I set a big goal for my business for 2014: to welcome 800 dreamers into my Creative Dream Circle. And to do this not by getting super pushy about selling – but to do this with heart and soul and creativity and joy and LOVE.(you can read my original post about this here)

At this point though, I’m not interested in the numbers.What I am excited about is having that feeling of DOING MY BEST, to grow my capacity serve dreamers in bringing their dreams to life inside the Circle, to DO MY BEST to work on the places where I hide and hold back, to DO MY BEST so share my gifts. ? And I want to explore more about how I want this all to work for me, and how I want to feel inside it.

In support of this goal, I am writing weekly updates on Fridays, for all of 2014. This is where I’ll share the story of all the ups and downs of bringing a big dream to life.

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Last week’s update was uncomfortable for me to share (later that day I added another post about how being in the process of change is hard) ?Last week I wasn’t sure what my dream was anymore, which, as a professional dreamer, is embarrassing to admit.? But it is a part of the process.

A faraway dream is pristine.? It’s perfect and beautiful and you just know that once you get it your whole life will change and you will be deliciously happy every day always for the end of time.

Dreams you’re working on are messy.? It’s like that dreamboat you see from across a crowded room looks much better in that moment than they do when they’re leaving their dirty socks on the floor as though the clothes hamper isn’t right there.

That pristine dream is a fantasy.? To bring that dream from fantasy into reality you have to… bring it into reality, which is messy and awkward and hard sometimes and doesn’t look like how you thought it would but OMG it feels amazing it have it for real.

Messy, awkward and hard are just a part of the process and do NOT mean there is anything wrong.? That’s why I make sure to share the awkward hard parts, without them you don’t get to the dream come TRUE.

Giving up just because it’s hard is lame.? And holding onto that fantasy instead of having the reality is lame.

So, last week was hard.? I was doing a lot of work shifting my perceptions and moving my comfort zones around, which is really, really awkward to do.? (For Creative Dream Circle members, Module 4 of the Creative Dream Incubator helps with this)

Working through all of that hard made this week FUCKING AMAZING.? I got more clarity on what I really really want and feel more sure about myself, which is what happens when you work through the hard parts.

Creative Dream Update Questions Part 1:

(I don’t do Part 1 every week, but since things are shifting so much now I am re-doing this part)

My dream is:? To do my best.? To know and feel deep down in my bones that I am doing my best in creating the Circle and holding the Circle and growing the Circle.? To do my best to work on the places where I hold back and hide and play small – not to hit a certain number, but so that I can do my best to share my gifts.? And to keep growing what “my best” is.? With this as my focus for the rest of the year, I can see it opening up new possibilities for other projects for next year.

I want it because: This feels like how I grow into more of who I am.? It lights me up.

When I have it I will feel: At peace, connected, aligned, deeply joyful, in the flow.? Free-er.

Then my regular Creative Dream Update Questions:

What happened in the last week?

Last weekend I had the big breakthrough, which looked like this:

That’s where, after feeling so fuzzy and unclear – everything about my dream became clear.? That’s where I re-wrote what my dream is.

And I kept playing in my mandala journal to get more insights.

(I am doing a Mandala Journal class this fall in the Creative Dream Circle.? This week I posted about it in the Circle to get people’s thoughts, questions and ideas for what they want me to cover in this class.)

I started a whole new Treasure-Mapping Journal.

And I did make a video about it where I talk more about how I went from fog to clear skies.

I did a lot of coaching this week, including a day-long in-person coaching session, which is my first time doing that and it totally rocked.? Here I am getting ready to go that morning:

I had such a great time with that I would like to explore if I want to offer day-long virtual coaching retreats.? Kind of blows me away to think of what we can accomplish in just one (super-focused, super-magic) day.

I’m also in love with my small group coaching for world-changing coaches/healers/teachers and am thinking about doing more of that kind of work.? The small group is MAGIC.

How do I feel about this?

I feel so, so so so good.? I love my new direction/clarity.

When I set my dream of welcoming 800 people into the Creative Dream Circle this year, I didn’t pick that number out of a hat.? I was using all the things I teach, to? listen to my intuition and to my dream itself about what my next steps are.

I know that reaching towards 800 is what is helping me get clear on what I really want.? It was an important part of the process.

Last week I went on hiatus from making videos for the rest of the summer. Last week I needed to feel the feeling of having the whole rest of the summer off from doing videos.? I needed that space.

That feeling mattered, the actual break may not matter at all.

Then this week I did a new video.? This week I felt differently and really wanted to share this story in a video.? All we can ever know for sure is what we need right now.? I feel happy and free about giving myself the space to sort out what I need and how I want to keep moving forward.

I’m also feeling really super grateful about where I am right now.? To be able to pay for my happy life without needing a job and while doing the things that light me up is really special.? While life is always evolving and I am always evolving and there are always more adventures to go on and more ways to grow, even if I stayed right here for the rest of my life that would be pretty awesome.

What do I need now?

Lots of Treasure-Mapping!? I love how that process shifted how I was feeling and I want to dive deeper into it before teaching it next week. (Click here for Treasure-Mapping class details)

What does my dream need now?

My dream is so happy that I’m feeling the love and am deeply and happily committed to it.? What it needs is for me to be more deliberately connected to it in the moment, to remember that it’s already here as I keep stepping into it.

Taking all of this into account, my next mission is:

DO MY BEST for next week’s Treasure-Mapping class.

Keep making my own maps and drawing mandalas and having lots of good quality quiet creative time.

It’s vulnerable and messy and raw and uncomfortable.? It’s good to try to remember that underneath that, it’s also really beautiful, as more space is opening up for your truth and light to shine bright.

This is how you grow into more of who you really are, which is awesome.? But while you’re in it, it’s hard because you’re seeing everything differently and things that felt right now feel wrong and it’s all topsy turvy and there is something inherently frustrating about not knowing what you want.

After posting my update this morning I’ve been feeling more and more uncomfortable.? Like I’m in a cloud of fogginess and uncertainty and it’s embarrassing to share, even though I know that it’s my job to share the actual process.? Even though I know I’ll come through this brighter than before, and grateful for having learned whatever it is I’m learning.

Anyway, just wanted to put that out there.

If you’re finding it hard and messy and raw please don’t give up.

Here’s what I’m doing to make it easier:

• Taking extra-good care of myself (picked up organic veggies on the way home for a big salad, drinking lots of water, taking it easy, going for a bike ride)
• Finding ways to make it easier to stay with my feelings (drawing mandalas, art journaling, using the Un-Sticking Station in the Creative Dream Circle, sitting in the park, bubble bath)
• Reminding myself that this is just a part of it.
• Welcoming in the gifts of the change.

See you on the other side,

I set a big goal for my business for 2014: to welcome 800 dreamers into my Creative Dream Circle. And to do this not by getting super pushy about selling – but to do this with heart and soul and creativity and joy and LOVE.(you can read my original post about this here)

At this point though, I’m not interested in the numbers. I’ve been more interested in exploring how to grow my capacity serve dreamers in bringing their dreams to life. And now I want to explore more about how I want this all to work for me, and how I want to feel inside it.

In support of this goal, I am writing weekly updates on Fridays, for all of 2014. This is where I’ll share the story of all the ups and downs of bringing a big dream to life.

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Creative Dream Update Questions Part 1:
My dream is:
I want it because:
When I have it I will feel:

Part 2 is 4 questions to ask yourself every week, plus a mission statement?
What happened in the last week?
How do I feel about this?
What do I need now?
What does my dream need now? Taking all of this into account, my next mission is:

When I started this year- long update series, I wanted to share the real, ongoing story of holding a big dream steadily over time.

Part of that real ongoing story includes the parts where I don’t want to hold the big dream anymore, I want to pick up something smaller.? I also wanted to share the truth of how some days I’m not sure what I want.

Inner critics are always trying to erode our dreams, so there’s that. But there’s also the fact that the more you work with a dream, the more it changes. The better you get to know it the more you learn about what you really want.

All this to share the truth that if you feel lost with your dreams: that’s ok.? Doesn’t mean you won’t get there.? The only way you can fail is if you give up.

My dream is: right now what I really want in relation to this dream is to feel better about how I’m putting this out there, to put it out there clearly and in a ridiculously inspiring way.

I want it because: my current lack of clarity is a TANGLE and tangles are uncomfortable. Untangling tangles makes more space inside for joy and creativity and delight.

When I have it I will feel: more aligned with my inner truth, more powerful in my life, more clear about my mission.

What happened in the last week?

A lot!? A lot is changing right now.

I did decide to increase the price of the Creative Dream Circle, though I am still working out the details of when and by how much.? I wrote recently about how honesty and integrity need to be the foundation of your work and it no longer feels in integrity to offer such a low price for so many classes.

It was a GREAT idea to do this earlier this year, to create an opportunity for people to join at a lower cost, but that this is not the right way to move forward with this.? And I can’t be doing things that feel wrong and expect that to lead me to things that feel good!

And it stopped feeling right to do the weekly free videos – though these were never a part of the Creative Dream Circle they were a part of my work schedule.

Right now I’m giving lots and lots of space in my schedule for integrating new ideas of how I want to present my work.

Marketing is how you shine your light and your message out into the world.? While I’ve gotten a million times better with this than I used to be, I still have a long way to go.? I know I don’t define clearly enough how I can help.

And this means people who like my work and have the exact problems that I can help them with are only getting tiny snippets of help from my freebies instead of joining the Circle and getting deep-down full-on transformation of their problem.

I’ve struggled with this mainly because I help people do things that they think are impossible.? So when I say I can help you ___ and you don’t believe that’s possible so you don’t really hear me.? And I get frustrated and don’t know what to do to communicate more clearly.? It’s like I’m holding up a ball of magic and offering it, and explaining what it’s like on the side that is facing me.? But over on your side, the ball of magic it looks entirely different, so there’s this disconnect.

That struggle is changing like all struggles do when you approach them with presence, love and creativity.

And right now I’m giving most of my time to exploring and integration new ways of presenting my work and my ideas.? Ways that make it clearer so that the people who are looking for help can find it more easily.? In other words, I’m clarifying my marketing message.

Anywhere where things are not crystal clear is a place that you can hide in.

Being in the murky parts and cleaning them up is deeply uncomfortable.? But it also fuels your soul in this really delicious way because the truth is you don’t need places to hide, it’s safe to be seen and shine bright.

(That is one of the theme that came up in this week’s Group Coaching Call For Healers/Teachers/Coaches/Helper-People.? How we all seem to be terrified of visibility and yet there is no evidence that it’s going to harm us.)

Another thing I’m noticing this week is about my private coaching.? As I created the Circle I started to see new possibilities for my business, to shift out of one-on-one work and shift into creating this community and offering deeply transformative classes and freeing up my schedule by not working with so many people one-on-one.

It’s true that I really really love having time freedom and not having a whole bunch of things scheduled.

But in noticing how much I value time freedom I kind of forgot how much I value doing this deeper work with people individually.? This week I’m noticing how happy I am when a new client signs up for a session, or when an old one comes back.? I’m noticing how I feel light and inspired and happy when I hang up the phone from a session.? I’m really happy to be doing this work with people.

How do I feel about this? I feel like I am definitely on the right track and I like how quickly I’m moving forward.

What do I need now? As always, self-care and daily creative-spiritual practice for time to explore and integrate how these shifts in perspective impact my inner and outer worlds.? The path to your dream us inside of you much more than it’s outside of you.? I’m learning a lot about marketing right now but if I don’t take time to really integrate and implement (in my own unique way, which can only happen after integration) what I’m learning it’s not going to help me with my dream.? So it means taking lots and lots and lots of time to think about this stuff.

What does my dream need now? I get this image that my dream is at a dance. It’s having a great time dancing and it understands that right now I need to be curled up on the floor with my journals.? This speaks to how my dream can grow larger than me. How I really can stay home, curled up with my journals, while the Circle holds space for transformation and magic for the members.

Taking all of this into account, my next mission is to: keep doing exactly what I’ve been doing. I am getting some really great help with my marketing, I’m making great progress on clarifying my story and my message and will be making my way through re-writing most of my website.

This also means is lots of bike rides and journaling as I give myself space to settle into new ways of seeing things.

I don’t know where to put this part, so I am putting it here:

I wrote this update, and then was kind of cranky about it.? I was going to get it ready to put in the Creative Dream Circle and didn’t do it because I felt cranky, so instead I made some art.

And then it dawned on me: this isn’t my “big dream” anymore.

It’s something I want, it feels like a business goal that I will meet – maybe not this year but as long as I keep working/playing at it I’ll get there.? It feels like I have all the pieces now.

I feel happy about this, it just doesn’t feel like a dream (a dream being something that I desire desire desire and feel all lit up about and how when I have it I’ll be more ME).? Mostly – I’m not super excited to keep talking about it.

I LOVE AND ADORE everything that happens INSIDE the Circle.? That is an absolute dream come true and I feel so grateful for it and so happy to do the work of supporting it.? I guess I’m feeling like I don’t want to be focused on growing the numbers.

The dream shifting and now that I’ve added this to the update, I don’t feel cranky about it anymore.? I am interested to find out where this goes next.

I set a big goal for my business for 2014: to welcome 800 dreamers into my Creative Dream Circle. And to do this not by getting super pushy about selling – but to do this with heart and soul and creativity and joy and LOVE.(you can read my original post about this here)

At this point though, I’m not interested in the numbers. I’ve been more interested in exploring how to grow my capacity serve dreamers in bringing their dreams to life. And now I want to explore more about how I want this all to work for me, and how I want to feel inside it.

In support of this goal, I am writing weekly updates on Fridays, for all of 2014. This is where I’ll share the story of all the ups and downs of bringing a big dream to life.

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Last week I just did a quick update because so much was happening.? The more you’ve got going on the more important it becomes to take time to reflect on what’s going on.? Otherwise you end up moving in the direction that outside forces want to lead you in, and not in the direction of your choosing.

These weekly updates are grounding and orienting me on/in the path as I continue to move towards this dream.

What has really changed for me recently is my perspective.?? And it’s changed somewhere deep down inside and it hasn’t quite bubbled up to the surface yet as a clear understanding of what it is, exactly, that has changed.? All I know is that I see everything differently now.? And I like it.

It’s the end of June.? I’m six months into working on this dream, holding it with deep commitment and steady progress. I just wanted to point that out because sometimes I hear people try something once and nothing happens so they give up.? The only way to win is to stay in the game.? And if your dream doesn’t matter enough for you to stay in the game then you’re working on the wrong dream.? When your dream leads you into deeper alignment with your own heart and soul there is never a reason to give up on it.

I am so in love with my dream, with the Creative Dream Circle, and with how it’s changing lives.

Sometimes people join and they’re unsure…

• they don’t quite believe in themselves
• there’s this thing that has been stuck and they haven’t known how to un-stick it
• they’re not sure they know what their dream is
• they want their dream so bad but they think it could be impossible

And they start using the Circle and everything starts to brighten up.

Or else they join and they’re all lit up and inspired and ready to work on that HUGE and so amazing they can hardly speak its name dream and the Circle works its magic and, miracle of miracles, they get what they wanted.? They get what they really, really wanted!? Do you know how rare that is in our world?

Healing. Transformation. Miracles. I don’t use any of those words lightly.? And I see them happen all the time.? What I have to offer here is really amazing, it’s not like anything else out there and it’s making the world a better place.? I feel protective and nurture-y about the Circle.

I’m feeling more clear about doing what I need to do to take care of this: stronger and clearer boundaries all around. So a few things are going to change.

One thing is that the cost of the Circle is going to increase.

I’m still working out the details of when and how much but this is happening.? When you sign up at the current $100 price, you can stay in the Circle for $100/year for as long as you choose to remain a member.? Even when the price increases your price will stay the same until you cancel your subscription.

The other thing is that my free weekly videos are on hiatus for now.?

There are just other things that need my attention right now.? One thought I have is that those videos may come back in the Circle only.? All I know for sure is that I need permission (from myself!) to not do these right now.

The big change is on the inside.

Over the last few weeks, the experience of connecting with the heart and soul of my dream has totally changed.? Now it shows up as a wheel inside me.? It’s like the dream and I have merged and I am more quickly growing into the me-who-can-hold-this-in-her-energy-field.? This is the best feeling ever.

And onto the Creative Dream Update questions:

What happened in the last week?

The qualities that were helping me on my journey this week were: courage, movement and expansion:

The pic from my Creative Genius Planning Session on Monday, which I wrote about here.? I love my Creative Genius Planning Sessions Kit because it helps me consistently move forward in ways that are healing and nurturing for ALL parts of me (no bulldozing or forcing myself to do shit I don’t want to do) even when I feel doubtful and afraid and can’t see my next steps.

So I’m not just making external progress, I’m growing into who I want to be on the inside (while also making external progress towards creating the life I want to be living).

And I’m still doing tons of mandala drawing:

And I am just really happy: still soaking up the afterglow of the Love Your Life Creative Journal Class (people keep emailing me to ask if they can still get this class if they join the Circle now – the answer is YES. And also – do it!? Loving your life is the BEST) and doing lots of things I love: drawing, journaling, bike rides, park visits, getting lots of sleep and reiki, etc, etc, etc.

The small coaching group for healers/teachers/coaches started and I am 100% in LOVE with everyone in the group.? So amazing gather a group of creative world-changers together and I love how inspiring our first call was.? Plus – the group sold out with hardly any promoting, I am really happy about that.

As a student, I started a new class on marketing, and finished the business class I had been in for the last 3 months.? I am almost always taking a class – I love working with lots of different teachers and mentors.? Feeling inspired and supported.

And I gave the Give Your Dream Wings e-course (my free introductory course) a makeover.? As I was doing that I was re-listening to the videos and holy crap that’s an amazing class.? Simple and effective.? Thinking I may want to do a bit more to promote it.

How do I feel about this?

I’m excited about some new shifts I see happening in my business.? I’m noticing places where I used to hold back, and am not willing to keep holding back.? I’m also seeing places where I’m not doing things as efficiently as I could and feel inspired to CHANGE those things.? Progress!

I’m also feeling this really deep down happiness mixed with trust and light.? It’s like I’ve climbed halfway up the mountain.? I’m feeling amazing from the exercise and fresh air, and already the view is fucking amazing and has transformed my perspective on everything.? And there’s still more mountain to climb so who even knows how much better this is going to get!

What do I need now?

To look at some shifts in my work schedule.? I want more time dedicated to this new class I’m taking – to be implementing everything immediately into my business.? Plus some new ideas are coming to me for things to do inside the Circle, I want some time to explore them.

And I think I need MORE journaling time.

What does my dream need now?

This week my dream is a wheel and it needs me to turn with it.

I think I understand what this means, and that making these shifts in my work schedule are how I start to turn with it.? It’s also a mindset shift though, so my dream needs for me to have more quiet time to myself to be with that and let it sink in.

Taking all this into account, my next mission is:

More journaling. Schedule shifts. Making space for new ways of doing this, letting go of old ways.

I set a big goal for my business for 2014: to welcome 800 dreamers into my Creative Dream Circle. And to do this not by getting super pushy about selling ? but to do this with heart and soul and creativity and joy and LOVE.(you can read my original post about this here)

At this point though, I?m not interested in the numbers. I?ve been more interested in exploring how to grow my capacity to serve more creatives in bringing their dreams to life. And I want to explore more about how I want this all to work for me, and how I want to feel inside it.

In support of this goal, I am writing weekly updates on Fridays, for all of 2014. This is where I?ll share the story of all the ups and downs of bringing a big dream to life.

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Update TWENTY EIGHT.? I’ve been writing an update every week for twenty-eight weeks.? That’s kind of amazing.

This week I am struck by what is happening inside the Creative Dream Circle.? Huge shifts, deep healing, new openings: the kind of stuff that is really hard to talk about.? But I am so happy to have created this space where this stuff can happen.

Almost everyone has an idea in mind of what it would mean, to be fully engaged with their dream.? And it almost never turns out the way they thought it would.

Instead, they find something softer, richer, more beautiful.

I love that I have created this space for these miracles to happen.? And I love how CONSISTENTLY the miracles happen, as long as people show up for them.

I really believe in what I’m doing and I’m really appreciating how good it feels to have that congruence between my soul, my purpose and my work.

Onto the creative dream update questions:

What happened in the last week?

I’ve been writing a LOT.? I’ve been working on the Love your Life Creative Journal Class. Here I am working on the colouring book/guided journal part, in a cafe on across the street from my favourite park.

PLUS! I made a video for the Love your Life Creative Journal Class. which I am totally in love with, but how can you not be in love with something that is all about loving your wonderful life?

I’ve been drawing a LOT. (Note purple-stained thumb, you’ll see why in the next photo) I started a new journal of mandalas and am filling it up like crazy.

I dyed my hair purple.

(This is me against a purple pillow which matches my hair perfectly)

I’m still growing out my grey, but got tired of the faded-brown-dyed hair, which is just going to keep fading since I’m not colouring it anymore.? So I am having some fun with it while it grows out.? I didn’t colour my roots at all.? Brown/grey roots with purple hair is kind of cool!

This is from am older page in my journal that I flipped through and landed on this week.? Remembering how I felt then, and how I feel now was such a relief.? The work I’ve been doing for the Love your Life Creative Journal Class is really exactly what I need right now.

How do I feel about this?

I’m super happy, but something feels a little off.? Like I wish there was more to report in my update.

Sitting with that, I get: I want to be more structured.? Like I probably don’t need to be doing anything differently from how I’m doing it, but I’d like to be approaching my work in a more structured way.

Looking back to my Monday Morning Creative Genius Planning Session for this week, I see I had FREEDOM, EXPRESSION and DELIGHT working on my team.

I definitely had that.? And now when I look back on my week, a tiny inner critic is agitated about not working enough and not being organised enough and blah blah blah.

So, I take the little guy into the Un-Sticking Station and unravel everything until I get to the truth.

Healing the Inner Critic:

EVERY inner critic or fear or doubt holds a part of your truth, so if you just ignore it or fight with it you never get access to that piece of your soul.

That’s why I’m always using the Un-Sticking Station in the Creative Dream Circle.? It dissolves the parts that are not true and heals the wound so you can access the truth.? It’s all about healing the inner critic, fears and doubts that we all have so that we are more free to do what we want to do (this things are holding you back more than you think).

In this case, putting my inner critic into the Un-Sticking Stationg transformed it into a kitten who likes to nap in the sun.

The kitten needs to be cared for.? It does need structure and routine.? Not in a harsh “you have to do this exactly like THIS or else you fail” way, but in a supportive “let me take the best possible care of you because you are the sweetest thing ever and I loooooooooove you” way.

OK, I see what this needs.? A structure adjustment!

What do I need now?

To keep working with healing the inner critic.? And a structure adjustment!? But before I explore this more I want to find out what my dream needs…

What does my dream need now?

When I checked in with it, my dream reminded me that it needed to bounce and zoom this week.? Purple hair! Lots of bike rides! Drawing mandalas! Colouring! BRING IT!

It seems that my tiny inner critic is not that happy BUT my dream got what it needed.

My dream says that bouncing and zooming broke some STUFF loose.

My dream is sorry, but yes I have to deal with that STUFF – noticing old stories and ways of being that need to be healed and transformed.

Taking all this into account, my next mission is:

Deal with the STUFF that got knocked loose.? Work with these old stories and create some new ones.? Healing the inner critic.

Plus a structure adjustment.

OK, kind of in love with how this is working.

I actually AM working within a structure I just kind of forgot!? I made a schedule of classes for 2014.? These classes are what I wanted to bring to the Circle in 2014.

These specific classes hold the qualities of what I need on the path with this dream.? So I can trust this schedule as my structure.? Now, suddenly, all the playing and zooming and bouncing actually does fit in with the structure.? This is how I am working with the energies of the Love your Life Creative Journal Class? and how I’m getting set for the next classes I am creating, the SUPERHERO class and the MANDALA class and the MAGIC JOURNAL class.

This is how I am doing the ongoing work of healing the inner critic and the fear and the doubt that keep me from my dreams.? This is how I’m activating my superpowers and growing the Circle.

It’s all coming together so perfectly and sometimes I forget to trust that.

Writing this update felt like a huge healing.

PS: There is still ONE spot left in my small group coaching for teachers/healers/coaches/helper-people who want to help more people. Is it yours?? Get it here.