99% of the time, I don’t have enough time is a lie.
You have enough time, and you chose how you’re using it.? It only feels like it’s not a choice because you’re caught up in an un-helpful pattern, or you’ve got a sovereignty leak or you’re letting your inner critics run the show.
So, here I am this morning, convinced I don’t have enough time for all the things I have to do today.
Except I do.? They fit neatly onto my calendar.? So I mediate and journal and use aromatherapy and still this small voice of anxiety won’t go away.?? I re-read my post about You Are The Source Of Time which helped, but then my little inner I Don’t Have Time Monster got woken up…
So, let’s talk.
You DON’T have enough time!? Not for all these things!
Oh sweetie.
And you certainly don’t have time to talk to me about it!
Oh, so what should I be doing?
Running around like crazy, panicking about not having enough time.
That doesn’t seem useful.
But it would be honest!
Honesty is important.? See, I am being honest by talking to you about how you’re feeling, rather that just pushing through and getting the work done.
Oh, right.
I think you want me to to panic until I can’t get the work done, and then not get the work done, and then use this as evidence that I can’t handle this much work.
Well you can’t!
I know I can.? I love everything I’m doing.? The Creative Soul Alchemy Cards?? HOLY CRAP I LOVE THIS. I’m having the best time ever.
But they’re taking you longer than you thought, to make them.
Yes, that’s a part of the Batter Tasting Process – learning all of that stuff!? Then I’ll take what I learn and use it to put the final thing together.
But you’re also doing Project 1 and Project 2 and Project 3!? All big projects!? Plus your regular stuff!? Aaeeeeeiiiiiiii!? There is not enough of you to go around!
Honey, I remain full and whole.? And I choose what I want to play with, and when I want to play with it.
Oh, wait, what?
I think you think I have to give parts of my energy to each thing.? But I hold all of my energy.
And the little monster disappeared and in its place is yesterday’s Creative Genius Planning Session with all sorts of amazing energy work that actually holds the container for all of the things to happen this week with great joy and ease and spaciousness.
And the monster says: I’m sorry, I forgot about the Creative Genius Planning Session.? I can see it all here in the magics.? You’re doing fine, nothing to panic about.
Ahhhh. Calm returns.? And I’m ready to enjoy my many activities today…
I wrote this on Monday, before sharing my new Creative Soul Alchemy Batter Tastings. ?I want to share it because I know a lot of people read my blog who want to be doing similar things to what I am doing, and I want to paint an honest picture of what it takes for me to be, and stay, connected to my creative genius, and be actively putting myself, and my ideas, out there.
Often we look at people who are “doing it” and assume it must be easy for her.
Which is not only not true, it puts you in the position of it’s not easy for me so I guess it’s not possible.
Which is bullshit.
And, which is why, even though it’s really uncomfortable for me to share so honestly and so publicly – it’s really the only way for me to be effective in my job of helping creatives bring their dreams to life.? So here goes:
I am tense achy sore cranky frustrated.
I lit some candles, sprayed some magic sprays, rang a bell and did a healing on the dream loft to lift the energy enough so I can breathe again. ?But I still feel 100% crappy, just down from %1000 crappy a few minutes ago.
It’s time to shift this, so I am having a Creative Soul Alchemy session with my inner critic. ??As always my inner critic speaks in?italics.
So here I am, ?sitting on my yoga ball, in my newly re-arranged workspace, with my two BIG tables pushed together to create a GIANT table.
Well that’s dumb. ?You re-arranged your space to do this new thing and no one’s going to buy it! ?How’s it going to feel to have to move everything back because you failed?
You know, even if no one buys new thing #1 I know lots of people are going to participate in that other thing this summer, which will require a GIANT table for GIANT art-making.
You’re such a fucking pollyanna it’s so stupid! ?This is why you get you heart broken so much, you know. ?If you would just…
Just stop hoping? ?And dreaming? ?I can’t do that. ?I AM GOING TO BE ME. ?That is final.
I know, and it’s terrifying.
Can you tell me what is scary right now?
No one is going to want your new thing.
I understand that you think that, and that’s cool. ?But why is it SUCH a big problem? ?I don’t remember feeling this scared or stressed out in a long time. ?I’m not sure why this particular thing is so scary.
Because the price is wrong.
The price is not wrong. ?I think you know that.
You’re right. ?The price is not wrong. ?But no one will pay this price for this product/service.
It’s cool that you think that, I’m still confused about why it’s such a huge problem. ?You don’t think anyone will buy anything. ?And this is just a batter tasting, to see how it goes. ?If no one buys then I know it doesn’t work as a thing-to-sell and I move on.
This is awful because the price has to be even higher for the real thing than for the batter tasting, to be sustainable. ?And no one pays that much money for art! ?And your Creative Soul Alchemy cards are life-alteringly gorgeous, like on a SOUL LEVEL. ?Like, Creative Soul Alchemy is what they actually are! ?This is needed! ?And it’s going to fail! ?I’m not sad for you as much as I am sad for the world that it’s going to miss out on this. ?Also kind of sad for you but I know you’ll still make the cards for yourself so that’s good.
So there are 2 things there:
the idea that no one pays for art
immense immense love for the cards
Let’s start with #2.
I didn’t?realise?how much love you have for the cards! ?I?appreciate?that so much! ?Suddenly I feel less tense and stressed out. ?I feel grateful for everything that has happend in my life, that brought me here to this idea and feeling ready to bring this idea to life.
But it’s not ready, that’s the thing.
So what would it take for it to be ready?
That’s impossible.
And that’s how we know that you are believing a lie. ?Nothing is impossible, there is always a way. ?I think we should address that thing that is sitting just beneath this conversation: the idea that people don’t buy art. ?You understand that this is absurd, right?
Let me explain. ?I know people buy art. ?And for millions, not hundreds. ?Or at least thousands. ?But the kind of people who want your art don’t buy art.
You can hear how ludicrous that is, right? ?Let’s think back to the love you have for this project. ?Let that love be a bubble of sparkles. ?Take the idea that no one wants to pay for this thing and put it in the bubble. ?What happens?
The idea that no one wants to pay for this thing shows up as a dusty deck of cards that no one wanted. ?When I put it into the bubble the dust goes away (because of all the glitter) and it turns out the bubble is full of tiny people who run over, like RUN over to take the cards. ?Then they hug the cards and you can see tiny red hearts coming out of them. ?They love the cards. ?They get it.
Yes. ?There’s the shift. ?So what is true now?
There there are people who will love the cards. ?There are people who will get it, see the value in it, and be so so so so SO thrilled to get their own custom made deck of magic.
I only have space for 8 batter tasters. ?And if that goes as I hope it will and I start to do this regularly, there is still a very limited about of these that I am going to be able to create each month. ?If you take that number, and compare it to the number of people in the world – how likely is it that there are enough people out there that will want it?
Very. ?It’s just a matter of finding them.
Right. And we can work on that part.
Right.
So I feel better, do you feel better?
Yes. ?I can’t wait!
So let’s do a blessing for all the people that the Creative Soul Alchemy cards are for.
And there it is. ?I feel ready to put this thing out tomorrow. (which is now yesterday)
That conversation is only the last in a long line of conversations and healing sessions I do with my inner critic(s).
I say that to make it very very clear for you: feeling like you can’t do something doesn’t mean you can’t do it. ?It just means you have to work on the inner stuff first.
I?m happily working on my new thing and hit a speed bump. Nothing I write feels right.? Some part of my brain wants to say that this project is too big, too complicated, there is too much to do so I am lost and don?t know where to start.
Another part of my brain calls bullshit though.
Earlier this week I thought to myself, The Art of Bringing a Dream To Life could also be called The Art Of Not Bullshitting Yourself.
And here I am bullshitting myself, or attempting to anyway.
So, if I wasn?t bullshitting myself about not knowing what to do, what would I do right now?
And, not surprisingly, I hear an answer…
I?d totally finish part 1 before working on the draft of part 2.
That?s interesting, why would I do that? I always do a full draft first.
You know how the longer you work on something the better you get at it? You?re already at the place of being able to totally rock part 1. The act of finishing part 1 is how you get to be able to rock part 2. That?s why you could write part 1, and the first part of part 2, so easily. But now you need to go back and to a final version and record it and create artwork. The part 1 can nurture and fuel part 2.
Hmmm, that?s kind of brilliant.
But now I feel kind of tired at the thought of editing the draft, recording, editing the recording, creating artwork and putting it all together.
What’s tiring about that?
Well, no the project itself isn’t tiring.? Normally I’m inspired and energized by my projects.? What’s tiring is…
You’re doing it again. Bullshitting yourself.? You’re not tired, you’re in resistance.
Oh, right.
So what if you wrote out all the reasons why you resist this?
Oh man, that’s scary.
When I breath into the resistance the main thing there is that… this is so much work, what if it bombs?? Maybe I can’t afford to take all this time to work on something new.? Financially I’m really banking on it going well, because I can’t do paying work while I am working on this.? Holy crap that is scary.? No wonder I am in resistance.
And is this true?
Well, no.? It’s not 100% of my business.? I have that other thing I want to start doing.? And tons of other things in the works.? I don’t have to stop doing all income-generating activities in order to get this done.? Argh, I’m still bullshitting myself.
So where is the resistance now?
It’s a little lighter.? It’s seeing the long-termness of this project and feeling tired about the journey.
Is this more long-term than anything you’ve done before?
No, not at all.? It won’t even take that long, once I get into the flow with it.
So where is the resistance now?
I’m putting it in a bubble of creativity, enthusiasm and flow.? Ha, now it’s skateboarding around the bubble.? It’s giggling.? It wants to be creative and make stuff!? It wants to sew skateboarding costumes.
How do you feel now about your project?
Kind of excited.
What do you need?
To map our this project and make a list!? Oh Holy Crap!? A map! A list! How did I forget that?
It’s SO hard to get to where you want to go without a map!
I’ve been having regular meetings with courage, in preparation for the?Playdate with Courage on May 3.
While I’m not expecting myself to feel courageous by May 3, I do need to be able to weave a field of healing and transformation for the group and hold that space as I invite Courage in. ?So I keep meeting with Courage to build my relationship and connection with it.
Courage keeps showing up as a little boy.
Sometimes he’s playing baseball, wearing a helmet. ?Sometimes he’s wearing a superhero cape.
Today he’s wearing his cape, sitting down cross legged, arms crossed across his chest, a scowl on his face, aimed at me.
So I sat down, we’re sitting on concrete outside a school. ?Oh, this is where I went to elementary school. ?He’s showing me the story of when I stopped playing with him.
He’s showing me the stories of what could have happened, going into junior high and high school, had we stayed friends.
Which, of course, makes me think of what could be happening right now, if we were to rekindle our friendship.
I take a deep breath.
I want to say I’m sorry about that story of when I stopped playing with him but he knows. ?And actually he is sorrier than I am about it. ?That scowl isn’t so much a scowl, he’s sad.
He understands that I got scared and he wishes he could have found a way to stick by me anyway.
Then he says that later on, he did figure out how to stick by me anyway. ?Showing me the trajectory of my life I can see where he came back to me.
But he’s done all he can while hiding in the shadows like this. ?It’s time for me to do my part and claim Courage.
Deep breath.
I don’t know what to do.
He shows me that of course I do know what to do. ?What would you tell yourself right now if you were your own client, he asks.
I’d bring this whole story into present time. ?I can’t claim seven year old courage, I need to claim thirty eight year old courage.
I bring us into the DreamLoft but no, that’s too uncomfortable.
We meet at Starbucks instead. ?I see myself sitting there, ready to meet Courage and now he’s an elephant, sitting the chair across from me.
I reach out and take his hands (hands? hoofs?). ?He transforms into me. ?A brighter stronger me, who floats through the table and merges with me.
I am Courageous.
I can feel that energy shift and can tell that there is Courage in me now. ?Of course, there always was, we all have Courage in us. ?But now I’m aware of it and making space for it.
I have a lot of energy work to do to acclimate to Courage and to create spaces in me, and my life, where it can live comfortably – so it has what it needs to do what it needs to do.
I have huge internal resistance to Courage. ?I can feel that part of me wanting to slow down this process, letting me know that I have more important things to do. ?And that Courage is boring, can’t we work on something more fun?
That feels very good. ?Even the parts of me who resist courage are pretty happy to have that new solid foundation for the Department, so they’re starting to appreciate that Courage may be helpful to have around.
ps: The May Courage Event is for Creative Dream Circle members, which you are welcome to join right?here. ?I?d love to have your courageous (or not-so courageous) self be a part of it!
As part of my post-Creative With Money Playdate Assignments (fyi I am working on a kit version of the Playdate!) I have a monthly meeting with money.? Not like, spreadsheets and budgets, I look at the financial stuff in my business all the time. ?These meetings are different, this is where I meet with money, soul to soul.
Right now the Soul of Money appears to me as a peacock that lays golden eggs.
The backstory: It started out as a dam that first just confused me and then allowed me to profit from flow, and has since morphed into a few other stories and has been the peacock since last fall.? As I did my best to do what the peacock was asking me to to, in the winter it started laying golden eggs to show me possibility but I didn’t have a way to turn the eggs into anything useful.
When I tried to pick up the golden eggs, the gold peeled off and turned to dust.? Abundance was right there but I couldn’t pick it up.? But I kept working with the peacock and then this amazing golden art deco carriage showed up right behind the peacock that turned the eggs into coins.
And now, this month, there is a lot more gold sparkling in the air than last month, like the peacock has this permanent gold glitter backdrop.
But the peacock looks tired, and a little annoyed.
And so we begin (peacock’s words are in italic):
Honey, you’re not picking up all the coins!
What? I’m supposed to pick them all up?? How?
[We both sit in silence. I’m imagining running around exhausting myself trying to pick up the coins. The peacock is looking at all the coins strewn about on the ground and feeling sad about them going to waste.]
The carriage needs an accessory that gathers and holds the coins.
No, that’s your job.? Seriously!? I am laying the freaking golden eggs plus got this amazing cart that turns them into coins!? All you have to do is pick them up!? You won’t even gather the gold coins I have brought to you?
It’s not that I won’t.? I just don’t know how. Or… I guess I didn’t know that I was supposed to.
Honey, you have to receive me.
I thought I already did.
Well, you do.? But more is coming your way so you have to beef up your receiving.
How?
You know how.? Those thoughts in your head right now… act on them.
OK, I can do that.
Remember: Don’t worry about how to do it, just do it.? The how will work itself out like it always does as long as you do what feels right and don’t do what feels wrong and LOTS of creative journaling BEFORE acting.
I should go buy some new art supplies.
YES! Get that stuff you need that makes creative journaling more fun.? Also: drink lots of tea, listen to music and fill the fridge with delicious and nourishing things.? Create the perfect container to bring all of this to life.? Picking up the coins is not the chore you’ve been making it out to be!? It’s a party, sweetie.
I see that now.? OK! I want to go shopping and then get journaling.? Thank you for this.
Clear Direction!? What a gift.
And I started to paint….
And it turned into a money compass.? Excited to see where it goes.
Every time I talk to a client who is really stuck about something, once when we get a clear picture of what’s happening, the problem is? that they are listening to their inner critics.
There is no other cause of stuck.? It really is as simple as that.
I know it seems like it’s got to be more complicated than that, but it isn’t.? You can only do one thing at a time, and that one thing can either be what your infinite creative potential is suggesting or what your inner critics are suggesting.
What makes it seem more complicated is that most people’s infinite creative potential speaks to them in a whisper, while their inner critics are screaming.? Your infinite creative potential is actually much more powerful and much louder – but if you’ve spent your whole life tuning it out of course you’re not going to be able to hear it!? Meanwhile, if you’ve spent a lifetime of listening to your inner critic of course you’re going to hear it loud and clear!
This is the stuff I wish they taught in schools.
Learning how to tune into the voice of your infinite creative potential and turn down the volume on your inner critic is the secret to success.
Every minute you spend listening to your fears, doubts and inner critics is a minute in which you are NOT building your Empire of Creative Dreams.
You may be so used to listening to them that it feels so natural that you don’t even know you’re doing it.
You know you are listening to your inner critics if:
You see a LOT of obstacles in your way.
You’re waiting for things to change before you can go for your dream.
You’re pretty sure if you did go for it, you’d fall flat on your face.
You have a lot of other obligations right now and don’t have time to dream.
Your dream is a nice hobby but there’s no way it could be a Big Serious Thing.? Best to hold onto that day job.
You totally want to go after your dream, you just don’t have enough time/support/money.
You have no idea what to do about your dream.
Now wouldn’t it be nice to be listening to your infinite creative potential instead?? You know this is happening when:
You see the obstacles, and you see ways to work around them.
You’re passionately mapping out a way to get exactly what you want.
You’re willing to fail but deep down inside you believe in yourself and you believe in your dream.
You’re seeing ways to set up your life to make room for everything that’s important, including your dreams.
You sometimes surprise yourself with how BIG you’re dreaming, and you love it.
You are determined to find a way to make this work, you don’t need to wait until you have the time/money/support.
You are filled with inspiration and really amazing ideas for how to move forward.
Learning how to make this internal shift is the most important thing you can learn.
Read that second list again and imagine what your life would be like if all of these things were true for you.
Here’s the secret: you can’t do this by OBLITERATING your fear.
Or ignoring it or burying it or fakin’ it ’til you make it
Because your fear is a part of you too.
Your fear, doubts and even your meanest inner critics are actually just a freaked out inner child.
Meeting that child with love calms it down.
Meeting that child with creativity transforms the situation.
You give it a hug and say “Oh sweetie, I see you’re upset.? Let’s see what we can do to make you feel better” and you explore.
The beauty, magic and power in this approach is that in order to meet your fear in that way, you automatically align yourself with your infinite creative potential.?
When you’re plugged into creativity and love you’re plugged into your magic and you’re in that place where everything is possible.? This disengages the energy dynamic you’ve been in with your fears.
Meeting your fears, doubts and inner critics with creativity and love will transform the situation, every time.? It’s the fastest way to getting un-stuck.
With love and compassion you work with your fear to create a new possibility.
Deep down inside, your inner critics, fears and doubts (AKA frightened inner children) want the same things you do.?
When you enter into a loving and creative energy dynamic with them you can now work together to get those things.
Want to experiment and play with this?
This is the essence of what we do in the Un-Sticking Station in the Creative Dream Circle.
You even get a recording called: How Meeting Your Fears With Creativity + Love Means You Never Have to Stay Stuck, where we create a beautiful safe space for exploring fears, I talk about how this works and then lead a few volunteers through the process so you can see how it actually works.
This is so abstract, it’s kind of hard to explain.? But once you experience what it’s like to see people work through the process, you’ll totally see the magic.
What you’ll get:
A deeper understanding of how to handle fears/doubts/limiting beliefs/inner critics
A simple process you can use to gently and effectively disarm your fears whenever they strike
Deep down knowing that you are not alone in this, which makes it a gazillion times easier to deal with.
I believe we are always either listing to our fears or listening to our creative genius.? Fears are good at masquerading as a lot of other things, like logic and sensibleness, and the better you get at working with fear, the better you get at identifying it so that you can spend more of your life being guided by your genius, instead of by your fears.
In other words – meeting your fears with creativity and love is HOW YOU CREATE MAGIC.
The world needs your magic.
PS: That longer How Meeting Your Fears With Creativity + Love Means You’ll Never Have To Stay Stuck recording is in the Creative Dream Circle.
When I’m a little dazed and confused, it’s always helpful to write out a list of things I know.? This is a random list of what I know today:
1. All Signs Point To YES.? Just because this new thing is a “way bigger deal” than anything I’ve done before, my inner critics are convinced it can’t succeed.? But nothing has actually happened that suggests this isn’t going to go exactly as planned.
2. I am clearly exceeding my current limit for what I feel comfortable receiving.? I have been here before and it has never meant anything other than it’s time to expand my limit.
3. My intuition is clear. My intuition has never led me astray.? Following my intuition has always proven to be safe.
4. I don’t have to see it to know it’s there.
5. I have so many options it’s ridiculous.? There is always a way.? And I have so many tools for finding ways!? I have The Best Tools, actually.
6. The work I’m doing right now lights me up like nothing else.? I’m definitely on the right path.
7. My mission is much bigger than me.? (The top of my head tingled when I wrote that.)? The support for me mission is also bigger than me.
In light of all this, sweet tiny part of me who worries, are you sure the worry is needed?? It’s ok to take a break if you want, I’ve got this.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure I need to worry!? What if no one is worrying?!? What will happen when things start to go wrong if I wasn’t worrying in advance!! Disaster!? I wouldn’t be able to fit all the worry into the time left! And then what?!?!?!
Yeah, and then what?
I wouldn’t worry all the worry!
I know, but what would happen if you didn’t worry ALL the worry?
[No response for a while, she just looks kind of stumped and confused.]
If there is too much un-worried worry, doesn’t it fall to the ground and ruin everything?
I don’t think so sweetie, has that ever happened?
I don’t know.? I just want to be READY!? When disaster strikes I don’t want to be surprised, I want to be ready.
Do you think worrying in advance is the best way to get ready?
Yes?
Yes?
Yes!? Worry makes you look at other options!
But worry isn’t the only thing that makes me look at other options.? What about the Creative Dream HOLYdays we do every month in the Circle?? So many options, ideas and possibilities come out of those, much more than worrying has ever created.
Oh my gosh! Worry might not be the best tool!? The HOLYdays DO give you the best ideas.
You don’t have to worry about whether or not you’ve been using the right tool, sweetie. See worry actually makes it harder to move forward because it’s got kind of a heavy vibe.? Worry slows things down which I think you like because it feels safer to you to slow things down.
If I was cataloging all the ideas, possibilities and options instead of worrying I think that would be more helpful.? I could respond faster in an emergency.? And… well, you’re right that I do feel safer when you are moving slower and I could still slow you down by showing you the catalogs.
Huh.? I am very inspired by my little worry-wort!
I’d love to create this catalog!
I do have journals upon journals filled with this stuff but if I put it into a binder where I can organise everything that actually would be very helpful.
Excited! I’m off to get a latte and get started cataloging my many options, possibilities and ideas.
We’re on Module There of the Creative Dream Incubator in the Creative Dream Circle which is Expression: The Magic + Sparkle of Making Dreams Real.? Creating space in our lives so the dreams have somewhere to grow into.
The first few weeks of the Incubator is about tending to the more invisible aspects of creative dreaming, working on your relationship with your dream and your relationship with possibility and magic, so that those relationships are strong enough to bring the dream to life.? In all of that, two dreams came to the forefront for me but many others are right behind them.
And my relationship with each one of them is AHmazing.? And I can’t wait for them to be here!
But when I step back and look at the whole, look at where and how I can fit all these different things into my life it’s all GAH.
GAH!
So I sat with the GAH to discover what it has to teach me and here it is:
I am being stretched, so that I can contain all of these dreams at once.? It’s ok that I don’t know how it all fits yet because I am in the process of being stretched and I won’t be able to see that until I am stretched enough for it.? And then *pouf* everything will make sense and everything will fit.
The message is for me to be ok with not knowing.
Which makes me want to GAH again but instead I’m taking a deep breath and reminding myself that every time I have been in a place of not-knowing that has lead me to something new – bigger, better, brighter, whatever.? If I never go into that place of not-knowing I never get to experience anything new.? If I never allow myself to be stretched I never get to have more.
And the GAH is now is a hug filled with comfort and reassurance and familiarity and trust.
And when I step back and look at the whole instead of that GAH of not being able to see how it all fits I see a lot of fog and mystery.? Before it felt like it can’t all fit and now it feels like it does all fit – I just can’t see how.? But I trust the fog and I trust the mystery so now it’s exciting to watch and find out how it’s all going to fit.
GRATITUDE for being offered something that is on a scale far, far beyond the level I’ve been working on
LOVE for the project itself and how it’s going to help people
And still. Progress is beautiful and slow. MADDENINGLY SLOW.
Hmmmm.? Seeing that there in black and white I feel I should add: it’s probably not slow at all.? It’s more like I WANT IT TO BE RACING CAR FAST.
Something amazing is coming to life here and it needs whatever time it needs to do that.? And I know that is true about every single thing that comes to life but that doesn’t change how annoyed I am with this for being so slow.
And *pouf* my Creativity Fairy Godmother appears right beside my laptop.
Oh honey, you know, right?? You know that your annoyance is actually slowing things down?
Yeah, I know.? But it’s how I feel!
Oh of course!? We would never tell you to feel differently than how you feel!? But, well, you know better than to try to push and work on a thing that you are annoyed with while you are annoyed, right?? I mean you’re not exactly a beginner …
Right.? If I am annoyed my attention naturally wants to be going to taking care of the annoyance.? Instead I am trying to force my attention to remain on the project, which is the source of the annoyance and YIKES yes I am compounding the annoyance and turning it into a bounder which blocks creative flow.
Yes sweetie Creative Flow is Flowing. That’s what it does.
And here I am – throwing boulders in its way while demanding it to show up faster.
Right so, would now be a good time to stop doing that?? You’ve got that lovely soup waiting for you at home. What if you go home, enjoy some soup, and take care of your annoyance before coming back to this project?
And *pouf* a little devil appears on the other side of my laptop.
Hello – are you my annoyance?
Hello yes!
What do you want to tell me?
There is a reason why I’m here.? I’m annoyed that you are trying to rush – you’re playing into that old people-pleasing pattern of yours and it SUCKS.? I HATE IT.
Ohmygosh!? I totally didn’t see that.? But you are so right, I did slip into that old pattern and I can see why.
Yeah I can see why to – it doesn’t take a genius.? And seeing WHY doesn’t change anything.? I want you to change something!
(Little devil actually pushes me out of the people-pleasing pattern and I can feel everything shift)
Wow, thanks for the push.? Now I can see so much clearer.? I actually do want to finish this quickly, that is my truth not just my people-pleasing pattern.? That’s funny, my people-pleasing pattern and my truth both want the same thing, I’m not sur that is ever happened before.
We both want the same thing, we just need to take a different approach.
My truth is that I want this to come together quickly and I know better than to think I am in control of the timeline.
And the little devil and my Creativity Fairy Godmother are gone.? It’s just me and my project and everything seems kind of sunny.? My project looks apologetic, like it didn’t mean to annoy me or to throw me into that old people-pleasing pattern.? My project loves me like I love it.
I think I will go home and have some soup for lunch and take a little break and come back to this later.
Recently I was offered a really incredible opportunity.? (No, I can’t give any details.)
In order to move forward with this opportunity, I have to create something.? I create things all the time – so no biggie, right?
Ha.
The first draft was no biggie actually.? The enormity of the project hadn’t quite sunk in yet, I was super excited and so I wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote.? And what I wrote is pretty good.? It’s nowhere near what I want it to be and what I know it can be, but it’s a great start.
And here I am, with a weekend free to work on this and I. Am. Stuck.
So, hello there stuck.? Can we talk?
Yeah, I guess, I mean sure but it’s kind of hard for me to talk.
Why is that?
Well, I’m stuck!? I’m crammed into this space that is too small for me.
Oh, can I help?
Maybe.? I don’t know.? It’s probably easier to just stay stuck.? I can curl up in here and never leave.
Really, is that what you want?
(pause)
No, I don’t know. Yes. I want that right now, getting out just seems so hard!? But I don’t like the idea of ALWAYS being here.? I want to have the option to leave.
That makes sense.? How can we give you the option to leave?
Well, just understanding HOW to get out.? Oh!? I could stop trying to go straight ahead and inside go sideways.? Maybe that is how?
Yeah, it seems like you could kind of roll sideways and get out of there.
(Stuck rolls sideways and gets out of there.? The feeling of stuckness inside of me lessons noticeably but doesn’t totally disappear. Stuck just looks at me, then curls up in a ball right beside the small container he had been stuck in)
Ah, so now I can see that we’re in a meadow at the edge of a forest and you, dear stuck, are a bunny!? And you were stuck in a barrel.
I went in there looking for a safe space because it was dark and rainy and scary out.
That makes sense.
So now what?? Now I feel free, I’m out of the barrel, but I want to stay right beside it because I may need to jump back in which means I may get stuck in there again.? I don’t want to go hopping around in the forest, it’s scary out there!
I know.
Like that project you are working on – that is terrifying!? I want to go nowhere near there.? And if you go near it, I will jump back in the barrel.
Well I understand your fear but I don’t want to let you hold me hostage.? Not only do I really want to do this because I think it will be fun (omg! do you remember last week when writing was fun?) I want to do this because it’s going to help so many people.
Oh, yeah,? It’s hard to remember the good parts when the scary parts are so big.
So why are the scary parts big right now?
Because you’re out of the flow.? You’re looking at where you’ve gone off-track in order to bring the project on-track.? Looking at the off-track parts wakes up fear and doubt and makes the good parts shrink.? It’s not that it’s wrong that there are some off-track parts – that’s a natural part of the creative process.? It’s more like you’ve got to just focus on on-track.? I don’t know – start over fresh instead of editing?
Start over fresh instead of editing. Oh that feels like a pit in my stomach, like I’ll never finish if I do that.
Sometimes you have found a lot of freedom in that approach.? Everything you wrote is still there, you can grab parts of it but put it together fresh. Actually I think you’ve done that with every major thing you’ve ever done.
Yeah, maybe.? And this feels different.? The timeline for one.? Not seeing the whole scope of the project for two.
No, those things are not so different. Sweetie, remember the good parts!? Remember the fun and how amazing and helpful this will be!? KISS!? KISS! (Keep It Simple Sweetie)
Simple.? I could stand to simplify this whole thing.? OK yes. I feel a little less stuck now.
And I want to go hop around in the forest!
(Bunny hops off.? I kind of lean against the barrel and a snake slithers out.)
Oh!
(Snake does not respond.? It just stares at me.? This is the part of me that Does Not Believe And Never Will.? I see a pile of hay lying on the ground and take a tiny bottle of love, comfort and peace and pour it on the hay, creating a nest of love, comfort and peace for the snake.? Snake curls up in the center of the nest.)
Yeah, I can do this.
I am taking the fact that this is a HUGE DEAL and putting that in the barrel.
I am taking the timeline and putting that in the barrel.
I am sealing up the barrel.
I am taking the fact that I am really excited about this project and putting in a heart-shaped locket and putting that around my neck.
I am taking how helpful and useful this is going to be and spinning it into yarn and knitting myself a soft, soft hat out of it and putting it on my head.
The main floor looks like a typical factory floor. BIG, big big space.? Concrete floors.? Big wooden posts here and there.
But it’s not filled with machines like a typical factory floor.? And it’s not all dusty.
There’s a lot of open space.? And the air practically sparkles.? There are bursts of colour and art. Affirmations and reminders about the true power of dreams.
There are some machines, they are kind of whimsical and complicated.
And beanbag chairs, not cheesy old beanbag chairs, really cool zen ones like these:
In the Dream Factory there are markers everywhere, so the chairs have doodles and patterns and little encouraging messages on them
Except there are no people in the Dream Factory.
Robots work here.? Dream Robots.
Dream Robots who need comfy places to relax and nap but are also really super committed to their mission: getting dreams ready to grow.
The Dream Robots take everything I do:
like teaching and writing blog posts and sharing cute pictures and figuring out marketing and sales and holding the bigger vision and experimenting and trying new things and coaching and creating spaces for miracles + magic and, most importantly, doing everything I can to live what I teach
And turn it into fuel for the Creative Dream Incubator.
Then, they open up this magic door and these sparkling shimmering colour-changing bubbles float out.
Then they clap and dance and sing and celebrate because these bubbles are dreams that are ready to grow.
The bubbles float up to the ceiling.
Oh, the ceiling of the Dream Factory is all glass.? The Dream Robots love to be able to look at the sky!
And, thanks to the delightfully supportive + helpful air currents, the bubbles float over to my office.
My office in the Dream Factory
My office in the Dream Factory is upstairs.? It’s a smaller square (but still a beautifully spacious space, just not gigantic like the factory) in the far left corner of the Dream Factory.
In this smaller square, there are 2 stories.? On the main floor is the room filled with all the things that support me:
My gifts, talents and natural abilities
My many many gazillions of hours spent in courses, workshops, retreats and training in all things spirituality, manifestation, intuition, meditation, creativity and personal development
My connection to purpose + spirit
My resources
All the experiences that taught me and showed and cracked my heart open so I could feel the magic
I don’t go into this room often, it’s mostly just there supporting me: it’s the solid foundation.
The second floor is my own Creative Dream Headquarters.
The walls that look out to into the factory are all glass, so I can see everything that’s happening down there.
And of course we have communication devices so the Dream Robots and I can talk to each other.
My space up in this loft in the Dream Factory and… this is where real life and the “imaginary” dream factory collide – this space looks exactly like my actual Dream Loft.? It’s a big creative play space that’s got everything I need to do anything I want.
Looking down on my office, from up in the loft within the loft.
Over in the corner, beside wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling windows – the creative zen tent of dreams.
Toys, altars + bits of magic everywhere.
My Playstation in the Creative Dream Factory.
Most importantly: my office is really super grounded in all of the qualities, structures and routines I need that support me in doing my best work.
And it contains all the tools of Creative Dream Incubation.? In my office is where dreams grow.
And, just like in my actual Dream Loft, there is a loft within the loft.
There is this silver spiral staircase that leads up to my retreat space.? The retreat space is an all-glass dome that sits on top of the Dream Factory roof.
It’s very Art Deco and GORGEOUS.? And being on top of the whole Dream Factory, it is where the Dream Factory reaches out and connects to the cosmos.
When I’m in the retreat space I’m connected to the whole cosmos and able to refuel and recharge and get all filled up on whatever I need to be all filled up on.
Of course, I sleep in the retreat space every night so the cosmos can work its magic on me while I sleep.
But, let’s back down the silver spiral staircase, back to my creative play space…
When we left the Dream Robots and the shimmering bubbles, the bubbles had, thanks to the delightfully supportive + helpful air currents, floated over to my office.
One of the windows that looks out into the main floor of the Dream Factory has this gorgeous sparkling cut crystal handle, and opens up to let the bubbles in.
The bubbles, of course, are dreams that are ready to grow.
And I get to play, in my creative play space, with the dreams that are ready to grow and the dreamers that are ready to grow them.
And that’s my business.
This has been my livelihood?since January 1, 2011?and I could not be happier about that. ?(Though I’ve been working on it much longer than that, while working at day jobs)
While understanding the unfolding story of your business is so important, (this is something we do in the Creative Business Incubator which comes free with the Creative Dream Circle)you can’t just make up a story.?
The story has to be a true expression of the essence (the heart and soul) of your business, and contain the qualities and relationships that are important to your business and your purpose and your creativity.
Whether your dream is a business or something else, there is this richness to your dream that is real and true and completely intangible.
Your dream needs to be plugged into this richness: the magic and the purpose and the heart and the soul of your dream – the beauty and meaning of why you want to do the thing in the first place.
You don’t need more time, or more money or more support.? You need a deeper, stronger, truer internal relationship to your soul, your dream and your creative magic.
When you understand the story, you can play with it.? You can learn from it.
Your intuition is powerful.
Your wisdom is powerful.
Your creativity is powerful.
Your purpose is powerful.
Plug all of that in to your business (or to any other dream!) and you’ll see the magic.
If you want my help,? I’ve set up the whole Creative Dream Circle with everything you need to SUCCEED.
I started 2012 in the most unlikely place: my parent’s basement.
I had sold my house in 2011 and bought the super modern, super green, super sunny loft condo of my dreams.? It was the perfect space, except for the repeated (and repeated, and repeated!) construction delays.?
I love my parents and they are completely lovely.? But come on now.? This was not exactly an easy time.
Luckily, winter 2011-2012 was exceptionally warm and I spent lots of time adventuring outside.
I wish this picture was scratch + sniff, those trees smelled so amazing.
And I learned a lot, like really very much a lot, about my new favourite sport: Extreme Self-Care.? So much so that I could win Olympic Gold medals, for sure.
I deepened my daily creative journaling practice.Monday mornings are the best!I sought out enchanted spaces.I put an amazing costume collection togetherI knit myself a rainbow superhero blanketI had so many adventures.and journal picnics.I took 2 trips to Portland, OR, home of the best coffee in the universe, and lots of other magical things.And re-learned everything I knew, only I know it BETTER now.
The problem with the condo delays is that there were so damn many of them.? It was always “one more month” and “one more month” and “one more month” and so I couldn’t get any traction in any of my business plans because moving was always just on the horizon.? And, as much as my parents really did create space for me in their home – I didn’t have quite the right kind of space to operate my business from.? I was working out of coffee shops and recording videos for my Advanced Creative Badassery group in my car.
And let’s be honest: it’s very hard to NOT feel like a complete looser when you’re 38 and living with your parents.? And I couldn’t find a place to rent because my moving date was constantly changing, and with VERY little notice each time.? So I felt pretty stuck.
In 2012 I did a TON of making lemonade out of lemons and finding treasures in the hard.
But I did not move my business forward in 2012 in the way I had hoped to.?
I left my job right at the end of 2010 with a fairly ambitious business plan.? 2012 saw all of those plans just kind of disappear, bit by bit, with each new delay.
Now, I didn’t move my business forward the way I’d hoped to in 2012 but I also didn’t have the expenses of, well, having a home and place to work out of.? So it’s not like this has spelled financial disaster for me or anything.? My money from selling my house is still sitting in the bank, waiting for the new condo.
And I have this grace period, of not needing a lot of money, to re-group and make new plans.
What happened, as my old plans fell apart, is that they opened up space for new possibilities.? And they taught me SO MUCH about SO MANY THINGS that I wouldn’t have learned about, had everything gone the way I wanted it to.
This is something that happens with Creative Dreaming:? You get what you need to get what you want, but not in the ways you expected – because the Universe can always see a biggerbrighter picture for you, than you can see for yourself.
When you are committed to your dream, and taking steps toward it – everything that happens as a response is happening FOR you, and not TO you.? I had to spend quite a bit of time reminding myself of that in 2012.
Looking back at 2012, I would say that the universe sent a strong, steady stream of grace my way.
I learned so much!? So many unexpected things! And I became a MUCH better mentor and teacher of the inner art of making dreams real because I was forced to be present with my own process in a much more concrete way – one of the many gifts of plans being derailed.
But, more importantly, in 2012 I spent more time than ever exploring how to stay in that beautiful space of not-being-in-charge-of-the-how while staying firmly connected to the magic of my purpose.
This is still a really uncomfortable place for me to be.? I’d much rather create a solid, success-guaranteed real PLAN and then follow it to the letter.
Except that’s not Creative Dreaming.? That’s just MAKING things happen.? That’s pushing and doing and striving.
Creative Dreaming is opening to possibility and being in the flow of magic and trusting the immense power of your purpose.
It’s so much bigger than making shit happen.? And more complicated and frustrating and painful and beautiful.
Some days it’s amazing and perfect and some days it’s really scary.
One of the coolest things that happened in 2012:
In the summer, I was able to get access to the dream loft so I could start using it as a workspace.? (If you’re wondering why I couldn’t just move in – it’s a long + stupid story)
I was so happy to have BIG SPACE to DRAW BIG THINGS in.? And I drew this:
And the solar system was about to come into this amazing cosmic alignment.? Or, re-alignment.? It was a coming home to the source of all magic + possibility + love.
It took me days of exploring to understand it all, and once I did I was stunned to see this is the cosmic alignment that happened on Dec 21, 2012.
And, the closer we got to Dec 21 the more upheaval it felt like there was in my inner world.
This has been an intense time of clearing out and re-aligning.
When I am listening to my knowing and wisdom, I know that this is paving the way for a deeper connection to my purpose, spirit, creativity and magic.? When I am listening to my inner critics, I worry that this is the beginning of the end, and that I was a fool to believe in dreams and I am a fraud for leading others down this path of destruction.
I know that my inner critics get riled when I’m following my inner compass instead of “doing what people do” and so I am taking this period of upheaval as a very good sign.
2012 was not what I thought it would be but I am grateful for all of it.? I am especially grateful for the amazing Creative Dreamers who are sharing this adventure with me in the Creative Dream Circle.? That is one thing that TOTALLY ROCKED about 2012: the quality of the people who are joining me in the Circle.? Amazeballs.? And I can’t wait to explore all of the magic of 2013 with you.
You + Me + Your Dream = Magic. Let?s play together:
If 2013 is your year to make your dream real, I am here to help.
Yes! Let?s play! And giggle, and find secret passageways that lead you right to where you want to be.
PS: Make sure to sign up BEFORE Jan 3 so you can participate in the HELLO 2013 Playdate we’re having in the Creative Dream Circle. It’s going to rock your world in a very good way.
Every Sunday in December I am writing about Visionary Visioning.? I?m creating this space for myself to step out of what?s happening around me, so I can explore what my greater vision is and how I can align my world with it.
Post one is here, post two is here, post three is here.
I know, it’s not Sunday.? I did write (a lot!) about visioning on Sunday but it didn’t feel right to share it and today I just deleted it.
This is what I think happened:? I realised I’ve been to caught up in the day-to-day details of being with my dream, and I’d stopped looking at the bigger picture.? I lost the bigger picture which meant, even though I was happy with where I was, I lost my overall sense of direction about where I’m going next.? I noticed this, and I started exploring vision.? Tons of supercool stuff happened (see visioning posts 1-3).
At the same time: we had this Believing In Yourself Playdate in the Creative Dream Circle on Dec 3 that blew my mind – showing me all the places where I have been believing my own bullshit excuses.
So I’m making time to step back to look at the bigger picture and my whole world has been turned upside down with this extreme injection of clarity about where I don’t believe in myself and where I pretend that my own bullshit excuses are actually legitimate reasons to not do the things I actually do want to do.
Confusing, yes?
Yes!? And I needed a few more days to sort through it all and be able to see where I am now.
Last week I fell into a hole.? Then I dug myself out.? In the digging out I became stronger, surer and magically obtained a shovel.? Now I can use that shovel to start working on the deepening.
This week I?m going to explore the deepening.? I?m going to draw it out and journal about it and talk to it every day and see what it has to teach me.
And I?m going to read inspiring books about success ? different approaches to success and stories of people who succeeded.
So I explored the deepening.
I drew it and talked to it and it has a lot to teach me, mostly about how I have been moving in the exact wrong direction (well, there is no “wrong” but I have been doing in the direction opposite of the one I would like to be going in).? And I read some inspiring books about success – one filled with stories of people with big dreams who made them happen, and one about how to use our brains differently, to foster success.
And in the process of exploring all of this, I also found sparkling crystal clarity about what I want to do next.
I now have three specific (and so awesome they are scary!) things to work towards in 2013 that lead me to where I want to be in 2017.
Clarity is beautiful.? In a terrifying way.
Because now, well, I’d really have to believe in myself to go after these big dreams.
At one time, I was convinced I could never own my own home – it felt too expensive and too far away and like I’d never figure it out.
At one time, (at this point I did own my own home) I thought working at my day job part time and doing my dream part time was the best I could do – there was no way my dreams could earn what I want to earn.
I could go on and on – I live with TONS of things that used to be impossible for me (I bet you do, too).
My next steps:
My job right now is to draw on all of that.? Remember how many impossible dreams I have already made real and use that remembering as jet fuel to make these new impossible dreams real.
And to spend more time with the mind-blowing realisations I had during the Believing in Myself playdate.? Daily journaling and tea parties with the goddess of believing in myself.? And with all the sad, scared beings inside who want me to give up immediately.
I feel like I should admit that I am SICK AND TIRED of talking to these sad, scared beings inside.? I would really like to just lock them away in a room somewhere where I can never hear them, ever again.
I know that isn’t how it works.
Pushing them away only makes them come in closer.
Ignoring them only makes them louder.
Fighting them only makes them stronger.
Not dealing with them only makes all of your dreams 100% IMPOSSIBLE.
Love, gentleness and compassion are the only effective tools to use here.
And I am feeling really dangerously low on all of them.
Huh.? I suddenly feel better having admitted that, to myself.? And I love how truth always shines a light on what is possible.
And today, Christmas day, I am going to fill up on love, gentleness and compassion.? I am going to let go of all of this and mostly I am going to let go of how hard I have been resisting the fear and doubt these past few days.? I’m going to tell those sad, scared beings inside that today I am filling up on love, gentleness and compassion just for them.? (Oh how they love when I do things just for them)
I hope you are having a lovely holiday, or if this week isn’t a holiday week for you I hope you are having a lovely week.
You + Me + Your Dream = Magic. Let?s play together:
If 2013 is your year to make your dream real, I am here to help.
Yes! Let?s play! And giggle, and find secret passageways that lead you right to where you want to be.
This week I'm responding to a question I received some time ago from Helen, about what to do about the nay-sayers, the people who roll their eyes at you when you talk about your dream...
Since I'm going to take a few weeks off from Creative Dream TV over the holidays I thought this would be a good one to leave you with.? We're all likely to encounter some of these people during our holiday celebrations, yes?
Yesterday I made a very long video for the Creative Dream Circle titled: Creating safe space to work through the HARD when you’re completely freaking out.
That video title says a lot about how my week is going.
Monday morning I had to travel out of town to a funeral and my car wouldn’t start. Then things went downhill from there.
This is what I know for sure about hard times:
Hard times contain bright gifts
It’s when you face the things you think you can’t face that you discover how strong you actually are (much stronger than you think)
This is where you learn how to TRUST your magic.
Anyone can think positive when everything is going exactly how they want it to.
A Creative Dreamer sees the magic even when everything is going exactly how you don’t? want it to.
A Creative Dreamer remembers that they always have access to power, purpose, creativity, and spirit.? And trusts that these things are so much bigger than the obstacles and problems and stucks and whatever else that says you can’t do it.
Beautiful thoughts, but easier said than done, right?
Right!
Getting through this week with my optimism and creative spirit intact has taken even single bit of every single thing I’ve learned in 18 years of studying the spiritual art of wish fulfillment.
And I couldn’t do it alone.? I am grateful to have such supportive people in my world.
When I shared the Creating safe space to work through the HARD when you’re completely freaking out VIDEO in the Circle last night, we created that safe space in our forum together, so that it’s there any time we need it.? The space is filled with:
+ permission to be where you are and not have it mean anything about you or your dream or anything
+ acceptance and legitimacy for everything you’re feeling and experiencing
+ trusting your own unique process and timing
+ sovereignty, safety, spaciousness, healing and possibility
+ love, flowing in all directions to all parts of you
When you create containers, practices and spaces to work through the hard, rather than trying to avoid it or just letting it crush your spirit, that’s where you find the magic.
The magic has guided me out of some dark and icky holes this week.
It’s shown me some truths about where I hold myself back and how I might want to look at approaching things differently.
And it’s shown me an entirely new level of DETERMINATION to not compromise in living a life that is true to who I know I am.
And next week when everything isn’t so craptastic (do you hear that next week?? you are going to go easy on me!) I’ll still have all of this DETERMINATION – and it will be supercharged jetfuel for my Creative Dreams.
And I know that the magic is there to guide you, too.
You + Me + Your Dream = Magic. Let?s play together:
