When I’m a little dazed and confused, it’s always helpful to write out a list of things I know.? This is a random list of what I know today:

1. All Signs Point To YES.? Just because this new thing is a “way bigger deal” than anything I’ve done before, my inner critics are convinced it can’t succeed.? But nothing has actually happened that suggests this isn’t going to go exactly as planned.

2. I am clearly exceeding my current limit for what I feel comfortable receiving.? I have been here before and it has never meant anything other than it’s time to expand my limit.

3. My intuition is clear. My intuition has never led me astray.? Following my intuition has always proven to be safe.

4. I don’t have to see it to know it’s there.

5. I have so many options it’s ridiculous.? There is always a way.? And I have so many tools for finding ways!? I have The Best Tools, actually.

6. The work I’m doing right now lights me up like nothing else.? I’m definitely on the right path.

7. My mission is much bigger than me.? (The top of my head tingled when I wrote that.)? The support for me mission is also bigger than me.

In light of all this, sweet tiny part of me who worries, are you sure the worry is needed?? It’s ok to take a break if you want, I’ve got this.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure I need to worry!? What if no one is worrying?!? What will happen when things start to go wrong if I wasn’t worrying in advance!! Disaster!? I wouldn’t be able to fit all the worry into the time left! And then what?!?!?!

Yeah, and then what?

I wouldn’t worry all the worry!

I know, but what would happen if you didn’t worry ALL the worry?

[No response for a while, she just looks kind of stumped and confused.]

If there is too much un-worried worry, doesn’t it fall to the ground and ruin everything?

I don’t think so sweetie, has that ever happened?

I don’t know.? I just want to be READY!? When disaster strikes I don’t want to be surprised, I want to be ready.

Do you think worrying in advance is the best way to get ready?

Yes?

Yes?

Yes!? Worry makes you look at other options!

But worry isn’t the only thing that makes me look at other options.? What about the Creative Dream HOLYdays we do every month in the Circle?? So many options, ideas and possibilities come out of those, much more than worrying has ever created.

Oh my gosh! Worry might not be the best tool!? The HOLYdays DO give you the best ideas.

You don’t have to worry about whether or not you’ve been using the right tool, sweetie. See worry actually makes it harder to move forward because it’s got kind of a heavy vibe.? Worry slows things down which I think you like because it feels safer to you to slow things down.

If I was cataloging all the ideas, possibilities and options instead of worrying I think that would be more helpful.? I could respond faster in an emergency.? And… well, you’re right that I do feel safer when you are moving slower and I could still slow you down by showing you the catalogs.

Huh.? I am very inspired by my little worry-wort!

I’d love to create this catalog!

I do have journals upon journals filled with this stuff but if I put it into a binder where I can organise everything that actually would be very helpful.

Excited! I’m off to get a latte and get started cataloging my many options, possibilities and ideas.

So I continue to work on this project.

My heart is full:

DELIGHT? in the magic of this project

CARE for all the little details

GRATITUDE for being offered something that is on a scale far, far beyond the level I’ve been working on

LOVE for the project itself and how it’s going to help people

And still. Progress is beautiful and slow. MADDENINGLY SLOW.

Hmmmm.? Seeing that there in black and white I feel I should add: it’s probably not slow at all.? It’s more like I WANT IT TO BE RACING CAR FAST.

Something amazing is coming to life here and it needs whatever time it needs to do that.? And I know that is true about every single thing that comes to life but that doesn’t change how annoyed I am with this for being so slow.

And *pouf* my Creativity Fairy Godmother appears right beside my laptop.

Oh honey, you know, right?? You know that your annoyance is actually slowing things down?

Yeah, I know.? But it’s how I feel!

Oh of course!? We would never tell you to feel differently than how you feel!? But, well, you know better than to try to push and work on a thing that you are annoyed with while you are annoyed, right?? I mean you’re not exactly a beginner …

Right.? If I am annoyed my attention naturally wants to be going to taking care of the annoyance.? Instead I am trying to force my attention to remain on the project, which is the source of the annoyance and YIKES yes I am compounding the annoyance and turning it into a bounder which blocks creative flow.

Yes sweetie Creative Flow is Flowing. That’s what it does.

And here I am – throwing boulders in its way while demanding it to show up faster.

Right so, would now be a good time to stop doing that?? You’ve got that lovely soup waiting for you at home. What if you go home, enjoy some soup, and take care of your annoyance before coming back to this project?

And *pouf* a little devil appears on the other side of my laptop.

Hello – are you my annoyance?

Hello yes!

What do you want to tell me?

There is a reason why I’m here.? I’m annoyed that you are trying to rush – you’re playing into that old people-pleasing pattern of yours and it SUCKS.? I HATE IT.

Ohmygosh!? I totally didn’t see that.? But you are so right, I did slip into that old pattern and I can see why.

Yeah I can see why to – it doesn’t take a genius.? And seeing WHY doesn’t change anything.? I want you to change something!

(Little devil actually pushes me out of the people-pleasing pattern and I can feel everything shift)

Wow, thanks for the push.? Now I can see so much clearer.? I actually do want to finish this quickly, that is my truth not just my people-pleasing pattern.? That’s funny, my people-pleasing pattern and my truth both want the same thing, I’m not sur that is ever happened before.

We both want the same thing, we just need to take a different approach.

My truth is that I want this to come together quickly and I know better than to think I am in control of the timeline.

And the little devil and my Creativity Fairy Godmother are gone.? It’s just me and my project and everything seems kind of sunny.? My project looks apologetic, like it didn’t mean to annoy me or to throw me into that old people-pleasing pattern.? My project loves me like I love it.

I think I will go home and have some soup for lunch and take a little break and come back to this later.

Recently I was offered a really incredible opportunity.? (No, I can’t give any details.)

In order to move forward with this opportunity, I have to create something.? I create things all the time – so no biggie, right?

Ha.

The first draft was no biggie actually.? The enormity of the project hadn’t quite sunk in yet, I was super excited and so I wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote.? And what I wrote is pretty good.? It’s nowhere near what I want it to be and what I know it can be, but it’s a great start.

And here I am, with a weekend free to work on this and I. Am. Stuck.

So, hello there stuck.? Can we talk?

Yeah, I guess, I mean sure but it’s kind of hard for me to talk.

Why is that?

Well, I’m stuck!? I’m crammed into this space that is too small for me.

Oh, can I help?

Maybe.? I don’t know.? It’s probably easier to just stay stuck.? I can curl up in here and never leave.

Really, is that what you want?

(pause)

No, I don’t know. Yes. I want that right now, getting out just seems so hard!? But I don’t like the idea of ALWAYS being here.? I want to have the option to leave.

That makes sense.? How can we give you the option to leave?

Well, just understanding HOW to get out.? Oh!? I could stop trying to go straight ahead and inside go sideways.? Maybe that is how?

Yeah, it seems like you could kind of roll sideways and get out of there.

(Stuck rolls sideways and gets out of there.? The feeling of stuckness inside of me lessons noticeably but doesn’t totally disappear. Stuck just looks at me, then curls up in a ball right beside the small container he had been stuck in)

Ah, so now I can see that we’re in a meadow at the edge of a forest and you, dear stuck, are a bunny!? And you were stuck in a barrel.

I went in there looking for a safe space because it was dark and rainy and scary out.

That makes sense.

So now what?? Now I feel free, I’m out of the barrel, but I want to stay right beside it because I may need to jump back in which means I may get stuck in there again.? I don’t want to go hopping around in the forest, it’s scary out there!

I know.

Like that project you are working on – that is terrifying!? I want to go nowhere near there.? And if you go near it, I will jump back in the barrel.

Well I understand your fear but I don’t want to let you hold me hostage.? Not only do I really want to do this because I think it will be fun (omg! do you remember last week when writing was fun?) I want to do this because it’s going to help so many people.

Oh, yeah,? It’s hard to remember the good parts when the scary parts are so big.

So why are the scary parts big right now?

Because you’re out of the flow.? You’re looking at where you’ve gone off-track in order to bring the project on-track.? Looking at the off-track parts wakes up fear and doubt and makes the good parts shrink.? It’s not that it’s wrong that there are some off-track parts – that’s a natural part of the creative process.? It’s more like you’ve got to just focus on on-track.? I don’t know – start over fresh instead of editing?

Start over fresh instead of editing. Oh that feels like a pit in my stomach, like I’ll never finish if I do that.

Sometimes you have found a lot of freedom in that approach.? Everything you wrote is still there, you can grab parts of it but put it together fresh. Actually I think you’ve done that with every major thing you’ve ever done.

Yeah, maybe.? And this feels different.? The timeline for one.? Not seeing the whole scope of the project for two.

No, those things are not so different. Sweetie, remember the good parts!? Remember the fun and how amazing and helpful this will be!? KISS!? KISS! (Keep It Simple Sweetie)

Simple.? I could stand to simplify this whole thing.? OK yes. I feel a little less stuck now.

And I want to go hop around in the forest!

(Bunny hops off.? I kind of lean against the barrel and a snake slithers out.)

Oh!

(Snake does not respond.? It just stares at me.? This is the part of me that Does Not Believe And Never Will.? I see a pile of hay lying on the ground and take a tiny bottle of love, comfort and peace and pour it on the hay, creating a nest of love, comfort and peace for the snake.? Snake curls up in the center of the nest.)

Yeah, I can do this.

I am taking the fact that this is a HUGE DEAL and putting that in the barrel.

I am taking the timeline and putting that in the barrel.

I am sealing up the barrel.

I am taking the fact that I am really excited about this project and putting in a heart-shaped locket and putting that around my neck.

I am taking how helpful and useful this is going to be and spinning it into yarn and knitting myself a soft, soft hat out of it and putting it on my head.

Yeah, I can do this.