In December 2013 I set a big goal for my business for 2014: to welcome 800 dreamers into my Creative Dream Circle. And to do this not by getting super pushy about selling – but to do this with heart and soul and creativity and joy and LOVE.

At this point though, the Circle is steadily growing and I’m not interested in the numbers. I’ve been more interested in exploring how to grow my capacity serve dreamers in bringing their dreams to life. And I want to explore more about how I want this all to work for me, and how I want to feel inside it.

In support of this goal, I am writing weekly updates on Fridays, for all of 2014. This is where I’ll share the story of all the ups and downs of bringing a big dream to life.

***************************************************

Yesterday I wrote about how JOY is a SUPERPOWER.

This is really the sweet spot for me – using what I teach to stretch and grow in new ways.? I am committed to my Circle member’s growth and so I need to be even more committed to my own growth.? If I’m not walking my talk my energy containers don’t work and the magic dries up.? That’s not an option for me.

So in last week’s update I was delighted to find that I already have what I really want, which is 1-2 new members in the Circle most days.? I do want to just marinate in the magic of that, but at the same time the universe is always expanding and we are a part of the universe so if we attempt to stop expanding it gets uncomfortable.? So I want to be fully present in the delight of being where I am while looking forward at what I am growing into next.

I’m going to use the Creative Dream Check-In Journal Prompts from last week for my update.

What happened in the last week?

I’ve been exceptionally happy thanks to my Love Your Life Project, as I prepare for the Love Your Life Creative Journal class.

And I remembered how quickly I grow into things and become comfortable with them.

Two weeks ago I got my bike (!) and everything was new.? I didn’t really know how to lock it.? I didn’t know where to find the best bike paths.? I wasn’t sure about riding in traffic.? I didn’t know how far I can ride – what if I get too tired to make it back home?? I didn’t know that if I rode in the rain while wearing my brand new jacket I just made, that I’d get home with a stripe of rain and gravel up my back.? I didn’t know how to install fenders or a basket.? I didn’t know what to do when I got my first flat.

And now: I know all of those things.? Holy crap!? I’m surprised at how quickly I’ve acclimated to being a cyclist but really – this is what happens when you do something every day and ask questions about the parts you don’t know about.

So I’m thinking about that, and about welcoming 1-2 new members into the Circle every day.? I’m going to acclimate to this and want to increase the flow.

2-3 sounds ok.? 3-4 sounds ok.? 4-5 makes me take a deep breath.? I’m probably not ready for 4-5? new members every single day.

Some quick math shows that 5 per day gets me to well over 1,000 by the end of this year, which is more than what I want.? So no wonder that feels uncomfortable.

It’s not that 4-5 people in a day is too much, when I’m running a class I can get 10 or more in a day.? And I like that!? It’s that 4-5 new people every single day, day after day, feels like too much, energy wise.? It’s too much continual shifting for me to be able to hold the container sturdy and steady.

More math shows that 3 new people a day, from now until the end of the year, would get me to 800.? And 3 is only 1 more than 2 so that’s really not much of a stretch and it feels perfectly comfortable.

Isn’t that funny?? Letting go of the goal brought me closer to the goal.

Last week’s update was all about surrender.? I was feeling so happy about where I am, and letting go of reaching for 800 felt like a relief.?? Now it feels like the 800 are flowing to me with ease and delight!

STICKING WITH IT IS THE BEST.? So much magic happens if you just don’t give up!? Last week I felt like I wanted to let go of my goal but I didn’t stop being in the process – that’s the important part, staying in the process.

Next question: How do I feel about this?

Pretty fucking great!

Except… except something feels kind of off about what I just wrote, the part about how “It’s too much continual shifting for me to be able to hold the container sturdy and steady.”

I do believe I am lying to myself!

Telling the whole truth about how you feel feels different than telling yourself stories that come from your limiting beliefs and fears and doubts and inner critics.

But those stories are so familiar it is SO EASY to go along with them.? Oh yes – I am easily overwhelmed and must hold back on my dreams in order to be safe.

Yes, that’s a lie.? I do know that safety is not created by holding back or playing small.? That kind of safety is an illusion your inner critic tries to fool you into.

So, it’s not true that 4-5 new people in the Circle every day is too much for me.? What does that mean?

When I feel into this story, I can see that its roots are being nourished by my inner critic – desperately trying to hold me back so I can have what it thinks is safe.

So I take this whole scenario and put it into a bubble of love.

And my inner critic puts down her gardening tools and lies down to take a nap.? The gardening tools sparkle and disappear.? The roots shrink up, the story breaks down.? This story can’t live in a bubble of love because it’s not true or loving.

All that remains is the kernel of truth: my inner critic is a worry-wart and she would worry less if I was playing small so she’s always going to encourage me to be smaller because she doesn’t like worrying, even though she is basically an Olympic gold winner at worrying.

And I am left with the truth: Right now I’d prefer 1-3 new members each day.? I don’t need to make up a story about why this is better than 4-5 new members, I can simply love my preference.

This is what I want and I get to have it! I don’t have to have a reason!

Next question: What do I need now?

As I said, I am ridiculously happy thanks to my Love Your Life Project, as I prepare for the Love Your Life Creative Journal class.? It feels like things are flowing.? I need continued permission to relax and enjoy the process.

What does my dream need now?

Well this is interesting.? Last week I shared this:

My dream is a sparkling stream running through a forest.? It?s happy and bubbling.? But it?s got this one boulder it would like to be removed.? Hmmm. What is the boulder?? (that part I?m just going to share in my update inside the Circle)

I’m still exploring that boulder.? What I’ve learned so far is that I don’t need to remove it from the stream.? I just need to move it to somewhere where it would be more useful.? I’m not sure if this means putting it into deeper water, or using it as a stepping stone.? Trusting the complete answer to come in time, but some really helpful ideas have come to me as I’ve been exploring so far.

Taking all of this into account, my next mission is:

Keep doing what I’ve been doing!

And keep exploring this stream/boulder thing to learn more about what this emerging story wants to tell me.

I’d like to have a stream of MIRACULOUS PRODUCTIVITY happen so I can get my stuff done quick and make some time to explore a new idea that came to me this week, about doing some small group coaching program, working only with teachers/coaches/healers/helper-peoples to strengthen their superpowers and help them help more people.

We’ll see what happens there.

I set a big goal for my business for 2014: to welcome 800 dreamers into my Creative Dream Circle. And to do this not by getting super pushy about selling – but to do this with heart and soul and creativity and joy and LOVE.? (you can read my original post about this here)

At this point though, I’m not interested in the numbers.? I’ve been more interested in exploring how to grow my capacity serve dreamers in bringing their dreams to life.? And now I want to explore more about how I want this all to work for me, and how I want to feel inside it.

In support of this goal, I am writing weekly updates on Fridays, for all of 2014. This is where I’ll share the story of all the ups and downs of bringing a big dream to life.

***************************************************

I turned 40 last Sunday.? My mom posted a bunch of old photos of me on her Facebook, it was so amazing to see them again!

I kept looking at this one and remembering how much I loved gymnastics, especially cartwheels.? I want to draw this part of me out, into my regular life, more often.? And it feels like I’ve been doing that – I got a bike for my birthday!? And after not riding for 20 years, I am finding that riding a bike is a really special kind of delight.

I feel like I need 16 updates to talk about everything that happened this week.

I am really in love with this process, of writing an update every week.? At one point it was feeling weird, like who cares?? But once I started sharing these updates in the Creative Dream Circle and creating space for everyone else to share their updates too – it turned into pure magic.?

Writing out a weekly update, even if it’s just in your journal, if a very good dream habit to get into! ?And I did end write a whole separate update this week, all about boundaries and re-arranging things, which I’m going to post next week, not as an update post but as a regular post.

This week so many things happened. We started a new class in the Circle, which I am super happy about. It’s always amazing to see how people interact with the material.

The longer I do this work, the better I get at creating classes which are actually containers for people to get exactly what they need right then, to realise something important or have a healing or find a new dream or whatever. I’m really proud of that and grateful that there are so many amazing people to play with this stuff in the Circle.

I’m feeling a strange mix of more committed than ever to my goal, and feeling like I understand my goal and what it will take to get there clearer than ever, and also feeling a sense of letting go and also a sense of total fuzziness about it. It’s also feeling less and less important, the more I explore it.

Notice how I’m referring to it as a goal and not a dream.

Goals are different from dreams. Solid, clear and external. It’s very black I and white – you achieve your goal or you don’t. Goals are very helpful things to have.

A dream though, is purpose and delight and spirit and authenticity and moving towards who you really are and stepping into your superpowers and love and bliss and wonder and magic. Goals are head. Dreams are heart.

Eight hundred members in the Creative Dream Circle is a goal. And it’s a fine goal. But right now I want to explore the dream. Where’s the light and the magic? What does my heart want?

My heart wants to do what I love and to be making enough money to live comfortably. Oh. I have that.

My heart would like permission to ignore my goal.

My head says that’s stupid. My head reminds me heart how delicious what I’m doing in the circle actually is, how it’s changing peoples lives and how needed it is. My head wants my heart to know that all of this gets bigger as the circle gets bigger.

My heart says yes, it’s delicious. Now in the present. And what if we weren’t trying to make to grow? What if we just give it sunlight and water and love and I let it grow itself?

So that’s where I am with this. I don’t know that letting it grow itself would result in me doing anything differently than I have been doing, it seems like it’s just a different attitude.

I’m feeling a strong desire to get to know this dream in a new way.? Or maybe I’m just tired of holding this and need to it down for just a little bit.

In other explorations, I discovered a whole new understanding about my role as a Guardian of Dreamers. And I am learning about what I need to be the best Guardian of Dreamers that I can be: Delight! Happiness! To Be In Love With My Life!?

Things are shifting, that’s for sure. I always lose my sense of clarity when things are shifting. Experience shows that something amazing will come next, so I’m looking forward to that.

I set a big goal for my business for 2014: to welcome 800 dreamers into my Creative Dream Circle. And to do this not by getting super pushy about selling – but to do this with heart and soul and creativity and joy and LOVE.

(you can read my original post about this here)

At this point though, it?s less about the numbers and more about growing my capacity to serve dreamers everywhere in bringing their dreams to life.

In support of this goal, I am writing weekly updates on Fridays, for all of 2014. This is where I’ll share the story of all the ups and downs of bringing a big dream to life.

***************************************************

Last week I shared how I couldn’t share last week’s update here, that my dream and I were feeling too exposed and needed a smaller, more sheltered space. So I posted it inside the Creative Dream Circle instead.

And OMG! When Circle members joined me in sharing updates last week it was amazing! I want to keep doing that and inviting them to join me in the weekly updates, which is such a helpful habit to have when you’re in the process of bringing a dream to life.

So, me feeling awkward and unsure about how to share the update last week ended up creating this beautiful new thing in the Circle. I love that.

From now on I’m going to write the updates for inside the Circle. Then I can edit my updates as much as I need to, before posting them here on my blog. Some weeks I may edit nothing, some weeks I may edit everything or re-write things or whatever feels right.

This creates a new container of safety for me as I grow my dream.

In my many travels to Portland, Oregon I was really struck by how BIG the trees are, much bigger than trees in Winnipeg, Canada. It being so rainy and damp, those trees must have some happy root systems.

Imagine taking one of those tress into the desert and planting it in the sand with no rainy dampness.

It would be too big, too heavy. It would fall over because the sand couldn’t support the roots so the roots couldn’t support the tree.

It’s like that with dreams and safety. Dreams need to be planted in safe ground in order to be stable enough to support big growth. And each dream needs it’s own kind of safety, so you have to learn about what your unique dream needs.

Sometimes I forget that every time I want to take my dreams to the next level, I need to re-adjust my safety levels (among other things).

This week got off to a really rough start.

On Monday my fears and inner critics totally took over. I completely believed that I CAN’T do this, that I don’t have the capacity. I’m too sensitive. Underneath that fear was a lot of sadness and pain about doing it all on my own and not feeling big/strong/brave enough.

The fear was not that I won’t reach my goal, the fear is that I’ll be totally burnt out and overwhelmed. Like I am small and this dream is big and the demands of my growing business will crush me. I felt completely helpless.

Once I journaled about it and cried about it and took a hot aromatherapy bath, I could see that this is good because this means I found the edge of my capacity. Last week when I felt uncomfortable about sharing my update on my blog, that was about capacity, about wanting to shrink in a bit and stop feeling so exposed. But I felt confused and foggy about it.

Even though facing your feelings isn’t fun, it’s always easier to shift something that you are clear on. Which means shining a light into the fog to figure out what is REALLY going on.

So that’s what I did in Monday, I found the me who believes that she’ll get totally burnt out and overwhelmed, and is terrified about it. Then I took her into the Un-Sticking Station in the Creative Dream Circle and spent a LOT of time with her there, learning more about where she lives and what she needs, which is safety.

As I filled her world with safety, her world changed.

She had been living inside this old castle. Well, not a castle exactly. It’s like it was supposed to be a castle, but really it was this tiny space, with tall tall tall tall grey stone walls, but grass as the floor and sky as the ceiling. She couldn’t see out because of the walls, which she thought she needed for safety. But really they were just limiting her possibilities.

As I filled her energy body with safety a window opened up and she could see all the cool stuff happening out in the meadow outside the wall. Then we discovered the miracle of how much support there is for her out there and how safe it really is to step into a bigger dream – how actually it’s safer than staying in the smaller dream.

And with that done, the walls were gone and she had this amazing new world to play in.

And suddenly everything seemed easy and obvious.

I set up my business to be primarily a coaching practice, with regular classes. Classes having 50 people maximum and coaching happening with 1 person at a time. I had systems that supported this.

Suddenly I saw how creating the Circle and lowering the price of everything and having more people and offering less one-on-one support changed my business model. So of course my systems need to change with it!

After spending so much time crying about not having the capacity to do this, I actually laughed about how simple it would be to solve the capacity problem by switching to new systems which will support growth and actually make everything better for EVERYONE as more people join the circle.

And there are LOTS of delightful options for right-fit systems I can use as my business grows.

But I couldn’t see that before because of this part of me hiding behind that giant stone wall.

Figuring this out makes the path in front of me feel smooth and clear and sunny.

So that feels good.? And I am excited about moving forward and switching some of my systems.

I set a big goal for my business for 2014: to welcome 800 dreamers into my Creative Dream Circle. And to do this not by getting super pushy about selling – but to do this with heart and soul and creativity and joy and LOVE.

(you can read my original post about this here)

At this point though, it?s less about the numbers and more about growing my capacity to serve dreamers everywhere in bringing their dreams to life.

In support of this goal, I am writing weekly updates on Fridays, for all of 2014. This is where I’ll share the story of all the ups and downs of bringing a big dream to life.

***************************************************

I had a post written for this week, it was about increasing internal capacity and identity shifts.? A lot happened this week!

But then more happened this morning and I found out that I can’t post that update here.

This morning I was doing my meditation/creative soul alchemy energy work/dream work and in looking at my relationship to this dream, there was so much energetic gunk around it I couldn’t connect clearly to it.

So I explored the gunk.? It was unfamiliar, which is strange because normally my energy is VERY familiar.

It turns out that this gunk is not mine.? This gunk is other people’s reactions to my dream.

I now have 10,000 visitors a month.? And for the past little while my traffic was stalled (while I was quietly freaking out about 8,000 people reading my private thoughts) but now it’s increasing again and I have a really solid plan to keep doubling it.

Everyone doesn’t read very post but still, that’s a lot of people and that’s a lot of reactions for my little seedling of a dream to be exposed to. Not that exposure is always bad for dreams, just that this dream needs quiet, clear space right now.

This is a part of stretching capacity and identity shifting: it’s no longer right for me to share things here on my blog that I used to share here.

This is new and I am still learning about it and I don’t know what to do about it right now.? I said I would post a weekly update every Friday this year.

I am not a person who doesn’t follow through on her word.? I am also not a person who ignores her intuition.

I have found that there is always a way for these two things to work together, but it usually takes some time, exploration and creative thinking to find that way.

What feels right to do today is to post my post in the Creative Dream Circle and invite the members to share their own weekly updates with me there.

I have been looking for a way to make the updates more of a group thing, but I haven’t wanted to ask people to share their vulnerable dream process publicly.? So that part is a really good move – we can share privately, in a community where everyone 1) loves & supports dreams 2) has the tools and support to make their dreams real.? It’s a really different atmosphere than a public blog, and of course you are welcome to join us.

Plus, making it a habit to write a weekly update helps ground you in the process of bringing your dream to life and opens up new channels of support.? I think it’s a beautiful addition to the Circle.

And I’m going to have to think of something else to do out here in public.? I’ll be exploring that more.

I set a big goal for my business for 2014: to welcome 800 dreamers into my Creative Dream Circle. And to do this not by getting super pushy about selling – but to do this with heart and soul and creativity and joy and LOVE.

(you can read my original post about this here)

At this point though, it?s less about the numbers and more about growing my capacity to serve dreamers everywhere in bringing their dreams to life.

In support of this goal, I am writing weekly updates on Fridays, for all of 2014. This is where I’ll share the story of all the ups and downs of bringing a big dream to life.

***************************************************
I am happy.? Very very happy.

Give Your Dream Wings really changed things for me. It created a more comfortable space for me to be, inside my business because I can trust that new people will get a warm welcome and thorough introduction to me through this free course.

And it means I can talk on my blog about how I live with my dreams in a different way.? The practice I teach in Give Your Dream Wings is the start of the practice I do every day.? I bring a lot more into it from what I teach in the Circle, but the basic principle is the same so I feel more free to talk about that now that I am explaining it in detail in this course.

I’m not sure I can explain that part in words, but energetically it shifted something in me that feels amazing to be shifted.

Plus, new members have been steadily joining the Creative Dream Circle.? The free course really is the perfect introduction to my work for people who want to work with me to make their dreams real.? It helps them feel more safe & sure about choosing to join if they enjoy my free course.

And I’m making inspiration cards every day in preparation for next month’s Let’s Make Inspiration Cards Together class.

Inspiration Cards as a daily practice is ridiculously bliss-making.

Really looking forward to sharing the magic of this with my Circle members.

Not just the fun of collaging and painting and glittering, but the magics of diving deep into new worlds of inspiration and finding new ways to connect with the truth that what you need is always accessible to you – you’re swimming in it.

The past 2 weeks have been a little chaotic in the dream loft with construction workers doing some finishing/fixing – nothing major, but furniture had to be moved and things got dusty and it’s really nice to have that stuff done and have an air of peaceful spaciousness return to my space.

Basically, I’m feeling on top of the world.

I’m remembering how making a deep commitment to a dream opens up the pathway for its fulfillment.? And how there are challenges but the challenges are short and small and the journey and long and deep.? As long as you are committed for the long run you’ll get there.? And I am committed for the long run.