 

Well, yeah I want to do that but I also really want to do this!! It feels like you are putting this off to go to that.

No I’m not. We’re sleepy! Some fresh air and coffee would really hit the spot!!!

OK, if I agree to go that, when we get back, you agree to work with me and start the new Dream Book?

Ugh. Well…. yeah ok. 

*

*

OK I am back. With coffee.

That little bit of fresh air and 1 cup of coffee have not magically transformed into a person who feels ready to do this. 

But I am showing up. But before I can start the Dream Book I need to set up the actual book...

First - the paper. I have this ultra heavy weight paper I used for my planner. I have to remember where I put that when I re-arranged my space….

Found it. Or rather, found ONE SHEET of it, with my other printer paper. Did I use it all? Put it in a special place?

NOT LETTING THIS STOP ME, going ahead with regular printer paper…

Hole punched… (I use the happy planner punch which can only punch a few sheets at a time, so this is a bit of an effort) (My planner is disc bound, so I can move and add pages very easily though, once properly punched) 

Removing the first 6 months of this year from my planner…

Arrrgh it all comes to a screeching halt.

Looking back through my planner there are so many pages I love! I want to take pics! I want to save this! I always add my planners to my stack of finished journals, I don’t want to rip this year apart.

WOW. OK. I did not anticipate this.

But actually there is room to add a bunch of pages, and if I run out of space in a few months I’ll figure that out then. I could always switch out the discs for bigger ones.

Added the new blank pages to the front of the planner….

Well holy fuck!!! Here is the rest of the heavy paper I was looking for!!!! I had already hole punched in and put it in here to use for journaling.

I ALREADY HAD EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED.

I HAD IT THE WHOLE TIME.

I want to laugh and cry.

Adding my thinner paper to the thick paper at the front of my planner…

I made 2 quick messy tabs - a rectangle of cardstock folded over, glued on, with “dream book” on one and “planner” on the other. Making nice tabs would be a fun creative project, but not today! It doesn’t have to be pretty! Let’s just do this!

Now I’m in the Dream Book classroom, going through the main checklist. Printing out the Dream Page, Dream Self Page (which includes the Project page) and Un-Sticking Station Page cutouts.

There is a printable for the Table of Contents, but I like to make my own.

Whew!!!! I DID IT.

I mean I haven’t done anything in my Dream Book yet, but I got ready to do it! So many little steps and so far my resistance hasn’t gotten in the way.

It’s just happily sipping coffee, watching me take all these steps.

Sitting here, holding this dream book/planner hybrid in my hands. Tons of blank paper to re-start everything about my Dream Book, the cutouts to get me started, my scissors and glue stick nearby, this feels amazing.

One more thing - the Year of Dreams 2023 planner had 1 page at the beginning with an incubator to put your BIGGEST dream for 2023 in it. I had put my income goal. This is no longer my biggest dream, or a dream at all, so I tore it up which was very satisfying.

AND making it in the first place, claiming the income I want for the year, that felt satisfying at the time too.

Nothing we do in this work has to stay true/relevant FOREVER.

We are alive! We get to grow and our priorities will enviably change as we do.

(There is this video on starting a new journal in Dream Book - when you have pages you are still working with in the old journal. What I'm doing now is re-starting completely, taking nothing with me for a fresh start. I've never done it this way before, but right now I am really feeling like I need a fresh start with everything.)

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with. Or go to the Structure Habits Routines class (it's staying there so you can go through the prompts in your own time)

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab which is what I am using for my dream meeting drawings.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

Step by Step: Working through resistance and starting a new Dream Book Read More »

Implementation is not instant

Last week we did Structure Routines Habits. It feels like such a whirlwind!

It was just a few questions each day to explore this from different angles, but it feels like a lot got stirred up and I’m not quite sure where I am with it all.

I mean I have a lot of VERY GOOD IDEAS for things to do, and more clarity than every about what I want this to look like, and I even tapped into the feeling of how I want to feel in these routines and habits and how supportive the structure will feel.

AND

Here I am. Waking up foggy. Like I am still my old self, but I see the path to my new self but I’m like… can I trust it? Do I want to just take a nap instead? Do I really want this?

There is such a sense of SAFETY and COMFORT to be found in hiding in old routines.

Even after we outgrown them! Even when we KNOW we want the new routines.

So....

How do I bring this safety and comfort with me into the new things I want to be doing?

That’s the question to sit with today.

My new routine/habit ideas don’t feel unsafe in any way, it’s just… that “BUT THIS IS ALL NEW” feeling that feels unsafe.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with. Or go to the Structure Habits Routines class (it's staying there so you can go through the prompts in your own time)

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab which is what I am using for my dream meeting drawings.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

Implementation is not instant Read More »

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