Healing

When Self Doubt Makes It Hard to SPEAK UP For Yourself

By / /

I was watching Next in Fashion on Netflix and this crazy thing happened where a really gifted woman lost out on a HUGE opportunity because she couldn't speak up for herself.

This is something I know a lot about, because I have failed to speak up for myself more times than I can count.

It was a journey to get to the place I am now where it's fairly easy to speak up for myself, and even when it's not easy I can still DO IT.

When Self Doubt Makes It Hard to SPEAK UP For Yourself

Share
Print
Email
Tweet
Pin

When Self Doubt Makes It Hard to SPEAK UP For Yourself Read More »

Everything is impossible today.

By /

For all of January I've been working on clearing some space so I could focus on some BIG GOALS I have for this year.

So here I am: with a week mostly clear to work on these big goals.

And what am I doing? Anything but focus on my big goals, of course.

In this moment, trying to bring myself to focus and get to work feels IMPOSSIBLE.

So, I am focusing on my resistance instead. Sitting with it, getting curious about it, exploring where I can bring some light and space and healing in.

My resistance is grey clouds. Not heavy clouds just... well they FEEL heavy. They make ME feel heavy.

The clouds think I should just watch Grace and Frankie and knit all day. I worked hard all month, don't I deserve that?

Yes of course I deserve that, and can even do that - AFTER my new lavender coloured linen/cotton blend gets here and AFTER I have this work that I really do want to do.

Now my resistance is saying: You know what? We should go on an AMAZING creative retreat to work on this stuff away from everything.

OK that's actually a really good idea, and since this is a goal I want to work on all year, we CAN make a plan to do that - but not right now.

Right now I need to focus on these next steps I want to take.

My resistance feels it would be so much more fun to just dream about creative retreats.

And I need to stop letting my resistance change the subject, and focus on the matter at hand.

I want to make progress on this scary project.

Wind blows and the grey clouds of resistance become a brick wall. I spread out a brightly coloured blanket in front of the wall and sit down on it. I pull out my Dream Book and paint pens.

Starting small, I make a list of things I WOULD LIKE to do this week. No pressure to follow through, I just want to see the list out of my head and on paper.

The wall leans forward, peeking over my shoulder to watch.

And it turns out there are only 3 things I would like to do this week, and putting them into the Dream Book changes them.

Now they feel do-able and FUN.

The brick wall has some graffiti on it now - super creative artwork. Some inspirational quotes and "follow your dreams" type stuff.

I put my Dream Book down and focus back on the wall of resistance.

So - it looks like you're kind of coming on board with this now?

The wall forgot how much FUN it is to pursue those BIG goals. How it lights me up to play with them.

I place my hand on the wall and a graffiti heart appears under it. I send love to the wall.

I do love the wall, I love all forms of my resistance because I know it's trying to protect me. I am so sensitive and easily overwhelmed and it has SO MUCH to try to protect me from.

But it doesn't need to protect me from this.

I am ready.

 

I hope you're going to join me for Dream Book!

Dream Book is a GENIUS journaling system to help you navigate all of the inner work and outer work and obstacles and healing and special challenges your dream has for you.

It's helping me go deeper and be braver.

It's already helping hundreds of people - every week someone writes to me in tears over how much things are changing for them because of this work.

>>> Find out more + join us here.

Share
Print
Email
Tweet
Pin

Everything is impossible today. Read More »

Are you stuck? Good.

By /

Even after 25 years of living as a dreamer, I still struggle with my dreams.

What if I admit I want it, but it turns out I can’t have it?

What if I find out I’m not good enough?

What if I go after this dream and mess up my life?

What if I put my ideas out there and people steal them?

What if everything changes and I don’t like it?

If you're stuck: GOOD.

Getting stuck means you're actually trying to show up for your dream. The only people who never get stuck are the people who are not trying.

Getting stuck is actually PURPOSEFUL too. Because when you really SHOW UP for your dream you'll be forced to stare down those fears, doubts, inner critics and limiting beliefs that have held you back until now.

This is actually how you grow towards your dream, by facing the hard parts, by bringing them the healing, transformation and growth they need.

(I did a free class where I take you through this process, called The Hard Parts Are Where The Magic Happens. You can sign up for the replay here.)

There is only one guarantee when it comes to dreams: if you don’t try you will surely fail.

I show up for my dreams EVERY DAY.

I get stuck ALL THE TIME.

And I am grateful when I get stuck because it's through the process of getting UN-STUCK that I have made my dreams real. I have healed and changed and grown so much by working with my stucks.

I want YOU to join me in this work.

The Creative Dream Circle is my online training centre and community of kindred spirit creative dreamers. This is where we show up for our dreams.

We have a private blog where I write every day and invite everyone to come in and play with me.  Plus monthly coaching calls for generating MOMENTUM towards your dream, weekly journaling kits and an extensive library of dream-growing classes and tools.

 

what a dream really is

We are stronger together.

Together we practice showing up for our dreams and I'd love to have YOU join the group - I added a new $33 monthly option to make the payments as easy as possible.

Find out more here.

Share
Print
Email
Tweet
Pin

Are you stuck? Good. Read More »

Your work is never to change yourself.

By /

This week I posted two new tutorials on my blog: How To Be More Creative and How To Be More Productive. These are the kinds of things I have to remind myself of all the time, which is why I share them with you.

They both give the same advice: Remember that you are a powerhouse of creative ideas and magic, and deal with the things that stop you from *being* a powerful house of creative ideas and magic.

I teach people how to make their dreams real by showing them how to dismantle and transform their inner obstacles: fear, self-doubt, limiting beliefs, sabotaging patterns, etc.

Once you get rid of that stuff you're more connected to your True Self.

So you're more connected to your Inner Wisdom which can show you how to make your dream real. And you're also more connected to your CREATIVE FLOW. It's your CREATIVE FLOW that will take you to your dream. It's powerful enough to bust through the outer obstacles (or at least find a way around them).

Your work is never to change yourself.

To become more creative or more productive or more focused or more whatever it is you think you have to be to make your dreams real.

YOU are already perfect, just as you are.

Your work is to work on the things that stop you from being YOU. Once you're doing that - well there's no stopping you!

Today I'm flying to California for a creative retreat.

I'm spending a week in Oakland, at my friend Chris Zydel's intuitive painting studio.

Absolute heaven.

On my last day there, Chris and I are going to to a one-day online workshop together - all about working on the stuff that stops creative people from making their dreams real.

Facing the things that stop you, unraveling them, taking back your power, and getting in touch with your CREATIVE FLOW.

Join us for Gifts Of The Shadow: Wild Creative Momentum on Dec 4, 2018.

Share
Print
Email
Tweet
Pin

Your work is never to change yourself. Read More »

Getting angry is a part of your dream path too

By /

My husband and I are getting winter tires put on our car. (Yes - I got rid of my car and became a cyclist 4 years ago. Then when I got married my husband and I bought a car together - he uses it most of the time.)

My husband needs the car for his job as a social worker, so we called around to find someone who could book an appointment in advance, first thing in the morning, so he could just come into work 1 hour late and then skip lunch. The car guy said for sure he could be done in an hour. But when he got to the shop they said they didn't have an appointment, and that the car would be in the shop all day.

I was up super early that morning and was at Starbucks. I'd already done some really great brainstorming/planning, and was just chatting with a friend about some work stuff and getting ready to crack open my laptop and get caught up on some admin work. That's when my husband called to let me know that the shop was saying we didn't have an appointment so it would take them all day to do the tires. So I agreed to bring my husband my mom's car (my parents are away right now) so he could get to work.

Then I sat there, in a huff.

I mean this is hardly the end of the world, but it did put a wrench in my plans and I was frustrated. Of course it's not a big deal, so I tried to just blow it off.  But as I kept talking with my friend I noticed I was feeling more and more uncomfortable. I was angry. Not so much about my schedule getting a little messed up but more about how this person did not honour the agreement we made - that's a trigger for me.

It's ok to be angry when you're angry.

I mean it's ok to not be angry too. But if you are angry then it's ok to feel angry - to not brush it off, but to be with it and listen to it.

So I admitted to my friend that I still felt angry about the mechanic.

This gave my anger some space and legitimacy. And almost instantly I knew - I needed to stand up for myself.

So I phoned the car guy and let him know I had made the appointment in advance and that I expected it to be honoured. The mechanic agreed, at that point he couldn't still get the tires finished by the time that was originally promised, but he said he could have it done by 10am.

I hung up the phone, took a deep breath, and felt much better. The anger was gone.

The anger was there as a sign that I needed to stand up for myself. That I couldn't allow the car guy to break a deal with me without saying anything.

Anger is often a sign/message that comes with a burst of energy that allows us to act on the message.

When we use anger in that way - it's very helpful! One of the most helpful emotions!

But people rarely use it this way.

Often, when you think you're acting out of anger what you're really doing is acting out of your own resistance to feeling angry. That's when you fly off the handle - the anger that comes up is so uncomfortable for you that you try to throw it onto something/someone else. You're just trying to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling you're having.

But what you end up doing - lashing out just to try to get rid of the feeling inside you - is just making things worse. Then ager gets blamed!

But it wasn't anger that made you lash out like that - it was your resistance to feeling your feelings.

When you can simply feel your feelings then you can get the message/meaning in your feeling. Then you can find the gift in it. THEN you have the power to act differently - and that changes everything.

Notice how my husband was not angry about the car thing. He was irritated, but let it go once we had a solution.

I was angry.

This is what it means to be triggered. Being triggered means your inner wounds have been activated. Maybe my husband wasn't triggered because he wasn't the one who made the appointment. Maybe it was because he doesn't care if some car guys keeps his promises or not.

He would say that he has bigger things to worry about.

I was triggered. It means a great deal to me that people keep their agreements with me, so this is the kind of thing that triggers me.

The thing about being triggered is that it's a gift. There is always something in it that you can use for your own healing and growth.

Of course it never feels that way in the moment.

The example I'm sharing is a pretty small trigger. I was feeling angry and in a huff but it wasn't out of control or anything. Sometimes we are so triggered that we can't handle our feelings and it takes everything we've got to not fly off the handle, and go into that reactive mode where we do things we later regret.

Those triggers are where we find the BIG gifts.

We're doing a group coaching call on What To Do When You're Triggered in the Creative Dream Circle on November 20, 2017.

I want to go speak in depth about handling large and small triggers and how to find the gifts in them. This is an important topic because when you can handle your triggers you can find the gifts in them - which always serve your healing and personal growth. So I'll have more to share on the call, but we'll have plenty of space for people in attendance to ask questions.

While it's great to be on the call live, I think the recording of this one will be a real gift - to be able to come to it as a source of healing and support for when you're right in the discomfort of being triggered.

*This call was GREAT! And you get access to it, along with ALL of my other courses, when you join Dream Book.

 

Share
Print
Email
Tweet
Pin

Getting angry is a part of your dream path too Read More »

What if thinking about your dream makes you feel hopeless?

By /

what if thinking about your dream makes you feel hopeless?

(This is a page from the Dream Lab playbook (Dream Lab: Explore The Miracle of your Dream is one of the classes you get in Dream Book.)

Today my dream shows up as a bird in a cage.

The cage feels heavy and rough, like I could cut myself just trying to touch it.

My dream is small and sad, trapped inside.

Or is it that I'm sad, seeing my dream trapped in there?

Well I feel hopeless about it. Like there is no way to get that bird out of that cage. The lock is rusted over and I don't have the key anyway.

So this is depressing.

Sometimes you meet with your dream and this is what it feels like. And it's easy to think you're doing it wrong or that this process is stupid and pointless.

But none of that is true. It's just that I feel hopeless about this right now.

We all feel hopeless about our dreams sometimes. Just like we all feel happy, excited, terrified, confident and totally un-sure about our dreams sometimes.

Feelings are fluid.

When we try to control our feelings, when we judge some feelings as good and others as bad - then we close ourselves off from the power and wisdom in our feelings.

We close ourselves off from our own inner wisdom. And so that's why a big part of this work is to explore how you feel when you meet your dream.

You'll find there is usually a gift, healing or lesson in those explorations.

Why do I feel hopeless about my dream today? Where is the gift in my hopelessness?

When I look more closely at the hopelessness, it shows up as a sad looking rag doll, just hanging there.

Hmmm. Hanging there, really?

I zoom out a bit and see that the rag doll is hanging from the hand of a sad younger me.

I offer my inner child love and comfort. I see how sad and hopeless she feels about this dream. It feels soothing to offer her love and comfort.

But how does this help me with my dream?

And then the girl whispers to me "I don't think you should go after this because of how much it would hurt if you fail" I give the girl a hug and suddenly I really feel different.

In my wish to comfort her of course I put myself into the position of trusting my dream and trusting myself. "Oh sweetie. We don't want to live that life where we cower afraid of our own dreams! We want to be brave! We want to take risks and trust ourselves to handle whatever happens."

I mean there isn't a way to control what happens in life anyway. We can only control how we show up in our lives.

And I want to be the person who shows up and takes their dreams seriously.

Isn't that funny?

In exploring hopelessness I ended up activating trust and inspiration. And then I was able to stop feeling hopeless and just get back to work on my dream.

That's always the end goal with this inner work - to put yourself into a position where you can get to work on your dream.

Share
Print
Email
Tweet
Pin

What if thinking about your dream makes you feel hopeless? Read More »

A Conversation With The Voice That Says I’m Not Doing Enough

By /

Where is it uncomfortable and what does this tell you?
This is a page from the Dream Lab: Explore The Miracle Of Your Dream Playbook (which you can get as a part of Dream Book)

Exploring what feels uncomfortable about your dream is tricky work so I thought I would share my process today in exploring that voice that says that I AM NOT DOING ENOUGH.

This voice has been getting louder lately. And I have been assuming it's because I am in this big creative expansion and I don't really know where this process is leading me to.

I just have so many ideas I want to do them all at once.

This part of the creative process is always confusing for me. I have been assuming this voice comes from my creative process. But I just remembered - hey! Fears are TRICKY! They like to dress up as reasonable responses and ideas.

They know when they show up as fears they are treated differently than when they show up as reasonable voices. Oh shit I fell for it.

This voice isn't a part of this creative expansion I am in. This voice is a fear that is coming up in response to the creative expansion I am in.

So, ummm, hello voice? Can we talk?

Voice shows up as a GIANT rainbow caterpillar, about 6 feet long, floating about 3 feet in the air, cool as a cucumber and says "Oh sure we can talk" I stand there for a few minutes, just getting used to being here with the caterpillar.

And I notice that the caterpillar isn't real. It's a costume.

There is a person standing there wearing a caterpillar tied around their waist.

"So could you take off the costume?"

The caterpillar is furious. They rip off the costume. Now it's a very angry person.

I shift my weight around a bit, feeling very uncomfortable all of a sudden.

"You want to know why I'm angry?"

"Yes"

  • You work so hard for so little.
  • You're sharing your heart out there, day after day and people ignore it.
  • You take the work so seriously and no one else takes you seriously.
  • You are not properly seen or understood.

I am feeling bowled over by the intensity of the anger, which I had not noticed was there!

"This is why I have been pushing you to share more do more be more. To get the recognition that you deserve."

Oh wow. I struggle to find a balance between acknowledging the voice of anger and also wanting to rush in and remind it of all the good.... that I am not wealthy but have a good life and there are people who listen and take me and my work seriously and that I love my students and my work.

But I know I need to give this anger space.

It doesn't need to be right it needs to be heard.

So I sit down and let my anger know I'll sit and listen for as long as it wants to talk. Anger mumbles "Yeah I know actually we have it really good.  We have amazing people in the Circle. We have a fantastic life with enough money to enjoy it."

Then anger asks "But still, can't I just be pissed about how hard this is sometimes?"

"Oh of course. How can I help?"

"Well I was thinking if you would just work harder at doing the right things then everything would be easier and I wouldn't be upset anymore, but now I can see that that's not right."

So I say "Right. You're upset and you need to be heard and respected. Once you have enough space then we'll know what to do about this."

OK something is really shifting in my heart. I'm not sure what it is, but this feels like a good spot to stop our meeting and give this a chance to marinate. T

his is the mess of exploring the uncomfortable parts!

You just don't know where it's going to lead. But right now I am feeling immense relief to have seen the anger for what it is and have given it some space.

Share
Print
Email
Tweet
Pin

A Conversation With The Voice That Says I’m Not Doing Enough Read More »

25 Ways To Hold Space for Yourself (and your Dreams)

By /

25 ways to hold space for yourself and your dreams

Holding space for yourself means giving yourself space to be who and how you want to be.

It can be as small as giving yourself 10 minutes of quiet before rushing off and doing everything that everyone else expects of you.

Or it can be as big as not letting let the world come in and tell you who to be and what to do - which means you give yourself the space to create your life the way YOU want it to be.

Or it can be anything in between.

Learning how to hold space for yourself is one of those foundational things you need to be doing in order to be able to live your best life.

There are two different parts of this: creating space and holding space. You've got to be doing both for this to work.

You create space by doing things that mark out the boundary of the space you are giving yourself.

You hold space by doing what it takes to guard that boundary.

As a small example: In 2016 I stopped doing my free live coaching videos on Tuesday mornings.

This was a way of CREATING more space for myself to work on the Year of Dreams 2017.

I announced it, and did one last one. After that I did have people ask if I could do it just one more time, because they missed the last one.

And that's where I chose to HOLD the space by saying NO.

It's really not enough to create the space, holding the space is where the real work comes into play.

This is where people tend to fail with holding space and having boundaries: You expect other people to hold them for you.

They won't.

HOLDING the boundary is YOUR job.

HOLDING the space is YOUR job.

You can't just make the decision, state what you are doing, and be done. You need to be ACTIVELY HOLDING space.

Think about the ways that you'd like to create and hold space for yourself.

And then design a boundary that preserves the space you are creating for yourself.

But also think about the other people who will be disappointed by this or ask you to do what they want you to do.

And think about how they are likely to react.

And be ready to respond in a way that HOLDS your boundary.

Integrity will help you hold space for yourself.

I made no promises about the free live coaching videos going on forever.

I did give notice that they were stopping and did one last video.

I know that I ended those videos with as much grace and integrity as I could.

This is what makes it easier for me to hold space for myself and for what I want next.

By handling the situations with honesty and as much grace and respect for all involved as I can, I fill my part of the boundary with honesty, grace and respect.

I can't control how others will react but I can do my best to set things up to be as gentle as possible through how I treat people.

Of course - sometimes people do react poorly and then it's up to me to hold my own boundaries there.

Sometimes you have to talk to people about changing your agreements in order to create the space for yourself that you need.  Again, approaching these conversations with compassion and respect brings as much grace as possible to these negotiations (though they're not always going to be easy).

Creating and holding space for yourself is delicate work.

It's really about creating and maintaining boundaries.

But "normal" boundary work is about dealing with unacceptable behaviour and creating boundaries around it.

This is NEXT LEVEL boundary work. This is how you use boundaries to create the space you need to become who you want to be.

It's holding space for your healing and growth.

Of course, people who haven't given themselves permission to really pursue their dreams are not likely to be super supportive of you setting boundaries with them so you can pursue yours.

But are you going to let that stop you? No.

Here are 25 ways to hold space for yourself and your dreams:

  1. Remind yourself that you matter and your dreams matter, like all the time - put notes about this in your daytimer.
  2. Be super intentional about your time management.
  3. Explore what it would mean to be loyal to your joy.
  4. Be more committed to your dreams - do the things that scare you. (GET SUPPORT to do this if need be - I can help you here)
  5. Say no to things that don't help you move towards where you want to be. Start with small things and work your way up to the big things.
  6. Think very carefully about whether or not something truly serves you before you say yes it.
  7. Turn down the volume on social media.
  8. Turn up the volume on your own intuition. (hint: it speaks more loudly when you listen and follow through on it's guidance)
  9. Put yourself first. If you're not used to doing it, then start in really small ways and work your way up.
  10. Learn to leave others to their consequences of their actions without trying to rescue them. This is uncomfortable at first but ultimately liberating for all parties.
  11. Keep your eyes on your own work. Comparison will not get you to where you want to be.
  12. But be genuinely happy for other people's successes.
  13. Face your fears. Avoiding uncomfortable feelings means they are controlling you.
  14. Go to therapy or a woman's circle or join a community of kindred spirit Dreamers or something like this for support.
  15. Plan a weekly journal-coffee date with yourself and your dreams.
  16. Say no some more.
  17. Unsubscribe from anything that isn't helping.
  18. Write love letters to your dream.
  19. Get rid of your TV.
  20. Examine your beliefs about what you think is possible for you. Find ways to stretch your possibilities.
  21. Know how you want to feel and how to help yourself feel that way (it's easier than it sounds).
  22. Meditate.
  23. Don't answer the phone.
  24. Spend more time outside.
  25. Spend less money. Really! A lot of our spending is actually driven by un-helpful unconscious patterns so when we slow down it can help us see our patterns better.

And a bonus: sign up for my free courses:

You have a LOT of magic in you.

And I’ve got a lot of tools, tips and practices to help you use it more effectively as FUEL for your CREATIVE DREAMS.

Sign up here for access to ALL of my free classes* to heal, grow and play your way into your wildest dreams:

Do you see a pattern here? Holding space for yourself is about being wildly committed to living your truest life.

Learning to hold space for yourself and your dreams changes everything.

You have the power to create and maintain these kinds of helpful and nourishing boundaries I'm talking about - you just have to learn how to harness and use it.

I mean this is what creative dreaming is all about.

Pin
Share
Print
Email
Tweet
110 Shares

25 Ways To Hold Space for Yourself (and your Dreams) Read More »

Your dream needs you to be brave

By /

brave

There are a LOT of reasons to NOT pursue?your creative dreams.

  • You might be a procrastinator.

When it?s time to work on your creative dreams suddenly the dishes need washing and you?re struck with the urge to scroll through your Facebook feed again.

  • You might just be too busy.

You carefully carve out time to work on your creative dreams but find that time quickly gets filled up with more important things to do and you just can?t get to your creative dream.

  • You might be waiting for the right time.

After the kids start school. When your work is less crazy. When you have more money.

  • You might be telling yourself that you?re too lazy?

Maybe you have all the time you need you?re just not sitting down and getting to work and you don?t really have a reason.

But actually what you’re doing is being in resistance.

You’re either in the flow or you’re resisting the flow. ?There really isn’t any other place to be.

We pretend that there are other places to be because?we don’t want to admit that we’re resisting our own good.

This is human nature.

The problem is that when we believe our own bullshit about why we’re not starting – it keeps us from not starting.

It LEGITIMIZES not starting.

It LEGITIMIZES putting your dreams on the shelf.

It LEGITIMIZES living smaller than you want to live.

It NORMALIZES living disconnected from your authenticity, your joy and your magic.

That’s no good.

You’re a creative genius and you’re made of magic so why wouldn’t you live like it?

Now I have all the sympathy in the world for how hard it is to start.

But that doesn’t mean?I’m letting you off the hook.

This is?too important.

Pin
Share
Print
Email
Tweet

Your dream needs you to be brave Read More »

Hello Resistance [A conversation with myself as I struggle to make myself get to work]

By /

helloresistance2

In April I’m running my Creative With Money course.

This has been a really popular course. ?I’ve offered it live online several times.

So putting it together should be a breeze, right?

But when I read over the course description (which is a few years old now) it didn’t feel right. ?So I decided?to re-write it.

And then I got stuck.

So, here I am meeting with my resistance. This may get weird.

Resistance shows up as heavy sludge. Dark black.?Kind of gritty.?Threatening to totally take over.

Ummmm, totally take over what, exactly?

Oh, this little world opens up. ?It’s full of inspiration and light and being deeply present.

Resistance wants to just pave over this world.

Why?

It’s not safe there.

Why not?

You might go too far.

Too far where/how?

Too far: ?

  • Too weird.
  • Or you’re too into your own thing that no one understands you.
  • That world isn’t real you shouldn’t go too far into it

So what world is real?

This one. ?The heavy dark gritty stuff.

Well that doesn’t really make sense to me. ?I mean look around.

[resistance is silent]

I think you’re trying to make up some fantastical story to throw me off track.

Yeah, I think I am. ?You know what? I didn’t even realise I was doing that. ?Interesting.

Interesting. ?So what is it that you want?

Oh I want you to be safe and happy.

So something feels un-safe and un-happy about putting on this course?

No, something feels un-safe and un-happy about giving it your all. ?I want to stop you from re-writing the description and putting effort into promoting it.

So I can do the course as long as I don’t try to fill the course?

Yes.

Are you seeing the lack of logic there?

Yes. Part of teaching is helping?your potential students get ready to say yes.

Yes. And also put the course out there as honestly as possible so if it’s a wrong fit for someone they won’t be tempted to join anyway.

I think you always go too far with the honesty part. I mean have some composure!

I get that honesty and vulnerability are scary.

But you’ve made the choice to be that way.

Yes and I’m not changing that. So how do I help you feel safe anyway? ?How do we get to work here? I really want to re-write this course description today and it’s feeling impossible right now.

[resistance is silent]

[I wait a while, nothing happens]

OK I’m going to pour love all over you.

Resistance turns into a kitten, throws itself on it’s back, belly exposed, to soak up all the love.

I breath deep and feel something inside me soften.

OK let’s get to work then.

[And I did! I wrote the course description for Creative With Money. You can read it here.]

 

Want to learn more about how this stuff?works?

This was a fairly simple conversation because I have been working with my resistance for years.

Sometimes you need more than a little chat – you may need the full Resistance Rx to help you move through creative blocks in a fun and fabulous way.

Come play with us! Click here to find out more.

 

Pin
Share
Print
Email
Tweet

Hello Resistance [A conversation with myself as I struggle to make myself get to work] Read More »

Meeting with the cranky fairy of holiday resentment.

By /

crankyfairy

I’ve been really snippy lately – just?quick?to get frustrated when things don’t go right.

The holidays are a stressful time.

Most years I take great effort to avoid this and to create a really peaceful and happy end of the year – but?this year I just walked right into the madness of the holidays.

(Last year I even did a whole class on having a happy, calm and peaceful holiday season, which is now in the Creative Dream Circle?- at the beginning of the month I reminded the Circle members that it’s there if they need it but I didn’t think I needed it. ?Ha.)

I just walked downtown in the snow before sunrise – one of my treasured winter rituals which usually makes me feel so peaceful and happy.

But this morning I spent the whole walk following my negative thoughts around in sad, angry circles.

And then when I got to the coffee shop to work of course I couldn’t. ?I mean I can’t do the work I do from?that kind of headspace.

So I am asking my cranky feeling to meet with me and see if we can work this out.

Cranky feeling appears as a blue haired fairy. ?Her fairy wand is bent… actually when I look closer, she looks like she’s been on a bender.

Hey fairy, how are you doing?

How am I doing? How can anyone be expected to think with that horrible banging? ?What is that?

That’s the music in the coffee shop.

It’s terrible.

Well, yeah, but I’m sure the next song with be less bangy.

Let’s never come here again the sound system is wrong for my ears.

OK, I agree. ?But since we’re here now I’d like to be able to just get to work.

Hmrph.

What else is bothering you?

Well everything is changing and I’m so scared. ?

The fairy bursts into tears.

Oh, I’m so sorry you’re feeling scared. ?How can I help?

[Fairy asks for something that I don’t want to share online]

Well, my intuition says yes.

But I say no!

Hmmm, can you remember some other times when my intuition said yes and you said no? ?Like when I bought the loft? ?You were terrified, remember?

Yeah….

And that worked out really well, right?

Well…

And then this bright light eclipses everything.

My heart softens.

I remember that I can trust my inner truth.

I look around for the fairy, she’s teeny tiny now, sitting?on the armrest of the chair. ?I pick her up and put her in the palm of my hand.

I want you to feel safe – more safe, more of the time. ?How can I do that?

I want you to be more aware of how much things are changing! You’re just?carrying on like you’re fine! ?

Well I guess I thought I was fine.

I want you to be more present with the change, so I can be fine too.

Oh, ok I see that. ?I’m sorry I haven’t been doing that for you. ?I love you, you know. ?I want to take care of you. I don’t want you to feel afraid.

Fairy sparkles for a few minutes, then flies into my heart.

Here’s what I got?from this:

Well, first – a healing. ?My heart is soft and sparkly and I’m not all cranky anymore.

But more importantly?I got a reminder that that small, scared parts of me are small and scared.

Small as in easy for me to not notice.

Scared as in really afraid of things that I think are “not a big deal”.

This is one of the ways that stuff like PMS is actually a gift – it makes those small things bigger and sharper and unavoidable.

We think we’re being crazy, getting so upset about something so insignificant.

But we’re not crazy.

The world we live in is crazy.

We do our best to cope and carry on like everything is fine, but?these?tender, vulnerable parts of us always remember that what’s happening out there in the world?is completely crazy.

And we need to tend to these tender, vulnerable parts of us so that they don’t get hard, so that we don’t get hard.

Because when we’re hard we disconnect from our inner gifts.

And when we’re disconnected from our gifts the whole world changes.

It gets harder and meaner. ?And we get harder and meaner in response. ?Or we get sad. ?Or we just shut down and get really quiet and small.

And suffice it to say, that path that doesn’t lead to your dream.

So as uncomfortable as it it so make space for the discomfort – what else are you going to do?

And for?Creative Dream Circle members: remember you can take your holiday crankies into the Un-Sticking Station so you can transform them into helpful gifts.

PS: Come back next?week – I’ll have free journaling + coloring pages for you to download.

Share
Print
Email
Tweet
Pin

Meeting with the cranky fairy of holiday resentment. Read More »

Practicing what I preach. Where is the gift in this shitty stuff?

By /

Finding the gift in a shitty situation

Yesterday I wrote this post about How To Become A Dream Magnet which is such a beautiful idea and such a hard thing to practice.

So here I go, practicing.? This shitty thing happened:

There is this service which I am paying for.

It’s doing the thing it’s supposed to do, but it’s not attending to all of the details in the way that I feel the details should be attended to. (I don’t like when loose ends are left dangling)

The person who provides the service agreed (with their words) that this detail is important but is not agreeing (with their actions) to do something about it right now. (I don’t like dealing with people whose words and actions do not line up)

I cannot do anything about it.? Or maybe I can – I have been trying and have not been able to figure out how.? (I don’t like feeling helpless about it)

This service not attending to all of the details means that I have a harder time honouring the agreements I’ve made to people who really matter to me. (I don’t like letting people down)

This is stressful for me and I am having a hard time seeing this situation as a gift.

Why?

Well, because I am determined to believe that the thing that happened is WRONG.? I don’t want to accept it, I want to change it.

So, if instead of trying to do something to change it, what if I assume that it’s a gift? What happens then?

Well, it’s like I (reluctantly!) turn away from this frustrating wall of frustration and turn towards an open, sunny field.

And there’s this baby bunny there and he hops over to me and I am very resistant to him.? Because yeah I’m seeing something that could possibly be a gift in this now but I don’t know that I am ready to receive it because I’m not sure I’m strong enough to take care of it.

So, am I committed enough to seeing the gifts that I’ll give it my best shot?? Or do I want to turn my back on the gift?

Well, shit.

I can’t turn my back on the gift because I know that just brings me back to the frustrating wall of frustration.

But receiving the gift?? No, I don’t feel ready for this.

So I just sit here for a bit, holding the baby bunny.

And in sitting with it, it starts to feel true that life is always supporting me.? I remember how clear and sure I felt earlier today.? And how feeling clear and sure leads in the right direction even though I don’t always recognize the right direction when I am looking at it.

I remember how I often I fight the path when it doesn’t look how I want it to look.

I remember that I actually almost never feel ready for things before I do them, that it’s in the doing that the growth happens – that I will grow into being ready.

Then I remember that when I’m not all tangled up in my frustrations I can pretty much always find a simple solution.

And then a simple solution popped into my mind.? It’s not perfect, but it’s a good layer of duct tape on the problem until the person who can do something about it does something about it (they said they would, just that they can’t do it right now).

And actually I am ready for the gift, I’m just afraid because it’s NEW and new things almost always scare me. But I can do this.

Thing #2

I feel like getting on a roll with this so I’m going to explore the other thing that’s bugging me from this lens:

I knit this amazing sweater to go with ALL OF THE DRESSES I like to wear.

I knit it out of SUPER FUCKING DURABLE yarn, sock yarn that can stand up to lots of washing and wearing because I wear this sweater all the time and I love it so much.? It’s perfect.

I usually air dry it just to keep it nicer longer.? But one day I was in a rush and I threw it in the dryer and 1/3 of it felted.? ONE THIRD.? The sweater was knit with 3 huge skeins of yarn, one of them was obviously not the durable sock yarn it was labeled as. So the middle third of my cardigan is literally felt – thick and small, and now the whole thing is too short and too narrow to fit.

The sweater is ruined right at the end of summer when I’m going to want to wear it every day.? And the only similar light sweaters I’ve got to wear are old and store-bought and just not right.

So I’m sad and frustrated and sad.

Can I look for the gift in this?

Halfheartedly, if I peek over in that direction, I can see that I can re-knit the sweater in slightly darker yarn which would be more practical.

But I’m super resistant and want to jump up and down and say IT’S NOT FAIR that I have to re-knit it.

So I sit with that.? And I invite in my true heartfelt desire to see the gift in life in general, if not in this situation.

That desire kind of softens everything.? It shows me a new possibility – that knitting a sweater is actually what I need right now.

Hmmm, see I think that’s wrong.? HAVING a sweater is what I want right now!

OK so I am totally being a two year old throwing a temper tantrum about this.? Why?

Because something can come along and destroy something I created.? I want that to not be true.

Because I paid a lot of money for that yarn and the people who made it should have been more careful.? I am careful with my resources and want that to be respected.

Because having just the right hand-made clothes meant a lot to me and the loss of this sweater means going back to not-hand-made so I am losing my dream and that’s always hard on my sensitive heart.

Oh, and because of what that sweater represented.? It was the last thing that was missing in my new creative hand-made wardrobe.? So it felt like I had completion of a dream and now I have non-completion.? I slid down the dream hill and got all bumped up in the process.

And because I would really like to just be a grownup, suck it up, accept that shit happens, this is far from the end of the world and move on but I’m not feeling that way.? So I’m judging my feelings which makes them harder to be with.

Urgh!

So regardless of how I feel right now – I’m choosing to assume that knitting a new sweater is what I need.

If I treat the re-knitting of the sweater as a gift – what could I learn?? I guess I’ll find out.

I’m off to the yarn store.

UPDATE:

I wrote this yesterday and then left it.

Thing #1: Someone offered me a perfect solution!

Much better than the duct-tape idea I had yesterday, something that actually solves the problem once and for all.

I’m not saying that just because I was doing my best to have a good attitude about it my problem magically got solved.? But shifting my perspective did help me feel a lot better and who knows – maybe I wouldn’t have been able to the solution that was offered if I was still all cranky about it.

We really don’t see as many possibilities when we’re all tangled up in our stories about what’s happening.

Thing #2: I’m in love with the new yarn

I really loved how that sweater felt on my skin, so I went looking for something really similar (that yarn store doesn’t have that exact kind anymore).

I found something maybe even a little silkier – in watercolour hand-painted shades of lavender.? Super dreamy.

I started rolling it up into balls last night and as I worked with the yarn I was so happy.? The colours are so perfect and it’s start to feel like my “trust sweater”.

That knitting this sweater is a way of working on my relationship with trust.

That re-knitting the sweater I already knit in a state of trust that this is the right thing to do helps ground me in this decision of looking at life through the lens of “where is the gift?”.

Yes, today I see how it is good for me to have to re-knit my precious sweater.

Pin
Tweet
Share
Print
Email

Practicing what I preach. Where is the gift in this shitty stuff? Read More »

There is no way to “be safe”.

By /

safe

In my journaling practice, I keep encountering this part of me who has been working very hard for a very long time to create safety for me.

It sees every potential pitfall in life and tries to guard against them.

So while I’m skipping towards the things I want, this part of me is trying to pull me back because it believes that avoiding pitfalls is more important than chasing dreams.

Meanwhile my wisest and most heart-connected self believes that I do need to be moving towards what feels true for me – pitfalls or not.? In a universe that is always expanding I can’t contract myself and my life for fear of getting hurt along the way.

Plus – getting hurt along the way is often a part of the process, and a place where I learn a lot.? So it’s really not something to be avoided.

This creates a tug-of-war in my inner world.

When I left my day job to be a full time dreamer, this part of me started working double overtime.

So I had to spend more time working with it, bringing in healing and love and calm to transform this part of me.? I didn’t want to obliterate it or pretend I didn’t have this huge knot in my stomach and slap a big “fake it till you make it” smile over it.

My aim was to love it and give it what it needed to settle down and be happy – to heal and transform it.? To take all the energy and power that the fear had and re-write it to do something more useful for me.

For me, dealing with this part of me was the hardest part of the change from employee to my own boss.? It mean facing my own worst fears and learning how to access more inner strength than I knew I had.

And now here I am again.

It’s definitely not as dramatic or intense right now, but as I have set new intentions for what I want to create in my life as I work through Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance, this part of me has been re-activated.

So when this part of me popped up in my journaling recently I was not very happy.

I felt exhausted and overwhelmed at the thought of working with this part of me again.? I wrote in my journal:

Oh shit. This is going to be a Big Job.

But you know what?? It’s not.

In the journal classes I teach, I show how to work with symbols and essence and how doing this opens up new possibilities.? It’s a way of dropping the story and getting to the heart of what’s actually happening and then changing it – which then changes the story in the outer world.

I created symbols for the thing I want and for safety and then looked at how they play together.? This is where it got really interesting.

They didn’t play nice.

The thing I want actually CLOBBERED the symbol for safety.? It didn’t trust safety, which startled me.

And safety wasn’t too thrilled about having to hang out with the thing I wanted either.

And then the symbols showed me the truth: There’s nothing wrong with the quality of safety but trying to CREATE safety is what fucks me up.

Because I am inherently safe.

(And so are you)

Trying to create safety means giving weight to the belief that I am small and separate from life, that the universe doesn’t care about me and that there are pitfalls to be avoided.

Obviously, in the physical world there are pitfalls to be avoided – that’s not what this is about.

This is about living from a sense of internal trust.

Trusting my dreams.

Trusting my self.

Trusting the process.

Trusting in meaning and purpose.

Trusting that there are no pitfalls to avoid because I can handle whatever comes my way.

Trusting that as long as I am allowing my intuition to lead me I’m always in the right place.

Trusting the mystery.

Remembering that I am already safe.

Trusting that I am safe allows me to relax into the process.

Trying to create safety holds me out of the process because I’m too busy trying to control the universe, which strengthens the belief that I am small and alone and powerless.? Not a recipe for creative dream success.

Back when I first left my job and was just getting settled in my new life as a dreamer I did need to coddle and soothe these fears – they were too big and agitated for me to just say “Hey, dude, chill out and trust the process”and working with them brought me the insights I needed to do the healing work that needed to be done at that time.

And that brought me to where I am now.

And now that I am on more stable ground a different approach is needed.

By meeting with the heart/soul/essence of how you’re feeling and bringing in love and healing it’s so much easier to see what, exactly, you need to move towards what you want.? (For Creative Dream Circle members – the video in the Un-Sticking Station leads you through this process)


Pin
Tweet
Share
Print
Email

There is no way to “be safe”. Read More »

When your inner critic just won’t let you move forward.

By / /

forward

I care about my Magic Journaling Cards very much.

So much that while I’m working on them it’s really hard for me to feel like I’m good enough to do them justice.

Even though I know that done is better than perfect.

Even though I know that these cards, with all of their glorious imperfections, are going to help people to enjoy journaling more and get more of the juicy benefits of journaling (like emotional healing and transformation and dream manifestation).

Even though I know that I have more than enough experience teaching this stuff to be able to design the cards in such a way that they are magically helpful.

None of that matters to my inner critic.

The more I care about something, the harder it is for me to create it.

The stakes feel too high.

I have so much love for the thing, and expect so much from it, it’s like I just can’t be happy with how it’s turning out, no matter how good a job I do.

When I feel this way it’s a sign that I have handed the steering wheel over to my inner critic.

And that in these moments my job is NOT to try harder, or get better or take a break.

My job is to take back the steering wheel.

So that’s what I’ve been doing for the past few days.

If I were to keep working on the cards, I’d be putting this weird fighting-the-inner-critic-trying-to-prove-my-worth energy into this project.? (And trust me – people CAN feel it when you’re creating from that place and it WILL impact the success of your project.)

So instead I’m meeting with my inner critic and with the heart and soul of the cards project.

I’m transforming the fear and doubt and filling up on the qualities of my project, so that they can light the path to fruition.

People are always asking me how to get around the inner critic.

They want to know how to out-run it – which is impossible.

But you can heal it.? And then you can transform it.? And then you can do your great work and bring your creative dreams to life.

And then you start again with the next thing.

In my opinion, getting good at the inner work is the only path to success.? That’s why it’s the thing that I teach – because I want all of us to succeed.

(So if you’re struggling with your inner critic – come and learn how to transform it!)

And today – I’m back.

The steering wheel is firmly in my grip.

My inner critic has been transformed into an ally – he’s busy creating an energy atmosphere of flow, delight and ease for me to work in.

So – I’m working.

In fact I’ve got over 33 of the cards done (I’m not sure how big the deck is going to be – I don’t want to pick an arbitrary number, I just want to make sure it includes everything that it needs to be a magically helpful deck).

And today I want to get a bunch more done…

Pin
Tweet
Share
Print
Email

When your inner critic just won’t let you move forward. Read More »

Despair

By /

My main project for this year is Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance – to do this work and see where it takes me.

The only way that depth work is predictable is that you can be sure it’s going to lead you right into the thing you want to explore the least.? This weekend, it led me to DESPAIR.

Despair often comes up in response to setting a clear intention to move forward.? Not because it’s an asshole and wants you to be miserable, but because your clear intention is asking you to deal with the despair that lives within you.

For me, this weekend, I noticed that one of the things that really bothers me about despair is how familiar the energy of it feels.? Like yes it’s always there, beneath everything else, waiting for it’s change to spring up and devour me.

And because I find the energy of it so uncomfortable, I avoid actually working with it.? Instead I focus on finding ways to feel better – which doesn’t change it or move it at all.? It keeps it right where it is in my inner world – it feels like kind of an underground river, only made of something much heavier than water.

So, I did what I am always telling my Circle members to do – I took it into the Un-Sticking Station.? This is what happened:

Oh, hello despair.? Wow, you ARE an underground river.? A very sad underground river.? That’s interesting – I didn’t realise you would be sad, I thought you were just mean and wanted me to be sad, but you’re the one who is sad.

(the river just kind of sighs and frowns)

Well, I’m sorry I have avoided you so much, you scare me.? But I didn’t mean to leave you here, all sad and alone.

I spread out my pink blanket on the grass and sit down beside the river.

“So, what do you want?” I ask.

At first, the river just looks sad.? I can’t tell if it knows what it wants but is shy about saying it, or if it doesn’t even know what it wants.? Then it shows me:

Light.

This was meant to be a river of light.? Flowing, underground, through the depths of my inner world.

Possibility and hope and love and light and all things sparkling and magical.

But every time I hoped for something and didn’t get it and my heart was crushed, some of that crush fell down and the river got a little muddy.? And I’ve been here for forty years so I have been crushed a few times and here it all is, clogging up the river with despair.

I just sit with that for a while.

The river starts to lighten up.

And I start to see how it was never really a river of despair.? It remains a river of light and the despair is just silt.? Really, anyone with a despair-magnet could just pull the despair out of the river and clean it right out.

And tiny little chunks of despair start to lift up out of the river and as the dust lands on the river banks and I notice something really interesting… the despair/silt can actually be used to build the river banks.? To hold and shape the river.? To direct the light.

I can use the crushing experiences to direct the river of possibility that flows through my inner world.

Will keep working with this in my Grow Your Depth journal…

(For Circle members: I’m going to post this in the Un-Sticking Station and update it there to hare how I work with it and what else I learn about it.)


Pin
Tweet
Share
Print
Email

Despair Read More »

Let's Get Your Dream!

Start the 10 day Creative Dream Journal Challenge Today:

(I'll also send you my Guided Journal for Creative Dreaming)

Get my free journal for Creative Dreaming: