Joseph moved out of the Dream Loft in March 2021.
And at that time, one of the things I shared is that we are NOT separating, we ARE still married, and we need some time apart, to work separately and together, on what we want to create next.
I'm leaving out a lot of details. I just want to highlight that because every time I write about my personal life, I DO leave out the details that I want to keep private. But people reading tend to not be consciously aware of that. So they think they know the whole story, and want to offer me advice based on what they THINK they know. I don't need or want advice and am not going to accept any. Not only do I know the whole story, I 100% trust myself and Joseph to navigate this process.
Dreaming and creating together in a partnership is NOT something I have any experience with.
I don't even have a lot of great role models in terms of seeing people do this in a way that looks good to me.
In my life I've seen a lot of one person giving up more than they want to and then getting resentful about it. And it's a pattern I find VERY easy to fall into myself.
Or both people compromising in ways that don't seem that bad but also don't light their souls on fire.
True co-creating and taking everyone's multifaceted and ever-changing needs into account is a LOT!
And once you add kids to the mix, and kids from previous partnerships which also brings those previous partners into the mix - it's beyond a lot.
We can acknowledge how hard some of these things feel WHILE ALSO acknowledging that we are creative and smart and resourceful enough to navigate it. And that love helps us grow and be strong!
A lot of people have asked me to start a blog about being a step-mom which - well given my policy of honouring my step-children's sovereignty and privacy while also not sharing about anything I don't 100% trust myself to handle - well I just don't know what there'd be left to say.
Anyway, I want to live in a way where my decisions DO help light my soul on fire.
And I want that for my partner.
And I want to help his children, as they move into adulthood, to create this space for themselves in their lives as well.
So when I say that Joseph and I are going to therapy together - to me this is a really good thing and I am excited about the new possibilities it's opening up.
I know people hear it as something that indicates THERE IS A PROBLEM but I think therapy is supportive and helpful for living your best life. The way Joseph and I speak differently to each other with the therapist in the room is really next-level helpful.
Way before the pandemic, I had decided to start therapy, and I was looking for an art therapist that I felt like I could resonate with. A monthly check-in with an art therapist felt like a great thing to add to my self care toolkit.
And then the pandemic hit and my overwhelm got so bad last winter, I decided to find a therapist on Zoom and stopped looking specifically for art therapists and found someone I immediately resonated with. And during our first session, she said "I'm not an art therapist, but once we're doing in-person therapy I'd love to do some expressive arts therapy with you!"
Then Joseph started therapy on his own, and we started couple's therapy.
Yeah it's a lot of therapy but it's also a lot of insights and healing and noticing new ways to do things that work better for everyone.
It takes deep work to really pursue a dream.
Pursuing a dream triggers a process of growth and healing that is necessary for the fulfilment of the dream. Th.is tends to push us right into the stuff that we most want to avoid.
To pursue a dream with a partner it goes deeper because there's also a lot of old childhood stuff that comes up in any intimate relationship anyway plus multiple layers of boundaries issues and just how complicated it to to meet multiple people's multiple needs.
Often a good relationship will create a container for healing and growth, but then the places where we're not conscious aware of our own stuff just feel MAGNIFIED because of the container is there as an opportunity for healing.
Opportunities for healing can often look like a crisis or a setback or just like a steaming pile of shit that you want nothing to do with.
So, it feels like what is happening is that Joseph and I both wanted nothing to do with a few of our steaming piles of shit so we just tried to work around them.
The pandemic made it harder to do that.
And our living situation (in a loft with no privacy and not enough storage and where it really does feel like MY home and not OURS) also made it harder to do that.
Pandemic + living situation = these steaming piles of shit are suddenly in our faces.
The dream is the solution, the new life we are creating together....
But the dream, in order to be fulfilled, needs us to look at ALL of the steaming piles of shit, not just the ones already in our faces.
And it all feels like too many layers of too much shit.
It's not though.
I mean - it was all always there.
And now we're ready to stop tiptoeing around it and start cleaning it up.
This process is messy and smelly and all, but how much happier will we be once it's sorted!?!
So that's how couples therapy feels right now. I'm holding the new possibilities that are being created close to my heart and making new plans for our future while plugging my nose and getting to work.
So I just found this post in my blog post drafts. I had written it months ago and not shared.
(This is not unusual right now, I have been writing a lot, and then losing those writings instead of sharing them. It's just one of the ways my pandemic overwhelm has manifested)
Anyway, I saw it and re-read it, a note from my months-ago self.
Where are are now is different.
We don't really have steaming piles of shit, and I am laughing at myself for using that description.
What we are now are continually noticing where we are getting better and better at honouring ourselves and each other.
Like "Oh wow, if (thing) had happened a year ago I would have (unconscious reactive pattern) and then you would have (unconscious reactive pattern) and FUCK I am glad we're not doing THAT anymore"
Therapy and Dream Work are a miracle combo.
Joseph and I now have a journal where we are dreaming our future together.
There is so much we can't figure out right now, so many moves we can't make right now.
And that's all fine.
There's also so much to enjoy about right now.
And there are so many ways to play with our dreams for the life we want in 5 years, and 10 years, and 15 years.
(I do my weekly planning with the printable version of the Year of Dreams 2022, all the details of how I printed + bound it are here. The journaling printables I cut + paste onto it are from Dream Book)
Get the free full Creative Genius Planning Sessions video (15 minute meditation + journaling class for planning your week from your most wise, brave + creative self, here)
(Artwork from the Dream Book journaling kits)
I am open to receive all of the good things I want.
This is tricky.
There is this thing we all tend to do that I call "Circling The Dream"
I'd love to start my own yarn store/coffee shop but, ugh I don't want to deal with all of the, like, business stuff, you know? lol
The person's whole being literally LIGHTS UP when they mention the yarn store/coffee shop and you just know that they can see this perfectly clear in their mind's eye and they are flooded with joy and excitement for all the magic that could happen there and how amazing it would feel to LIVE inside this dream.
And then the lights go out and their shoulders hunch forward a little, shrinking in, as the "you don't have what it takes to really handle this" inner critic takes over.
And then the smile or laugh as the "you know, I'm just not one of those people who can run a business and I'm totally ok with that, I really don't want all of the stress" story takes over.
You know when you are plugged into your truth.
If your deepest truth is that you don't want to own a yarn store/coffee shop then you have likely never LITERALLY LIT UP while saying "I would love to start a yarn store/coffee shop"
For me personally, the yarn store coffee shop feels like a really cool idea, I can see me knitting on a comfy couch drinking amazing coffee and helping my customers learn how to use double pointed needles, and it sounds great but it doesn't quite light me up.
So I don't keep thinking about it.
It's not calling me.
Maybe it's not calling you either.
But what about the thing that IS calling?
Because I have one of those and I know you do too.
When I think about it, something shifts in my heart. It's tangible.
In those moments when I can say " YES I WANT THIS" I feel the thrill of the full body light up.
And then I feel the body mind crash of "but I don't know if I can pull it off"
Maybe I'm not good enough.
Maybe I can't BE this lit up.
And then stories flood in. Look around you - how many people are THAT lit up in their lives? Who am I to want MORE? Plus, I am not good enough. I could go broke trying - financially and emotionally.
So I tuck the dream away.
But it's calling me.
So it doesn't stay tucked.
I call this Circling The Dream.
It's an especially annoying part of the Dream Work where you are working through your resistance to fully claiming what you want.
Circling the Dream is a VALID and VITAL part of the work.
ENGAGING with your circling leads to the resolution your ambivalence, so you can direct all of your creative energy towards building the path that leads to this juicy new dream.
Do this with me, in Dream Book - remember if you join before Feb 10 you also get The Obstacle Is The Way Through class.
Your obstacle is the path.
You have a natural human tendency to see the obstacle as an obstacle, and to either wait for it to go away or try to find a way around it.
The only way through is through.
I promise this is always true.
On February 10, we'll do this together.
I am offering a live Zoom where we'll do my The Obstacle Is The Way Through alchemy process together.
It will be about 60-90 minutes, depending on what kinds of conversations come up in the process.
We'll go deep.
And you'll leave knowing EXACTLY what to do next.
This call is included in your Dream Book membership for February. Join us here. Your future self will thank you.
This week my theme is: Making space to make space for the things I want + need
The world is always coming at us, so hard, so fast, and it can be a real challenge to do this work.
This is why, for me, building HABITS + ROUTINES out of these practices is the only way.
A big part of the work of working with any dream is THIS work of making space to make space for it.
Get the free full Creative Genius Planning Sessions video (15 minute meditation + journaling class for planning your week from your most wise, brave + creative self, here)
So - what do YOU want for your wild + precious new week?
It feels kind of surreal, given the state of the world right now, and how overwhelming I have found this pandemic, and the ways it's intersected with peri-menopause, difficult parenting issues, and of living in colonialism and late-stage capitalism.
I feel deeply connected to my dreams for 2022, which helps me feel more connected to myself...
Which has helped me remember how important all of our dreams are.
Which helps me feel more optimistic for our collective future.
These are the times when artists need to get to work.
And when I say artist - I mean everyone with a vision. Everyone with a gift to share.
(That includes you)
Our work - and it doesn't matter if that is work your exchange for money or not - is needed.
ESPECIALLY now as a lot of systems are falling apart, as we face catastrophic climate change, as we come to terms with the consequences of how we have been living.
ESPECIALLY NOW we need to flood the world with our dreams + creative gifts.
Every dream is a seed.
I am adding a monthly "Let's get our shit together, together" call to Dream Book for the rest of the year.
Doing these calls in January has been invaluable.
There is something about connecting to like-minded people, even if just virtually, that makes it easier to stay in your seat, and get the work done.
I am also doing a new round of The Obstacle Is The Way Through.
Because our dreams are NEEDED and we have a lot of obstacles right now!
This is a deep alchemy process/healing circle thing we do together, to transform the obstacle into the path.
This will happen on February 10 at 1PM Central - but the replay will be VERY helpful, if you can't be there live.
And I'm adding some new Creative With Money calls!
These are not scheduled yet, but I want to do a few of them over this next year as money remains a huge obstacle for a lot of dreams.
Creative With Money is a BEAUTIFUL program I did years ago, all about bringing your creativity + power to your relationship with money. You do get that program as a bonus as soon as you join Dream Book - but the new calls will bring new energy to it, and you'll get a chance to have your own questions answered, and do the alchemy work on the exact money situation you are facing right now.
All of this will be included in your Dream Book membership.
A lot of people have written to me to say that they just couldn't do all of the classes I shared in the Goodbye 2021 Hello 2022 Journaling Extravaganza.
That maybe this is not the time for an extravaganza.
Maybe we should all just focus on trying to get through the day.
Here's the thing...
That's a dream.
Getting through the day is a dream.
You know I always say that your dreams are valid, needed and important...
I always say it because we have so many layers and flavours of ways that we discount our dreams.
When you say "I just want to get through the day" what you really mean is something more like:
- I want to feel like myself again.
- I want to remember how it feels in my body when I experience joy.
- I want to feel free.
- I want to have the energy to do the things I want to do.
These are all valid, needed and important dreams.
And it's easy to think "that's too small" or "my own joy isn't worth focusing on right now"
But it's wrong to think that.
Here. Now. This is where your dreams are needed.
Yes, two years into the pandemic a lot of of our dreams have shifted. But it doesn't matter what they look like on the outside.
What matters is that you listen to yourself about what you want and need right now.
What matters is that you make space for yourself, your healing, your needs, your growth - HERE. NOW.
About the journaling classes: I don't plan to take down the Goodbye 2021 Hello 2022 journaling extravaganza classes for a while. So you can still work through them and explore what you want to create for yourself in 2022.
But right now - today - I suggest you are a look this class.
It's about "figuring out the how as you go" and setting yourself up with the support you need.
Listen to it with your journal and see what ideas you can come up with to support yourself in having more of what you want, right here, right now.
You deserve the magic of embracing ALL the things you want and need.
If you're a living, growing, healing, human being - you will NOT always know what to do next.
You can only always know what to do if you are always doing things you've already done before.
For those of us who want to grow, heal, and create - we have to spend a lot of time in the not knowing.
That's what my weekly planning is about this week:
Dream Book members: I just added a new in depth Creative Genius Planning Sessions Video For When You Have No Clue What To Do. (that link only works for members - if you're not a member yet, you can join us here)
Do you need to rest or do you need to get organized?
The 2 new coaching circles are ongoing.
One about DEEP REST where we get together on Zoom and REST TOGETHER (!) and also journal + talk+ figure out how to get more of the rest we on an ongoing basis.
One about GETTING ORGANIZED AF where we get together on Zoom and get our shit together, together! We'll literally DO THE THINGS together, and if you get stuck getting organized, I'll coach you through it.
Both will be included in your Dream Book membership - details are on the Dream Book page.
I started the weekly Creative Genius Planning because this practice each of making space for what you want, making space to listen to your wisest, most creative and most brave self, is so invaluable.
This is one of the places where our inner healing and growth become manifest as changes in our lives.
Take 15 minutes a week to play with this and you will see it.
Do you need to rest or do you need to get organized?
The 2 new coaching circles start TODAY!
One about DEEP REST where we get together on Zoom and REST TOGETHER (!) and also journal + talk+ figure out how to get more of the rest we on an ongoing basis.
One about GETTING ORGANIZED AF where we get together on Zoom and get our shit together, together! We'll literally DO THE THINGS together, and if you get stuck getting organized, I'll coach you through it.
They start today! And both will be included in your Dream Book membership - details are on the Dream Book page.
My pandemic overwhelm set in again, like mental fog and a heaviness pushing down on me.... so I recorded myself working through it.
NOW is the best time to join Dream Book!
We're doing two new coaching circles this month:
Well Rested: We REST together, on Zoom! Then we journal, talk and explore how to get more of the rest you need.
Organized AF: We get our shit together, together! We do a short focusing meditation, declare our intentions for our time together - then you go DO THE THING. If you get stuck, I'll be there to coach you through it.
Pic: Last week's planning page in the Year of Dreams 2022 Weekly Planner, Visioning Journal + Creative Dream Playbook.
Do you need to rest or do you need to get organized?
I did a live call in Dream Book on Dec 30, and half of the participants were saying they couldn't keep up with the Goodbye 2021 Hello 2022 Journaling Extravaganza and felt like they need a month to just REST before they can even think about what they want to do with their new year.
Most of the others were feeling like they wanted to dive into the new year, but weren't quite sure where to start.
Being well rested + organized are BOTH helpful, nurturing things - for your self care today and for creating the life you want to be living in the future.
Your dreams LAND different when you are deeply rested. You can HEAR your intuition different when you are deeply rested. Deep rest is the oil that keeps your dream machine humming nicely.
Your dreams GROW different when you are organized AF. It's easier to stay calm when you've got a plan you trust. It's easier to GET THNGS DONE when you have everything you need - supplies organized at your desk and a to-do list that makes you swoon.
So I am doing 2 new circles for January:
Well Rested: where we get together on Zoom and REST TOGETHER (!)
We'll start with a short restorative meditation and then you'll actually go lie down for 30 minutes then come back to finish the call - and then come back together to journal + explore + figure out how to get more of the rest you on an ongoing basis.
Organized AF: where we get together on Zoom and get our shit together, together!
We'll literally DO THE THINGS together - clean your desk, make a plan, order supplies, whatever it is you need to be READY TO GO with your dreams - and if you get stuck getting organized, I'll coach you through it.
They will start next week, both are included in your Dream Book membership.
Well Rested will happen at 3 pm (North America, Central) on Jan 12, 19 + 26.
Organized AF will happen at 3 pm (North America, Central) on Jan 10, 17, 24.
(You can use this time zone to translate from Winnipeg to your time zone)
Of course not everyone can be there live. There will be replays! And you can leave comments as you watch the replay, and I'll respond right there in the comments, or talk more in-depth about your situation in the next call.
>>> Join us here.